Unsent messages to MOM

Why are you so angry? It’s not my fault i’m here. It’s yours. You wanted me then, what changed. Did I stop being cute? Did I grow up too fast? Is a teenager too much to raise again. Maybe you should’ve only had one kid Mom. It would’ve been financially better for everyone. By now you could’ve had no kids in the house. But i’m still here. And you still had me. And you remind me every. single. day. that you didn’t want kids. I know Mom, I wouldn’t want kids either. But I still love you, I think you still love me. It’s ok if we don’t talk much anymore. In a way it’s better like this. Less fighting if we just don’t speak to each other. Sometimes I pretend like we’re a picture perfect family. But at the end of the day Mom it’s still just you, me, dad, and separated living rooms.

I told you I needed to leave because our family is toxic and I need a breath of fresh air, you instantly manipulated me into feeling guilty

I don’t want you to hurt yourself I know you don’t want to live but what would I do without you I can’t live without you I never will be able to please don’t leave me and my sisters no matter how bad it gets

I want you out of my life. Youre hurting me and all of us everyday. You were supposed to love me, not make me cry everynight. U made me hate. How can u say all this shit about me. I think you want everyone to hate me.

i'm sorry that i'm not the child that you want and that i will never be. but i'm tired of putting you and everyone before myself. i'm tired of you constantly emotionally manipulating me into doing everything. you never loved me and it shows in every way possible, your words and actions. you always invalidated my feelings and made me feel like a piece of shit. i shouldn't be the one wanting to fix our relationship, i'm a fucking kid. my mom shouldn't be the one that i fear the most. you make fun of me for everything as if i didn't already notice and wish that it'd change. you'd say i was eating too much so i eat less and now you make fun of me and say that i'm afraid of getting fat. sometimes i wish that you would just fuck off and stop taking out your anger on me which if you havent already noticed, has hurt me in so many ways and i don't think i'll get better anytime soon. you should've gave me up for adoption since i clearly am not what you wanted.

i love you, but i wish you'd let me do my own things. i just wanna live. i don't wanna be bound to your rules anymore. i don't wanna be feeling guilty everytime i do something. i just want to be me.

I hate you— I hate you for all the times you said I was nothing,I hate you for putting everything before me, I hate you for watching my brothers beat me up and saying I asked for it, I hate how stupid you are, I hate you for never showing me how to love...

not my lover just want to rant ig ab my mom lol .words can’t explain how much your words hurt me and i just brush it off as if you said nothing . i’m sorry i don’t meet your standards , i’m trying i really am but nothing i do seems to satisfy you . i’m sorry i’m not like my brother i would just really love it if you stopped comparing us i’m trying my best . i’m trying my best to stay here every single day but yet you’re still yelling at me about dirty dishes . i’m sorry i disappoint you mom .

I wish you would accept the fact I don’t believe in god instead of making me a fool in every conversation we have about deep stuff

I was 9. I told you what happened and you blamed it on me. Thank you for teaching me how to take care of myself.

I'm sorry I'm not the person you desperately wanted me to be. I'm sorry for everything I did to you, everything that hurt you so bad. I'm so sorry for everything.

i wish you cared about me the way mom’s care about their daughter...you shouldn’t have said those words to me.

I know you think I mess up constantly and think I don't deserve anything, but that's okay. I just hope one person can love me.

whenever you have asked me if i was alright, i’ve always lied to you. the truth is i’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted. everyday becomes harder and harder to live. i know you expect a lot from me but i really just can’t anymore

I love you but sometimes you can be annoying and rude to me. Ik it’s rough with 4 kids and Tyson especially. You always yell at me though why me. Why take ur anger and stress out on other ppl than letting it out by a walk or a drive. I wish you would let me watch Tyson so you could work. You do so much for us and I just sit here all day on my phone all depressed but I have my reasons too. Ik you don’t rlly like me that much and wish I was gone but I love you and always will:(

I'm sorry I can't help you. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry we grew apart, I still love you.

I know you did your best, I know things weren't easy, I know I can be difficult.

It hurts that you never acknowledged that you hurt me, too.

I just wanted you to smile at me, but instead, I got you to hate me. Did I go too far with trying to impress you? Because now, I cannot bring myself to do anything at all.

Hi mom! I just wanted to say that i love you and that I am so grateful to you. You are my bestfriend and you are perfect

what changed from when i was your empathetic little girl, into calling me a sociopath. i did nothing to you

imagine if it was my last call, but you didn't answer just because you thought i was a bad daughter...

I hope one day you realize how much your opinions hurt. if you knew about me you would hate me and I feel like I can never be myself

Mom I love and appreciate you so much, I may not be the best daughter but I’m trying my best I wish I could pour out all my emotions to you and I wish I could take all the pain away from you, I hear you crying yourself to sleep and I’m so sorry that you have to go through that I wish I could take it all away from you...I’ll always love you mom

you have ruined me in a way i don't think you understand, you have broken me down into a shell of a person who only exists to please you. i am so tired mom, i love you so much and it hurts me so much because of it. i don't think you realize how much i want to make you proud but everything i do does nothing in your eyes. in your eyes i am nothing.

sorry i can't make it up to you're expectations for me i'm trying my best to keep myself going it's exhausting but of course you wouldn't understand no one understands

you've hurt me in more ways than I can count. I hope you understand I still love you. But I cannot forgive you

not a first love but ig
my childhood was supposed to be the best time of my life you took it away i wanted to live i cant stay in all the time stop talking to me like ik nothing stop gaslighting me stop belittling me stop making me feel like id rather be dead than speak to you you dont understand you never will all u fucking care bout is yourself i need to live ive had enough of your bs can you please please just let me leave i dont want to be around you hearing your voice makes me wanna shut my hears seeing your face makes me angry being near you makes me feel quesy please i want out i wanna leave

Mommy. I just want to cry while you hug me. I just don't want it to turn into a lecture and your judginess.

i thought if i said i love u enough it would make it true and it didnt. maybe i loved u once but not anymore. bye bitch

i’m sorry for all this shit you went through bc of me..just know i do love you and always did okay? you deserve so much more :( keep your head up queen i love you

why do you base my worth on superficial things like my sexuality, weight, or grades. why cant you just love me because im yours

i hate you. you make me feel terrible about myself and make me feel like i dont matter. so why do i care so much what you think of me ??

white. a pile of bones buried deep underground. i dont really remember you that well before illness destroyed you and that makes me feel ashamed and guilty. i barely visit you. i make excuses not to, just like i do for everything else in life. they say people too pure for this world get taken first. i would do anything for another minute with you.
i miss you mom.
i pray we meet again someday and we can tell eachother everything we missed.

yeah,im 17 n i want to bake christmas cookies with you, yes maybe i am acting like a child, n maybe its because i've never had a childhood like other kids n i just want to do things with you like other kids did with their mothers.

I'm sorry if I annoy you when my depression gets the better of me. I don't mean to. I'm trying. I swear.

you break my heart every time you yell at me, your actions tell me just how much you hate me, and i miss us being friends

Even though you told me to starve and kill myself and showed affection by only buying me things I still love you.

you're so strong. i love you forever. you deserve so much more than what you've been given. im sorry he's such a douche. im sorry i cant do more for you. youre my rock i love you endlessly.

mom, i wish your love was unconditional. you used to say that you'd love me no matter what, but I'm so scared you'll find out that I'm bi. I can just see your disappointed face. I'm still your baby girl. mommy, come back. I need you.

you are huring me so bad and your blind to it. i’m always scared to go home and it’s getting to much. i’m trying not to break but i have no home anymore. all i ever wanted was to be enough, but i guess that was to much

You destroyed her, and now you've turned to me. Get away from me. Please. I'm not as strong as she is.

your crazy yelling at me at 6:30 am over a damn water bottle. you bought me an expensive ass one and i can’t take it to school and i said okay no problem and you flip out and scream for what i mean come on wtf is wrong with you

I'm sorry, im sorry for being a bad daughter. I love you and I know you try your best. Its me, I'm the problem and I wish I could show you that. Thank you

you told me to take the clothes in, and the i called you to ask you when you`ll come back, and I STARTED HERING THAT YOU WERE WITH ANOTHER GUY. I HATE YOU

fuck u for turning me into u
fuck u for being the way you do
fuck u for making me not want to live past 22

You don't care about me getting better you just want me to be one of your trophies in your collection

you said you were always gonna be there to support me no matter what. you said you were always going to love me. that all went away when i came out to you as bi. mothers arent supposed to reject their child the second they arent what you wished them to be. mothers are supposed to be there and lovingly support their child. no. matter. what.

I wish you would tell me i was good enough. i never feel good enough, all you ever do is tell me how i will never be good enough, you tell me how fucked up i am, but god damnit im trying.

fuck you. you have ruined my life. you have made me so fucking depressed. you don't deserve dad. your voice makes me cry. why do you think the way you do? you're one of the worst people i have ever met. you don't care about me at all. why do you pretend you do? you have made my life so miserable.
why would you do this.

I miss you. You're not dead, just a bitch. I miss the motherly things you do for me. Tuck me in again please.

i wish i mattered to you. i wish that you treated me like I mattered. I wish that you cared about me and didn’t disown me. I wish that I had a childhood.