Unsent messages to RYAN

i cried nearly every night i was with you. i remember thinking “is he going to breakup with me?” and when you did i was so happy about it. i became a better person without you.

You broke every promise. Rubbed in that u were with her. but i still can’t be mad with someone i love.

i was smiling from ear to ear when i saw your notifications on my phone. i should have known from the start

i dont understand you. how can someone live with themselves knowing they lead someone on for that long. i couldve gotten over you. i didnt need to think of you that summer. you were never good enough anyway. fuck you ryan.

I loved the nickname you gave me, I used to feel butterflies when you said it. I wish I could hear you say it again.

it's hard knowing we aren't talking right now, but we both know everything happens for a reason. I will be seeing you soon

i just sent one of these but idc. seeing you in the halls gives me butterflies and i honestly wish you were mine. i know you dont like me and never have, but i still cant stop thinking about you.

Thank you for saving me.
I am so thankful for you and all you’ve done for me and i will continue to do all I can for you. I’m so happy for you and I will continue to be forever grateful.
I love you

I wish I said more when I could have now things would be awkward. I’ve tried to forget about you but it’s not always the easiest. It’s nice to see your life is finally going to plan and we’re taking our own separate paths. I miss you very much things aren’t what they were and you’ve changed a lot maybe for the best. Keep being you and I will keep loving you.

this was the color of my favorite shirt on you. i miss you, and what we had, but I don't want you anymore.

i’ll never forget you because you were the first person i ever came close to loving. to you i was nothing special.

why did you do that to me? you said you would always love me :( your not who you used to be when we first met and it kills me that your gone.

I want you and only you noone else can make me feel the way you did I hope she treats you good you deserve the moon and all the stars combined thankyou for bringing out the best in me and hopefully we can have another chance in the future I love you endlesslyy

Ryan you where the first person I ever loved truly there was nobody who could replace you, but you like other girls which I understand, I love playing games with you , I love calling you and I love when you call me your girlfriend as a joke I wish you could see how much I loved you.

wow i can't get over you and trust me i've tried, but it's the ones that could have been that really do hurt the most

i love you bubs. forever and always. tell mama i said thank you for everything. after a while crocodile.

regardless of how many tears and heartbreaks, i’m like a lost puppy who will always return home to you

i know we dont talk anymore, but i hope ur doing ok with everything and finally got off the transplant list:)

Do I ever cross your mind? For the most part I don't think about you, but when you pop into my head I feel like I could be with you after all this time and everything would be the same.

i’ll never understand what you got out of it. but i’ll always love the sound of ur laugh and the way u talked to me

it still hurts like hell. you will always have a part of me. it hurts to see you happy with someone else. even though i’m with someone else. i see you in everything. i hope i can forget it all someday

are your hands still as sweaty as ever? i know i said i hated your sweaty hands but im missing it rn.

You took advantage and used me so many times I’m finally over you wow you were a dick but ino you have your own insecurities I wish you would work on yourself. I wud of given u a lot

I still think about you time to time. You meant a lot to me before because I had never met anyone like you. I guess I got scared of liking you back and feared what was in it for the future. I just felt we went too fast and what was to come afterwards might not end good. So I’m sorry I broke your heart but you deserve much better. It’s time to move on, because while you have changed, I have changed as well. I really did mean it when I said I wanted to learn how to love myself first, you dingus.

I hope that you get everything you dream for, travel the world & find someone who loves you as much as I did. & I hope I can be happy for you when you do

I loved you. But it wasn’t right. You’ll always be in my heart. But I’m over u. I’m glad my best friends are happy.

thank you for always standing up for your friends and what is right. Even when you're dealing with your demons you still make it through

This was the colour of my bedroom when you did what you did. Why didn't you listen when I said no? You were my best friend. I trusted you.

you mean the world to me, and will most likely always mean the world to me. i need to let you go because waiting kills me. you will never not be in the back of my mind when im holding someone elses hand or laying on someone elses chest. i love you forever ry, i just wish you loved me back at the same time

You came back to me but I am so sad. It’s so hard thinking of the past. I miss the old you and it hurts looking at you

I regret wasting all of my time on you. Literally shut the fuck up. You have the audacity to say no one cares about you when I risked everything just so you could be happy. Fuck off. Everyone's done with your toxic attitude.

you ruined me and every aspect of my life. i no longer value myself. ive lost all vulnerability, all emotion and depth in relationships. fuck you.

here i am giving you 100% of my love and you giving only 60% back. it sucks, but im still here because im so in love with you. isnt that so fucked?

Getting to know and experience you will always be something I cherish, sorry if I didn’t tell you enough. I shouldn’t have tried to force things but nonetheless I wish you the best. You deserve the world, hopefully you let love in one day when you’re ready.

i love you but i can't help but feel so alone right now. just stop apologizing and show me you're sorry instead.

I'm pretty sure you were the first boy I ever had a crush on. 7 year old me would tell anyone who would listen that I had a crush on you! lmao I remember telling Steffi about it and she was like "...okay?" but to me it was such a big deal! I literally didn't know you at all tho—I barely said a single word to you cause I was too shy lol I just remember thinking you were very cute. I liked your wavy dark brown hair, brown eyes, and nice smile. I remember this one day after school, you were playing soccer with your friends and I was hanging out on the jungle gym with my friend, pretending I wasn't watching you (while she teased me incessantly) lol Sometimes I think about crushes I had as a kid and wonder...if we met as adults, would we hit it off?

you will always be the one i wish it worked out with, and i know we’re both gone now, i hope things are well with him, i’m doing okay, but dear god do i wish it could’ve been you. much love for you, always. i’m here for you, even if there’s comes a day we haven’t spoken in years, i’m here bubba.
love, ty

i thought id be over you by now but now you sit in my class in the row beside me and all i can think of is our hours on end facetimes and how we would stay up all night jsut to talk to each other never running out of things to talk about, my love for you came so easy and you lifted me up and i took it for granted. im sorry and i miss you so much

it's been two years of finding our way back to each other. And I no longer cry over all the girls you constantly chose over me, I no longer cry over what could be and how much I miss you. Instead I'm appreciative of the good and learn from the bad. Thank you for loving me, thank you for showing me that I need to know my own worth and love myself. Thank you for being the safe place when I felt like I didn't have one, for being there for me through all my worst days. No matter what's happened I still wish you the best in life and hope you can have that relationship you've always wanted with a girl who loves you just as much as I did. I know there's so much I could say to you but I've kind of put all that hurt in my past and tried to grow from it. I don't blame you, we're young and loving someone like we did too young before we matured wasn't the best idea but I wouldn't take it back. I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore, I guess I just know that if we're meant to be it'll happen but I'm not pushing what's not meant to be. You've left me with attachment issues and trust issues that ruin all my new relationships even when I try to get past them.

what made you believe you had every right to be hers? at least we learned what type of people to stay away from. i loathe you more than she does! xoxo, yk who.

i'm sorry if i bother you. i don't want you to feel like i'm burden or that talking to me is a chore. i love talking to you, and i get really scared that you don't feel the same. it could just be me. i understand that, but, maybe you could give in a little and seem like you actually like talking to me.

how long does it take to move on? im fearful you already have, and i feel stupid for holding on but i still love you, and i wish i could call and tell you. you were my best friend. i miss you uncontrollably and my world is quieter without you in it :(

i saw you today for the first time in a while. you were with another girl. i wondered who she was, trying to contain my jealous thoughts. wish i could've held onto your hug a little longer.

I miss you every second of every day. I have not been on here since when i was manic. I am so sorry. I thought i could handle it all myself and i couldn’t. I never even told you everything that was going on because i was scared you would leave me. But because i acted the way i did you left. Do you remember smoking in my bathtub together? I can’t go in there without crying anymore. I can’t look at the empty spot next to my bed where your mattress goes. Or use the plug you used for your Xbox or listen to our songs. I had to get a new desk chair because the one i had was where you were sitting when you broke up with me. Dotty wears one of your old jackets that was too small so you gave it to me. I wish i had been wiser. I wish i had known how bad an episode could be, and acted in a completely different manner. I guess now i know. I have learned so much in these months. I have become a much better person. I cry every night. To this day. Nobody is even remotely attractive to me besides you. I wish i could have a way to contact you and tell you everything. If i could just hear your voice say my name one more time. Or see your smile for one instant more. I could die happy. I miss you so much. I wish i had taken the Polaroids of us. You probably threw them away. I was so fucked up when we were together. I’ve never been this stable in my life they finally found medicine that works. I wish you were here to see me doing well. So i could show you how you deserve to be treated. You deserve the whole world and more. I love you. Forever. I think that’s the last thing i said to you in person. I wish i had hugged you for one moment longer. Or looked in your eyes to memorize them just a little better. I miss the feel of your hands. And the sound of your voice. And your smile that lights up a room. Almost every day I’m hit with a different memory of us doing something stupid together. I miss your company. And your mind. I miss you, sweet boy. I’ll never stop loving you, and I’ll never try to forget you. Thank you for being the best boyfriend ever. I’m sorry it had to end but i understand why you left. Completely. I’ll see you in my dreams my love.

I don't know what's up with you, and I wish you'd just tell me. You won't see this anyway b/c you forgot about this website.

if you think i hate you, you're right. i never got the closure i needed so this is me saying fuck you.

I love you and I don’t ever want to leave you because I know I won’t be able to tell you this until it’s too late.

You’re my best friend. I think I have fallen for you but I’m too scared to ever say anything. I always have my hopes up that we could be flirting when we hangout but I shut myself down in fear that you would NEVER think of me that way. When I think about you, I get butterflies and my throat gets tight. I would do anything to just kiss you. From, your friend.

lol fuck u im over u. idk why i spent so much time obsessing over u when u literally have the driest personality ever? anyways i think i really need to let u go. i mean yeah, ur cute but u were never my type to begin with lmfao. no hard feelings? ok, thx luv.

You know sometimes I think about you because you were the first person who I thought felt butterflies about me as I did you.