Unsent messages to JAMES

i know its not your fault that you don’t have feelings for me but pretending like you loved me and promising me you'd never leave was selfish

i know its not your fault that you dont have feelings for me but pretending like you loved me and promising me youd never leave was selfish

i know we’re together again but i don’t think it’ll ever be the same as it was in the begining. i love you more than anybody

i really really liked you and i still do. today i gave timed me with another girl and when she said u likes me i felt my heart skip a beat

hey. i’m sorry. i should have said no the first time but instead i valued other things more. i’m sorry for breaking your heart.

I wish I could have closure. You left out of nowhere and you were the only friend I had. Imy, you deserve the best.

I still love you.
but I have to move on,
not because I don't love you anymore.
but because I do, and I can't have you.

It upsets me so much that you can’t see that I’m in love with you when I’m the only person that gives a damn about you.

if you came into my life and asked for me back, i would willingly come to you. i miss you and how happy you made me

I can't fall in love with anybody else because i love you. I've tried but you always circle back to my mind. I miss you. It's real pain when you know you can't forget about somebody, every time i kiss someone else i think about you, everytime i fall asleep in someone else's arms, i Imagen it's you, everytime somebody messages me that they miss me, i wish it was you. I know i will feel like this until the day i die, wishing we even had an hour of time together so i could show you how much love i have for you. I miss you

Hey james, i miss you even though i shouldn’t and every time i think of your smile it hurts my heart. i’ll always love you even though i know what you’re really like. I think you’ve broken me and i’m not sure if it was worth it.

I’m sorry about everything I wish I could go back in time and go it all over again from the night we met

I wish I could hate you for the pain you have caused me but how could I hate the person who taught me how to love?

i love you. i truly wish that we'll last , even if times are hard right now. i'll forever be here no matter what happens. i'm so proud of you

when i see your face my heart drops. when i hear your laugh i smile but then remember what we almost had. you know how i feel about you. to you it was always just a joke. to my friends they don’t realise that what i feel is something i thought i could never feel. yet you think i hate you. the truth is i could never hate you and you’ll always leave a special place in my heart

yes all you do is play with my feelings but you’ll
never understand how perfect you are to me and everything you do. i hope one day you realise that

You broke me. You used me to cheat on you girlfriend. You used me just so you weren’t single. But I still fell for you like the idiot I am. I wish you the best in your dreams of becoming a footballer. I hope you are ok after your gran died. I know how alone you feel. I know about how ur mom died and the ur gran so ur only left with ur dad. But me and your friends are always going to be here for you. I loved you. I hope you at least liked me a little.

i wish we could rewind to the second day we spoke. i'd cherish it so much more this time. i don't miss you but idk.

was it right person wrong time? if i lived closer and we were older would have you chosen me? i'd still chose you.

Since you’ve been back, I catch myself checking to see if you texted me. Even though I know you want nothing to do with me:/

I reached out today and i was hit with exactly what i expected, you don’t want to talk. Today is the day i have decided to finally let go of you. I love you, you were the first boy i ever loved but you’ve made it clear that there is nothing there. My heart will continue to drop when i catch a glimpse of you for the foreseeable future. All i hoped was that we could get our shit together and fix us. I’m so sorry for everything i put you through but this is my final goodbye. I need to let myself heal and build back the hole you left. You were my first love and heartbreak and I’ll forever remember you as that and you’ve taught me how to deal with guilt (a lot of it). I’m thankful for you but its time to move on despite the pain. I’d go for a coffee anytime

i hate that i think of u whenever i hear "kiss the girl". that was our song. and i hate that i think of u whenever i hear the word sunshine. i used to be ur sunshine.

i miss you. i wish you would say something to me. i want to reach out to you but i’m not sure if you even want to hear from me. i’m afraid you hate me for ending it but i needed to be alone in order to grow into this new person. i wish i could show you the new me

Sometimes I feel like the world is closing in on me, shrinking into a light then blinking out when you say you got a crush that isn't me. The longing I feel is stronger than the deepest void in my shattered heart.

I can’t say for a second that I ever thought I’d be in this position with you. I have to keep reminding myself that you don’t care for me the way I care for you and I can’t afford to let myself to continue to do so. The truth is I loved you with every fibre of my being and I did everything in my power to hold onto you, to hold onto us. And if I’m being honest with myself, I still haven’t managed to completely let go of that because the way you treat me sometimes makes me hope you’re still coming back to me. But I can’t keep thinking this way because I’m just letting you ruin me over and over again. You get my hopes up and then I realise you don’t care the way I thought you did. Please stop stringing me along. I’ve completely lost myself trying to make you love me and I don’t know how to get myself back. I can’t remember who I was before I loved you. And I shouldn’t feel this way anymore. I shouldn’t even care. You’ve treated me like dirt. You’ve humiliated me in front of all our friends. No one has ever hurt me the way you have hurt me, and I still would do literally anything for you because you keep roping me back it and making me care about you. How is that fair?

I'm sorry for everything you've been through, none of it is your fault. You deserve so much better and I hope you find what you are looking for.

i hope one day you decide what you want, with or without me, i hope you find your happiness, i love you forever.❤️

Thank you for making me rediscover love, that it’s okay to have feelings for someone. I’ll always be grateful to you.

as much as i want you to make up your mind already, I know you need me and i just want you. how this works out is up to you

i think im done
i think ive finally realized youre never really gonna give a shit about me
and that youll never choose me
i deserve better anyway, thanks for opening my eyes asshole

hey i know i didn’t recognize you at first you and that must have been such an awful feeling but i remember you now. we used to be friends as kids and i kinda miss those days. but we’re different now. so close yet so far apart.

i want you to take a plate and make it think that you aren’t going to do anything to it make sure to be really nice. take said plate and smash it into pieces. then tell it to move on. did it just go back together perfectly? no it didn’t. that’s what you did to me but i still love you.

i was okay at first, you weren’t. now i can’t stop thinking about you and our love, and you’ve moved on. it’s okay i’ll wait for you.

I got scared and broke my heart myself before you could. I've moved on. But my heart hasn't. I love you.

How do I start, you weren’t my first love but there was definitely a connection between us. From the moment we met we just clicked. Now it’s time to forget you and let you go. I think about you too much and it needs to stop. I am writing this to let all my feelings go about you because there shouldn’t be.

im so fucking sorry for everything. we were so young and barely knew eachother and eventually it went downhill, i just never lost feelings and you know that. im so angry with myself for what i fucking did. i left, but sort of stayed. i told you, we started over. and then i fucked up again. words cant explain how much i fucking hate myself for this. i will always love you, that wont ever change. you played and still play such an important role in my life. i wish some day youd forgive me and im so fucking sorry, ill never ever stop apologising. M.

every time i think you’ve forgotten me, you text me...and i fall for it know in the end it’ll mean nothing to you.

stay out of my life. you werent there for me when i actually, really needed you and wanna pretend everything's fine but it's not.

Tbh I don't know why you hate me so much considering the fact that you've literally never talked to me.

I think I'm supposed to be over you by now but I think about you way too often. I just miss try best friend.

your curly hair and singing voice made me believe that it was worth being lied to and cheated, constantly.

I wish we still talked. I know we aren’t in love anymore but I still have so much love for you. I’m sorry for the things I said.

You’ll find it silly I did this but oh well I miss you and we had something special, thank you for teaching me how to love someone else and myself. I’ll never forget you and I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you because I was a naive teenage girl. If I could go back I’d change everything and would have chose you over the temporary boy who convinced me he was better than you. Let me just make this clear he is not lol.
But anyways I wish you the best and I hope you achieve everything we spoke about. I know you hate me now and I hate myself too because I hurt the boy who meant most to me.
?

I've had feelings for you all along. Its my own fault for rejecting you so many times and now I'm paying the price by having to see you moved on with someone else. The sad part is is that this isn't even my first time being in love with my guy best friend who isn't available, so I have experience in this situation. I wanna be bold and tell you how I feel, but I can't, because you've moved on. I guess a part of me just didnt think you would move on and I took you for granted.

Did you ever really love me? Because you moved on pretty quick and it was like you just forgot what happened between us, but I guess you just didn’t care.

I really hope this goes somewhere, and it’s not the same pointless fling I give my hopes up for every time.

I loved you and you destroyed me. I let you. I shouldve listened to that stupid girl the first time. D.

I listened to the soundcloud album you wrote me earlier this year. Maybe you'll notice that the number of plays on the songs increased, or maybe you don't pay any attention anymore. I also revisited a song I wrote for you when we broke up briefly in the beginning. Its about how sorry I was that I couldn't help but shut down in the face of your adoration. I truly don't know how to let anyone in or how to accept the love you were willing to give me. It's better for you that we aren't together anymore. I told you I always felt poisonous but what I really meant is that deep down I don't have to capacity to have secure attachment or true intimacy. Thanks for letting me try for awhile.

you did exactly what u promised me you wouldnt do and that hurts me. I really do hope she makes you happy and that it was worth giving me up. I'll always be here.

You aren’t my first love. Nor will you probably be my last. But currently, you’ve all I’ve been thinking about for the past day. It’s weird. I barely know you and you probably don’t even know I exist despite us going to the same school. You’re hot, you’re funny and seem so sweet compared to all the other people at your school. You’re the type of person I want to do everything with. Eat, sleep, work and repeat.