Unsent messages to DAD

no, i didn´t choose to like girls.
I wish you would accept me more, and not only pretend. I´m sorry i can´t say i love you easily, its just that u never told me that, and i guess i never learned how to.

i wish you and mom would´ve taught me how to be more outgoing with my feelings, because now i´m just like you

you said boys are dogs as if you were teaching me about possible love interests, when it really was, you.

there were times i hated you so much i wish you were dead, i realized i didn't want you off of this earth but i wanted u outa mine.

I die a little inside when other people say I look like you. Are you proud of the person I'm becoming?

even on the few days i'm here, you push me to the side and act as if you're annoyed with everything i do

its you're fault, the way i crave attention from older men because the only one that should've given me it, didn't

honestly, i thought the kids living here would hurt more than it did, but i'm actually relieved u spend your time with them and not us.

thank you for teaching me that no matter how much someone means to u, they can still leave at such a young age

when you said "you'll understand when the first boy breaks your heart" i really understood how clueless you are.

I want to hurt you so bad. Hurt you like you hurt me. I want to show you what it feels like. I want to make you feel so terribly guilty.

If I killed myself, would you realize what you do to me? Would you be able to finally see your mistakes? Would my blood show you what it feels like to be burned?

Hi, why was it so hard to show me love, why did I as a scared child have to ask for a hug and you would decline me nearly every time.

now that you have got your new family i hope you realize im still here, what i would give to go back in time where it would only be the 3 of us.. i miss it

I wish you could know how much I love you. I hope that wherever you are now, things hurt a little less.

I wish I spent more time with you before you were gone. I miss you so much, you missed my graduation and 16th birthday. I'm falling apart with out you. I don't know who I am anymore. The last thing I remember of you is you in the hospital bed with all the tubes in you keeping you alive, and you would open your eyes but you weren't really there. i miss you

I am so angry and hurt by you. I wish you could see how you treated me through your eyes. I just wish. I hope your new family makes you happy. enjoy your life without me. f**k you.

remember when you ripped the scabs off my leg and slapped me across the face and screamed at me to shut up and grow up as you prodded around in my leg? you probably don't. y cant you just love me? am i unlovable? you can love steph a manipulative woman who spends the little amount of money you have on clothes? am i that difficult to love? please just love me. god please love me.

I hate you. You hold so much power over me and make me feel small. All I ever wanted was your love. You fear the one thing you created.

i’m gonna graduate, fall in love, find myself, move into my first home knowing ur watching down on me.

im sorry. im sorry mum is married to a person like you and im sorry the family has to live with someone like you. How did i get so unlucky in life and end up with a dad like you? did you not feel any hurt when you saw me crying while i left the house? did you not feel any hurt after you said i wasnt your daughter anymore? no one understands me or listens to me. i thought parents were meant to love and protect their children. you don't love me or protect me. i feel so bad for mum because she hasn't done anything wrong. ur personality is horrible and ur selfish and mean. stop blaming my problems on mum when its ur fault. maybe ur the reason why im like this. i hate you so much because you cant see the pain that we're all in. maybe if you stopped caring about yourself then you would understand. i just want a dad who listens and loves me 24/7. i dont even want to call you my dad anymore.

i really, really wish i could take all of your pain, because i know what it feels like and i don’t want you to feel like that

This is not for my first love, but for my dad who passed away almost 2 years ago.....I love you and I am sorry

you know, you could've stay on earth just a bit longer. I would've liked that, mum would've liked that, we all would've liked that...

i will be so happy if i could just forget the things u’ve done to me... but f u. u literally make me sick and its all ur fault not mine. i cant even trust a man.

I dreamt that we had a big bear hug and I cried in your arms while I said “I miss your love. I need you” I want to believe it was really you because of how real it felt

you’re the only one that’s making me think twice about what i want to do. thank you for being the only consistent person in my life. love you.

You ruined my life, but you’re living yours like nothing happened whilst I’m try to survive every second of my life.
Why did you do that?

All I wanted was a father figure to grow up with. Instead I got you. You were supposed to protect me through life and you can't even do that.

You said you’d love me forever but my memories with you all seem like a dream fever, why did you ever leave us?..

I hope u will grow your soul in the next life time. Society norms really did u wrong. I just wish u will be happy. I care about u more than u think, even if u always hurt me. Love u, your first daughter.

Why do you act like nothing happened? And why is mom telling me to forgive you? Why does it feel like its my fault....

I don’t understand. I was your everything before you met her and now you act like I don’t even exist. Recently I’ve needed you now more than ever and I have to accept that’s never going to happen.

You were married to Mum, you had 4 children with her. You send money but not cards, we see are nan but not you. It's been 14 years since you left us, was it easy? Surely it is. Thank you for ruining me and our family. Life would be different.

you were the first person to make me smile. i wish you never left. you were my favourite person. goodbye dad.

man let me start of by saying you hurt me deep down inside . you gave me deppression and also made me cut you made me hurt so bad i dont even know myself you was supposedd to protect me and you did the complete oppisite when me and mom use to fight it was always i wanna go live with dad now it's always why we got to go to dads can i come back early why couldnt you hurt me to the point i tried to kill myself i did not wanna live my life anymore because of u no only in this house hold can touch like anymore because of the things you've done to me why man why what did i do to

I thought I would have to struggle with having a dad as a teen. now I have to worry if he will stay around long enough

obviously ur not my first love asdhjdf, but i wish i could tell u that i really do love you but i am so tired of giving u second chances when u just keep breaking me all over again. just go be happy without me. everytime u come back u just make it worse for me and i just want u and i to be happy but that means we will have to be separated, okay? be a man and do whats right because ur hurting me so bad.

how could you leave us? the same thoughts linger at the back of my mind like there is no escape and all i feel is sadness on an endless cycle. it makes me re think why i am still here. it really did affect me. i want to disappear, i really do. i still ask myself if youre ever going to come back even though its been 5 years. 5 years and im still sad. i know youll never find this but i still love you even though i dont want to. my heart hurts, it really does.

Why would you give up on us & pretend like we are invisible & use us as doormats we are all you have

come back home. i’ve been eating dry cereal for 15 years ??? please dad u said you were going to the store for some fancy milk ?

Why did you leave why didn’t you call or visit me and my siblings we missed you I just wanted to spend time with you and now I can’t because you’re gone why didn’t you stop drinking and remember you had kids why couldn’t you just came back I miss you so much all I ever wish for was to spend at least one of my birthday’s with you I’m turning 15 next year and I can’t do it I miss you so much and I’m sorry I didn’t go visit you in the hospital I regret it so much I hate myself so much I was just so mad that you left us I miss you dad

i just want you to know that you broke me. you broke my idea of love. you were the one person who i never thought could hurt me like that and you did. you were supposed to protect me from heartbreak but instead you caused mine and now i will never be the same. you’ve cause me so much suffering and anguish that i don’t think i will ever stop hurting. and for that reason i hate you. but what hurts the most is that i don’t want to. i just want to tell you about my day or spend time with you like i did when i was a girl but i can’t because you ruined my perception of you. i wish you had just left when you were unhappy rather than dragging it out and making me reveal your adultery. i was just 12 i wasn’t supposed to tell my mom that you were cheating i was supposed to be making bracelets with my friends or playing soccer at nana’s but instead i had to tell your ugly truth. i hope you’re happy with the person you have become and the people you chose over your own blood because at the end of the day i don’t want you in my life.

i can’t say i hate you, but i do. you broke my heart before anyone else did. mom struggled to push through with us children.

idk how to tell you that i dont feel motivated any more and that ive havent been eating alot cuz i think im a gain weight and sometimes i just want to sleep and not do anything im just so exhausted

I always thought of u as my hero until I realized that u don't even try to change. You put so much stress on me from such a young age if u would be okay in the morning without having to go to the ER. I shouldn't have had to carry that much responsibility and worry at the age of 10. I wish u would see how much it hurts knowing I can't open up to u without u using it against me. I try to always think positive but it hards when all you do is complain and have a negative outlook on life taking out your angers on us.

i hate that you won’t see a doctor. it’s so selfish. and i’m sorry for being mad i just wish i knew how to talk to you.

im so needy. I know. I always need you to help me or get me something when all I really needed was you to be there for me and for me to be there for you

I honestly used to look up to you.. and in a way, I sometimes still do. I don't like how you used to hit/treat mommy tho. I remember being very young and you would tell me to "Turn up the TV very loud" so we wouldn't hear you guys fighting. At that age, I thought parents fighting was normal because you guys did it so much. Fast forward a couple years later you guys finally got a divorce and we had to stay with you. At the time I guess it was pretty good because Mommy needed to get back on her feet. The little time that it was just me, you, and my little brother was better. You were never home so you hired a nanny and she was the best. To this day I still miss her. That lasted for about a year.. then you met Her. Your soon to be new wife was good to us while you guys were dating AND she could actually cook. She bought us the things we wanted, took us to places we've never been, and even introduced us to her family. It was all great- that little time frame of 2014-2015. Then before you knew it, BOOM she has a baby. And that's when everything went down hill.

why did you leave me? why did you cheat on mom? why did you abandon us after hurting us instead of trying to mend it? why are you lying? why are you selfish? why do i still love you? why.