Unsent messages to JOHN

i think deep down we both knew we wouldn’t work - still , no matter the pain you put me through - i’d do it all over again .

John I love you so much and I wanna live life with you and just being with you feels so unreal I love it sm. I feel like im in a dream, when I kiss you I feel like the world just stops and all of the sudden its just me and you. im scared to lose you but im learning to trust again and you pinky promised that you wouldn't hurt me. yes, I may be scared but ik we'll get through whatever it is together. I have faith in you in i. I think well make it. you r eyes make my heart melt and your laugh makes me laugh and you r hand in mine gives me butterflies. I love you john

thank you for hurting me bc i realized i don’t need a man to pick me back up and get me back on my feet. all i needed was myself in the long run. thank you for teaching me what loving myself really is.

thank you for leaving my pregnant mother for some other whore but thanks to you it helped me develop my sense of humor.

I’m sorry for loving you the way I did , i never wanted my love to feel unhealthy or toxic but ik In the end that’s what it came out to be . it felt like forever with you, you truly were a main part of my happiness and I knew with you I was safe . You’ve created me into the person I am today. God knew I needed you in my life because without you I’d be lost . It hurts me to see you get into the habits you’ve gotten yourself into . Everyday I pray for your safely and you have no fucking idea how much it would hurt me to hear that you didn’t make it home . Please know no matter what i truly do care for you always remember that . You’re heart is so pure please be safe.

you were my first for everything,you were the person i really loved and who i could trust and i would do anything to be with you again

I am thankful for everything. I don’t regret anything. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. Even tho I promised my self that you were gonna come back which you did.. and I’m happy.. but u came back for the reason you needed and not mine.. although I’m pretty upset about it and every time u text me it’s like u came back to make yourself feel better about yourself and when you do u leave. But I’m fine with it. As long as you wouldn’t feel like you have no one. I’m slowly loosing that feeling where you get butterflies when that special someone texts you. Maybe because I expected so much when you can back and found out that you did it for urself . But it’s ok. I’m here for you..

I loved you..and you have never left my mind. I just wish I was good enough for you. Thanks for showing me what love is not..I’ll never forget those cold hands around my neck.

i think about u still and i know i shouldn’t but i just want to be talk again. it won’t ever happen tho ur too happy rn

I never confessed to you but you were one of the first crushes who didn't think so weirdly of me. I remember that one time in class your friend tripped and for a second we both looked at each other and I felt my heart stop. Even though you never got to know me, and most likely never liked me, I still liked you and your plaid cardigans. Thank you for making me look forward to school every day and imissyou:)

it’s been a year, I still need closure. And even though you used me, you still made me the happiest I could ever be.

I wish I hadn't spent all four years of high school pretending to hate you. You literally one of the few things that made high school bearable, and sadly, you'll never know.

i dont think i have ever felt as strong about someone as i do you. please dont go far for college. and dont ever forget about me. i love you.

i don’t understand why you don’t care. it hurts so bad. you did everything you said you’d never do. sorry i wasn’t good enough.

i thought i missed you, but i don’t.
stop posting things about our relationship on snap. stop texting my mom.

you were the first person to ever fully care about me. you made me feel special, and like i had significance. you still cross my mind often, i miss you all the time and i hope that you are doing good. you deserve the best that this world can offer.

I loved you for years. You made me feel so whole after I was so broken. I loved you so much it broke me even more than I was before at the end of us. Your love consumed me so much it felt like I couldn’t function without you in my life. And I’ve tried to move on. We both have honestly. But it’s so hard when we end up coming back to each other. Everyone has the fairytale of ending up with their first “true love” and I should’ve known better. That rarely happens. Especially when you’re in love with a person who doesn’t even know how to deal with their own feelings because they’re too scared to deal with them. And I know mine was out of love and yours was out of lust. Sometimes I just think you loved my body more than me. And I guess that’s okay because I put myself in that position time and time again. But then it’s not because to you I was practically just a piece of cake to u for you to enjoy whenever you wanted to come back to me to enjoy. But I’m trying to move on. I blocked you on everything. But my heart cares more about your feelings than mine, so I unblocked you for the paranoia of you getting mad at me. I’m trying to move on and I pray I do. I never knew I could love someone so much as I did you. I hope you find someone to love as much as I loved you.

If I never meet you we would have never made memories and that’s all I have now is our memories. So I’m happy we made them while we did. I miss you, hopefully we’re meant to be someday. I love you.

Did you mean to hurt me? The worst part is that I always come back to you. I can’t live with us not being ok. But then it happens all over again, and I wonder why I ever forgave you. It’s a never-ending cycle. What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough for you?

Did you mean to hurt me? The worst part is that I always come back to you. I can’t live with us not being ok. But then it happens all over again, and I wonder why I ever forgave you. It’s a never-ending cycle. What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough for you?

I love you. And I’m sorry if the things I did hurt you, but the truth is I wasn’t sure I was ready for love. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with you. I got scared. And to be honest...I’m not sure I believed in love until I thought I lost you forever. I never wanna lose you again.
- Your forever, always, and...

You said you would never leave and you knew I was in a bad place but you still chose to leave but I guess it just shows that no one ever really sticks around.You were the first person I opened up to and now I’m back to not being able to open up to people.And I hate the fact that I want you back in my life but no matter what you don’t want to be in my life and that’s fine but I wish you could have told me where I went wrong instead of leaving me to think about everything that I might have done.

thank u for being my first love, my first everything. we didnt work out at the end, because you stopped putting in the effort but its okay. i hope you're better now, i was in a mess when we broke up but now i'm better, im happy, i found my happiness. i wouldnt have found them if it hadnt been for you, so in a way thank you for ghosting me and breaking my heart.

I loved you but I know you never loved me. You're a terrible person, but I'm thankful for the lesson you taught me.

Sometimes you just stand there and I get mad at myself for how much I love you when you're just existing.

i really liked you. i'm sorry if i seemed obsessed. i miss you. i know i was 11. i almost hope you read this. xo, brooke

I've never had a first love, but still, you hurt me that much as if it was you. You'll never know cause I never told you but I'm sorry, it's been six months and it's still hurting.. I had to stay away from you and you never really knew.

‘’Memories, good days, bad days
They'll be with me always
In these old familiar rooms
Children would play
Now there's only emptiness
Nothing to say’’

‘’Memories, good days, bad days
They'll be with me always
In these old familiar rooms
Children would play
Now there's only emptiness
Nothing to say’’

I will never admit it, but I will always love you. Our relationship was toxic, and my love for you consumed me because you didn't feel the same. I'm so tired, Sometimes I wish I could just go back to the day we met, when you loved me so much it felt like a dream. I feel like shit because I hate that a part of me still loves you after all the pain you put me through, the loneliness I felt and the sht you did.

You broke me in so many ways and still you refuse to see it. I’ve grown now and don’t think about you that often. I hope you can be a better person to the next girl.

what hurt the most was that i didn't care that i was inviable till you showed me how amazing it felt to be seen

I really like you and I know you do too, but we're still young. I can't wait to get older and be with you. I want to grow old with you. If you aren't my soulmate then I don't know anymore. xoxo

I just want to know what i did wrong. I wanted you to like me.... Thats what a dad is supposed to do?

It’s you.from the moment we first touched on the dance floor at school,I knew we had a connection we couldn’t leave each other alone.I’m so hurt we never got to try but I really see us in the future we deserve a chance .I miss you and I wish our lives weren’t so different from when we first met.I love you John I can’t wait till it’s our time.

I was hurting so bad and I wish I had just let you in.. you deserved to know. You deserved better.

you will always be my pizza guy

i love you so much you have no idea and i don’t want to see you leave me i want you to stay forever as long as you can pls idk what id do without you pls

you broke my heart. you said you’d love me forever and planned on marrying me. i thought we’d last forever and you just left, and for what?

I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you said you just wanted to be friends, but ever since we made out I’ve wanted more. I’m scared to ask because I made the first move and I don’t want to come off as clingy because we agreed to stay friends. but I’m over being friends

You said I was your guardian angel and would always be, till the end of your existence in this world. But if you don't let me, how am I supposed to be.

If only I could take away your pain… If there was a way to transfer it from your soul onto mine. I would take it. Without hesitation I would take it all. Maybe that’s how you know you love someone.

I've never had feelings as strong as I did for you. I wanted to say I love you so badly, but I couldn't.

you decided u didn't want anything and there nothing i can do about it even though i did. i wish it didn't end like this

I wish I would’ve known that was the last time we’d be happy together. I still want a future with you but i think you hate me now. Maybe in another life.

you know you don't have to lie me right. i'd much rather you tell me the truth that sugarcoat and hide it. i always knew damn well there was something off about you. i've already tried so many times and i'm just now realizing how blind i've been.

Man, you probably won't see this but I miss you and your hugs and talking to you. I'm sorry everything is so fucked.

john, im sorry we live so far away from each other, im sorry i dont call enough, im sorry im a bad friend. im trying. i miss you. i love you

all i ever asked for was your honesty, and you lacked it when it meant the most. i wish i trusted my gut and not you. you broke me, man.

I never expected to love you, and if one day, 10 years from now, you said you loved me, I would leave everything for you.

i read our letters back, if you were able to let go of me that easily. i must have been the problem. im sorry