Unsent messages to MOM

I hate you for making me feel worthless and undeserving of life. You ruined me and that is something I'll never forgive you for.

all i want is for you to love me, please just tell me you're proud. i feel so bad for hating my friends for having a good relationship with their moms. why cant we be like that? what did i do that makes u hate me. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you, i don't know how to be. i am trying my best, you keep telling me its not good enough and i don't know how to make it enough. please just act like you care. all i want is to be told its okay and that you're proud of me. i cant do this anymore i need to be loved by my mom.

You say you know everything about me, yet you couldn’t realize I needed help to get off the sinking ship of my mind ;

Black bc of all the clothes in ur closet. Are u mourning something that idk about? Is that why you’re so cold?

I know you have good intentions but you are toxic. Red nail polish is not inappropriate and teaching a 7 year old that is fucking gross.

You never really loved me. You loved the idea of the perfect family and I was not. I blamed myself and I still do. I feel like killing myself everyday but I don't just because I want you to atleast be happy with the 'perfect family' reputation we now have and I will give as many fake smiles as it takes.

The way you're treating me is causing me close everything and everyone off i cant do this anymore you think it's helping me but its not it's hurting me and forcing me to be independent and in the long run just making me not need you.

I didn't eat today because I didn't want to leave my room. I asked Nana to get the mail because I didn't want to text you.

i wish i could be more open with u, for some reason I feel like i cant. im sorry im such a disappointment to u

i just want to know what i did that makes you not trust me. I tell you everything and you act like i hide everything. you used to be my best friend but now you use everything against me, i don't know why you chose to do that. maybe you forget that im an adult and you cant control me anymore... so please stop trying and be my friend. you did it, im raised, so stop trying to ruin the life you gave me... its ruining all the good memories that i have- do you want them to be replaced by the bad ones? seems like it. let me live.

U really know how to traumatize people especially ur kids. But I think that has todo with the fact that u have ur own trauma to work thru.

Thanks for always making me feel like I wasn't enough, that I needed to lose weight in order to make you happy when I should've been doing what made me happy. Thanks for making me feel like a piece of crap.

Im not okay mom. You can see eyebugs. You can see my tears everytime i entire bathroom with earphones. You can fell my saddness. I'm always telling you about how i have no one to text with. Please stop acting like i don't need help. When you once get to know i need help you ignored this and scream at me. You don't know how it hurts me when you are saying that ,,my kids are gonna be fat" i stopped eating most of things and water become my bestfriend. ,,You don't give a shit about me" when you're telling this it fells like i want to not give a shit about you but i do. ,,Fuck you" that one really hurts. ,,Okay so don't talk to me anymore. Go away" why. ,, You're the only one problem" i'm sorry.

Thank you for reading ily

How could you love me but suddenly hate me so fast in just a couple of years. How could you tell your child the things you do and tell me to kill myself? I do not understand how you can just not care when I said I almost jumped off of a bridge or that I have frequent anxiety attacks. I thought you were a mother but it turns out you are just related to me by blood, nothing more.

i just wish you would listen to me and honestly hear me out...and not blame every single thing on me and constantly get mad at me when i'm just trying to keep myself alive for another day.

I miss you more than anything. I wish you never had to go and that I could've grown up knowing a woman as amazing as you are. You were the epitome of a strong and classy woman. Say hello to everyone up there for me. I'll see you again one day mama

i know you try but sometimes i just want everything to go away. i know you just want us to be happy but idek what that feels like anymore.

sometimes o dont understand why you don't love me. why you can't try tp understand the things that i go through. the mental battle i have to fight everyday just not to die. i just want you to be there for me.

i did it again mom, i'm sorry
i'm really sorry but you don't know how it feels to live with anxiety.

I try to write you letters. I try to tell you why I haven't spoken to you. I love you, but you never really loved me. You did what you thought was loving me, and you raised me; and for that, I am thankful. I don't look past that. I hope that you can get help for your problems. You will never be okay if you keep doing what you are.
I'm sorry. I'm not coming back.

why do you make me feel so invalid sometimes? why do you make me feel like everything i do is wrong or not good enough? am i not enough? am i not a good enough daughter? am i really a disappoint if i don't get straight A's? why aren't i ever good enough?

some times.. i wish you knew how bad your words hurt. your actions. i’m in a dark place because of you

me dolio mami pero que voy a hacer, fabiana ya se perdono mil veces pero esta bien, ya no voy a ir a la trattoria con uds, losiento por existir

i wish i could just crawl into ur bed and hug u. i wish u would tell me everything is going to be okay. i wish u loved me and im sorry for disappointing u. im trying so hard but im so tired. i dont know how much longer i can do this

You were supposed to love me and keep me safe, but instead of that you broke me. The first person I ever truly loved.

i know ur being strong for us- but sometimes it’s ok to b sad..and sometimes, lately actually, i feel that way too

i know ur being strong for us- but sometimes it’s ok to b sad..and sometimes, lately actually, i feel that way too

i absolutely hate you. you put me through so much pain and you make me wanna just disappear. you literally keep ruining my life. thanks :)
-thanks
your child.

mom
you know i love u so much. u don't believe me. i know that i never will be the perfect daughter, but i try it. everyday we fight about dumb things. but i don't mean it so. and i know that im not very good in school. but im trying it. i love this boy. hes from my school. i had never feel like this before. and sometimes i just think about him instead of learning or doing homeworke. but i will concentrate better. i swear. i love u so much! stay safe

you are pure like honey and i love you till the end of time but, our relationship will never be the same.

what happened? did you change or was I just too young to notice? I wanted to be you. I looked up to you. I'm disappointed in you mom. I'm sorry they both left you but don't take it out on your kids. I can't tell if I want to run away and never speak to you again or if I wanna crawl into bed with you. you hurt me. I thought I'd be crying to about boys but instead I'm crying to boys about you. you saw it and didnt even care. im done

I HATE YOU. you fucked up everything and the sad part is you're so mentally unwell that you'll never know what you did.

Hi mom so like you really nice to me lol nothing complain about only like a few things to complain not tha much overall your nice to now like we watch a movie every night and tha its fine ily mom ahahahah one thing is that stop comparing me to all the "clean kids"pls im 12 and do i clean like i get you used to chores when you was small ok im trying ahahah im done ly x



..
Ok
Done
By
Your
Daughter
Simran
Your
Not
Gonna
See
This
Ahhahahahaha
Bye xooxo

I hope u will be an actress in your next lifetime. It just too late now. And i hope u will find very true love with maybe someone else who really cares about you, your emotions and your imagine. I will always love u, your first daughter.

I know you are cheating on my dad again i am so disapionted and you have no right to alawys to tell me what to do whith my body and my future when you have your own problems you have no right to tell i was born to dark you have no right to tell me i am gaining weight you had no right to yell at me for cry in my room saying that i was seeking fot attention you had no right to call my deppression fake and you had no right to tell my dad that i was failling my classses

They never said it couldn’t be a familial love. You hurt me. Just admit it and let me go. If you want me to be happy like you say you do, let me go.

Hey mom, I'm not feeling okay. what I mean is I don't feel happy anymore. I'm just a child but so much as came through my life that it brings me down. I'm kind of thinking about killing my self. I don't really want to tho I just wanna see what goes on. I wanna know whos fake or not. I wanna get tested if I have anything wrong with me.

I wait for for the day when you realize you were the problem, that my trauma stems from you. I just wanted you to love me. I just wanted you to be happy to see your own daughter.

i wish i didnt dissapoint you and i was enough for you to stay. i wish you were here right now. i really dont know what to do mom, why did you end it like this.

I loved you, but you took that from me. You took my ability to love again, keep that part of me safe.

thank u for letting me become independent after all the arguments u made me have with u. i will always love u just wish u loved me too :( u were suppose to be my yellow, my best friend but u didnt want to. im sorry for not being the daughter u want. im sorry im not as perfect as them :( if i could i would be someone else but i cant. im sorry for disappointing u, im just trying to stay alive each day and my school work isnt on that list, im sorry :( from the bottom of my heart i am so exhausted from the arguments. please just like me so i dont have to fear sobbing in my room cause u called me a disappointment

Hi mom you’re going to be my first love forever i know it hasn’t been easy raising me i know i gave you a hard time so many times but the love you showed me since i was born, i don’t think i can ever love someone that deeply i appreciate all you have done for me i can’t wait to go back home when this semester is over i miss you tons and hope you stay safe

Hey mommy I know I'm not your little girl anymore but if you would just check up on me every now and then you would know that I don't feel like I used to. I want to kms but I don't want to hurt you. I fell in to this really dark hole of depression in 2019 and I'm still dealing with it if I don't make it out just know I will forever love you mommy...

Mom, you were the first person i ever loved, ever cared for, and ever missed, you have put me through hell , and im sorry but i do not forgive that, i want to so bad. Dad wants to take me, and i think i am going to let him, it is so hard to get go, i wish you would hear me, you talk down on dad and act like you are any better. I will always love you but i think its for the better that I live with dad until you get better, maybe i will be happy again, maybe not but you need to let me live my life if thats with you or not. I know you will always love me because well im ur only baby but you need to get better if not for me then for you.- your baby girl

I really wish I got the time to know you better, you really hurt me and I just couldn't let myself get past that for the longest time. Rest easy

this isn’t a first love but i have so much stuff to say. man mom , when i was younger i wanted to be you. i wanted your job , hair , lips , body , smile , laugh , & humor. i don’t want any of those things anymore. i want the old you, the happier you. you used to be so happy but now you’re stressed about every single little thing. i was so happy growing up, i wasn’t worried about your flaws. you really have to understand that being on your phone , drinking beer daily , & smoking sm daily isn’t doing anything. youre killing your own body. you’re so manipulative , two-faced , & toxic. i’m trying. i’m trying so much. i cry EVERY NIGHT just so you can yell at me the next day. mom , i know i’m behind in my classes but you don’t know how much pressure they’re putting on me. i’m sleeping during class bc i have to look at a screen for 8 hours , 5 days a week , & no breaks. mom i care and worry about you. you’re putting yourself in so much danger with how much alcohol and tabacco everyday. mom i do care. i’m trying to regain your trust. i know i’m always in my room but that’s bc if i’m out of my room i get yelled at by you and get made fun of by your son. dads the only one that understands, he understands so much. you always have to kick him out , call him names , and call him a bad person. you’re the bad person mom, you don’t know how much pain you put on me , dad , and your son. so much pain that i starve myself bc you call me fat everyday, you were just talking about me like 2 hours ago. i cant trust you, i want you to be like other mothers, happy and able to trust their kid. when you smile i know you’re hurting so much inside. i can tell it in your eyes. man your eyes are so gorgeous. they’re big and pretty. even though you put me threw so much pain i’ll still care. i wish, just wish i could tell you everything. i wish i was able to talk to you about boys, girl stuff, school, & so much more stuff. i cant do that bc you’re so judgemental & selfish. you never let me speak my mind when you have something to say. i hate it.

i hate your guts, you broke me to the point where i love you but i want to throw up when you touch me or try to be funny with me and im sorry but you told mark that your OWN FUCKING BOYFRIEND didn't touch me when I talked to you about it before you calling him so why, WHY DID YOU SAY I LIED WHEN YOU DID IT YOU FUCKING SCUM I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS I HATE HOW YOU SMILE AND I HATE HOW YOU CARE FOR EVERYONE ELSE'S KIDS BUT NOT ME, MY OWN FUCKING BROTHER WHO IS YOUR KID FUCKING RAISED ME AND TAUGHT ME SHIT, NOT YOU SO STOP TAKING CREDIT, YOU GAVE BIRTH THEN LITERALLY GAVE UP

I wish sometimes you would just listen to me and what I have to say It is sad that you do not know that I sit in my room at night crying and trying not to be loud while you are sleeping downstairs thinking I am ok you yell at me everyday about school which makes me mad and sad because I am trying but it is hard when I get yelled at everyday about it you yell at me about going to bed so late but I am up late because I am doing my school work because you give me chores all day to do so I do not have time to do my school work I wish you would listen but whenever I cry in front of you, you say I am a cry baby which does not help you call me lazy which does not help either all you do is yell and do not help me I ask for help for school and you say maybe you should listen and you do not help me which does not help me learn this is is why you should just listen to me when I need you to but no you do not.

Sometimes i wish you would just listen to me. I wish i could talk to you about my feelings i wish i could i talk to you about my feelings I wish i could tell you about how i am suffering with depression. I wish i could come to your room and just talk with no judgment and you could give me advice.

i never would have thought that you would ever body shame me i thought you were my person i thought you would notice i was starving myself its your fault i just wanted to see my dad you really loves me.