Unsent messages to NOAH

Why did you lie? I really did love you but you broke me and used me. Good Bye now I finally found love.

I wish you knew how much I love you. I would literally give everything I have to see you again. I miss you.

i miss u. i wish we could have had something but i let my past ruin things. i shouldn’t have been scared because i knew you were a great guy from the start. i’m sorry

i hate you so much and i hate what you did to me and most of all i hate that i still think of you and i hate that i dont know if you still think about me too

I’m glad your ear piercings I gave you got you laid. Made me feel real good about what I did for free.

i always loved you yk, i just wish you liked me back.. i still kinda like you after 8 years but not much anymore, it kinda just hurts how much we grew apart..

Looking in my eyes to long, feels like you’re moving on. Write another song and act like nothings going on.

Looking in my eyes to long, feels like you’re moving on. Write another song and act like nothings going on.

i don't go to my favorite spot at the beach anymore because it makes me think of when we went together

I loved you. I loved you so fiercely that I didn’t care if you didn’t love me back. I thought I’d get the chance to tell you in person, but that was before everything got messed up. I still kind of hope that one day you’ll find out. Even if you never loved me back.

I think I may be in love w you but we are so young and I don’t think it’ll work out so I don’t even try

I wish I was good enough 4 you. I wish you and Ella the best. I will always love you. I just care if you're happy.

i could never keep a favorite color until i learned yours was orange. you’re gone and i still think of you when i see it.

Rompimos por tu celos pero aún así estoy feliz de verte casado con alguien que te hace feliz, siempre voy a recordarte

noah you thought me how to love what love was. you showed me happiness. i love you so much even though you love someone else

There's so much I could say. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I'm grateful for the time we did have together.

Hey, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me but I’m sorry I hurt you. It ended up hurting me more in the long run

you left me 2 months ago but if you texted me in the middle of the night that you missed me i could come running back like you didn't shatter me into pieces

you don't deserve to be able to text me at anytime of day and pull me back into the void that you created.

You were my first love. And I don´t know, I never stopped loving you. Getting close to you after 2 years is just so weird, ig. I know I should let you go, but you´re the only person, I know, who´s with me because you want to. I´m sorry that I told you that I started cutting again. You just were the first person, I hoped, would understand me. I´m really sorry for everything. I love you...

you were my first fling. but you couldn't even be satisfied with just me. i wasn't even enough for you. why wasn't i enough? i hope that nobody else has to feel how i did because of you again.

now that i got that all off my chest i don’t think im going to talk to you again. ever. not in a bad i hate you way. just in an ive finally moved past it kind of way. so i’m probably never going to say another word to you. and i’m ok with that.

now that i got that all off my chest i don’t think im going to talk to you again. ever. not in a bad i hate you way. just in an ive finally moved past it kind of way. so i’m probably never going to say another word to you. and i’m ok with that.

I still dream about you and it hurts. I hate that I had to cut you out of my life but what I found out about you hurt.

oh noah. where do i even start.....i remember the night we met so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. i’m not gonna go into detail just in case you see this because that would be embarrassing asf. but what i will say is i remember how i felt about you that night. i had never really felt this feeling before. i had only known you for a couple hours, but i somehow felt so connected to you, it was uncanny. it was funny too because i only met you due to a random change. it’s like everything in the universe lined up just right that night. and that’s when it all started. but you already know that. i’m not going to waste my time in saying what i’ve already said to you. instead, i’ll say what i never did. what i maybe should have.... noah, i wish you would’ve realized that your actions and your words hurt people. not even just me either. even if you meant well, it still hurt. it’s funny that you said that i was never honest with you, but you were never honest with me. you kept dragging me along a string wrapping me around your finger and just playing around with me. that was not okay. you know at one point (you were probably heavily under the influence so idek if you remember) you even blatantly lied and told me that you used to have feelings for me. i don’t know what made you think that was ok, because it absolutely wasn’t. do you know how that made me feel? thinking that the person that i had feelings for used to have similar feelings for me, but they were now gone, extinguished, finite...that felt like pure emotional ANGONY. it made me go back and regret absolutely everything. it made me cry relentlessly for hours. you know what else wasn’t ok? knowing how i felt about you but still saying the things you said. i don’t care if you didn’t know how serious it was to me. i don’t care if you were drunk. i don’t care if you were high. you never should’ve said those things to me. i’m not even going to bring it up because it’s honestly embarrassing to think about. i can vividly remember all the countless nights where i scrolled back between our texts looking at them thinking about what could’ve been... but in reality nothing could’ve been bc it was all a random lie... kind of like most of the things you say. i remember after the truth came out and we weren’t friends anymore even in the slightest how torn and devastated i was. i had just shown you my biggest emotional hole, and then i gave myself closure by ending our friendship. and what did you do? you saw that hole and shoved a knife right through it. when i think of the most hurtful words someone has said to me, i think of what you said to me. again, i’m not gonna go into detail about what that is in case you do see this, but still if you are i hope you think it’s about you because it is. then when you just randomly changed your mind, of course i came running back as your loyal friend. but i wasn’t even your friend was i? all i was to you was an ego booster. then just like that things were back to how they were. except they weren’t bc my feelings were now in the open, and you just weren’t the same with me. i remember seeing you be with someone. let’s call them billy. ugly fat gorilla looking billy. i hate him omg. anyways... i remember finding out about the two of you and that you even kissed. ngl that really just completely hurt, and still kinda does even to this day. i don’t blame you for that tho bc you have a life and are entitled to do whatever you like with whoever you like. but i just decided to stay and wait. i knew i wasn’t enough (i was reminded everyday) but i still stayed. that was a dumb mistake. fast forward a couple months after the last time we had a real conversation. i remember i asked if we were still friends. again, not gonna say what you said in case you see this, but it wasn’t a yes. we never talked again. at least that’s how i wish it stayed. i was able to move on from you quite easily actually ngl. i looked through all our old texts. i saw you completely losing all interest in our friendship or connection or whatever. so i just deleted everything and told myself that i couldn’t do this to myself anymore. so i didn’t. fast forward to the present after you randomly talked again. i felt nothing at first. i was still rly proud of how easily i got over whatever stupid feelings for you. then i got all these weird feelings. that weird feeling in my stomach that i used to get from you when i was sad or when you were out making out with fat gorillas. then i started to remember everything. and i missed it. and i wanted it. at first i told myself i just missed the way it used to be but that i didn’t actually miss you. i was just in love with a feeling. in a way that was true, but also not really. i was in love not only with the feeling of love, but with you. not present you...the memory of you. for a few days i had these gut wrenching sadness moments where my heart just completely ached for you. not you in the present tense, but the you in the past who told me he cared about me and that he would be there for me. then i kinda started wanting you in the present and started like liking you again, but since then i’ve realized that i was just holding onto something that no longer exists. i was holding on to the memory of you, the past version of you, something that hasn’t existed in a long time, and that maybe never has. and i just can’t do that anymore. tbh i’m too good for that that. wow i rly made that so much deeper than it needed to be. anyways if you see this um idk. i wish that i could stay right there in the past with you forever, but i promise you that i will always remember. do i still care about you greatly? of course because i’m just that amazing and loyal lol. i still have feelings, that i’m not really over, but i’m ready to move on from. permanently this time. if by some strange reason you suddenly had feelings for me now i can honestly say that idek what i would do. that’s a big step for me. at one point i wouldve literally died just to be your señorita. but now...not so much. now what i want isn’t you. what i want is someone that makes me happy. not someone who texts me when they’re bored and alone at midnight. so thanks for coming into this chapter, for the ultimate closure and the ultimate goodbye. goodbye, noah. oh before you go listen to “django” by samia. it makes me think of you. listen to “love is not enough” by wet. i always think of a fast montage of the memories (mostly a compilation of hugs and little fun times) and feelings during that long instrumental bridge. bye.

oh noah. where do i even start.....i remember the night we met so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. i’m not gonna go into detail just in case you see this because that would be embarrassing asf. but what i will say is i remember how i felt about you that night. i had never really felt this feeling before. i had only known you for a couple hours, but i somehow felt so connected to you, it was uncanny. it was funny too because i only met you due to a random change. it’s like everything in the universe lined up just right that night. and that’s when it all started. but you already know that. i’m not going to waste my time in saying what i’ve already said to you. instead, i’ll say what i never did. what i maybe should have.... noah, i wish you would’ve realized that your actions and your words hurt people. not even just me either. even if you meant well, it still hurt. it’s funny that you said that i was never honest with you, but you were never honest with me. you kept dragging me along a string wrapping me around your finger and just playing around with me. that was not okay. you know at one point (you were probably heavily under the influence so idek if you remember) you even blatantly lied and told me that you used to have feelings for me. i don’t know what made you think that was ok, because it absolutely wasn’t. do you know how that made me feel? thinking that the person that i had feelings for used to have similar feelings for me, but they were now gone, extinguished, finite...that felt like pure emotional ANGONY. it made me go back and regret absolutely everything. it made me cry relentlessly for hours. you know what else wasn’t ok? knowing how i felt about you but still saying the things you said. i don’t care if you didn’t know how serious it was to me. i don’t care if you were drunk. i don’t care if you were high. you never should’ve said those things to me. i’m not even going to bring it up because it’s honestly embarrassing to think about. i can vividly remember all the countless nights where i scrolled back between our texts looking at them thinking about what could’ve been... but in reality nothing could’ve been bc it was all a random lie... kind of like most of the things you say. i remember after the truth came out and we weren’t friends anymore even in the slightest how torn and devastated i was. i had just shown you my biggest emotional hole, and then i gave myself closure by ending our friendship. and what did you do? you saw that hole and shoved a knife right through it. when i think of the most hurtful words someone has said to me, i think of what you said to me. again, i’m not gonna go into detail about what that is in case you do see this, but still if you are i hope you think it’s about you because it is. then when you just randomly changed your mind, of course i came running back as your loyal friend. but i wasn’t even your friend was i? all i was to you was an ego booster. then just like that things were back to how they were. except they weren’t bc my feelings were now in the open, and you just weren’t the same with me. i remember seeing you be with someone. let’s call them billy. ugly fat gorilla looking billy. i hate him omg. anyways... i remember finding out about the two of you and that you even kissed. ngl that really just completely hurt, and still kinda does even to this day. i don’t blame you for that tho bc you have a life and are entitled to do whatever you like with whoever you like. but i just decided to stay and wait. i knew i wasn’t enough (i was reminded everyday) but i still stayed. that was a dumb mistake. fast forward a couple months after the last time we had a real conversation. i remember i asked if we were still friends. again, not gonna say what you said in case you see this, but it wasn’t a yes. we never talked again. at least that’s how i wish it stayed. i was able to move on from you quite easily actually ngl. i looked through all our old texts. i saw you completely losing all interest in our friendship or connection or whatever. so i just deleted everything and told myself that i couldn’t do this to myself anymore. so i didn’t. fast forward to the present after you randomly talked again. i felt nothing at first. i was still rly proud of how easily i got over whatever stupid feelings for you. then i got all these weird feelings. that weird feeling in my stomach that i used to get from you when i was sad or when you were out making out with fat gorillas. then i started to remember everything. and i missed it. and i wanted it. at first i told myself i just missed the way it used to be but that i didn’t actually miss you. i was just in love with a feeling. in a way that was true, but also not really. i was in love not only with the feeling of love, but with you. not present you...the memory of you. for a few days i had these gut wrenching sadness moments where my heart just completely ached for you. not you in the present tense, but the you in the past who told me he cared about me and that he would be there for me. then i kinda started wanting you in the present and started like liking you again, but since then i’ve realized that i was just holding onto something that no longer exists. i was holding on to the memory of you, the past version of you, something that hasn’t existed in a long time, and that maybe never has. and i just can’t do that anymore. tbh i’m too good for that that. wow i rly made that so much deeper than it needed to be. anyways if you see this um idk. i wish that i could stay right there in the past with you forever, but i promise you that i will always remember. do i still care about you greatly? of course because i’m just that amazing and loyal lol. i still have feelings, that i’m not really over, but i’m ready to move on from. permanently this time. if by some strange reason you suddenly had feelings for me now i can honestly say that idek what i would do. that’s a big step for me. at one point i wouldve literally died just to be your señorita. but now...not so much. now what i want isn’t you. what i want is someone that makes me happy. not someone who texts me when they’re bored and alone at midnight. so thanks for coming into this chapter, for the ultimate closure and the ultimate goodbye. goodbye, noah. oh before you go listen to “django” by samia. it makes me think of you. listen to “love is not enough” by wet. i always think of a fast montage of the memories (mostly a compilation of hugs and little fun times) and feelings during that long instrumental bridge. bye.

i’m sorry that i hurt you and i’m sorry for everything. i still love you so much but i know you moved on.

I love you. And I hate that I never got the chance to tell you. I miss you so much, but I know you don't miss me. I wish you hadn't given up on us. I miss us watching "Our star" together. I miss going out late at night to stargaze with you. I miss being held by you. But overall I miss you. I know it's been 3 months since we've last spoken but when you gave up on us a tiny part of me thought you would come back so I made myself a promise that I'd wait for you. I love you Noah don't ever forget that, even when I'm gone.

I love you. And I hate that I never got the chance to tell you. I miss you so much, but I know you don't miss me. I wish you hadn't given up on us. I miss us watching "Our star" together.

i didn't know what falling in love meant until i met you. i don't know if this will last forever. although my one wish is that it does. i never want to lose you, you're my best friend, my safe place. my person. i love you and always will no matter what. you will always have that special place in my heart.

every morning, I roll over in bed and reach for you. the bed is always cold. pls come back and keep me warm

i miss you everyday more than before i listen to our song and cry every time and it’s been a whole year since you passed away. it’s been hard without you here.

i've loved you for longer than i admitted, but i'm scared of telling you because i'm terrified that you'll leave me. please don't leave me angel. i love tou so much.

hey. I still think about you everyday. I try to pretend I moved on but I can’t. I can’t let you go. I love you so fucking much. I can only fall asleep at night because I know in another life, we’re happy. I would give anything to feel you kissing me one last time. you are etched so beautifully into my heart. I am forever and always yours.

thank you for giving me my smile back. forever waiting for the day the universe brings us back together. third time's a charm.

I'm so sorry, I still love you. Right person, wrong time. Or wrong place. I wish we lived closer to eachother. I just cant see you spiral and not be able to do anything, cuz i live so far away. I didnt want to leave.
I wish I could take a walk with you in the forest.

You are the only reason I still smile at my phone, but I have a feeling you don’t even care about me like that and it fucking hurts

What did I do wrong? I’m giving you everything and I’m getting nothing in return. Do you even care about me anymore?

I’m sorry I realised I loved you too late. I’m sorry I lead you on when I wasn’t sure about how I felt. I miss how we used to be.

i hate you so much for the way you make me feel. I hate that you yourself said you’re no longer in love with me but still choose to act like a “couple” with me, knowing that i’m still in love with you. I hate you for using me as a way to fulfill your need for constant attention, and only being with me because you wanted a relationship. I hate you for putting on an act, in which you say that you love and care so much about me but minimize my feelings and make me feel stupid. But most of all, I hate you for making me fall in love with you. I hope that maybe someday in a another life, our story could have a happy ending. I love you.

I truly believe you are my soulmate. I’ll love you forever and ever. It’ll always just be the two of us.

You are the love of my life and i truly couldn’t live without you. It’ll always be just the two of us forever.

Even though I didn’t mean to say it, I don’t regret what I said. The only reason I liked you is because you liked me and I’m glad I eventually realized that.

i think this is the name you go by. not sure. thank you for teaching me so much about friendship and love. thank you for hurting me. you are the reason i started writing, so you are the reason i found my favorite thing. it might have been a result of pain but it was necessary for me to find myself. you will never know how much you have impacted me. i will always love you despite what you put me through. i wish you nothing but the best, my first love.

It's been almost a year and I still think about you almost every day. If you changed your mind I would take you back in a heartbeat and I hate myself for it. I keep looking for someone better- someone who loves me- but I'm not sure I'll ever find it.

Some days I wonder why. Why you broke me like that. Why you left me like that. I wonder if it's my fault. What did i do? Where did we go wrong? Was i nothing more than a toy to you? I wish I could go back in time to tell you that I loved you. You were the first girl I fell in love with. A lot of firsts happened that you're not even aware of. I just want you back. Do you love me? Did you ever really love me?

why did u do those stupid things. you ruined us, our future... i truly love you but being with someone like you is bad for me. since you’ve left i’ve been able to feel again without needing someone. thank you for those memories i will never forget those but i think it’s time we both move on. if it’s meant to be then i’ll meet you again in the future. i want you but i don’t at the same time. you’re like a drug. i love you dummy.

You hurt me so much... and I really did love you. But now its time for me to be selfish and start a new chapter in my life.
Goodbye!

I love you with whole my hart and i hope we are going to get back together, becouse i think i could see myself spending the rest of my life with you

I just don't know why I can't get u outta my head. I miss you and I hope I get to spend time with you again soon.
C