I have never loved someone as much as you. You make me love myself more than I could’ve imagined. You make me happy. You make me feel safe.

i really wish we would’ve worked out. i still think about you randomly. i do really hope you and that girl are working out and i wish the best for you.

you put me through so much and i feel like our story hasn't ended yet. for now we are strangers again though.

I miss you and want you back, no matter what. You were the only person who made me feel happy. I love you

I still cry to this day about you, Idk why. But you seriously did betray my trust when you went around telling people what we had done. I had trusted you so much but yet here we are. We broke up in April. Yes it was a while ago, but yet you had the audacity to call me a loser because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. I still love you I think and I know I shouldn't. The color I chose for you is yellow because it had meaning to me, But I'm probably going to change it because it has lost all meaning to it. I wish I had the guts to send this to you. My brother adored you when he meet you in the library. He never knew we were in a relationship and god your sister was so nice and welcoming. I stayed loyal while you went and called people cute and hot and other things. You might as well should have gone and cheat with her. it's whatever now. bye

this is supposed to be for first loves. and i don't know if you were that to me, but something like that. i was starting to learn. you're still on my mind, still thinking "why do i like this kid so much?" and i wish i could just tell you everything i want to say. however no matter how many times you tell someone the truth, denial will always cloud them until that beam of realization somehow pervades. you're more exceptional than you know, so much compassion in one person could cure wonders. i love and care about you. i want to show you every day, and it's okay if you need time. i want to be someone you want to come to trust and become comfortable with, and i know it sounds pathetic, but if you want that too, then i would wait for you. i just.. miss you. and the nights no one except us knew about. wish i kissed you back.

i haven’t thought of you for nearly a month now. i think i’m over you. i have finally got the closure i deserve. goodbye, be happy my love

I really wish you would have changed. I miss you so much, you mess it up every time. Why do u have to do this to me

Next time you see me and maybe i glance your way cross your arms and tap one finger so i know you saw this. We should talk

Hey I know you'll never see this put i just need to try to get your off my mind I know you are not interested at all and that hurts more then you will ever know. i still remember the day you told me about her, about what she did, and yet you still run back to her, I have been here for you no matter what. I have stayed longer then I should have honestly. I want to tell you how I feel but I know how you would react, you would isolate me, push me away. i can't afford to lose you.

Whenever I look into your gorgeous blue eyes, I get butterflies so bad. Your hair looks so soft and fluffy I wanna play with it. You’re sometimes so bloody annoying but you’re so funny and I love talking to you. Your laugh makes me laugh because it’s so cute just like you. Whenever you spam me I feel so special and that you only want to talk to me. But then I realise that I’m not the only girl you talk to so there’s jealousy there. I wish you would talk to me more because I like you so much dude you don’t even know. I like you but at the same time I don’t because you can be sensitive and dry asf at certain times. You’re so dramatic but I love u. I wish you would just pay more attention to me instead of all those other girls, but you don’t.

When I looked into your dark brown eyes
I knew i was stuck in my own web of lies
because I knew my love for you would never die
I knew you would make me cry
wondering if I was right
for you to spend the night
you holding me so tight
I knew right there I was right for you to be mine

it’s been 3 years and yet I’m still dreaming of what could of been. i know it’s my fault that we didn’t work but looking back neither of us did the whole relationship thing correctly. we were both so young and oblivious.

i still love you. i always will. unfortunately we loved each other at different times. it hurts me more than you know the fact that we don’t talk, we don’t even try and i guess it’s for the best. i know you’re over me and i should get over you but u can’t. can’t get over what i did to you, can’t get over how we left things and i can’t get over you.

tonight it’s hitting me hard i don’t know why i usually forget about buy tonight i’m overwhelmed with memories good and bad. how you loved me is a wander but matthew my sweet boy i just don’t know what else to say expect that i’m always here for you even if we don’t talk not that you’ll ever read this and know i sent it but
i love you matthew

remember that day you told me you loved me? i didn’t say it back right away not because i didn’t love you but because i didn’t love you the way you loved me.
i was still learning to love you and didn’t want to rush into things like i did in the past i didn’t wanna mess things up. how ironic i still think 3 years later that this very memory is what started a series of unfortunate events which lead to two broken hearts. i know you moved on and with every inch of my being i want to be happy for you but i can’t help but feel heartache. i want to make you happy, i want to tell you i love you , i want to go on dates with you , i want to talk for hours about absolutely anything and everything, i want to hold you , i want to slow dance in the dark with you i just want you.

but due to my own stupidity, my own selfishness i can’t have the one thing i most want in this world. i can’t even have a millisecond of eye contact.

I wrote you hundreds of sticky notes before our almost dating stage. You didn't understand, but I was depressed. I am sorry that I hurt you. I wish we could go on a sunset drive and eat burritos together. I don't know if you like me back still. I am trying to get over you, but it looks like this feeling will linger. I wish I had the courage to tell you that I like you right now.

It amazes me that you’ve known me for five years, but only knew it was my birthday because I posted about it. And even then you still had to ask :)

All I ever wanted to do is love you. I wanted you to be my forever and ever. But those feelings that something was wrong were unbearable. Im sorry. I love you.

Did you how much I loved you when you left, or how much I still do? Would it have stopped you if you did.

I wish things worked out between us. I really really liked you. It's been so long now but whenever I think of you I can't help but feel like I could have done more. You kind of led me on so that was kinda confusing lol. I don't mind being just friends but I wish you would text me. Please give me another chance. I couldn't decide on yellow or the light purple like the hoodie that you always used to wear. I chose yellow because it made me think of your smile and the summer when I moved.

It’s you. You are the person I belong to for the rest of my life.
I can only hope it’s the same for you

I miss your smile & your laugh. I just hope you're happy, that's all I want for you since I couldn't give that to you. I love you always.

I heard you, and so I’m done. I can finally say honestly, I’m letting you go. And for that to happen, I am forgiving myself from all the harm I’ve caused. I hope you know that I’m truly sorry, but I cannot live the rest of my life feeling sorry. Goodbye Matt

i fucking miss you. i'm sorry for everything i said about you, i didnt mean it. i miss the sound of your voice and how you used to laugh at my stupid jokes. i miss the way you used to check up on me. you were the only one that ever cared so much, and i blame myself every single day for not realising it sooner. i hope you're happy with her and that she gives you what i never did. oh and btw, i'm still here if you wanna call me at 2am to tell me your crazy stories.

Gosh. I think you are the first guy I’ve loved. But I have to leave you. I’ll get attached and it’ll hurt both of us

So...just wanted to say I miss you. I miss talking to you , seeing you, laughing with you. I hope you are doing well. I really want to text you and have a conversation but maybe it won't end up the way I would want it. I just miss us.

I know it's been forever but I just wish you came back to my life, I need you. I will always need you.

I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t let people in. I don’t break down my walls. I’m cautious. But for you, I really want to. I’m trying to fight the connection but it’s hard. I hope I don’t breakdown and open up to you. I don’t do that kind of thing. One time I did it was the biggest regret of my life. I hate myself for it but I need you

You saved me. You gave me the happiest year of my life. Right person, wrong time. I still believe that we will be brought back together in the end.

I’m sorry I took you for granted. But remember that you’ll always be my first love, I love you and I hate my self for hurting you.

the ending was so bleak and honestly it hurts that at the very least there was not a fight of sorts just an unreal disconnect

i cant tell you how bad i want you back bc its pointless and there is no reason simply that i found comfort despite the many challenges we faced. i am still all to familiar and reminiscent of our highs to even consider the lows.

i dont like how inconsistent my thoughts are with you bc sometimes i can think of you and realize that i needed to let go of you bc you had long let go of me but other times i wallow in the sadness of you letting go of me and even worse find myself justifying the idea that i would still get back together with you if given the chance

i miss you but you let go of me way before i let go of you- oh wait i still havent, and despite agreeing to it, being friends isnt rly an option because you lost all interest me romantically and platonically and left me hanging without an answer

you gave me feelings so strong im scared that i could fall that deep in love w someone just to get my heart broken again or worse that i could never match that intensity ever again

we were so sure that we would stay together forever and then you werent and i still dont know why and its slowly killing me

lately i been able to stop thinking about it all. You, our relationship and the way we left things.

i can’t bare the fact that we don’t talk anymore, the fact that we never knew each other. After the years but these past few months especially i’ve learned about things going on during our time together. i’m not mad or anger i have no right to be all this time later , i just wishing wasn’t like that.

getting over you completely is something i don’t think i’ll be able to achieve. the smallest part of my heart will always belong to you. I do wish the whole thing belongs to you but i think we just weren’t meant to be at least not in this lifetime.

i do believe that we aren’t over. i’m just waiting until you’re ready again. and when we both get better. we will come back one day soon. i miss you so much poopy. i always knew how much i needed you before i even lost you, but it just hurts more now. please come back soon poopy map.

i know we haven’t talked in a long time but i never thanked you for leaving that video on my phone telling me to have a good day, i watch it some times, it makes me happy

Not that you would be able to read this but, this is the last one I'll be writing about you on here.


You see, I've written a bunch of these about you. Not that you are my first love, but because writing here helped me with the sadness I felt.

You easily became a best friend to me, Matt. Seeing our old conversations from before makes me so happy because I can see how interested we both were. But over time, I lost you. I know that I'm just some random person you met online and I don't have the right to probably be sad over this but I let you in to my life. I took a chance on our friendship even if I was so scared right from the start.

What hurts me the most is looking back at all the things you told me, was it all just a trap? To keep me in your orbit? You say one thing yet act the other way. I never tell you every time I get sad over something you did/say because I know how petty it might sound to you.

This is me saying goodbye. It took everything in me to do this, please remember that. But I can't keep going if everyday, I see you losing interest. I'm the only one trying, Matt. I feel and look so stupid continuously wishing it would just get better in a blink of an eye.

I know there's someone else. I told my mom everything. Yeah, it hurts that much. I'm sorry.

I liked you a lot and I know you liked me too. We had such a good connections but now its lost. We were both shy and never made a move. I miss you but it's time for me to me on.

you said you didn’t want a relationship but the truth was you wanted one just not with me . you led me on for years . you manipulated me and made yourself seem like an angel. i go to therapy because of the things you did to me. i hate you ... but i’m addicted to you in a way i cant describe

This is not fair WE’RE supposed to be making memories, having fun, laughing until WE can’t breathe, WE’RE supposed to be starting OUR own traditions TOGETHER for OUR future, and just be TWO teens IN LOVE. Nobody can understand what we’re feeling right now, I miss physically being with you, I miss your warmth, I miss the way you hug me because In that moment all my worries go away I feel at peace when I’m just with you. I miss you.

One day I’ll be everything he wants one day I will make him feel like he doesn’t do everything wrong one day we will be happy and day I will be happy with myself one day we will live happy one day I won’t have to carry all this weight one day we will wake up greatfull to have each other.

you were the first person i ever felt something for. i'll always care about you and miss you. but u ruined me. but i still need you.

It’s me the girl u dumped for almost the 9th time, I think I should let u go. U were my first love, and I will somehow find a way to get over you. Love you

I still love you.I still want the future we talked about. Come back we can fix this. Please. I still love you.

You promised you wouldn't leave, that you would love me forever, but you're gone now. I hate you so much for leaving me just like that, you didn't even look back, but I can't help but miss you. Your absence has left me feeling like a complete idiot. A stupid, bumbling idiot. Yet I can't help but miss you, asshole.

I live to spend time with you, but it pains me when you have to leave. I want to stare at the stars with you forever.

I actually miss our friendship. I shouldn't have ignored you. I'm really sorry. You were actually really fun to be around.

I wish you’d text me first. I wish you cared about me even when you weren’t getting laid. I wish things had stayed the way they started. When we would talk for hours on end. When you let me in. What happened to that Matthew. What happened to us. Youve caused me so much hurt. I loved you. And you just stopped talking to me for months on end. Why did you do that. Why did you shut me out. I was completely transparent with you Matt. Why couldn’t you meet me with the same? Why did you have to hide from me. When I said all I meant all. Even if it was ugly even if it hurt. But you didn’t even give me the chance. Even with how you treated me. I know I’d still fall back to you in a heartbeat.