Unsent messages to SEBASTIAN

Han pasado casi 5 años pero te sigo queriendo cada día mas quisiera no haber hecho las cosas mal y que en este momento estuviésemos juntos

Thank you for helping me build my confidence, and for trying your best to make it a great experience for me

it isn't how it used to be. what changed? do you really have no feelings or do you just suppress them? i have so many mixed emotions towards you

i hate the way you made me feel and yet when i see couple photos i think about you and realize i still miss you

I had to step back cause she liked u... now she’s gone & u text me. Can’t tell if you care or if I just fill the space btwn

bunny, I don’t know if I can forgive you for how you made me feel. Thank you for holding my hand when I fell asleep in your car, thank you for showing up whenever I called. And fuck you for hurting me the way you did.

hey,
you really fcking hurt me but after a year i’m slowly starting to get better. i wish you'll be happy in your future. please don't hurt any other girl like you hurt me.

I wish the timing was right because I know we could have had an incredible love story. Thank you for being the best part of my 2020.

Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me the way that I sometimes think of you. I'm over you ... mostly.

you’re the best person i could’ve ever asked for. i wanna give you the world but i’m so messed up inside i’m so sorry

You made me feel more alive than I ever felt before. But in reality you were what was slowly killing me.

you were *are* my first love. you feel like home. maybe it's your smile. maybe it's the warm quintessence you carry with every step. although I couldn't read you or reach you, i'm glad to know you. i'll always be here for you. i don't know why this feeling isn't completely gone. but maybe that's because i don't want it to be.

Hey, quizá ya no hablamos como antes, pero la verdad te extraño mucho, fuiste, eres y serás la persona que me hizo cambiar mi perspectiva respecto al amor, la persona que me enseño y dio muchas cosas, no solo físicas, sino también sentimentales, eres el amor de mi vida, o así lo siento yo, sé que nada volverá ha ser como antes, solo quería decirte que te amo demasiado y hubiera querido entregar más de mí y no simplemente dejarte ir, gracias por todo, solo recuérdame siempre y ahora hazla feliz a ella, porque si tu estas feliz yo lo estaré, te amo viejo amigo...

Not my first love but I was yours. You shouldn't have forced yourself on me. It was my first time. Hope you get what you deserve.

I’ll always love you despite the pain you caused me, i’m too sacred to hate you. i’m now towering above you and know you’ll always be a hurt little boy in awe of everything i’m becoming.

You had a girlfriend. Why would you say what you said knowing what a fucked up place I was in at the time.

fuck you. you took advantage of how low i was. i hope using me was worth it because now that your gone i finally want to live.

I regret everything. I regret leaving you and I regret breaking your heart but most of all I regret meeting you. It couldn't have worked, and now I'm just numb.

I've missed you every single day since we stopped talking. I'm happy that you're happy, but I miss you so much. I didn't realize how much I loved you, and I haven't been able to love since you. I hope you're doing well.

I know we were really young, but you were my first love. I don't think I'll ever fully get over you. We don't talk much anymore, but if you were to ask me out, I wouldn't say no :)

I’ve always loved you no matter how hard I’ve tried to hide my feelings you have a special place in my heart. There’s no one I trust & love more in my life than you.

I hope you love yourself. Even if it’s a fraction of the amount that i love you, that would mean you would adore yourself for the rest of your days

I miss the way you looked at me i would give anything to see that again stoopid i love you forever and always

sometimes i hate you so much it takes over me. other times i just want to feel ur touch. i miss u and everything we had once. why did u have to ruin it? why did u have to ruin me? why did u fall for someone else and leave me although u said that u never would. was our whole relationship just a way for you to pass time? in 4 years are u gonna look back on us and see me as a distant middle school and high school memory? why does this hurt so bad? why am i not over you? when we were in love it was overwhelming and fleeting. i would do anything for that feeling again. ive loved you since i was 12 and that isnt going to change. i wish it didnt change for you. god i miss u sm. and i know u closed the door on us, but i still have hope, but hope breeds eternal misery. so am i just doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life because i’ll always have hope that the boy i love will love me again? maybe in two years or four or ten it will be us against the world again. i truly believe that we will find our way back even tho that’s foolish. god i love u sebastian.

i love u still. i love u alot and i always will. its hard for me to let u go. im sorry for everything. i love u.

you put a veil over everything. things that were scary seemed blurred around the edges. ever since i left i’ve missed that blissful ignorance, protection. removing myself hurt more than anything, but why do the memories still hurt more than the actual pain.

Hi Sebastian. It's been a little over a year now, since we last spoke. I miss you, but also still hate you. You broke my heart that evening, when you told me you had found someone. I really thought we had a chance, despite the distance. I hate how hard it is to forget you. You broke my heart, and we had never even been in the same room. I hope you and her are happy, because I do wish the best for you, even if it is not with me.
A part of me still wishes I had never met you, that day in February in that one game. How easier it would have been, but then again, I would have never experienced just how happy you made me in those 11 months we knew each other.
I loved you, I truly did. Even if what we had was not love but not only friendship, I still loved you.
I miss you - and I need to let go.

If you ever see this I used your middle name because I was too scared to use your first. it sucks things ended the way they did you were my best friend before anything else. i hope you’re doing okay loser.

Finally i am happy away from you, you made me into a person I will never be again. You manipulated me and you made me blind to the person you started to become. I fell in love with a different version of you and sat and waited for him to come out once you changed. I will try and remember the love we had in the beginning but all that I feel is the hurt you gave in the end. I hope you figure out how to treat a girl. I will never go back to you again.

hey. its been a while since we’ve spoken, youre not allowed to talk on insta, and i know you rejected me a while back and think we’re just friends, but i never lost feelings for you :/ i really like you, but you’ll never like me back..

Hey seb, it’s me, I’m sorry that I’m not enough to help you, we say I love you so much but I never feel like you mean it, I mean it with every fiber of my being, I just want you but you don’t need me.

You said you loved me and we’d go through everything together. But, after we said “I love you” for the last time, you left and i still don’t know why.

This isn’t anything sad and gross like I always write but I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve told you how much I appreciate you. It’s been a few years actually. Things aren’t the same as they used to be and we still have some things to talk about but I just hope you know I still care about you a lot. Just as much as I did those few years ago. You’re a good friend and I don’t know how you deal with me because I’m definitely not a great friend; I’m a pretty shit one actually. I don’t know how you ever dealt with me at all to be honest but I appreciate it. You’re just a really good person and I like being around you (even though it’s been a while) and I hope you know you can always talk to me if you need anything. I don’t care how long it’s been. Our friendship is kinda complicated; we were never really friends and then somehow 6th grade happened and we talked more and then somehow 8TH GRADE happened and then we stopped talking for a while and now even though we don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, we’re kind of on speaking terms?? Kind of not?? I don’t know what happened but I’m glad we still talk at all. It makes me sad because I wish things were still like they used to be but things just happen and people change. I get it, it just kinda sucks. But yeahhhh I just really value our friendship and there’s so many things you know about me that nobody else does and I’m just glad you were there to listen when I needed someone to talk to. I just needed to write this to you even if I’m not really writing it TO YOU but screaming it out into the void helps a little. Alright I’m done, writing this makes me wanna cry

i really just want to be friends but i dont know how to tell you. i've never been good at being friends with guys because i always worry about catching feelings, but i think we could be good friends. i didn't mean to hurt you. i'm sorry.

i think about you more often than id like to admit. i miss u every day and i wish that we could just be like how we used to be. i miss being close to you. you have impacted my life a lot and i don’t know if that’s for the best. you apologize for upsetting me, and then you upset me even more. it is hard to love someone who makes you doubt yourself and your relationships all of the time.

I told you no. You said I didn’t love you and if I did I would let you. You manipulated a 15 year old girl into letting the first boy she ever loved do whatever he wanted. I want that piece of me back. I would do anything to take that back. I hate you for that.

Siempre y serás la persona que más te quiera en el Mundo aunque no lo sepas, si en esta vida no podré estar junto a ti lo haré en la otra siempre me pregunte si en algún momento te gustaba o sentías algo por mi, nunca olvidaré cuando dormí frente a ti mirándote a los ojos en este mundo de homofobia no creo que nos dejen estar juntos pero algún día lograré que los 2 seamos felices 2018-2020

4 years of being best friends gone that the drain because of your cowardice. I HATE YOUUUU and i hate that i miss your stupid ass

my number hasn't changed and my love has not died down. i'm heal(ing/ed), and I want to grow with you. let me know, stinky butt :>.

i wish you would talk to me and reach out. the amount of love i have for myself is enough for the both of us.

you were the man i always hoped of being with ever since i was young. you showed me my worth and i will be forever great full for that. i’m sorry i couldn’t love you back in the same way. i’m sorry for cheating on you. i miss you but i can never let myself get back with you. you deserve better. you are better.

Espero verte en algún momento de mi vida, incluso si hay otro espero encontrar en ella y verte. No es nuestro momento ahora, te deseo lo mejor y te amaré por siempre.

You broke my heart a million times and made it hard for me to love others in the way i loved you. i hate you for that

Sometimes I have regrets about what happened between us, wishing things turned out differently. I still can't decide if I did the right decision. Were we meant for each other or were we just stupid kids? I guess I'll never know.

You were the first guy I really loved and it’s okay you left me. It didn’t bother me after the first few months but now I can’t feel the way I used to. Thank you for messing me up :) .

I was scrolling through tik tok and saw someone had a picture hanging up. It was the pinky promise drawing we bought at target earlier this year. I know you took yours down and maybe you threw it away. Seeing it made me cry for the first time in months. I’m sorry for all the broken promises. But you’re happy now. That’s all I have ever wanted. I miss you.

i am so sorry for messing things up twice. I took too long to realize whats important and i deserve how things turned out and the pain it causes me now, months after i ended us for the last time. i know you already moved on and im glad to see you happy, it just wish i was still the reason for that, and i know thats selfish. I dont know when or if i will move on, but i know i miss you. I never stopped loving you, but i know i wouldnt be good for you.

i wish i never fucking met your repulsive, manipulative, toxic, asshole. you promised me you'd never hurt me many times and you used like some old rag. i hate you you piece of shit. i hope you get what you deserve. and honestly she could've done better than you. oh btw youre a fucking psychopath. heartless bitch

No se como decirte que solo te veo como mi hermano mayor,y no como mi pareja,y que acepte solo por que me siento sole.Lo siento. :c

i still love you. it hurt when you left and it hurt even more that after six months you decided you wanted to be with someone else. i don’t understand why you could do that but anytime i tried to move on you would make me feel guilty, but i love you, i think i always will. i can’t imagine a life without you, you pulled me out of a very dark place and for that i’ll always be grateful. you’re my forever. i miss you