Unsent messages to SAM

I barely knew you and thats sad because you were my cousin. seeing you and your sibilings was always one of the highlights of my trips to the UK. im so sorry that you felt so alone, that you decided to take your own life. even tho i never really knew you, you always made others smile and i miss you sm

I still wonder if you fell out of love because I was too much or not enough. After all this time, I miss you

I really didn't mean to hurt you, seeing you cry broke something inside me, I just couldn't go on like that anymore and I'm glad you've founding who can give you what I never could. I'm so sorry, I really did love you and I'll always hold a special place in my heart for the memories of us, please be happy

you make me feel safe, and i wish you knew how much you mean to me.

little things like even watching you breathe make me feel happy and i hope that i can tell you this in person one day.

i love you

i love you more than you'll ever know and honestly more than i'll ever tell you. i wish it were you & me but things don't always happen like we want them to.

you have a partner. i am in love with you. we are just friends. but i am so happy that you are happy. i hope to continue to be here for you as the shoulder you cry on forever.

you have a partner. i am in love with you. we are just friends. but i am so happy that you are happy. i hope to continue to be here for you as the shoulder you cry on forever.

You warped my view on love and sex for months. You effected me so much. I no longer feel attached to you.

sometimes i think i miss you but i honestly just think i miss the way i saw you it was so innocent it was genuine love but you destroyed me sam.

If I’m being completely honest, I fucked up in so many ways but you did to, we were both terrible for each other, but I miss you so much, we had so many good times together and I can’t get over you, I still cry to this day, you were my person even if it was hurting me, I wish I could go back in time and fix this, thank you for the best year of my life and I hope you find someone better and don’t manipulate her like you did me, I miss the kisses, the smiles, the laughs, the eye contact that made me have butterflies, I miss everything about you, I love you with my whole heart, I don’t think I can ever let you go, sometimes I wish you would come back but other times it’s just like if you did come back I wouldn’t be happy, I’ll only feel joy when I’m with you, this shit is tearing me up but I have to let go, goodbye

When you said that we cant wait on eachother i really wish i said we could because i want you back in my life

Sam you have absolutely changed my life. You opened my third eye and I really think we are meant to be. I will never stop loving you even if we do not end up together because my love is unconditional. I could never love someone like I love you.

i felt like this was my first time genuinely liking someone. you were always sweet to me and i’m glad we’re still friends. but i wish i stepped into ur life more when we would see eachother everyday. now we just text and i hangout with ur younger sister sometimes. maybe something will change next year?

thank you so much for everything, you have no idea how much you help me. stay alive even, I can't wait to see you again, I miss you

ik u dont want a relationship this year n who knows if u even like me back. ill wait for u tho, itll be worth it.

i loved you. i still do. even though we only talk a little now, i can’t stop it. your smile is my favorite thing ever and i miss you.

I literally hate you, you’re so immature and have to have it your way. you can’t tell me I’m a bad friend when you would get mad at anything good that happened in my life and care only for yourself. I was there for you for EVERY single thing that happened and when something happens to me, you make it about yourself. Just because I have trauma and put up my boundaries from it, you can’t call me a bitch and blow up at me.

thanks for a good friend, you're truly the best. you've helped me through so much and i wish you know how much you really helped me

i really did love you and i gave you everything but you just used me and now you hardly exist in my life

you taught me how to love, and i’m still grateful for that til this day. i miss your face buddy. i miss you.

dont have much to say about you. we were only friends for what 2-3 years. you helped me come out and thats all i can even try to thank you about. other than that fuck you for breaking my friendship apart just because she didnt like you back

You broke me in ways i didn’t realize i could be broken, but you made me feel a way that no one else has. It’s like a drug, i always want to be around you. You remind me of a time where we were both so free. I miss you everyday.

I love you. But not in the way you think. In the way that I want to be your every waking thought, as you are mine. But I'm not. And that's ok.

I love you. Not in the way you think. In the way I want to be your every waking thought, just as you are mine. But I'm not. And that's ok.

from the moment i met you, i knew i would always love you. i just didn't think it would be this hard.

Do you feel the same? You confuse me so much, one moment I can almost bet my life on the fact you like me back but then the next you leave me waiting for you for hours and make me feel so incredibly small and insignificant. Please just put me out of my misery and tell me how you feel, this guessing game is quite literally killing me. I don’t know how long I can take this, I’m exhausted.

you were my yellow you made me smile and made me finally feel like I had a place and even though you knew how fucked up I was you still got to know me. then once I had made one mistake you cut me off, how can you tell me you love me then cut me off just like that. youre a fucking asshole and I can't believe I let myself fall involve with you because you created a whole different personality so I fell in love with a version of you and I hate you for it you made me hate myself again fuck you.

how long will it take to realize how selfish you are. You've created your own reality and have shaped your own public image. People aren't just calling you an asshole for no reason. You hurt me and so many others, but I hope you learn to grow the fuck up.

im sorry i keep texting you with updates. i know you dont care, but i am clinging to this for dear life because i cant accept that we're done.

tbh all i wanted to do was go get mcdonalds with you at 3am and eat it in the car with music playing too loudly while we couldn't stop laughing and simply just felt infinite like they do in perks of being a wallflower. all you've ever said to me is hi, but i think i'm okay with that now.

i hate thinking about you. i hate looking at you. i hate hearing your name. i also hate hearing your voice. everyday i wish i never even knew you.

it's been years but I regret pushing you away. you hold a special place in my heart and I won't ever forget you

i’ll never get to say this to you but u saved me. you helped me through so much without you knowing. i really like you and i know you don’t feel the same but you’ve always been the one for me and i love u. i’m sorry but i do, it’s hard to not say anything to you because you don’t like me like that but i really really like u

I wish I could tell my parents about you, they just wouldn’t agree with it. I hope you’re not angry when you find out, I hope you still like me.. you’ve been coming distant. I don’t know how to do this

i think i’ll always love you. we’re together again now, but something doesn’t feel right. when i think of you i think of her and you, and it scares me. i know something happened between you both but i don’t know what. i can’t ask because you’ll get mad at me.

You were the only good person I have ever been with. I'm sorry for not being mature when we were together. You may think I am over it but I think about you everyday and I hope one day we can try again. I love you.

you made everyone else who i ever thought i loved irrelevant. we were bad timing and i wish we could do it over because you always have an imprint on my mind and heart

i think of you from time to time but i know you aren’t right for me. i hope you find yourself and happiness

i shouldn’t have led you on like that. you were so nice, so, so nice, but i was, and still am, so messed up that i cannot recognize genuine guys when they’re right in front of my face. thank you for the books, i love them.

you left me just a few minutes after my birthday, i wonder if you even miss me, and if you still love me

i say i’m over you, but i love you with every bone in my body and i wish you could see it. but you love her instead.

i’m sorry for pushing you away till the point you just had to go. you didn’t deserve that kind of hurt.

you were one of the bestest friends I’ve ever had. I wish things were like the way they were before, I miss you.

It took loving myself to realise that the only thing you loved, was seeing me rely on you. Yet when I had lost myself, you decided to leave me too.

Maybe I missed the opportunity for there being an us but it doesn't stop me from thinking of the what ifs

god i hate you. you broke me and i hate you. you ruined relationships for
me and fucked me up so bad. you made my trust issues get worse but somehow i still miss you. miss what we had. i hate that i miss you.

Over a year and the scars are healing, why does it still hurt to see you happy after everything you did to me?

You became everything I loved in the world but you changed and left. I will always hold such love for you dear, never forget that

Ive loved you since freshman year. Even though you're straight and could never love me back I want you to know. Im still your best friend

I said that we were friends to not make you feel bad, and I still love you, more than a friend. I'm sorry...