Unsent messages to DAD
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 9, 2021, 7:28 pm UTC
I don’t think you’re meant to leave somebody you love.
Nor hurt them as much as you hurt me.
Your absence kills me.
I’m just scared I’m not going to make it much longer.
I wish you loved me as much as I loved you.
Enough for you to have stayed.
maybe in another lifetime.
Enjoy your new family.
from your lula
always.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 9, 2021, 2:02 pm UTC
I'm so disappointed in you. I knew you'd changed but I never imagined you'd do this to us. I hope her 'beautiful spirit' is worth it. Scumbag. I just wish you'd ever been a dad to me. Why were you never there? why could I never cry to you about boys? or talk to you about anything. You broke my heart, Dad. I can't believe I ever let you call me smish. Seeing pictures of you being sweet and loving with me feels like a fiction.
Why did you never praise me? Why can't I see a father with their child in public without feeling like I cant breathe? How dare you speak about my mum the way you do? I don't know why you think you're so entitled, but you don't deserve anything from us. fuck you, 'paul'.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 9, 2021, 12:52 pm UTC
You broke my heart today, I just wanted to make you proud but I'm the worst parts of you and my mum.
You hate her and yourself so I didn't stand chance did I ?
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 9, 2021, 7:39 am UTC
my earliest recollection of love. me telling you that it hurt and you telling me "im your dad, i would never do anything to hurt you." thank you for protecting me. thank you for making me feel valid in moments where i dont. thank you for bringing me the ice cream even when i dont ask for it. i hope you never forget me. i hope you love me forever.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 9, 2021, 2:18 am UTC
I can’t wait till the day I can leave you in the past. That last goodbye will be so bittersweet, and it’s I want.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 8, 2021, 3:37 am UTC
I never got to hear the last words on your brain before you took your life. I’m sorry I wasn’t there enough. I’m sorry life was too much. I love you. -you’re my angel now.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 8, 2021, 1:52 am UTC
I wish you were an actual dad and I wish you didn't leave me and I hate myself for still loving you after all you put me through
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 7, 2021, 11:34 pm UTC
thanks. thanks so much for everything you do. but cmon. holding in all the anger about your family and using it whenever i make a little mistake? i’m a kid you said it yourself. i’ll always be your kid no matter how old i am. i’m not stupid. i’m not an asshole or a bitch or mean because i know myself. words can’t hurt me even if i really really want them to. i won’t let them.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 7, 2021, 10:37 pm UTC
i told you i never want to grow up becoming a parent like you when i’m older and you said to me later that’s the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you, but imagine how it made me feel to envy all of my friends dads because when they shout at them it seems so calm. i hate you but i love you and i’m glad i see you everyday but i hope you know that i will never trust a man in my life because of what you did to my mother and every other mistress who believes you loved them. i’m sorry we had such a curruot relationship but this ones on you dad. i love you but your the reason i’m toxic x
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 7, 2021, 10:29 pm UTC
why did you ruin my chance to trust the men that come into my life. you not only cheated on my mum but me too.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 7, 2021, 3:49 pm UTC
hey. i dont know how to feel. part of me wants to forgive you and get to say i love you one more time and another part of me says i should never forgive you for everything. i dont think you ever even apologized to me once. not even when you made me cry on halloween in 2017. or when you would throw things, like the time you flipped over our recliner and the time you broke a broom trying to get to our dog. you terrified me. sometimes i can still smell you or hear you yelling my name. its so hard to remember your face. i can stare at pictures for hours but once im not looking i cant picture you at all. i dont remember hardly any of our few good times together. you were either there and yelling and throwing things, there and silent, playing video games or huddled away in your room sleeping. sometimes i wonder if you ever laid a hand to me. i dont remember. its been a while since i laid and cried and cried until my eyes were swollen and my throat raw, wishing i could trade places with you. i remember our last conversation. a phone call. i was upset about something, not sure what. you asked and i said i just wanted you home because you'd been in the hospital for days now. you said you would come home soon. that's not what i meant. i wanted you home alive, back to me and the dogs. now im crying again. id give anything to have you back even after all you did. i never got to say goodbye. im sorry i wasnt a better daughter. i miss krista. i hope you guys are together somewhere. you were the least worst when you were with her. i hope im not letting you down. im sorry that i like girls. i know you would hate that.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 7, 2021, 12:09 pm UTC
you really messed me up. I want to forgive you but the though of you breaks me. I can't think about you without crying. You really hurt me :/
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 6, 2021, 7:23 pm UTC
You were supposed to be the model, not the warning. Despite everything, I love you. I wish I was little again
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 6, 2021, 4:44 pm UTC
Please don't tell me that you love me when you can't even accept me for who i really am because it breaks me.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 6, 2021, 1:30 pm UTC
I wish I would have visited you more in the hospital. Your death is the worst thing that happened to me. I was only 8. I miss you.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 6, 2021, 1:30 pm UTC
I wish I would have visited you more in the hospital. Your death is the worst thing that happened to me. I was only 8. I miss you.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 6, 2021, 9:12 am UTC
Dad, I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss being your little girl. I’m not going anywhere dad, I’m just lost right now.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 5, 2021, 5:03 am UTC
i hate you so fucking much. why are you ruining my life. please leave me alone i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 5, 2021, 3:06 am UTC
i used to hope you would show up to mom's door with flowers and she would take you back. i know it won't happen, but a part of me still wishes that it will.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 4, 2021, 10:42 am UTC
i wish you knew how terrible you make me feel day in and day out. i hope you realise how small you make me feel. i wish you weren’t my dad at all.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 4, 2021, 6:29 am UTC
i found a picture of you with your new daughter hugging on my bday last year. i wanted to hate you but i cant. rip
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 4, 2021, 5:49 am UTC
You will never understand how much you have genuinely hurt me. I am always thinking of all the fucked up things you have said to me, that really hurt me.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 4, 2021, 3:05 am UTC
idk if u love
me but if u just knew how much i want everyting to be ok again. i know u have another family but please forgive me for not texting u back and not picking up ur calls. i miss u. i love u. u hurt me but im ready to forgive, please just text me
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 3, 2021, 6:04 pm UTC
I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to be in a relationship with you. Everything hurts too much. Every word you’ve said stings. Every mark reminds me of you
I don’t wanna be reminded of you
I wanna be able to wake up and put a smile on my face.
You rejected my mental health you never listened to my cry’s of help. You were racist and homophobic and the only support you gave me was in school but you always over pressured me to do well and I failed. When I did you would get mad at me. I remember everything about you.... and it seems that out of all the things I remember... none of them are good.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 3, 2021, 1:43 pm UTC
i’m sorry that i can’t bring myself to have a relationship with you. i really am but you can’t just expect me to act like nothing happened. act like you’ve been there for me my whole life, act like you’ve spent every christmas with me, every birthday. act like you where there to take me to my first day of school. because the truth is you weren't, i don’t even know you. i needed you for more than just three years, you can’t ask so much from me. anyway hope you’re doing good. and i really hope your kid never has to feel what i felt
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 3, 2021, 10:36 am UTC
why wouldn’t you just care enough to ask why I didn’t sleep. Especially if you were part of the reason. All I wanted was the feeling of being on a call and being happy. Happiest I’d been all day. Yet you ruin it. Walking in without knocking and telling me to go to bed. When I say it’s hard for me to sleep sometimes you yell more. When really I wanted you to finally care.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 3, 2021, 8:09 am UTC
you have ruined my view of life and have made me feel so empty and useless. because of you I'm not sure I will ever understand love or what love really should be. you have filled the gaps in our relationship with money but all I want is love. but even if you did show me love im not sure I would know it.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 3, 2021, 6:09 am UTC
I’m so sorry- I know you love me dearly but I just can’t love you like I use to when I was a little kid, you fucked up.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 2, 2021, 10:53 pm UTC
For: Mikael
Hello Dad it's me. How are you? I just wanted to talk, have a normal conversation. I really miss you, dad. And I don't mean the dad who's whole new personality is to think everybody adores him, never stop talking about himself, never paying attention, running off with your new fiance and creating a whole new life. A life where you are the main characters, no one else is worthy of any kind of love or approval. A life where you never ever give a fuck about me or the family, telling me that I can afford to pay for that christmas gift myself, even though I can't. You haven't helped mom with any of the the money we need. You left me home, alone with the mother you left because she was "crazy". Who do you think she pins all of her issues on now. You haven't showed up to any of the school meetings or checked up on how I'm doing. refuse to help with homework. You kicked me out of your home because it was "not going to school or leaving this house" all beacuse your new girl is scared I'll bring home bacteria from school. She forced me to wash everything that had been ther when I got home because it was gross, I was gross.
I don't know who's the villain anymore.
I don't even know you anymore.
I don't wanna know you anymore. I want to meet the lovely father who raised me all those years. Please come back. Please stop being this manipulative selfish man. I can't even recognize you when I look at you, and I was really your little girl. I was your little girl and you were the one I looked up to, until you met her. The new woman, who lived far away and you had to talk to her all the time. All that matters now is to satisfy her. You agree when she calls me gross or picks on me. You changed all for her. And you say "this is who I've always been, your mom just never alowed me to be myself". Of course. Nothing is ever your fault. Don't you think we all noticed. When you lied and said that you'd miss my sisters birthday because of the work trip to London, when you were in fact traveling to meet her. Why couldn't you just leave before it all happened. I cry almost every time i see a picture of you and me, knowing you'll never hold me like that again. I wish you would understamd how much those messages you send me hurts, but you'll never ever undersand. It's who you've become.
All I want is for my real dad to come back.
Please.
I can't move on and it's been 7 years. I know you will never understand how I feel no matter how hard I try to explain it. I'm not coming back until you let me, witch you havent said anything about in almost a year now.
Please just come back, just for one day. I wish you could hold me like you did in that picture, when I was 1 year old. When we were dancing to the lovely music and I was lauging, and you looked at me like you cared about me more than anyting. But that was 14 years ago. You are a stranger. You would proboably talk shit about the old you today, or not, because you are to lost inside your own head to realise that you've changed, and how you've not always been like this. Even though you successfully tricked your fiance into thinking that.
All I want is your approval. Just tell me you're proud of me and I'll leave.
I loved you, but not anymore.
I miss you, the real you
From:
your little girl.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 2, 2021, 8:19 pm UTC
I wish i felt as if you really did love me. You always tell me it, but i cannot bring myself to believe it.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 2, 2021, 12:00 am UTC
Dear Papa,
I love you, but it breaks my heart to say you ruined my idea of love, my mental health & my childhood. I wish i could forget the trauma but sadly i’m not able to.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 1, 2021, 11:00 pm UTC
I wish you would just stop being so selfish and start loving your daughter instead of prioritizing a person who traumatized me
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 1, 2021, 6:40 am UTC
You make me feel unworthy to be myself and I can not express my hate towards you but my hate for you guilts me into loving you
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 1, 2021, 6:33 am UTC
You broke my heart worse than any boy ever did or could have. You told me my dreams weren't ideal. You don't believe in me.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: January 1, 2021, 6:23 am UTC
Thank you for making me aware of all my weaknesses and insecurities. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not enough.
Every day.
still love you
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 31, 2020, 10:35 pm UTC
why dont you love me anymore? you ruined my life and now you left it too, im here alone, barely holding myself together. fuck you.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 30, 2020, 4:41 am UTC
i used to be your little princess who you would ask which parent is my favorite and now all you do is say how worthless selfish ignorant annoying stupid i am and now im scared you might hurt me since you put your fist in my face and grabbed my shoulder and hurt me im scared of you know
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 30, 2020, 2:49 am UTC
even though we live toghether and dint talk about deep stuff often i wish in the future i can get to know more about you and your past.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 27, 2020, 12:58 am UTC
I'm sorry I can't say I love you. I'm sorry that we're distant, even though we're both trying. I'm afraid I can't undo the damage mom's cruel words did. I feel like I should have known better, should have realized that she was talking from a point of absolute hurt, that her words didn't accurately depict your character- Or maybe they did, and you only showed that face to her. I simply don't care anymore. Your business is yours.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 25, 2020, 6:08 pm UTC
it’s our first christmas without you. i hope heaven is treating you well. i love you, even though i quit saying it.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 24, 2020, 4:07 am UTC
you were the first man to break my heart, and the impact that’s had on me...i promise to make you the last.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 23, 2020, 11:33 pm UTC
I really thought we had something, I believed in you. Your not evil, but you’ve made a mess. I don’t know how long I can keep up with this. I really don’t know if I’m going to make it
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 23, 2020, 12:38 am UTC
lol im already crying. i literally love u so much but my heart doesnt anymore. i wanna love u so bad but uve caused me so much mental pain i cant see u the same anymore. u dont understand the pain i fight everyday and i cant tell u most of it is coming from u. i dont wanna live anymore but im fighting. im fighting for it even though youll never see just know ill pull through one day. -still ur little gitl
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 22, 2020, 7:33 am UTC
I miss you dad I’ll always be your little girl...I promise I’ll come visit you when I can you mean the world to me...only being able to see you once a week hurts dad it really hurts...
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 22, 2020, 5:30 am UTC
why am I always second choice. im your daughter not a stranger I hate you, thanks for the toxic traits really appreciate it
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 22, 2020, 3:52 am UTC
imagine being so threatened by ur daughter's swag you tell her you'd sign her rights to you away. u have some fragile swag levels bitch
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 22, 2020, 2:50 am UTC
I never imagined our relationship to turn this rocky, I always thought it was my fault. Not anymore, thank you.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 21, 2020, 8:24 pm UTC
Sometimes i don't understand you but that's fine. I just want to be good enough for you and I think, most of the time I am.
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 21, 2020, 4:29 pm UTC
I always thought you were the good guy i always defended you until i grew up and figured out you were the bad one all along
From: ABC
To: dad
Date: December 20, 2020, 9:08 am UTC
I never thought you would move on from mom so fast. And god do you have to choose someone who has her name.
