Unsent messages to MATTHEW

i fucking miss you. i'm sorry for everything i said about you, i didnt mean it. i miss the sound of your voice and how you used to laugh at my stupid jokes. i miss the way you used to check up on me. you were the only one that ever cared so much, and i blame myself every single day for not realising it sooner. i hope you're happy with her and that she gives you what i never did. oh and btw, i'm still here if you wanna call me at 2am to tell me your crazy stories.

i waited so long for you only for it to be worth nothing. i keep holding on to something that’s not there anymore and it’s ruining me . i cant listen to mr brightside anymore

I still feel all my feelings that I had for you, every single touch, word, hug, everything. I'll always love you

im still alive because of you, i will continue to be alive because of you. i hate that you hate me now.

We started dating at such a young age and its crazy how fast you switched up on me and we were like 6 or 7 yrs old.

i wish you knew how much you meant to me, maybe then you would've stayed. you were my reason for existing. i wish you knew how much i cared for you and still do. if you ever need someone to talk to, call me. i will forever care about you and be here for you.

You found someone else to get over me, but I got over you by finding myself. We are not the same. Not even close.

I could right to you forever. I want to talk to you. But you've stopped, its awkward now. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. I think I'm falling out of love with you and in love with someone else. Someone I can talk to, someone that asks me question and who will talk to me about what they are feeling. I'm sorry, its not on purpose and I'm beating myself up. I want to die because I don't want to hurt you. But I want to be happy, I need stimulating conversations and answering and asking questions. I don't want the relationship to be one sided. It looks like it's starting to head that way. I'm sorry. -

I’ve finally accepted that i’m not IN love with you anymore, but i’ll forever love you with all my heart

i miss everything about you, and i wish everything was back to how it was when we first met. i just wish i knew what went wrong

i wish we waited. it was the right thing at the wrong time. i wish i could talk to you but it's too late.

you convinced me to let you in, to let you see the broken me. To allow me to feel. To let you love me. My mistake was that I believed you every time you said you would never hurt me. Then I watched you break every promise you ever made me.

thered be days we barely spoke,you would say you were busy, i felt guilty for not wanting attention,i didnt want to bother you but i felt like i was losing you, and you left

I still love you so much and I hate I can't hate you and all the pain you caused me I wish you could truly of appreciated me instead of breaking me

I can still see your spotify. I'm watching you fall in love with her from a distance. I'm happy but hurt.

I really really liked you. Even though I pretended to hate you I still liked you. And I don't even know why. You bullied me, called me ugly, were such a awful person and not respectful to women at all. So why the heck did I like you? Well I hate you now so I guess it doesn't matter anymore. So yeah.

Your werid ngl. I don't know why I would always come back. I think we were supposed to be super close...

You're totally my type. I like guys with dark hair that's fluffy and bouncy. I like guys who aren't scrawny. I like guys who play video games, and like real video games like cod or Minecraft lol. I like musicians. I like guys who have a sense of humor and show themselves off every once and a while. You're exactly my type. Remember when me, you, Ashley, and daiden all had a group chat and were sending photos of one another? And Ashley sent a picture of you in a yellow shirt? Well, lemme tell you when I saw that picture I died a little. I fucking love that picture but I couldn't save it for two reasons. It would've been weird if I saved it and I would keep looking at it, causing my to like you and develop feelings. I can't do that because I'm not ready for a relationship again and I have school to worry about. Honestly if we dated again I think it would be fun, but I don't know if it's realistic. I feel like it would kinda be a repeat of our other relationship you know? It would be super fun though because we could play video games and I'm gonna get my permit in January, so it would be fun so we could sit in the car and listen to music. I don't want to jump into sexual stuff though I just want someone to have fun with and play music and video games with. You could be that person. I want you to be that person, but at the same time I don't want you to be that person because I don't want to let someone in again and I don't want to be in another failed relationship. And I feel the relationship will fail because of me. When I picture us dating, I don't picture me dating you for marriage, I picture me dating you for fun and affection. I'm sorry to say that, but it's the truth. I don't want to hurt your feelings. My mom loves you haha. She told me that she liked you the most out of the other people I've dated. I do too. You showed me actual affection that wasn't sex-driven. Thank you for that. Basically, what I'm saying is, will you be my person to have fun with? With a side note of you so happen to be EXACTLY my type.

sometimes i wonder if you feel the same way about me as i feel about you and sometimes i think about you late at night

I hate how you make me feel like I'm good enough to come back to but not good enough to stay for.I truly do love you, how you act towards me determines my whole mood. All I want is to be yours, but having you scares the hell out of me because you could so easily bring me so much happiness yet take it away with in seconds. I love you and I'm actually convinced that no matter what I will because no one else compares.

I hope you're doing well. I honestly despise you for getting with my friend, but it's okay :) I forgive you..

I wish you knew how I felt about you. How I talked about you to my friends and showed them your pictures like you were a trophy. But I hate you. I hate how you would never make move on me. you gave up on us. you didn't even try. you didn't care. I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. fuck you

I liked you a lot and I know you liked me too. We had such a good connections but now its lost. We were both shy and never made a move. I miss you but it's time for me to me on.

i know we haven’t talked in a long time but i never thanked you for leaving that video on my phone telling me to have a good day, i watch it some times, it makes me happy

we were so sure that we would stay together forever and then you werent and i still dont know why and its slowly killing me

you gave me feelings so strong im scared that i could fall that deep in love w someone just to get my heart broken again or worse that i could never match that intensity ever again

i miss you but you let go of me way before i let go of you- oh wait i still havent, and despite agreeing to it, being friends isnt rly an option because you lost all interest me romantically and platonically and left me hanging without an answer

i dont like how inconsistent my thoughts are with you bc sometimes i can think of you and realize that i needed to let go of you bc you had long let go of me but other times i wallow in the sadness of you letting go of me and even worse find myself justifying the idea that i would still get back together with you if given the chance

i cant tell you how bad i want you back bc its pointless and there is no reason simply that i found comfort despite the many challenges we faced. i am still all to familiar and reminiscent of our highs to even consider the lows.

the ending was so bleak and honestly it hurts that at the very least there was not a fight of sorts just an unreal disconnect

I’m sorry I took you for granted. But remember that you’ll always be my first love, I love you and I hate my self for hurting you.

So...just wanted to say I miss you. I miss talking to you , seeing you, laughing with you. I hope you are doing well. I really want to text you and have a conversation but maybe it won't end up the way I would want it. I just miss us.

Did you how much I loved you when you left, or how much I still do? Would it have stopped you if you did.

I still cry to this day about you, Idk why. But you seriously did betray my trust when you went around telling people what we had done. I had trusted you so much but yet here we are. We broke up in April. Yes it was a while ago, but yet you had the audacity to call me a loser because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. I still love you I think and I know I shouldn't. The color I chose for you is yellow because it had meaning to me, But I'm probably going to change it because it has lost all meaning to it. I wish I had the guts to send this to you. My brother adored you when he meet you in the library. He never knew we were in a relationship and god your sister was so nice and welcoming. I stayed loyal while you went and called people cute and hot and other things. You might as well should have gone and cheat with her. it's whatever now. bye

i really wish we would’ve worked out. i still think about you randomly. i do really hope you and that girl are working out and i wish the best for you.

I have never loved someone as much as you. You make me love myself more than I could’ve imagined. You make me happy. You make me feel safe.

I see the way you interact with her and I can't help but feel stupid thinking I was someone special in your life. Don't worry, not long from now I'll learn to let go of what we used to have. Nevertheless, thank you.

After 8 years, you chose my best friend over me, and I will never forgive you. You can't just walk into my life when you want. you selfish little prick.

I did truly love you, but as time has gone on, I’ve realized how amazing life has been without you. To be completely honest, you seem so full of yourself, as if your positive of who I am based on what, like 3 short conversations we’ve had since we broke up?? I bet you still think I’d coming running back if you ever gave me the chance but I wouldn’t. Your name used to bring me happiness but now all it does is annoy me. I don’t love you anymore so stop thinking everything I do and or post it’s for you, it’s not. I have two full time jobs AND I’m redoing my classes so I can get into vet school so why the hell do you think I have time to whine over a BOY. I know you went through your own shit as a kid and now you feel all high and mighty, but your not perfect matt. Get the fuck over yourself and pay attention to your girlfriend.

fuck you man, you took everything from me...but i'm still here waiting for you to come back like a bitch

Damn, i cant tell you how happy i was when i first met you nonstop smiling, nonstop laughter. ugh . i miss those days, you didnt realize that i liked you. now that youve blocked me, im broken. blocked without a reason.just wish you could tell me why, and what happened, I miss you:(

thank you for breaking me, it just made me stronger. And no matter how hard you broke me a piece of my heart will always be with you.

i love you so much. i know i can’t compare to her, but you’ll always be my first priority even when i’m not yours. the amount of happiness you’ve gifted me is unbearable and i’ll never find someone as amazing, kind and lovable as you. thank you so much, and i wish you loved me as much as i do you.

i've never seen eyes quite like yours. i hope they never stop gazing at me. or do i want them to look away?

i still dont know what i did to deserve being treated that way. i stood up for you and defended you and then you turned your back on me and made me feel worthless. i thought you were better than that.

if i let you in again i'm going to fall for you just like i did before. i can't do that to him. i'm sorry.

had a dream about you last night for the first time since...2 nights ago.
i want to talk to you but i know you don’t want to ever see me again.

You’re my best friend. You’re the one person i can always count on to make me smile or fix my problems. I feel safe around you. Thanks for sticking around.

I can never really forget you. I still wonder "what ifs" and try to just forget but I can't. You always somehow be there in the back of my head.

I miss your smile & your laugh. I just hope you're happy, that's all I want for you since I couldn't give that to you. I love you always.