Unsent Messages

I honestly don’t know if you’ll ever see this. Or if you’ll even care, but there’s so much unsaid things between us. I sometimes wish we still talked, especially now that we live in the same city; but then I remember your reputation for using girls. I really loved you man, like actually, and not even just in the romantic sense- I actually considered you a FRIEND, I tried to look past the exterior in hopes you did the same for me, and it just feels like you took complete advantage of that because you didn’t give a fuck about me at the time. All you cared about was what you wanted, and if you had just been honest about your feelings in the first place you wouldn’t have caused as much trouble as you have. It sucks to miss someone that you know isn’t good for you, which is ironic because you told me not to trust you when I told you how I felt (in response to your drunken 3am “I’m in love with you” message). I was so honest with you. I let you in. When you and her started dating I didn’t even care because I already knew about her and I genuinely just want you to have what makes you happy, whether that be myself or not. I miss you. But I can’t deal with the dishonesty, lying, and putting up fronts. If you ever see this, and you think it’s about you, message me. Because I want to talk, but I don’t want to put in effort into something that I’ve already put tons of effort in before and had it backfire in my face. Trust can’t be rebuilt overnight and even with my feelings for you I need to put myself first, so if that means keeping you at arms-length or not in my life, then okay. But I would never willingly want it that way.