Thank you for making me aware of all my weaknesses and insecurities. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not enough.
Every day.
still love you

You broke my heart worse than any boy ever did or could have. You told me my dreams weren't ideal. You don't believe in me.

You make me feel unworthy to be myself and I can not express my hate towards you but my hate for you guilts me into loving you

who ever said you're first heart break had to be someone you're in love with when haven took you i lost apart myself too.

your words are just so empty, i hate hearing you say "i love you" because it never feels like you do. oh how i thought you were a good person. im sorry ok. im sorry im not the kid you wanted but im trying. i dont know why i cant hold a conversation with you. you made me feel uncomfortable walking around you. left me hurt. why cant you just say youre sorry. how could you let your pride and ego get in the way. my heart aches. you hurt me. you hurt mom. how could you say such things to her. stop projecting.

how could you leave us? the same thoughts linger at the back of my mind like there is no escape and all i feel is sadness on an endless cycle. it makes me re think why i am still here. it really did affect me. i want to disappear, i really do. i still ask myself if youre ever going to come back even though its been 5 years. 5 years and im still sad. i know youll never find this but i still love you even though i dont want to. my heart hurts, it really does.

Why do you hurt me without even realizing it? All those hurtful words mixed in with words of a supportive father. I hear others say nothing is wrong with their father and I can't believe some people don't have a feeling of drowning whenever their dad walks into the room.

i read your letter about everything we did together when i was little and how you want to have it back. but goddamnit you left me. it's not my fault you don't see your little girl anymore.

I’m sorry I changed. I still want to be your little girl, your partner in crime but I grew up. I miss cuddling you and I miss holding onto your leg when you would come home from work. I still love you and I don’t think you know how much. I love you the same, the only thing that has changed is my maturity level. I’m not saying i’m too old to love my dad and he his best friend but you act like I am too busy for you. We fight too much. I love you.

i fucking hate you. you always say. you're going to change but you don't. why don't you understand me? why can't you see I'm in pain for everything you let happen?

I miss you. Its scary to think that im going to celebrate another birthday without you. I still love you. I just hope you didnt lie to me this whole time.

I wished you and mom divorced like you kept saying and that i didn't had to see you never again. I guess money is much more important than happiness for you all but i never felt so low

I miss you and I can't wait to see you soon in heaven. I hope you're the happiest up there. I love you.

Why do you speak to me the way you do. You act like it’s my fault, you don’t care about me one bit. Sometimes I think about running away or moving out, just so long as i can get away from you. I hate you dad I do.

Do you still care how a father should. I know you care it’s just weird how I look forward to talking with you yet when it happens I cringe. Is that even a father at this point?

obviously ur not my first love asdhjdf, but i wish i could tell u that i really do love you but i am so tired of giving u second chances when u just keep breaking me all over again. just go be happy without me. everytime u come back u just make it worse for me and i just want u and i to be happy but that means we will have to be separated, okay? be a man and do whats right because ur hurting me so bad.

why can't you just tell me if you hate me? it would be a lot easier than to live with this false hope that maybe you'll be proud of me one day.

dad
i love you so much. you are the type of person i want to marry when i’m older. the way you love mom is so admirable and impressive. you are the most understanding, passionate, smart, funny person. seriously you have it all. i wouldn’t change anything about you (or mom!)

i miss you more than i care to admit. even thought i don’t forgive you, i still love you more than i should.

I wish you would just stop being so selfish and start loving your daughter instead of prioritizing a person who traumatized me

Hey dad.I know I havent been your best daughter lately and I have disappointed you so much but Im tired papa.Blinera

Dear Papa,
I love you, but it breaks my heart to say you ruined my idea of love, my mental health & my childhood. I wish i could forget the trauma but sadly i’m not able to.

I've feel so disconnected from everything I love and I fear I'm exactly like you, I'm sorry the world ruined us

your drug addiction has changed you. you will always be my best friend. i wish I was enough for you to change.

How could you just leave like that I don't understand, you had an affair and just left. Everything is falling apart, and I don't know what to do, I just want a break from everything it's too much. Why did you leave?

i remember one night you took me out to get crepes and you asked me if i knew what the band coldplay was. i told you no and you were aboslutely shocked and immediately showed me some of their music. i never would have thought that coldplay would have changed my life this much, and for the better. and you might be wondering why im talking about coldplay and why i chose the color yellow- and i have an answer for you. it is because the first song you played for me by coldplay was yellow. and dad. you are my yellow.

love,
bubba

I wish you cared enough about me. I wish you wouldn’t hurt me...i’m just waiting till i’m 18 so i never have to see you again

I thought I would have to struggle with having a dad as a teen. now I have to worry if he will stay around long enough

i hate the way you make me feel unsafe in my own home, the way you raise your voice at litte things, the threats, the way you manipulate me, the way you downplay my feelings thoughts and traumas, when you come to close to me, i hate it all, i hate you for making me feel this way about someone who is supposed to protect and love me. i hate the way i see the men i work with as my father figures they laugh and joke with me and check up on how im doing. i hate it.

when did you decide to stop loving me? everything feels awkward around you. when did you decide to pick a favourite child, which of course wasnt me.

You hurt me and you keep doing it and every time it’s worse every apology gets less and less genuine I’m stuck in a vicious cycle your so toxic but I have to stay cause your family

Technically you were also my first heartbreak, miss you can't believe its been 10 years since you passed. Mom, Christian, and I Love and miss you so much.

why can’t you just give me a hug when i’m down instead of streaming at me calling me lazy and useless and threaten to send me to a mental hospital. why do you love him more then us. why aren’t I enough. I try so hard to do well in everything just to hope to hear you tell me you’re proud of me. why can’t we talk about them. why do you scream all the time. can you really not find another way of talking to us. I know you miss him. so do I. why do you take you stress from everyone else in the family out on me. what do I do wrong. instead of making snarky comments about me leaving my “cave” for the first time in days, not sleeping and being too fat but then complain when I don’t finish my plate maybe just ask why. why can’t you see that i’m dying inside. why did you do that to me as a kid. why do you fuck with my head like you do. why do you hate us. why can’t you be a real dad. why don’t you love me

man let me start of by saying you hurt me deep down inside . you gave me deppression and also made me cut you made me hurt so bad i dont even know myself you was supposedd to protect me and you did the complete oppisite when me and mom use to fight it was always i wanna go live with dad now it's always why we got to go to dads can i come back early why couldnt you hurt me to the point i tried to kill myself i did not wanna live my life anymore because of u no only in this house hold can touch like anymore because of the things you've done to me why man why what did i do to

you were the first person to make me smile. i wish you never left. you were my favourite person. goodbye dad.

i miss you everyday and i wish i couldve done something to prevent your death. i hope youre proud of me :(

Hey dad, I have to tell you something that I have been needing to tell you for a while but I really just have no idea how to tell you because I know your thoughts and opinions on the whole thing but im gay and Ive known for a while. I’m sorry

Thanks for being the first man to break my heart. You left me to start over with mom's best friend and her kids. I hate that I love you so much. I hate that you can't see them for who they are.I hate that I still want your approval. Because you left me, I worry that everyone who loves me will leave me too. It hurts knowing I wasn't enough to make you stay. I hate that you tell me you love me and treat me this way. I hate that you act like the perfect dad and tell me I'm evil and mean. I hate that after all of this you're happy and I still love you

Fuck you for cheating on mom fuck you for marrying who you cheated with, fuck her for knowing you had kids

You were married to Mum, you had 4 children with her. You send money but not cards, we see are nan but not you. It's been 14 years since you left us, was it easy? Surely it is. Thank you for ruining me and our family. Life would be different.

I don’t understand. I was your everything before you met her and now you act like I don’t even exist. Recently I’ve needed you now more than ever and I have to accept that’s never going to happen.

Why do you act like nothing happened? And why is mom telling me to forgive you? Why does it feel like its my fault....

I hope u will grow your soul in the next life time. Society norms really did u wrong. I just wish u will be happy. I care about u more than u think, even if u always hurt me. Love u, your first daughter.

why do you feel the need to yell till i cry and make me feel small? all you are doing is teaching me to love boys who treat me like i'm worthless because thats all i've ever known.

you’re hurting me. i’m grateful for you and i try so hard to show you how appreciative i am of you and all you do is ignore it and you hurt me. it feels like nothing i do will ever be enough for you. it hurts

Please let me be myself, this box you’re forcing me in hurts dad.
It hurts so so bad. I beg of you to let me breathe.

i'm terrified to walk down the aisle alone, i wish i had more time with you, and i could KNOW that you're proud of me instead of hearing that automatic response from strangers

I wish i felt as if you really did love me. You always tell me it, but i cannot bring myself to believe it.

You said you’d love me forever but my memories with you all seem like a dream fever, why did you ever leave us?..

When you threw me across the room and I got the oven that’s when I knew you were the worst dad in the world