Unsent messages to JOHN

part of my memory is slowly forgetting what you sound and look like, i wish things ended differently.

this probably my 5th one and i just wish i could actually text you. it's been 2 years and i still can't move on and maybe i should and try and just be happy but i can't. i always tell people i moved on from you but truth is i haven't and they say "i'm happy for you" but truth is i just want you here with me. it sucks so much because i know you are probably thinking about someone the way i think of you about someone else. i cant let you go yet. maybe you're my person but i'm not yours. i always listen the playlist you made me and i think about our little moments or the little dates we would go on but truth you're my happiness but i'm not yours. i wish you can text me and tell me how much you miss me and how much you made mistake leaving me but you probably have no regrets. maybe right now you're smiling at someone's text while i'm crying while typing this. i just don't understand how you let me go so easy. was i not enough? was i not pretty enough? tell me. i need closure but i hope one day you look back and you say "she was the one" ugh its so hard but i know God has plan for us but maybe you were just chapter in my life but i can't turn the page because you're my favorite part. k

it sucks that we broke up but im glad we are friends again. i hate that i still like you. things would be easier if i didn't.

i still love you. forever and always. i wish you can come back and tell me how much you miss me but i know you've moved on and probably trying with someone new but i hope in every person you see you try to find me. i miss you much. why did you leave? i needed john and you left in my darkest moments and i wish you didn't play with my emotions because i always stay up wondering if you're okay or if you need someone to talk to. i miss you. maybe you were my person but i wasn't yours. stay safe my love.

i love you with all i've got. Why'd you always think bad about me? I would've never hurt you. I love you too much to hurt you luv.

when you asked me to do the biz, i said no because i was scared. but when i look back at it, i think about doing it all the time with you and makes me wanna be with you. your also kinda hot lol but you have a gf ;( shes pretty but honestly im way better, like way better. idk why you would pick her. honestly a downgrade.

i don’t know if what i felt for you was love, but it still hurts to this day. you acted like a child, and i wish i didn’t still think about you.

i look for you in everyone i meet. you made me feel like the most special person in the room. i was a moment in your life but you are a lifetime in mine.

thank you for showing me new experiences and new people.
i still love you even though you picked her.
i see you in my dreams every night.

Sper sa nu uiți de mine când intri la Arhitectura. M-a durut când m-ai intrebat ce facem când găsești pe cineva nou, fiindcă eu as fi fost dispusa sa fiu cu tine și atunci.
-left back pocket

Si algún día llegará a leer esto, que creo imposible, quiero que sepa que es la persona más linda que he conocido y tan interesante como ninguna :)
Tkm

Even after I broke up with you, you continued to gaslight me and I bet you're doing the same to her. Funny how you were worried about me cheating, and now you're dating the girl you first met at college. So predictable, at least I had some respect for you. Mark still wants to fuck me, and I told him no because I had enough respect for you back then, but now who knows? I also see you followed Sophie again after you thought I stopped looking at your socials. You really are the fucking worst. I hate you and I hope you choke on your ego. I bet you're only dating Kara because she doesn't know any of the girls from Mass that you follow and thirst over you fucking whore

i miss you everyday. pls come back i need you more than everything. i wish we were meant to be because you're my person but i'm not yours. ily forever

god i wish i could find the words to tell you how much i love you. you’re everything to me, i never want to lose you

I wish you knew how much it hurt when you chose her over me, when I was the one who would’ve done anything for you always.

I don’t miss you. I miss being able to convince myself that one day you could become the person I wanted you to be so badly.

Though we loved each other more than words could possibly describe. you were my right person wrong time.

Maybe you weren't the one for me but i wish you were. i'm doing okay without you but i see you happy without me and i think maybe you're better off without me. ily stay safe my lover.

And I used to think we'd be watching the stars, sneaking out and playing basketball by now. Too bad we don't speak anymore.

I'd never say this to you because I don't know how. But I always get sad that someone had your love first. Or kissed you. I hate it. It makes me cry all the time. I don't know why it makes me sad and I don't know how to stop it, that annoys me. I need to forget about it and them but I can't, I just want you all to myself and I do have you all to myself. But you haven't always been just mine other people have had you, that's the worst part. I wish I never knew. The only time I don't think about it Is when I'm with you. So thankyou for taking my mind of it. I'll love you forever. I don't ever EVER want to loose you to other people, I hate other people I just want and need you. Ily.

I know I say I don't like you, I can't like you. But, I also can't stand the fact you won't even look at me in the eyes anymore, or that its as if you look right through me. You don't care as much as you did that one night. Oh boy, that one night. If I could take back one moment in my life it would be THAT night. You told me all these things that I have been wanting someone to tell me for so long. You told me to not like these other guys, to be careful around a specific one, but who knew that the one I should have been careful and to protect myself around was actually you. I don't know how I feel anymore, you told me that you made yourself forget about anything that had ever happened between us and that anything you ever said just wasn't important enough. You chose not to remember it, but as much as I try to do the same - I still do, and I guess that's what I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

hey. i miss our friendship before everything happened. all that stuff was so long ago. i wish we could be friends again.

When we speak, I feel at home. I feel as though all of my problems have vanished. I love you, I always will. I’m waiting for you.

i went to the police station this year to give a statement on how you sexually assaulted me in high school. sometimes i wish you knew how much better i have been without you or the consequences of your actions that still impact me everyday. you're not worth it. did you even realize what you did was wrong?

im back and i want to see u and hug u like crazy, but you have a gf and it's wrong, it's okay
I still love you

i would still drop things to be with you, i just wish you’d make up your damn mind and get over yourself

youre absolutely pathetic to post things under my name. couldnt be a big boy and tell me. you know how to reach me. you did it for months. i used your weak memory against you? i made you think i had changed? excuse me? i have changed and the fact of the matter is, is that you used me and i realized that i deserve better. i deserve someone who will actually want me. you used me. you only wanted me when it was convenient for you. i had to fix myself and the whole time i was trying to figure out if i was even okay with being friends you kept pushing and pushing and pushing for more. flat out i dont think youre ready for a relationship. you kept fucking around w my feelings and im the bad guy because you didnt want me. you told me ab the girls you talked to. the girls you went out with. the girls you had sex with. the girls you sexted. when did i ever do that with you? just leave me the fuck alone. stop throwing dirt on my name when youre the reason i stopped caring.

i don’t miss the person who you are but i miss the things we used to do and having someone to talk to shits lonely without you even tho u suck lol and it’s been like what two years now and i still think about what we were

Your love felt like sunshine. Waking up knowing I had you was like waking up to the sun shining through my window. I never would have thought that eventually I would grow tired of basking in the sun.

You were the best, I hope we can meet in the future because I miss you so much everyday. I love you still.

six months later, i cry to the thought of ur name, what we used to be and the memories of the day u left rush back like it had only happened yesterday. first loves are always the hardest i guess. i miss you but some things are better being missed.

thank you for saving me. you have been a bitch sometimes but I love you still and you are always going to be someone I think about calling.

what i dont understand is that you could look at me and tell me you love me but tell me in the same sentence you didn't and couldn't be with me. because you did it often. leave it to you to block me on everything but POST ON THIS WEBSITE UNDER MY NAME. leave it to you to HARASS ME until i came back. leave it to you to tell me about how you had sex with other girls, how you sexted other girls, and EXPECT ME TO WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. oh god forbid i went out on a date, you never even acted like i was your girlfriend. you would use me for attention and for help with your internship. you never stuck around and you would run away when things got hard. you made me feel like no one was going to ever pick me or want to be with me because it seemed like no matter what i did, no matter how long i stayed on the phone with you, no matter what i said, you never were going to want to be with me. this is why i said in august for you to leave me alone. i didn't want you to do this shit to me again. and you always do. I'm done arguing and I'm done with you posting shit online about me. leave me alone once and for all. I'm over it.

i only realised how much you loved me when we broke up. i'm sorry i didn't know how to appreciate you back then.

Im sorry I wasn't enough for you. I miss holding your hand even when it'd sweat. I want to reach out but i don't want to get hurt again.

I am mad, but not because of the way you treat me but for the way you always needed it to be my fault after. Now you get to be happy and I am here in pain all the time because of you.

I loved you so much and I think you loved me 2. I always wanted to tell you how bad you messed me up and how much you actually hurt me, you broke me into a million pieces... I hated being your second choice. Why did you pick her? Was I not enough? Was I not pretty enough? I know we had a connection, we weren’t just 2 people who liked each other we had more then that. We had a beautiful relationship both and friends and more I hope one day I can say this to you in real life but until then. I still love you but you don’t love me anymore. It still hurts..

im your sister not your nanny not your slave. im so tired of being forced to belittle myself for your sake all my life

Te amo, eres la segunda persona a la que amo... espero que en el futuro te lo pueda decir sin miedo a perderte, mi vida es más brillante a tu lado, me siento fuerte e inteligente ... deja de verme como tú amiga y arriésgate a todo conmigo

i hate u so much. i was nothing but nice to u, all i ever wanted was to be there for u. u caused so much trauma. to the point where i cant get into relationships. fuck u . i deserved so much better

It’s scary and heartbreaking to think that I might never meet anyone as rare as you again. I knew from the start I’ll have to compete with your love of personal freedom. It’s a competition no one could ever win. I love you. You left me happy, sad and full of hope.

this is the color of the couch we met on, fell in love on, were happy on. now i have to sit there without you,knowing you’ll never be there next to me again. i miss you

right so any john seeing this, this does not apply to you. my john will never see this message, as he is not real. JOHN I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH. everything's going to be okay, alright ? come get mango boba w me sometime

u have no idea how special u r and how much better my day gets every time u smile. i get butterflies every time i see you, every time we kiss and every time u look at me.

I love you endlessly and for no reason at all, and I hate you for the pain you are causing me. Every morning you're my first thought, but it has become apparent that I'm not yours.

you remind me of this color. i hope some day soon im brave enough to talk to you bc i like you a lot but you barely know my name.

words cant describe my feelings for you... those feelings are now gone due to youre shitty life and personal choices you descided to make.

I don't think I like that much anymore, but maybe it's just quarantine speaking. You are a good buddy though. Hope we stay friends :)

idk how to tell you but i just don’t feel that way anymore like i do sometimes but then i don’t but there is someone else i feel that way about

I miss u... I want u back . I now we didnt have a relationship but can we try? I've changed and I like u since I first saw ,it's been 5 months . I guess see you in August .