Unsent Messages

I wish I could have made you happy. I wish I could have been for you what you were for me. As badly as it ended, you made me feel more loved than anyone ever could, but more than that, I felt safe with you. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had a home somewhere. I'll always be grateful to you for that. I feel like for the longest time I was running from a lot and it was mostly of my own doing, I just had a lot of baggage and dark thoughts circling all the time. I thought meeting you and being close to you made them disappear but that wasn't it. They never went away you just lit them up. You were a light for me. There's that saying "people are meant to radiate or drain" all that you gave me I never had anything to give you back. and it was selfish of me to think that that could last. I should have walked away sooner but I was scared that losing you meant that I would never be happy again. And that I would have to face everything you protected me from feeling. You are the human form of everything good in this world. And I hurt you. And that's the one thing that I think is always going to follow me wherever I go. You seem happy now though, so maybe it was all for the best and it happened for a reason. I would take it back if I could though. You didn't deserve to be dragged down by me and the weight of everything I was too scared to figure out on my own. I wish I could be a light, loving, sweet, good person. Because maybe then we could have been something more than what we were. Or maybe I could just see it as something short that we had that's over now. Rather than me living in your world without you. I'm happy you're happy, Will. If I thought I'm sorry was enough to make up for that lost time where you were stuck with me, I'd say it a thousand times a day.