listening to sky full of stars knowing the last time it’s going to be played will be at ur funeral, it breaks my heart.

i love you so much. i could tell you anything without even thinking about it and i know you’d have my back.

I wish u never got diagnosed. u leaving my life has been the worst thing I've ever experienced. i have so many regrets. i think of you almost every night and there isn't a moment where I don't think of u. Its hard to forgive u for leaving me with mom, bc u were always my favourite. moms horrible to me. i just wish this was all a nightmare ill wake up from soon.

You hurt me. and u just made a new life. it hurts. i know u dont wanna try and get me back. but i want u to want me back. although im not sure i could deal with seeing you. u put me through hell and back. I just want to start a new life and you keep ruining my life over and over again.

lol im already crying. i literally love u so much but my heart doesnt anymore. i wanna love u so bad but uve caused me so much mental pain i cant see u the same anymore. u dont understand the pain i fight everyday and i cant tell u most of it is coming from u. i dont wanna live anymore but im fighting. im fighting for it even though youll never see just know ill pull through one day. -still ur little gitl

you teach me that love is hate and hate is love. you treat me unfairly but wonder why i “go against you” i’ve had to put up a fight with you forever. and i’m finally over it i’m still a kid but you treat me like shit. you stop me from living my life and you stop me from doing a lot , you claim it’s love but it isn’t. i fucking hate you but i also love u. so fuck u

my earliest recollection of love. me telling you that it hurt and you telling me "im your dad, i would never do anything to hurt you." thank you for protecting me. thank you for making me feel valid in moments where i dont. thank you for bringing me the ice cream even when i dont ask for it. i hope you never forget me. i hope you love me forever.

i wish you put in more effort. i almost feel like you're scared of me sometimes, i know you love me and want to see me more but you never try...why is that?? i love you a lot i don't want you to feel like i hate you. you did some fucked up shit that i can never forgive you for but you're still my dad and i love you so much. i just don't understand why my mom wasn't enough, she was nothing but nice and was there for you through the worst part in your life and you treated her like shit, and you always lie to people and make her out to be the bad guy and leave me to defend her. i wish you knew better, i miss us being a family.

I feel empty. I know you are trying to be a better dad but its hard when you aren't around and everyone else's dad is. I still love you even if I don't say it.

I miss you and J so much, i’m sorry for everything and I wish i could fix it all, i hope to see you soon..

beacuse of you i love to easily, i trust too much, i try to see the good everyone no matter how much they fucked me over. I get happy over the slightest affection. My expectations are low because of you, because i had no one to compare. I was supposed to be your princess, your everything, but you didn't choose me.

You broke my heart today, I just wanted to make you proud but I'm the worst parts of you and my mum.
You hate her and yourself so I didn't stand chance did I ?

i hate you so much, but it breaks my heart that when I walked past you, you didn't even recognised me

im sorry. im sorry mum is married to a person like you and im sorry the family has to live with someone like you. How did i get so unlucky in life and end up with a dad like you? did you not feel any hurt when you saw me crying while i left the house? did you not feel any hurt after you said i wasnt your daughter anymore? no one understands me or listens to me. i thought parents were meant to love and protect their children. you don't love me or protect me. i feel so bad for mum because she hasn't done anything wrong. ur personality is horrible and ur selfish and mean. stop blaming my problems on mum when its ur fault. maybe ur the reason why im like this. i hate you so much because you cant see the pain that we're all in. maybe if you stopped caring about yourself then you would understand. i just want a dad who listens and loves me 24/7. i dont even want to call you my dad anymore.

I'm so disappointed in you. I knew you'd changed but I never imagined you'd do this to us. I hope her 'beautiful spirit' is worth it. Scumbag. I just wish you'd ever been a dad to me. Why were you never there? why could I never cry to you about boys? or talk to you about anything. You broke my heart, Dad. I can't believe I ever let you call me smish. Seeing pictures of you being sweet and loving with me feels like a fiction.
Why did you never praise me? Why can't I see a father with their child in public without feeling like I cant breathe? How dare you speak about my mum the way you do? I don't know why you think you're so entitled, but you don't deserve anything from us. fuck you, 'paul'.

i’m gonna graduate, fall in love, find myself, move into my first home knowing ur watching down on me.

I don’t think you’re meant to leave somebody you love.

Nor hurt them as much as you hurt me.

Your absence kills me.

I’m just scared I’m not going to make it much longer.

I wish you loved me as much as I loved you.

Enough for you to have stayed.

maybe in another lifetime.

Enjoy your new family.

from your lula

always.

i’m sorry i abandoned you like you abandoned me.
i’m sorry i flinch every time i see you. it’s not your fault.

I wish you were never part of my life, you ruined everything in me. I can never love anyone without thinking they will end up like you.

hope you are happy leaving. your family. sorry we weren't good enough for you, i tried, i really did.

thank u for coming into my life. w/o u idk what I would be doing. idk what im going to do w/o. I love u sm. thank u for being the best dad.

i held your shirt and cried last night. I cant help but remember when I thought you were a good person. I wish i could be crying because I miss you, but im crying because i dont. I should miss you, as your daughter i should miss you, but you make it so fucking hard.

i hate you. so much. you would hit me over the stupidestthings and would scream over my grades. when im older im gonna marry a ransom guy who u picked for me, bc if i dont ever pick im never gonna have huan warmth. ir too controlling and scream over ur priorities over being a dad.im not allowed to do necestities and you have control over everything i do to my body and wear.it hurts im never gonna lve someone or be loved. i see more bad things over good things. i just want help and love and support. please. love me. not in the way u do now. but in my way. please.

why don't you love me? why am i not good enough for you? why can't you just choose me over alcohol for once.

I really thought we had something, I believed in you. Your not evil, but you’ve made a mess. I don’t know how long I can keep up with this. I really don’t know if I’m going to make it

Yes, u might still be in my life but your a scumbag. You looked up my fucking skirt u fucking dick. Im your daughter not a punching bag

you fucked up the way i look at myself and my trust for guys. just hope you know how much you broke me

you were the first man to break my heart, and the impact that’s had on me...i promise to make you the last.

I miss you so fucking much and I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you deserved. I hope you are in a better place now

I hate you. You hold so much power over me and make me feel small. All I ever wanted was your love. You fear the one thing you created.

i always wonder at what age did you stop loving me. At what age did you decide to stop caring. And can I go back in time to reverse whatever it is that made you stop wanting me

remember when you ripped the scabs off my leg and slapped me across the face and screamed at me to shut up and grow up as you prodded around in my leg? you probably don't. y cant you just love me? am i unlovable? you can love steph a manipulative woman who spends the little amount of money you have on clothes? am i that difficult to love? please just love me. god please love me.

Why did you leave us? If you didn't take us back that night, you'd still be alive and I wouldn't still be getting therapy 10 years later. I love you though.

i can't listen to our song hey there delilah anymore because it reminds me of what our relationship once was. -your child that you neglected

why did you never put us first, why were we not good enough for you, why did you never spend time with us. even though you left, there is still a big part of me who loves and misses you, i hope your new family makes you happier, and i hope you have a second chance to spend with your new kids
- your daughter who deserved better

I wish you could see that I do have mental health issues. It hurts when you say I don't. I just want you to realize I'm doing my best. But I need help, I don't want you to lose me.

i still think about you everyday. it was hard leaving for college because i wanted you to be there to set up my dorm. i skipped my high school graduation because i couldn't handle the fact that you weren't gonna watch me walk across the stage. i'm scared to let myself love because you were the person i loved the most and now you're gone. i don't want to get married because you won't be there to walk me down the aisle. i barely sleep at night because sometimes i have dreams that you're still alive or i'm back in that hospital room alone watching you die when i was 13. why couldn't you just get clean, if not for yourself, then for me?

i know you're trying and i know you've changed but even the slightest bit that you show from the past terrifies me. I can't even stand a 5 minute phone call with you. I'm sorry that im scared of you and that you have to find out things through insurance companies.

it’s been the longest two weeks since you died. it feels like you’re still here. i’m so sorry i didn’t get you sober. i’m only 15, i need more time. please, you were suppose to see me graduate. come back.

i would have learned, you know. i know violence teaches, and it teaches well. but i would have learned without it.

I am so angry and hurt by you. I wish you could see how you treated me through your eyes. I just wish. I hope your new family makes you happy. enjoy your life without me. f**k you.

I feel bad for how hurt u are even tho u kinda hurt me. it hurts me that ur such a sad soul. I hope ur next life brings u more happiness

i will never forgive you for how you were when i was little. you can stop trying so hard, it won't work.

it’s our first christmas without you. i hope heaven is treating you well. i love you, even though i quit saying it.

I hate that i cant hate you even though i really do. Fuck u for leaving me and my mom. I hope youre happy.

you left me. I blame myself but I was only a baby. I should blame you. I did nothing wrong. why wasn't I good enough for you?

I wish you’ve tried to be my dad before you go…

i wish you could understand that i am the way i am because of you.

You’re doing this to yourself, slowly killing yourself.

i'm scared of turning into you but i'm more scared ill lose you forever. please come back