dear james
i love you. you don’t know it yet. i hope you love me too. i always wondered what it felt like and then i fell for you. thank you. i miss you so much.

I didnt know its possible to love a person as fast I loved you.Then you fucking ruined it. We would’ve been so good

i hate that i think of u whenever i hear "kiss the girl". that was our song. and i hate that i think of u whenever i hear the word sunshine. i used to be ur sunshine.

You aren’t my first love. Nor will you probably be my last. But currently, you’ve all I’ve been thinking about for the past day. It’s weird. I barely know you and you probably don’t even know I exist despite us going to the same school. You’re hot, you’re funny and seem so sweet compared to all the other people at your school. You’re the type of person I want to do everything with. Eat, sleep, work and repeat.

u don’t understand how much my eyes lighten when i see u, u are everything ive ever wanted & im not giving up on us.

you guys are weird bt it’s a yess queen self adjusting not giving a fuck queen ew I’m going to throw up who says queen :,)

you did exactly what u promised me you wouldnt do and that hurts me. I really do hope she makes you happy and that it was worth giving me up. I'll always be here.

Thank you for teaching me I can love someone enough to want the best for them outside of myself.
Also fuck you.

I listened to the soundcloud album you wrote me earlier this year. Maybe you'll notice that the number of plays on the songs increased, or maybe you don't pay any attention anymore. I also revisited a song I wrote for you when we broke up briefly in the beginning. Its about how sorry I was that I couldn't help but shut down in the face of your adoration. I truly don't know how to let anyone in or how to accept the love you were willing to give me. It's better for you that we aren't together anymore. I told you I always felt poisonous but what I really meant is that deep down I don't have to capacity to have secure attachment or true intimacy. Thanks for letting me try for awhile.

I just wish you would’ve been honest with me. You are the last person I wanted to be hurt by. It hurts to live without you.

I reached out today and i was hit with exactly what i expected, you don’t want to talk. Today is the day i have decided to finally let go of you. I love you, you were the first boy i ever loved but you’ve made it clear that there is nothing there. My heart will continue to drop when i catch a glimpse of you for the foreseeable future. All i hoped was that we could get our shit together and fix us. I’m so sorry for everything i put you through but this is my final goodbye. I need to let myself heal and build back the hole you left. You were my first love and heartbreak and I’ll forever remember you as that and you’ve taught me how to deal with guilt (a lot of it). I’m thankful for you but its time to move on despite the pain. I’d go for a coffee anytime

I loved you and you destroyed me. I let you. I shouldve listened to that stupid girl the first time. D.

we were definitely siblings in a past life. i love and appreciate you so much james ; you’re my bestest friend :D

I really hope this goes somewhere, and it’s not the same pointless fling I give my hopes up for every time.

it’s been a year now, and i’m happy to finally see you happy. i’m so proud of you and who you’ve become. i’ll love you until my lungs give out.

Thank you for loving me when I didn't love you back. I'm sorry, I wanted to but I couldn't. I still loved him. I hope she makes you happier than I did.

I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and nothing kills me more than the fact it might have meant nothing to you. I’m thinking of you, whilst you think of her.

i honestly didn't mean to hurt you. i liked you on and off for two years. before and after you dated savi, while ainsley liked you and while claire liked you. i never thought i would have a chance with you so i kept our relationship strictly a friendship. i knew claire liked you. i knew i should've stopped talking to you when you started giving me hints. but i couldn't help but fall for you. what was i supposed to do when the person i had liked for two years showed interest in me? i talked to you without telling claire. she's my best friend. i knew what i was doing was wrong, but i did it anyway. i was falling for you and very quickly. i told you i liked you. you felt the same way. we facetimed everyday. then i realized what i was doing. i couldn't do that to claire. even though she could never know how much you really meant to me, i couldn't. i told you we couldn't be together. this broke my heart. you were what i needed. what i wanted. but it didn't matter. my best friend over a boy any day. i honestly think you were my first love, but i wouldn't know, i don't know what love is. i still think about you everyday. how different would my life be if i chose you over claire? better or worse? i hope i made the right decision. because i'll never know. if you ever see this, know how much you mean to me.

Blue is your favourite colour. Ironic, since it's how you left me.
- I hope she makes you happy.
Though sometimes I wish it were me, and I was enough for you to want to stay, I know I wasn't and that's okay.

i wish i could spend more time playing basketball, talking on the bus and walking together to school with you

Did you ever really love me? Because you moved on pretty quick and it was like you just forgot what happened between us, but I guess you just didn’t care.

Since you’ve been back, I catch myself checking to see if you texted me. Even though I know you want nothing to do with me:/

yeah.
i know red's your favorite color.
and i love the way you write your a's.
ive always been an extra in the movie that you star in. waiting to be seen. and i know, i just know that we could be happy, but i guess its just me who knows this.
but what you should know is that:
i appreciate you for exactly who you are.

I remember the days my heart beat sang your name and when I was hopeful you’d figure out your feelings for me but you never did and I still have hope years later. we were stupider and younger then but I think I loved you

I take new people to the places we used to go in attempt to feel what I felt when I was with you. It never works. They never get me like you did.

was it right person wrong time? if i lived closer and we were older would have you chosen me? i'd still chose you.

i wish we could rewind to the second day we spoke. i'd cherish it so much more this time. i don't miss you but idk.

You broke me. You used me to cheat on you girlfriend. You used me just so you weren’t single. But I still fell for you like the idiot I am. I wish you the best in your dreams of becoming a footballer. I hope you are ok after your gran died. I know how alone you feel. I know about how ur mom died and the ur gran so ur only left with ur dad. But me and your friends are always going to be here for you. I loved you. I hope you at least liked me a little.

fuck you. you never loved me, you exploited the fact i was a vulnerable, closeted, underage lesbian. and obviously, i never loved you. i hate you.

Hey lol it’s me I wanted to tell you that all this time I had a crush on you since the 4th grade I think you know am not sure but I love you so much I know we never had a good relationship as friends and it never worked out am so sad about that because I wanted to talk to you it’s been 4 years since we met and my feelings never changed for you till this day I feel the same I felt back then I really wanted to tell you how I felt about you but I never had the chance to do it and that made me so sad and mad that i was to nervous to tell you but I hope you’re doing ok and that you made new friends and had an amazing birthday days pass by and I still think about I haven’t seen you in months and I don’t think I will ever see you again and it makes so upset but I wish the best for you and everything you wished for came true this is how I really feel about you and I hope you’re doing ok love you bye.

I know you still care about her, and it's okay. I just want you to be happy. But please, let me go before I get hurt.

it you! you're the reason why I'm so broken and ill always hate you for that but ill always love you too

it is crazy because my entire life i have said i am in love with these other guys but, i never knew what it felt to be in love and the feeling it gives you until i met you. i read these messages you send me and your voice when you facetime me and all i can think of is... damn i love you. I have never met a guy that has said "i love you too" when i have said i love you to them in such a meaningful way and actually mean it and the only way i know you mean it is because when i first told you i loved you, you didnt say it back and it hurt me until i understood why. you told me that same day,"i was taught to never say i love you to someone if i didnt mean it." since that day i rarely said it until you got that feeling in me, that little voice in my head to say i love you and i texted you saying it and you replied with "i love you too."

yes all you do is play with my feelings but you’ll
never understand how perfect you are to me and everything you do. i hope one day you realise that

when i see your face my heart drops. when i hear your laugh i smile but then remember what we almost had. you know how i feel about you. to you it was always just a joke. to my friends they don’t realise that what i feel is something i thought i could never feel. yet you think i hate you. the truth is i could never hate you and you’ll always leave a special place in my heart

i miss you so much,words cant express how happy you made me feel. I felt so comfortable with you, im sorry of i wasn't enough,every person i meet i try to find u in them,but there will never be anyone like you your so different and i still love you, i wish i could tell you how i felt but for now i hope she makes u happy and i hope she has what i didn't. i love you

You have the prettiest voice that I’ve ever heard and I don’t think I’ll ever stop cradling the sound of it.

I've had feelings for you all along. Its my own fault for rejecting you so many times and now I'm paying the price by having to see you moved on with someone else. The sad part is is that this isn't even my first time being in love with my guy best friend who isn't available, so I have experience in this situation. I wanna be bold and tell you how I feel, but I can't, because you've moved on. I guess a part of me just didnt think you would move on and I took you for granted.

You’ll find it silly I did this but oh well I miss you and we had something special, thank you for teaching me how to love someone else and myself. I’ll never forget you and I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you because I was a naive teenage girl. If I could go back I’d change everything and would have chose you over the temporary boy who convinced me he was better than you. Let me just make this clear he is not lol.
But anyways I wish you the best and I hope you achieve everything we spoke about. I know you hate me now and I hate myself too because I hurt the boy who meant most to me.
?

I wish we still talked. I know we aren’t in love anymore but I still have so much love for you. I’m sorry for the things I said.

we haven’t talked in a while, and we were young and it probably didn’t mean a lot to you but i’ve never stopped thinking of you for some reason, it’s been years

I’m sorry I tried so hard to keep the convo going, I know you wanted me to stop replying. I can’t let you go.

i love you. i truly wish that we'll last , even if times are hard right now. i'll forever be here no matter what happens. i'm so proud of you

your curly hair and singing voice made me believe that it was worth being lied to and cheated, constantly.

I wish I could hate you for the pain you have caused me but how could I hate the person who taught me how to love?

I hope some part of you learns to love like you said you would. don't put someone else through the pain that still lingers with me over a year later

i blocked you because i didn’t want you to make me feel insecure about living my life anymore. have fun analyzing someone else.

I think I'm supposed to be over you by now but I think about you way too often. I just miss try best friend.

Tbh I don't know why you hate me so much considering the fact that you've literally never talked to me.

hey, its kinda funny how we met. we were always fonded over on how cute we looked together, even though you really never payed no mind. I always thought when i met my first love that they would be with me forever and ever, you know in the fairytales? But i guess its true what they say. Fairytales aren't real, they don't come true. While u flirted with my friends I was stuck wondering what meme i should text you to make you laugh. I knew you had been in a tough spot because of your recent relationship, and in that moment i wanted to be there for you. I wanted to tell you that everything would be okay. I, truly, cared for you. More than i ever have for someone. This entire thing might sound so dramatic, but feelings are true. My feelings are true. I loved you. Now i see it clearly. I loved you so much. I never would've thought i would have my true love in 8th grade, but then I met you. You were different, you were special. No one could tell me otherwise. I hope your happy with your newfound love and that she makes you laugh and smile the way I wanted to make you feel. To be honest, I dont think I could. But I would've tried really hard too. I love you, James. Have a great life. Hopefully we can talk and laugh together again :)) Im sending this as a final goodbye, as a final detachment from you. Forever and ever.