Unsent messages to DAD

you left me. I blame myself but I was only a baby. I should blame you. I did nothing wrong. why wasn't I good enough for you?

I hate that i cant hate you even though i really do. Fuck u for leaving me and my mom. I hope youre happy.

i would have learned, you know. i know violence teaches, and it teaches well. but i would have learned without it.

Yes, u might still be in my life but your a scumbag. You looked up my fucking skirt u fucking dick. Im your daughter not a punching bag

why don't you love me? why am i not good enough for you? why can't you just choose me over alcohol for once.

thank u for coming into my life. w/o u idk what I would be doing. idk what im going to do w/o. I love u sm. thank u for being the best dad.

hope you are happy leaving. your family. sorry we weren't good enough for you, i tried, i really did.

You hurt me. and u just made a new life. it hurts. i know u dont wanna try and get me back. but i want u to want me back. although im not sure i could deal with seeing you. u put me through hell and back. I just want to start a new life and you keep ruining my life over and over again.

i’m sorry i never noticed your pain. i’m sorry i never tried to help. i’m sorry i was such a crazy kid that drove you insane. i’m sorry for making your life even more stressful. i miss you

I love you. I wish you would just calm down. I wish that switch was gone. Because of you im scared to have children. I dont want them to be scared of me, I dont want to traumatize them. I know you work hard and i know your dad raised you this way but now im damaged. Now i have that anger that can easily be poured out. And I hate it. I have your anxiety and anger issues wtf. Why couldnt you just use protection if it was gonna be like this. Fuck you. You always manipulated me into feeling bad. I fucking hate you.

I wish you knew how badly I want a strong healthy relationship with you. I know people say to forgive and forget, but I can not forgive you for the way you have hurt me and I will never forget the nights I've spent crying over how lonely the world feels. God knows I fight through every broken promise, every single one of my worst days with no one by my side. With no one to listen and understand how hard I fight. I'm struggling to find reasons to wake up in the morning. I'm sorry.

i miss you. more than anything in the whole entire world. i wish people stayed on this earth forever. i wish i could’ve spent more time with you. i wish i knew you would be gone. i wish i appreciated you more. i wish i said i love you more. if anyone is reading this please go hug your parents. i miss you dad, wish you were here.

You never change do you I hope you know how deeply you scared I am because of you. I used to look forward to doing “Daddy daughter day” now I don’t want to even sit next to you. I am scared to have kids because I fear I’ll turn into a parent like you.

you put so much pressure on me. your expectations are too high & it makes me hate myself. I want to follow my dreams but you wouldn't let me because you'd rather want me to chase the dreams you couldn't follow. why cant you use ever be proud of me? or tell me that you love me?

You have ruined my life you say you don’t wanna fight anymore and then you do you said I promise I’m not gna do anything and then you would. You didn’t care at all what you were doing to us. The Shit I’ve seen and no one knows cause they think I was asleep I hate you so much YKU think by giving me money ur being a good dad ur not nothing you do will ever make up for what you did and are still doing I really hope you die cause you deserve it when I’m older I’m gna make sure your life is hell cause no way you get to get away with things the issues you left me with

You said you just can’t have family so you left..then why do you have one now?? What did they do that I didn’t.

fuck you, you fucking pedophille you ruined me then you ruined my life and i never even told them what you did to me. i hope this kills you bitch

I started playing the guitar. To feel close to you. I wish I could’ve learned it from you. Hearing you play one last time.

i don’t know why or how u effected me this much but fuck you i wish u could feel the type of pain i do when i see your face

I'm not ready for you to go just yet, we havent got enough time to heal from the past. please stay with me a bit longer. i love you.

You break me apart and then think it's ok to buy me back with your money. Is this really how we should leave things..?

I forgive you. You are someone I consider to be my best friend and my role model in my life. After all the pain and suffering you put me through as a child, I am taking the time to heal and reflect on myself. I forgive you. I forgive you. I know you'll never understand for what, but just know it is not my fault for the trauma you put me through. and I accepted that. but it is up to me to decide if I want to carry that for the rest of my life. and I decided not give you that power over me. you give me motivation to become a better person to who I was years ago. you not only crushed me mentally, you made me the person I am today. and for that I thank you. and I forgive you for everything you put me through. I am opening my heart and I am healing from this all. I think its time for me to move with this trauma and make my life worth living right now. so here it is. I love you so much, but I forgive you for everything you put me through. hopefully I can tell you this one day. I really hope I can.

i miss my dad i miss the old u the one who cared about me and the one who treated me right and loved me. what happened to you?? why are you like this now? i remember back in 2015 everything was fine u had this wife that i liked the only one who i had something special with. she left and you replaced her in a couple of months. why? now we don’t even talk. last time we talked u screamed at me telling me u would’ve beat me up but u didn’t because u were at work...you said u didn’t care if i never talked u ever again. nothings the same you changed so much and i miss the old you. i miss my dad. i wished you and my mom would’ve helped me in 7th grade when i was so sick and needed help.now i’m a freshman sucker then ever and you guys still don’t care. i’m so lonely and i’m tired of being here. i wished things would go back to that time.

im sorry i never cry in front of you, im too scared to be vulerable in front of anyone, that doesnt mean i dont care.

You called me crazy, weak, stupid, "too young", ridiculous, mental, dramatic when i cried. You called me a slut for wearing jeans and a tshirt to a basketball game. Called me a clown, a bitch, an asshole. Told me i was overreacting every single fucking time i had to defend myself against the things you say about me. You act like everything is my fault and take everything out on me and now that i dont see you anymore you took it out on my brother. Which caused you to lose a relationship with not only me but him too. None of things you've said about me are true. I'm strong, powerful, beautiful, smart, talented. I'm finally gaining back my happiness and building my life the way i want it to be. And you're gonna miss it, cause you fucked it up. I'm sorry for you cause you're missing out on one hell of daughter, girl, and person that i am. Missing out on every big event to happen in my life from now-whenever. My soccer games, how i grow in yearbook, my art, musicals, meeting who i trust my heart with, my sweet 16, me learning how to drive, me finding myself, proms, homecomings, when i become captain, everything. So fuck you but thank you for teaching me not to take shit from anyone, no matter who they are and showing me how strong i am. I hope you're happy with yourself and everything you've done.

why do you think i'll ever talk to you again after the hell you've put me through. get ready for the nursing home old man B)

i hate you. you showed me what true hatred is and how little you ever cared about me. i fucking hate you i hate you i hate you go fuck yourself you piece of fucking shit i HATE YOU YOU RUINED ME

Please let me be myself, this box you’re forcing me in hurts dad.
It hurts so so bad. I beg of you to let me breathe.

Fuck you for cheating on mom fuck you for marrying who you cheated with, fuck her for knowing you had kids

i remember one night you took me out to get crepes and you asked me if i knew what the band coldplay was. i told you no and you were aboslutely shocked and immediately showed me some of their music. i never would have thought that coldplay would have changed my life this much, and for the better. and you might be wondering why im talking about coldplay and why i chose the color yellow- and i have an answer for you. it is because the first song you played for me by coldplay was yellow. and dad. you are my yellow.

love,
bubba

your drug addiction has changed you. you will always be my best friend. i wish I was enough for you to change.

I've feel so disconnected from everything I love and I fear I'm exactly like you, I'm sorry the world ruined us

I wish you were never part of my life, you ruined everything in me. I can never love anyone without thinking they will end up like you.

I hate you so much but still love you, I don’t know how to act around you anymore I feel like you don’t want me

I don't understand why you leave me when your only job was to stay i still love you and miss you your only daughter.

I love you very much, dad. you became dear to me when at the age of 5 you began to call me your "dear" daughter. I was very glad that you got married with my mother a year ago. but you hurt me when you divorced and didn't tell me about it. I wish I had time to spend so much time with you, because now I don't have that chance. I am very angry with you. I'm very angry with my mom. I cry every time, remembering you, but I am glad that you made me happy for at least a year. thank you

How could you leave me the way you did and come back into my life like it was nothing? You hurt me every day. Why can't you accept me? Why aren't you proud of me? Why am I not good enough? You've already hurt me enough. Why do you hurt me? Why do you not love me?

i still can’t believe you got your tattoo of mine and my sisters names covered up with FUCKING MARVEL CHARACTERS, asshole.

i really really wish you could have been a good dad, and i'm sorry you're not. i hate you. i hate you with my whole heart and soul. screw you. you fucking broke me. i hate you i hate you i hate you.

hey, i really miss you. even though i have decided to live with mom, i want you to know i love you and being without you isn't getting easier. it's just what i need right now. i need stability, i need to heal and know that everything is going to be okay. i hope you can respect that. i still want a relationship with you i just need some time to think and re-evaluate my mental health. i've been feeling really guilty about the situation but i can't sacrifice my own happiness. hope you are well and you miss me too. xoxo, p.

I've never felt more scared of anyone than you. I'm terrified of you. I don't want to feel scared of my own father. But somehow after everything you do to me.I still love you, even though I know shouldn't. I wish you were a better father.

thanks for not being there for me, leaving me at my aunts house all night bc u were too drunk to come pick me up and for not telling me ur married.

thanks for not being there for me, leaving me at my aunts house all night bc u were too drunk to come pick me up and for not telling me ur married.

Hey, dad,
just wondering when we could hang out again. I just got you back into my life please text me back.

You are such a bad person. I hate you so much. But I’m like you. I hate it. This is all your fault. I hate you.

Thanks for being the first man to break my heart. You left me to start over with mom's best friend and her kids. I hate that I love you so much. I hate that you can't see them for who they are.I hate that I still want your approval. Because you left me, I worry that everyone who loves me will leave me too. It hurts knowing I wasn't enough to make you stay. I hate that you tell me you love me and treat me this way. I hate that you act like the perfect dad and tell me I'm evil and mean. I hate that after all of this you're happy and I still love you

Technically you were also my first heartbreak, miss you can't believe its been 10 years since you passed. Mom, Christian, and I Love and miss you so much.

I’m sorry I changed. I still want to be your little girl, your partner in crime but I grew up. I miss cuddling you and I miss holding onto your leg when you would come home from work. I still love you and I don’t think you know how much. I love you the same, the only thing that has changed is my maturity level. I’m not saying i’m too old to love my dad and he his best friend but you act like I am too busy for you. We fight too much. I love you.

i’ve always wanted to be a daddy’s girl but your constant disappointment made me realize that i don’t need your validation

i really miss you. you treated me so bad but i still miss you. i hope you’re resting and i hope you’ve found your happiness