i keep thinking that one day it will hurt less. i miss you every day. but i also can’t stop thinking about the fact that you chose joints over raising your daughters. who’s going to walk me down the aisle?

i hate you. you showed me what true hatred is and how little you ever cared about me. i fucking hate you i hate you i hate you go fuck yourself you piece of fucking shit i HATE YOU YOU RUINED ME

All I wanted was a father figure to grow up with. Instead I got you. You were supposed to protect me through life and you can't even do that.

technically you and mom were my first loves so here we go. I miss you more and more everyday and all i want is just one more hug ???

fuck u for putting me through more shit even after you watched me struggle with what mum put me through

For: Mikael

Hello Dad it's me. How are you? I just wanted to talk, have a normal conversation. I really miss you, dad. And I don't mean the dad who's whole new personality is to think everybody adores him, never stop talking about himself, never paying attention, running off with your new fiance and creating a whole new life. A life where you are the main characters, no one else is worthy of any kind of love or approval. A life where you never ever give a fuck about me or the family, telling me that I can afford to pay for that christmas gift myself, even though I can't. You haven't helped mom with any of the the money we need. You left me home, alone with the mother you left because she was "crazy". Who do you think she pins all of her issues on now. You haven't showed up to any of the school meetings or checked up on how I'm doing. refuse to help with homework. You kicked me out of your home because it was "not going to school or leaving this house" all beacuse your new girl is scared I'll bring home bacteria from school. She forced me to wash everything that had been ther when I got home because it was gross, I was gross.
I don't know who's the villain anymore.
I don't even know you anymore.
I don't wanna know you anymore. I want to meet the lovely father who raised me all those years. Please come back. Please stop being this manipulative selfish man. I can't even recognize you when I look at you, and I was really your little girl. I was your little girl and you were the one I looked up to, until you met her. The new woman, who lived far away and you had to talk to her all the time. All that matters now is to satisfy her. You agree when she calls me gross or picks on me. You changed all for her. And you say "this is who I've always been, your mom just never alowed me to be myself". Of course. Nothing is ever your fault. Don't you think we all noticed. When you lied and said that you'd miss my sisters birthday because of the work trip to London, when you were in fact traveling to meet her. Why couldn't you just leave before it all happened. I cry almost every time i see a picture of you and me, knowing you'll never hold me like that again. I wish you would understamd how much those messages you send me hurts, but you'll never ever undersand. It's who you've become.

All I want is for my real dad to come back.
Please.
I can't move on and it's been 7 years. I know you will never understand how I feel no matter how hard I try to explain it. I'm not coming back until you let me, witch you havent said anything about in almost a year now.

Please just come back, just for one day. I wish you could hold me like you did in that picture, when I was 1 year old. When we were dancing to the lovely music and I was lauging, and you looked at me like you cared about me more than anyting. But that was 14 years ago. You are a stranger. You would proboably talk shit about the old you today, or not, because you are to lost inside your own head to realise that you've changed, and how you've not always been like this. Even though you successfully tricked your fiance into thinking that.

All I want is your approval. Just tell me you're proud of me and I'll leave.

I loved you, but not anymore.
I miss you, the real you

From:
your little girl.

why do you think i'll ever talk to you again after the hell you've put me through. get ready for the nursing home old man B)

You ruined my life, but you’re living yours like nothing happened whilst I’m try to survive every second of my life.
Why did you do that?

i wish you couldve felt how much your words hurt. i wish you could've seen how much i let it effect me. i wish you would have seen past my smiles and my "I'm fines". i wish you could've loved me like you claimed you did. i wish you had thought twice before beating me everytime i made a mistake. i wish you could've cared more about me and not my grades. i wish you loved me.

You called me crazy, weak, stupid, "too young", ridiculous, mental, dramatic when i cried. You called me a slut for wearing jeans and a tshirt to a basketball game. Called me a clown, a bitch, an asshole. Told me i was overreacting every single fucking time i had to defend myself against the things you say about me. You act like everything is my fault and take everything out on me and now that i dont see you anymore you took it out on my brother. Which caused you to lose a relationship with not only me but him too. None of things you've said about me are true. I'm strong, powerful, beautiful, smart, talented. I'm finally gaining back my happiness and building my life the way i want it to be. And you're gonna miss it, cause you fucked it up. I'm sorry for you cause you're missing out on one hell of daughter, girl, and person that i am. Missing out on every big event to happen in my life from now-whenever. My soccer games, how i grow in yearbook, my art, musicals, meeting who i trust my heart with, my sweet 16, me learning how to drive, me finding myself, proms, homecomings, when i become captain, everything. So fuck you but thank you for teaching me not to take shit from anyone, no matter who they are and showing me how strong i am. I hope you're happy with yourself and everything you've done.

the first and only time i met you , you were in the hospital i wish you could stop drinking so i could properly meet you.

you broke me heart before anyone else could. i wish you cared for me like i did for you when i was a child. i just wish you loved me. now i can’t feel a thing.

you’re the only one that’s making me think twice about what i want to do. thank you for being the only consistent person in my life. love you.

i loved you and you broke my fucking heart before any man could. you promised me. so fucking selfish. i truly hope you’re happy tho

You fucked me up. I trusted you and you fucked me up. i wish i could tell you to your face you sick bastard

I dreamt that we had a big bear hug and I cried in your arms while I said “I miss your love. I need you” I want to believe it was really you because of how real it felt

you hurt me before any boy could, you hurt me in a way no one could. and i thank you for that because i can now deal with that shit.

I’m so sorry- I know you love me dearly but I just can’t love you like I use to when I was a little kid, you fucked up.

you prioritize your friends more than you're own family. you're always with them when we need you the most. you're not a fucking teenager anymore. fuck you and your friends, they can go to hell with you.

you are worst kind of person and i hate you for what you did but hate even more that i still love you

I think its terribly funny tha you just happen to pick up so much work load once you don't have a girlfriend. am I not enough for you. what did I dol. im sorry. I miss you so much.. but can u please stop making false promises it makes things so much harder. I hope you don't forget my birthday again. I get why Lucas is your favorite but please I miss you.

you have ruined my view of life and have made me feel so empty and useless. because of you I'm not sure I will ever understand love or what love really should be. you have filled the gaps in our relationship with money but all I want is love. but even if you did show me love im not sure I would know it.

you broke me. you hurt me constantly, and push me aside like im nothing. ik im not your favorite but god, don’t u see me hurting?

i will be so happy if i could just forget the things u’ve done to me... but f u. u literally make me sick and its all ur fault not mine. i cant even trust a man.

please don't be so hard on yourself. not everything is your fault. i forgive you for the mistakes you have made in the past. i love you, so many people love you. i love you so much

im sorry i never cry in front of you, im too scared to be vulerable in front of anyone, that doesnt mean i dont care.

why wouldn’t you just care enough to ask why I didn’t sleep. Especially if you were part of the reason. All I wanted was the feeling of being on a call and being happy. Happiest I’d been all day. Yet you ruin it. Walking in without knocking and telling me to go to bed. When I say it’s hard for me to sleep sometimes you yell more. When really I wanted you to finally care.

you know, you could've stay on earth just a bit longer. I would've liked that, mum would've liked that, we all would've liked that...

i miss my dad i miss the old u the one who cared about me and the one who treated me right and loved me. what happened to you?? why are you like this now? i remember back in 2015 everything was fine u had this wife that i liked the only one who i had something special with. she left and you replaced her in a couple of months. why? now we don’t even talk. last time we talked u screamed at me telling me u would’ve beat me up but u didn’t because u were at work...you said u didn’t care if i never talked u ever again. nothings the same you changed so much and i miss the old you. i miss my dad. i wished you and my mom would’ve helped me in 7th grade when i was so sick and needed help.now i’m a freshman sucker then ever and you guys still don’t care. i’m so lonely and i’m tired of being here. i wished things would go back to that time.

I forgive you. You are someone I consider to be my best friend and my role model in my life. After all the pain and suffering you put me through as a child, I am taking the time to heal and reflect on myself. I forgive you. I forgive you. I know you'll never understand for what, but just know it is not my fault for the trauma you put me through. and I accepted that. but it is up to me to decide if I want to carry that for the rest of my life. and I decided not give you that power over me. you give me motivation to become a better person to who I was years ago. you not only crushed me mentally, you made me the person I am today. and for that I thank you. and I forgive you for everything you put me through. I am opening my heart and I am healing from this all. I think its time for me to move with this trauma and make my life worth living right now. so here it is. I love you so much, but I forgive you for everything you put me through. hopefully I can tell you this one day. I really hope I can.

You break me apart and then think it's ok to buy me back with your money. Is this really how we should leave things..?

if only you could have been a better parent, and not have done all the shit you did. Honestly maybe my life would be different but I don't really think of it soo. But you keep doing you not realizing and still partying like you're 21 when you're 35 and have a daughter and a husband and a mother to take care of.

i’m sorry that i can’t bring myself to have a relationship with you. i really am but you can’t just expect me to act like nothing happened. act like you’ve been there for me my whole life, act like you’ve spent every christmas with me, every birthday. act like you where there to take me to my first day of school. because the truth is you weren't, i don’t even know you. i needed you for more than just three years, you can’t ask so much from me. anyway hope you’re doing good. and i really hope your kid never has to feel what i felt

i’m so sorry i took everything good you did for me for granted in the moment. i regret it so much sometimes. but i don’t miss you...

I wish I spent longer on the phone 20th sept 2009. I was watching Wall-E, every time that film comes on I think of what I’ve missed out on.

I'm not ready for you to go just yet, we havent got enough time to heal from the past. please stay with me a bit longer. i love you.

You are such a bad person. I hate you so much. But I’m like you. I hate it. This is all your fault. I hate you.

This is not for my first love, but for my dad who passed away almost 2 years ago.....I love you and I am sorry

i really, really wish i could take all of your pain, because i know what it feels like and i don’t want you to feel like that

I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to be in a relationship with you. Everything hurts too much. Every word you’ve said stings. Every mark reminds me of you
I don’t wanna be reminded of you
I wanna be able to wake up and put a smile on my face.
You rejected my mental health you never listened to my cry’s of help. You were racist and homophobic and the only support you gave me was in school but you always over pressured me to do well and I failed. When I did you would get mad at me. I remember everything about you.... and it seems that out of all the things I remember... none of them are good.

Hey, dad,
just wondering when we could hang out again. I just got you back into my life please text me back.

I knew you always wanted a boy. But why couldn’t you have At least acted like you loved me for who I am?

I'm sorry I can't say I love you. I'm sorry that we're distant, even though we're both trying. I'm afraid I can't undo the damage mom's cruel words did. I feel like I should have known better, should have realized that she was talking from a point of absolute hurt, that her words didn't accurately depict your character- Or maybe they did, and you only showed that face to her. I simply don't care anymore. Your business is yours.

why did you leave me? why did you cheat on mom? why did you abandon us after hurting us instead of trying to mend it? why are you lying? why are you selfish? why do i still love you? why.

idk if u love
me but if u just knew how much i want everyting to be ok again. i know u have another family but please forgive me for not texting u back and not picking up ur calls. i miss u. i love u. u hurt me but im ready to forgive, please just text me

I honestly used to look up to you.. and in a way, I sometimes still do. I don't like how you used to hit/treat mommy tho. I remember being very young and you would tell me to "Turn up the TV very loud" so we wouldn't hear you guys fighting. At that age, I thought parents fighting was normal because you guys did it so much. Fast forward a couple years later you guys finally got a divorce and we had to stay with you. At the time I guess it was pretty good because Mommy needed to get back on her feet. The little time that it was just me, you, and my little brother was better. You were never home so you hired a nanny and she was the best. To this day I still miss her. That lasted for about a year.. then you met Her. Your soon to be new wife was good to us while you guys were dating AND she could actually cook. She bought us the things we wanted, took us to places we've never been, and even introduced us to her family. It was all great- that little time frame of 2014-2015. Then before you knew it, BOOM she has a baby. And that's when everything went down hill.

im so needy. I know. I always need you to help me or get me something when all I really needed was you to be there for me and for me to be there for you

I wish I spent more time with you before you were gone. I miss you so much, you missed my graduation and 16th birthday. I'm falling apart with out you. I don't know who I am anymore. The last thing I remember of you is you in the hospital bed with all the tubes in you keeping you alive, and you would open your eyes but you weren't really there. i miss you

You will never understand how much you have genuinely hurt me. I am always thinking of all the fucked up things you have said to me, that really hurt me.

Dad, i freaking miss you every day. You lost your battle to bipolar depression but you were the strongest person i ever met. Hope you’re having a blast in heaven:) love you forever and always