Unsent messages to NOAH

I think I hold onto you so tightly and try to make it work because you were the first to show me what love looks like.

I dont know you you dont know me but somehow i feel like i know everithing i have to know make me happy but you dont really care

can you open your eyes? ive wanted to be with you for over a year but your stuck up on the same blonde hair, green eyed, model, perfect body girl. I have shit brown hair, shit brown eyes, hip dips, braces, and not enough for you. its not the fact you dont want me, its the fact you know i want you so you take advantage of that soft spot i have for you. you say were fwb, i wish i actually meant something to you, and that everytime we kiss, it means something. i get my ass in trouble for you, i fight for our friendship. you dont see it tho. maybe you do feel the same, but chances are you dont, and ik ive mentally hurt myself over and over just overthinking what you think about me or how you see me in your eyes. im not gonna stop trying, as much as it kills me, i need to know, am i wasting my time? or do you feel the same.

you were the first person ive felt this way about i miss you. i know you dont feel the same way anymore but i really do love you im not sure in what way anymore but i hope you know how much i do. i know youre struggling but please lean on me a bit. i want to help you i dont want you to die. maybe you were the right person wrong time kinda thing or maybe im hoping you are. either way i just want you to be happy. please come back

I think of you now and then, I wish I could go back to our childhood days where we played every recess. I miss you.

I know this isn’t it for us. I feel that deep down, life will bring us back to each other. But until then, take care of yourself.

I love you. I think it’s so hard not to think about you and you were my first high school crush. And now you’re gone. RIP

I’m in love with you I just can’t build up the courage to ask you out maybe on the 333 day of you dancing I’ll ask you out

I wish i was good enough for you to even spark an interest in me, i feel like a failure whenever you flirt with her.

i actually like you but I can’t let myself fall for you. when you asked me out on a date.. i wanted to say yes but i don’t feel ready to love someone when i can’t love myself... i have a crush on you but am too nervous to date you because i have never had someone actually care for me like you do...

I hope you are doing well. is it bad that I think you aren’t alive anymore? I still love you even if you aren’t..bye

it’s been awhile since I’ve even thought of your name let alone anything that we ever went through but lately you’ve been stuck in my head it’s like your a permanent piece of you is stuck with me, I wish you could see how much love I truly have for you...

You know what hurts? That you treated me like any girl you've met and I've sacrificed friendships, other chances to be loved and sleepless nights just thinking about how great our love could be.

I really have feelings for you... every time you take my hand or every time we cuddle my whole body starts shaking, I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart rate is 1000 per second. dude I freaking like you... you tell me you feel the same but idk you probably just want seggs or a girlfriend. rip me

Idk where to start. I lay in bed everynight replaying our memories wishing you would walk through my door again.

it hurts sm to accept the fact that i will never be your first choice and u will never love me again.

i love u so damn much.
and it makes my heart drop everytime when i remember that u don’t love me anymore.

Fuck man. I like you so much you have no idea. You don’t know you play with my feelings because you think i just like you as a friend. There’s no feelings to play with right? Nah you’re wrong you say you care about me and then the next second you don’t seem to care. I want to be one of the reasons you smile, I want to be apart of you’re life. I care about you so much and I don’t know why. But there’s a reason. I can’t get you out of my head but i feel like i’m nonexistent in yours. I just want you to notice me as something more. More than hot, I want to be Beautiful to you. I want you to tell me your problems, I want to help you grow. Your not a relationship kinda guy, I know you’ve told me. But I want you to see that I can be that person. I want to be that one. I just want you to notice me as more.

you just make me so happy and honestly i've never felt like this with anybody. i think about you constantly and i don't really know if that's good or bad but i love it.

noah, i woke up to the best news about my financial aid. it'll basically pay for my entire tuition and i'm apply to other stuff. i hope you're proud of me. we used to talk about the fact that i was gonna graduate soon. i graduate in six months yk. that's crazy man.

you hurt me so much, it was just the fact that I laid in my bed crying thinking of why I wasn’t enough for you.

You were my first true love. I thought I had been in love before I met you, but now I realized that wasn’t true love. I’ve never felt this way to anyone before. And I truly love you with every single bit of my heart. Even though you’re not the person you used to be and I miss the happy noah who used to tell everything about himself and ask questions. I’m still in love with you, but sometimes I wonder. Am I in love with you or the person you used to be? I chose the color yellow bc you really used to be my yellow, my only happiness in my darkest place. Even though we’re not as close as we used to be, I will always have a place for you in my heart.

You were the person that showed me there was love left in my heart to give, even when I believed there wasn't. Thank you x

you almost literally me and my forevers friendship, we didnt ever see an end in our relationship till u

i wish i kissed you that night and miss talking to you every day...i hope we can be together one day :)

i fell for you, i miss making jello and watching kids movies together. was it that easy to pretend i never existed.

stop acting like all the girl's call you a hoe. we all talk about you because you were hella creepy with us in middle school, not because you constantly flirted with all of us. hope you aren't still dating your cousin though.

I really miss you. I might not act like it but the truth is I think i'm in love with you still. You and I might talk to other people but i always loved you the whole time. Even when i had a different boyfriend it was just a thought i ignored.

no one ever loved me like you did. just bc you cheated doesn't mean my heart doesn't want you. i miss you more then ever today. it would've been our one year

I'm really sorry I wasn't the person you needed me to be. I'm not even the person I want to be. I'm so sorry I drove you away.

I'm still waiting like I promised you I would, even though I know you moved on. You make me complete, you make me completely miserable.

why did you leave me. i just want you back, the way we were. i miss you. you’ll always be in my heart no matter what. i love you so much..

I hope you know, I really did love you. But it hurt me on how you found someone new and left so easily. How did you move on that fast?
n.v

Dear Noah,
I thought the last words I said to you would be it. The end. The day I walked into that class I wanted to leave just as fast. I don’t think we can take back the pain or damage we’ve done to each other over the years. It felt like a fever dream all the words between us, now it’s nothing more than awkward looks and unsaid feelings. I loved you and still do in some twisted way. I wish you would see this and think of me. I don’t think I’ll ever look at you the same, and it might be for the better. I was so blinded by you, I’ve spent the years being wrapped around your finger to only be your second option. I hope it hurts when you figure out now, that I don’t care and could care less about what happens between us. Sooner or later you know I’ll leave and for the last time. Also happy early birthday.

i love you. i know you know that and i know you think i’m lying.. but noah you have no idea how much i want you and i want us. we would be so amazing together and i would treat you so good. we have both made our mistakes in the past but i promise.. no one is you, no one has ever been you. ive been in love with you our whole lives. please. let me show you. let me prove to you. give me a chance..

I told you to pick a colour and you said purple. I have always felt a connection with the colour purple

i will always be here for you and love you. you taught me how to be confident. you made me believe i was really pretty. thank you. as much as you were a blessing. you taught me what not to look for in another relationship. i hope you and her are happy.

will you ever love me back? i felt broken till i found you. your smile lights up my life and i hope one day i can light up yours

everything about you makes my heart skip a beat. you helped me so much. but you will never even know my name

i don’t know what i did wrong but please talk to me. i miss our late night talks. you hurt me but i still want you.

i know you’ll never see this but just know if you ever came back i’d take you in a heartbeat. friends don’t look at friends that way.

no matter how f'd up you think you are, i'll always love you, i wish the best for you and i hope you'll forget about that stupid boy and things will be the way they used to when we first confessed to each other.

I loved you, i loved all of you, the soft blonde hair, the blue eyes, the kind voice. But you never loved me back. I ache for you, but I know that ache will soon stop, and you will become a memory, a sad memory.

Thank you for making me the happiest I could be during this awful year. I’m doing better now, but a part of me left with you and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.

hi stupid, you won't see this but i want you know that I miss you like crazy. we haven't talked in over a year and the smallest things remind me of you. i was listening to your playlist the other day haha, i hope you're doing okay. i wonder how you're holding up without hockey right now. stay safe pls, don't want you catching covid. i have so much to say to you. can you believe trump is out of office? thank god haha. i want to hate you for suddenly leaving with no reason but i can't. i can't because i know there had to be a reason that you didn't tell me. i miss you weirdo. i even wrote in all lowercase just for your dumbass. also fuck you for vanishing. okay bye

I wish you realized how much you meant to me and how much the little things you did would make me smile for days weeks and months after, I wish that you were still here with me and I could tell you all the things I feel and how I feel about you.

I don't wanna be here if your not by my side// it's over I will get through this on my own. You brought me so much joy and I am extremely thankful for that. I love you. Thank you.

ik it was a year ago but words cant describe how much i miss you. no one's ever made me feel the way you did

I love you I am sorry I wasn't good enough, I know its been a year but I am still trying to fix my flaws so I can be what you want. I'm sorry I am trying

noah, i am so proud of you for making it into jesuit & playing soccer there. i know you just moved closer to me but we have become farther apart than ever, i thought you were different & that we were going to last. i am sorry for everything that happened between us- we both deserved better and i guess we just weren't meant for each other. i love you so much