Unsent messages to JAMES

i know your not my first love and i know your not my last, but god i would do anything for you to be my last and i need you so very much you make me have these weird feelings like i’m really happy when i’m talking to you and i haven’t been that in a really long time and your smile drives me crazy and you are so friken cute in my eyes you are perfect but i guess i’m not enough for you and that’s really just alright cause i’ll survive right i will go back to this fake smile that’s been fooling everyone for 8 years in the end all you really need to know is that i love you to the moon and back a billion times.
i love you so much and i would chose you over the world anyday...

Ayer te vi, tan radiante, con una esplendida sonrisa en el rostro, haciendo comentarios algo desatinados, pera tan tuyos. Ayer te vi, sonreías. Le sonreías a ella, la mirabas a ella.
No lo soporte, tuve que voltear la mirada ante tus ojos iluminándose al verla.
Lamente no ser como ella, enserio lo lamente.

i never like u in a romantic way but for some reason i cant get over u? this was the hardest friendship breakup ever and i seriously took u for granted. i miss u.

if ur reading this - reach out. even if ur unsure if this is about u. pls come back to me i miss u dude

you’ve always said you’re distant but you’ll always return. you do, but i’m not sure if i can be okay w that anymore, it’s starting to hurt

I fell in love with things about you that weren’t real.. scenarios of a person you never were. I wish I could fully forget that I moved on and i think i’m finally happy. I wish you the best in life even if you never became what was imagined i will always have a special place for the real you.

i wish i could let go, i love you but ur killing me. i just cant do it anymore. why is it so hard to let go?

I have started to forget the profile of your face, curvature of your back, the warmth of your smile and the light of your eyes. I can barely recall your scent and the feeling of your embrace. I cannot any longer imagine the sensation of your fingers in my hair, your eyes locked with mine, your lips on my neck, your voice in my ear, your laughter in my life, your love in my heart. It's all fading away as fast as it came. What we had was a treasure. I love you dearly. Please be mine once more

you said said my name and suddenly i loved the way it sounded. You loved me and suddenly i loved the way i existed. You left and suddenly i hated my own presence. please come back

i wish i held you a little tighter the last time i saw you because i didn’t know it would be the last time.

neither of us will ever admit it, but I'm certain we both feel the same way. I wish you were allowed me

It’s gone, whatever we had is gone. We need to stop forcing it just because where scared to grow up and get over it. You where special to me but we both need to move on. You used to feel like home and now you dont .

I miss you, but it's okay. We both went down different paths, I just need to forget. Your happy with her now.

we held different value in each others hearts. i see that now. it was beauty while it lasted. you weren’t the one.

You told me you'd seen prettier girls, but you motivated me to feel the most confident i ever have in my entire life.

what happened to our hellos and goodnights? what did i do so wrong that made you stop talking to me. i really miss you.

How can i say what i've never said. I love you james I love you so much it makes me hurt. Do you remember how you used to call me nicknames? When did I stop being lils to you. When did i stop being the person you called when your sister was being crazy or you were drunk or bored or confused in math or up at 2. When did i stop being your person because you never stopped being mine. I'm trying so hard to get used to sharing you with her, it literally stabs me in the gut. i am so selfish but you are happy and thats how i know i love you. because if youre happy im happy too. I just i was the one who made you happy, i wish i could make you laugh like i could before. i know youre trying to keep in touch, i wish you didnt make me crazy. you were the first boy that hugged me and i felt safe, i let you touch me and i didnt shake. I wanted to be closer and closer to you, hugging wasnt enough i wanted to crawl inside you and hold your heart i want you to tell me every thought you think. I have loved you since we were 13. You are the only thing i have stayed with for 4 years. And here I am i wish i could tell you everything but that would change everybody and i love you so much that even getting to hug you as a friend is worth the pain. But if we're just friends why did you cry when i kissed another guy? Why did you drunk text me on my bday two days before you had sex with her? Why do our eyes always catch eachothers? Do you love her James? You remember that night when we got really really high and went skinny dipping at the beach then took a bubble bath on your bday while drinking malibu and listening to Kanye. When we had a water balloon fight in your backyard and you held my freezing body to protect me. That was the best day of my life. You make me want to be a terrible friend. You make me a bad person, you make me sick and irrational you make me cry so hard i throw up and feel so deep it aches. I hate how youve changed everything about me. i pray to god about you and i dont even believe in god. you make me fucking pathetic but it feels beautiful. you saved my life. if i were to write a memoir youd get a chapter i cant write my life without you. Without you i am nothing with you im at least something. When i fight with you i hate myself even when i am right. I guess this is why they write poems and songs about love bc it will make you sick. I love you i love you i love you. everything reminds me of you i will always look for your name in the keychain isle in the airports.

I really don’t think you’re the person I’m meant to be with but I know I’ll be completely alone if I end it. I also feel like I’ve spent too much time with you to end it. It would seem like a waste of time on the only thing I’ve tried for

i think i might have loved you. im sorry i pushed you away so hard. i would give anything for you back.

i still love you. i have everyday since then. im sorry i will never make it up to you, but i will always love you.

Our favourite colour was red. Can't look at sunrises and sunsets the same now. I'm sorry we were never able to even give our relationship a shot. Im sorry i toyed with your emotions, I'm sorry that i haven't seen you in three years. I hope your well. I know you still watch over me. im sorry

i miss you and i’m sorry i was the bad guy i know. just know i would give anything to sing with you again. i’ll love you for forever

I'm sorry things didn't work out, I still love you and I don't think ill ever stop, You made me happy whenever i thought about you and for that i'm forever grateful.

I hate that im not there with you, helping you survive through the day - but please don't give uo on life. I promise It gets better

You left. Well done you’ve took a piece of me with you. Keep it. You’ll always still have my heart. I forgive you

Honestly I have no idea how I feel about you like sometimes when you send me a selfie I just stare at your face and smile but then when you leave on on delivered for like 3 hours I get sad because I don’t think I matter as much to you as you do to me.

no entiendo que hice mal, en agosto dijiste que no ibas a dejar morir nuestra relación tan bonita y en noviembre te fuiste de mi lado, olvidando todo, como si nada hubiera pasado y créeme que eso me destroza mucho

I hate how minimal the effort you put in is, I cant believe I've fallen for someone that does the bear min. If you even tried we could be so happy together.

Thank you for being there when I needed you and for breaking up with me when I needed to be on my own x

I am ashamed of how I treated you. There are many things you don't know. I really thought I loved you. I was certain that I had feelings for you. But now I see that it was an admiration. They were never there. Perhaps that's why I treated you poorly. Because when you love someone you want the best for them. You'd do anything for them. Just like you did for me. Even though I am glad you're not in my life, I still find myself wondering what would've happened if I had been honest with myself earlier. I hope she treats you well and you are happy.

I don't know why I'm writing this exactly. I suppose for closure. Or maybe just because I'm selfish. I was so so in love with you. I was willing to drop everything, not persue my dreams, to move near you. There's nights I lie awake wondering where we went wrong. But there's no point anymore. There's no us. I miss the old you James. The one who could make me laugh when I felt bad, the one who got me through some of the darkest times. But you probably wouldn't care about me now. And I understand. I hope, I really do, that she's good for you. That she loves you, for not who you could be, but who you are.

ill never regrett being with you no matter how much i say it.Just wish you would listen and come back...

I don't think i ever liked you like that but i wish i could explain to you that ive never liked anyone. Im sorry and i miss you, its been months

i shouldn't let myself feel anything for you. i've been trying to force myself to not feel anything for you. but it hasn't worked. not one bit.

i wish you'd respond:( i know you're doing stuff right now but i miss seeing your face. i feel like i ruined it by not just sending a picture. i don't think i've seen anyone more attractive in my life:)

my mood has changed so many times, so quickly in the 1 week i've even known of you. whether it be you not responding quickly or me thinking about how bad this is going to be for me or all the cute things you say and do- my mood changes to however those things make me feel. this is really bad.

usually whenever boys post things on their stories, it's really easy for me to think it's embarrassing, but every. single. thing. you post makes me like you more and more.

i should probably stop doing these but i can't help it. just like i can't help wanting to know you and i can't help thinking maybe something is different this time. there are more and more aspects that make me think we're compatible, including the first thing i noticed- our zodiacs are compatible.

the night i told you my favorite name, was the same night i was trying to get over you. but clearly that didn't work and now i keep trying to protect myself so i don't get hurt but i already know i'm past that point. i'm done for...

everytime i even think about you, i can't help but smile. but i don't trust myself to say that you're different or i've never felt this way before. but, god, something about you. idk something about you makes me feel like i've found what i've been looking for. but i don't trust myself to say that.

i'm not good at talking so i'm using this as my outlet to say the things i'm feeling about you rn. i hope when i said "maybe" to hanging out, you didn't take it as me not wanting to hang out. i'm just not good at hanging out with boys so i don't want to commit to anything or even really think about it.

it'd be really embarrassing if you knew how many times i rewatched your story. it'd also be really embarrassing if you knew how many of these i'm writing, but i'm not good at communicating my thoughts to people.

idk if you meant what you said about thinking we're soulmates. it'd be really nice if i knew for sure but i dont even know how to bring that up, especially when i feel like you're just kind of messing with me. idk what to do about any of my feelings towards you.

idk if this is just infatuation but i just want to talk to you all the time. but i also have something in the back of my mind telling me to not trust what you say but i can't help believing you even if i didn't want to.

i wish i could spend more time playing basketball, talking on the bus and walking together to school with you

you took advantage of me the whole time. i am my own person, not your caretaker. i’ve moved on and you are no longer part of me. fuck your audacity.

i just wish u would talk to me. text me. all i want is to have a long, raw conversation with u about everything

i really want to become close to you but i only have 3 weeks left, i think you such a sweetheart but i wish i could be closer to you

it's been a little over four months. i keep finding things that make me miss you. i still remember how you smell. maybe someday..

I dont know how i feel. I needed time to think and im still waiting for my texts on how my day was. Im waiting for you to post me and to tell me you never wanna lose me. Im sorry for everything i did. i love you.