Unsent Messages

For: Mikael

Hello Dad it's me. How are you? I just wanted to talk, have a normal conversation. I really miss you, dad. And I don't mean the dad who's whole new personality is to think everybody adores him, never stop talking about himself, never paying attention, running off with your new fiance and creating a whole new life. A life where you are the main characters, no one else is worthy of any kind of love or approval. A life where you never ever give a fuck about me or the family, telling me that I can afford to pay for that christmas gift myself, even though I can't. You haven't helped mom with any of the the money we need. You left me home, alone with the mother you left because she was "crazy". Who do you think she pins all of her issues on now. You haven't showed up to any of the school meetings or checked up on how I'm doing. refuse to help with homework. You kicked me out of your home because it was "not going to school or leaving this house" all beacuse your new girl is scared I'll bring home bacteria from school. She forced me to wash everything that had been ther when I got home because it was gross, I was gross.
I don't know who's the villain anymore.
I don't even know you anymore.
I don't wanna know you anymore. I want to meet the lovely father who raised me all those years. Please come back. Please stop being this manipulative selfish man. I can't even recognize you when I look at you, and I was really your little girl. I was your little girl and you were the one I looked up to, until you met her. The new woman, who lived far away and you had to talk to her all the time. All that matters now is to satisfy her. You agree when she calls me gross or picks on me. You changed all for her. And you say "this is who I've always been, your mom just never alowed me to be myself". Of course. Nothing is ever your fault. Don't you think we all noticed. When you lied and said that you'd miss my sisters birthday because of the work trip to London, when you were in fact traveling to meet her. Why couldn't you just leave before it all happened. I cry almost every time i see a picture of you and me, knowing you'll never hold me like that again. I wish you would understamd how much those messages you send me hurts, but you'll never ever undersand. It's who you've become.

All I want is for my real dad to come back.
Please.
I can't move on and it's been 7 years. I know you will never understand how I feel no matter how hard I try to explain it. I'm not coming back until you let me, witch you havent said anything about in almost a year now.

Please just come back, just for one day. I wish you could hold me like you did in that picture, when I was 1 year old. When we were dancing to the lovely music and I was lauging, and you looked at me like you cared about me more than anyting. But that was 14 years ago. You are a stranger. You would proboably talk shit about the old you today, or not, because you are to lost inside your own head to realise that you've changed, and how you've not always been like this. Even though you successfully tricked your fiance into thinking that.

All I want is your approval. Just tell me you're proud of me and I'll leave.

I loved you, but not anymore.
I miss you, the real you

From:
your little girl.