Unsent messages to MATTHEW

Whenever I look into your gorgeous blue eyes, I get butterflies so bad. Your hair looks so soft and fluffy I wanna play with it. You’re sometimes so bloody annoying but you’re so funny and I love talking to you. Your laugh makes me laugh because it’s so cute just like you. Whenever you spam me I feel so special and that you only want to talk to me. But then I realise that I’m not the only girl you talk to so there’s jealousy there. I wish you would talk to me more because I like you so much dude you don’t even know. I like you but at the same time I don’t because you can be sensitive and dry asf at certain times. You’re so dramatic but I love u. I wish you would just pay more attention to me instead of all those other girls, but you don’t.

you helped me get out of a rough time and now ur mental health is so bad but u won’t let me help u i just want to know why can i just help u like how u did.

It really hurt me. When you showed up to the show with Ashley and pretended like you didn’t see me. That really fucking hurt. It hurt even worse when I still gave you a chance after that. All you ended up doing was hurting me. And even so, I can’t bring myself to hate you.

for some reason i wasn’t enough, i did what i could but u didn’t want me. i understand this now and i’m not angry anymore sometimes i miss u but only the thought of you, not what u put me through

I love you, really. This is all just too much for me, give me some time and we can make whatever we have going on work. I promise you.

your friend has been trying to hook up with me lol he told me you showed him all the videos that we had taken i might just fuck him now:) love you

when i said i needed a break it was because i was scared of losing myself while loving you bc we both had demons to fight right? but thinking back, i should’ve stayed with you to fight our demons together bc i still think about you and still miss you even though it’s been ages since we’ve last talked and seen each other. if only you knew im waiting for you to reach out to me bc i miss you so badly but not badly enough to risk it all to reach out to you first. ill always love you though. always. please dont ever forget about me.

i hated how we faded. ever since the first day we met in 4th grade I always had a huge ass crush on you. i hated seeing you sad. everyday in art back in 6th grade i knew something was wrong but i never said anything and i regret that. i still like you till this day man. i don’t wanna sound like if I’m obsessed with you but i really did like you :/ and idk what it was. you’re stupid freaking smile and you’re long hair over you’re face really made you so attractive bruh. i wish we were still close. But I just wanted to say how much i appreciate you and what you did for me all these past years. it’s time for me to let go. thank you for all these memories we created together but uhm yeah that’s about it idk when im gonna have enough courage to tell you my true feelings but you’ll probably just laugh lol. anyways thank you for everything bruv and you were a great friend :)

I wish I could've let you go, before revealing I didn't like you back the way you loved me, im sorry I still love you :(

You're cute, but I can't keep doing this thing where you say you like me, I say I like you, and then nothing happens. I like someone else now. I want us to stay just friends. I'm sorry.

why do u treat me like i’m nothing. i show u that i care but u just push me away. i’m trying to be here i want you to feel the same way i feel about you. u treat me so bad.

one day I hope that you realize that you messed up and I am the one that's always been there for you.

you changed the way my brain works. now youre gone and it’s still changed. i am the new person i was with you, without you

I miss your touch. I miss you. We haven't seen each other in a very long time and as the days go by it gets worse. Things between us would never work out but its fun to think it would.

i miss you so much and i hate that we never talk i was literally so in love with you and you barely noticed.

I'm terrified of what will happen when we break up. I hope that we can stay friends because I love you so much and I can't imagine my life without you in it in some capacity. I could never say this to you in person because I don't want to trap you, but you make my life so much brighter and so much better and I am dreading this breakup. You've been great.

Alright ima be honest. I had feelings for the first time in first grade. Ofc they weren't real, we were 6. I have had other people that I liked along the way but I always still had you at the top of my heart. I'm in 6th grade now with and still think I like you... At least a little. Now I have no idea if you feel the same, and it's killing me not knowing. But I have to thank our brothers for this.

I really miss you. We have our separate views and i understand why we shouldnt be together. but it hurts because you were my rock and were always there for me. I wish we could still have a friendship. It really hurts. I love you

i love your smile. i love your laugh. you make me laugh wanna live my days. without you life’s boring.

I am sorry for everything to hope you can understand that, I love you way too much and you don't feel anything towards me which hurts so bad like why am I so stuck on you? why can't I move on from you? it's starting to hurt way too much especially seeing you fall in love with other girls

I love you way too much and the fact that you have no feelings towards me hurts so bad, I only want you but you clearly don't want me, I cry over you every single night because that's how much I like you but you won't ever know that now will you, I just hope that one day you will love me the way I love you

you made me hate myself and i cant let you go. i lie to myself everyday that you’ve changed. i just want you to change

You keep making promises that you can’t keep but I still believe you every time. Am I wasting my time?

If you had the opportunity to get with other people, would you take it? Because I keep rejecting everyone. I don't want to give up on us even if we don't know what it is. I also don't want to look like a fool

I think you're my twin flame lol. Sucks you live in nj. We're young, but I feel something I've never felt before. Its new. idk

It wasn't "school". It was because you had to tell all your close friends about whatever was going on between us. It wasn't their relationship, it was ours. I couldn't even go shopping without the girl cashing me out asking me about us. I didn't even know her! It was also the fact that you were talking to another girl at the same time. It was because you'd get so jealous and possessive even though we weren't exclusive or anything. I hope you're different now. I'd feel sorry for any other girl you refuse to listen to.

i miss you so much but i don't wanna disrupt your peace as well. maybe one day i'll learn to stop missing you.

I guess it's best to let you move on at this point. I guess you're doing way better and I should be happy for you if you are. Thank you for being my something good, bud. I'm sorry I couldn't be the same for you. Never forget that you always deserve the best, alright?

You were my first love and you leaving me hurt me so bad. You just seemed to move on and forget about me so easily that it hurts. I hope you live an amazing life bc you taught me lesson of closet people to you are the ones who hurt you the most. I love you and miss you but ik that my feelings for you will slowly get less and less. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Goodbye Matthew
Live the world to your fullest

¿Recuerdas cuando jugabamos a concurso de miradas?
Y saber que cuando veía los tuyos me ponía nerviosa y roja como un tomate. Unas tremendas ganas de gritar lo que sentía en ese momento por ti se acumulaban en mi cabeza.
No es fácil ser feliz teniendo ese tipo de recuerdos en mi cabeza. Extraño esos momentos y tal vez ni siquiera te caigo bien, pero yo te quiero y mucho.
Espero que algún día reacciones y te percates de todo lo que he hecho por ti, hasta los más mínimos detalles.

Me enteré que fuiste a una fiesta y te encontraste con tu ex. No somos nada y no te puedo reclamar por eso.
Escribo esto para dejarte en claro que me duele el hecho de que yo -siendo “tu mejor amiga" - hayas puesto una excusa y ni siquiera llegaste a la mía. Te esperé y simplemente dejaste esto como si nada hubiera pasado. Me duele aunque no lo creas porque tenía la esperanza de verte cara a cara y abrazarte después de tanto tiempo.

Te extraño demasiado. Eres malo para mí, pero sigo teniendo en mi mente pensamientos que no me dejan en paz y creo que son el único lugar en los que puedo ser feliz contigo. Te volviste completamente una mierda de persona y solo ves a tu conveniencia. Nunca te importé y así seguirá siendo hasta el día en el que madures y te des cuenta de todo lo que siento.

i..i miss the way it felt whenever you held me. the way your hands felt on my skin, the way you'd press your soft lips on my forehead. i miss us, i hope she makes you happy..i still love you, i never broke my promise.

Te extraño demasiado. Eres malo para mí, pero sigo teniendo en mi mente pensamientos que no me dejan en paz y creo que son el único lugar en los que puedo ser feliz contigo. Te volviste completamente una mierda de persona y solo vez a tu conveniencia. Nunca te importé y así seguirá siendo hasta el día en el que madures y te des cuenta de todo lo que siento.

you left before i even got the chance to find out whether or not we could have been something. now i feel nothing except longing for the possibilities of us.

i could never fully remove all feelings for you. i still cant. i just knew i deserved better than what you were willing to give.

i love you and you're always on my mind. you're my yellow and im so glad i met you, thank you for being there for me

thank you for everything, as much as i don't show it I love you so much and everything you do for me. thank you so so so so so much. you make me happy at the end of a bad day and cheer me up.

I never felt like I was good enough for you... you deserved the best, and it looks like you got that with your new girlfriend. I’m happy for you.

You cross my mind almost every day. Do I ever cross yours? We're coming up on what would have been our one year. I still miss you, which sucks. I don't think you have thought of me in months. I hope all is well with you, but I know it's probably not.

I promised myself I won’t write here anymore. Yet, here I am again. I’m letting you go now. The last time I opened up to you, you told me things would get better between us, but it really didn’t. I don’t feel it. I’m sorry. If I continue allowing you to treat me like this, it just makes me sadder as the days go by. Your attempt to “try” to fix things between us isn’t working… or maybe ’cause it’s just all empty words?

I promised myself I won't write here anymore. Yet, here I am again. I'm letting you go now. The last time I opened up to you, you told me things would get better between us, but it really didn't. I don't feel it. I'm sorry. If I continue allowing you to treat me like this, it just makes me sadder as the days go by. Your attempt to "try" to fix things between us isn't working... or maybe 'cause it's just all empty words?

just your name sounds stupid to me after years of pointless pining, but i did really love you. did you love me? i wish i had kept in touch. i wish i had ever found out.

you know i was depressed right? i hate to admit it, but the things you said to me stuck with me for the longest time. but not anymore, i found my happiness and one day i hope you can too.

i cant tell you how much i trusted you. you were so kind but i was wrong. you know you may be a pretty boy but i think you need a pretty heart.

i’m finally happy. the kind of happy you see in movies. an exuberant, over the top, cant stop giggling kind of happy that seems to be synonymous with love.

sunt suparata pe tine te ai culcat fara sa zici un noapte buna, nesimtita drc, nu te mai invit la ziua mea

you were the first person i ever felt something for. i'll always care about you and miss you. but u ruined me. but i still need you.

Not that you would be able to read this but, this is the last one I'll be writing about you on here.


You see, I've written a bunch of these about you. Not that you are my first love, but because writing here helped me with the sadness I felt.

You easily became a best friend to me, Matt. Seeing our old conversations from before makes me so happy because I can see how interested we both were. But over time, I lost you. I know that I'm just some random person you met online and I don't have the right to probably be sad over this but I let you in to my life. I took a chance on our friendship even if I was so scared right from the start.

What hurts me the most is looking back at all the things you told me, was it all just a trap? To keep me in your orbit? You say one thing yet act the other way. I never tell you every time I get sad over something you did/say because I know how petty it might sound to you.

This is me saying goodbye. It took everything in me to do this, please remember that. But I can't keep going if everyday, I see you losing interest. I'm the only one trying, Matt. I feel and look so stupid continuously wishing it would just get better in a blink of an eye.

I know there's someone else. I told my mom everything. Yeah, it hurts that much. I'm sorry.

I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t let people in. I don’t break down my walls. I’m cautious. But for you, I really want to. I’m trying to fight the connection but it’s hard. I hope I don’t breakdown and open up to you. I don’t do that kind of thing. One time I did it was the biggest regret of my life. I hate myself for it but I need you