Unsent Messages

I liked you. I liked the way your voice broke when you laughed. I liked the way you tried to act tougher than you are. I liked that you made me feel cared for. I didn't want to catch feelings, I refused to let myself fall for you. but something about you made me feel comfortable, made me seek the very thing I fear most. vulnerability. I never let anyone close to me. ever. but I thought this time would be different. and I let myself fall, because I thought you were falling with me. then you told me im hot and that you'd fuck me, but you'd never date me. and that hurt a lot. am I really nothing more than how I look? I tried my best to make you feel the way you made me feel. loved, cared for, special. but I wasn't enough. it destroys me to know we could never be anything more than friends with benefits. so I have to push you away. for my own sanity. I just wish you could see me as something other than an object. if you need me ill be sitting on the hill, drinking pesticide