i love you and i dont know how to tell you to your face without scaring you away. im scared one day i wont be able to tell you and it will be too late. i feel like you are my soulmate but its the wrong time for both of us. i dont want to let you go but i know right now things arent going to work out.

I guess we weren’t meant to be and it wasn’t forever even tho you were my first love. I’ll always have a soft spot for you snoezie

i cant wait for christmas so that i pull up to your house with a bb gun and shoot out all your christmas lights noah .

i miss you noah . even though we’ve never met in person . i felt a connection with you that i have never felt with any guy before. even though you are in a relationship, i still have these feelings for you, throughout the day u just pop up in my head. i miss staying up till 1am texting you. i miss doing “movie night” and i miss listening to ur voice and seeing ur face. since i’m moving now, we’re actually going to be closer to each other. i hope we can be together in the future. i’ll wait for you. you know that saying that goes “right person, wrong time” . i can relate to that. even though we’re only teenagers, i felt like u were the one for me and that i knew i would never get tired of you. i love you so much, and i mean it. i’ll drop every guy i know even gavin, just to be with you.

I think of you now and then, I wish I could go back to our childhood days where we played every recess. I miss you.

i’d give you anything you want and i love you more than i could ever show. please don’t ever leave me. you’re my other half.

It's so dumb to still think about you because I was such a minuscule part of your life while you continue to take over mine even after 2 years of nothing. But I have so little good and you were so much good that I didn't know how to handle it. Now I just keep thinking, should I respond to you just to leave you on delivered again for weeks, or is it finally time to leave you on read. I've never been good at letting go, but what would I even be letting go of anymore, I don't know.

You said it wasn’t goodbye, and even though it was that’s okay. You could’ve at least told me. I’m okay with goodbye because i treasured every moment with you and I hope the new girl treats you right. I hopes she’s patient with your basketball schedule and she’s not jealous of Sarah. And she ft’s you while playing your game and that’s she’s patient with you. That’s she’s understanding? you could have said it was goodbye, I hope you accomplish all your dreams and do everything you wanna do. I’ll be cheering you on the sidelines, you got this. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for teaching me about myself more than anyone else. Thank you for helping me talk to my mom. I’m forever grateful for what we had. But this is goodbye and I’ll always have love for you. Goodbye angel?

you were the first person ive felt this way about i miss you. i know you dont feel the same way anymore but i really do love you im not sure in what way anymore but i hope you know how much i do. i know youre struggling but please lean on me a bit. i want to help you i dont want you to die. maybe you were the right person wrong time kinda thing or maybe im hoping you are. either way i just want you to be happy. please come back

I miss you a lot. I loved you and still do. You broke me in a way that I can’t explain. I just want you to come back so I don’t have to deal with this pain anymore

I just don't know why I can't get u outta my head. I miss you and I hope I get to spend time with you again soon.
C

hey, you're never gonna see this but anyways i had this dream about you a couple weeks ago and it completely changed the way i think about you, it made me realize how much i've liked you but i didn't know because my mind was clouded by someone else and now i can't stop thinking about you and its bothering me that i have no way to talk to you or see you. i wish a miracle would just happen so we could start something. all these memories of seeing you just keep coming back to me and it's a lot, i wanna know if you feel the same way, or just even think about me at all for even the slightest second. anyways i really like you, i just can't help it. i hope this will be a good year for you, maybe us if anything happens. enjoy my ramble:)

can you open your eyes? ive wanted to be with you for over a year but your stuck up on the same blonde hair, green eyed, model, perfect body girl. I have shit brown hair, shit brown eyes, hip dips, braces, and not enough for you. its not the fact you dont want me, its the fact you know i want you so you take advantage of that soft spot i have for you. you say were fwb, i wish i actually meant something to you, and that everytime we kiss, it means something. i get my ass in trouble for you, i fight for our friendship. you dont see it tho. maybe you do feel the same, but chances are you dont, and ik ive mentally hurt myself over and over just overthinking what you think about me or how you see me in your eyes. im not gonna stop trying, as much as it kills me, i need to know, am i wasting my time? or do you feel the same.

i always loved you yk, i just wish you liked me back.. i still kinda like you after 8 years but not much anymore, it kinda just hurts how much we grew apart..

am i a fool for falling for you twice and ending up in pieces for the second time? absolutely. im a fool for you and i wish you were too. how am i supposed to be hopeful about 2021 when the one thing keeping me going has fallen apart? i wish i could hate you, and maybe a part of me does. if you wanted me to, id fall right back into your arms. but you'll never want that, will you?

I dont know you you dont know me but somehow i feel like i know everithing i have to know make me happy but you dont really care

i really wish we could have worked out. You made me want to be a better person. I hope one day we will find each other again.

I’m sorry that our story ended with me the villain. What I don’t understand is why you want me back? You deserve better.

we’re to start noah u made me the person i am today. thank u so much for that. i don’t know what my life would be today if i never got hp. i wish we didn’t give up as fast as we did though. if i could re do it i would any day. we have so much unfinished. no one, has ever made me feel the same way you make me feel. i wish you knew the impact you have on people. you saved my life. i will always be there for you. i hope you know that. even though it breaks me u never really felt the same. you made me feel something no one else has made me feel. with all those memories i will forever regret not telling you how much i cared when i had chance after chance. in your wrong i cared so much for you i just overlooked it and i have never done that for anyone. you made me insecure about something i have never been insecure about. you made me feel worthless some nights. you made me feel like i had nothing to live for some nights. i sometimes don't even know why i stayed in this complicated friendship. yes you may have been joking on some things you said but it hurt. a lot. you used a lot against me. and sometimes you were the meanest person ever. you took for granted what you didn’t even know what i was doing. to this day if you wanted me back. i would say yes. you are my first love. i can never see me feeling the same towards someone else. but what am i supposed to do when we don’t talk like we used to. yes we broke the silence, yes your back. but it’s not the same. and it’s so hard to explain. if i knew it was gonna end the way it did. we didn’t even fight, just drifted. abs that hurts the most. but if i knew i would have never wasted that year. it may have seemed i moved on, but i don’t think i ever will. i think about you all the time. it hurts i will never have you because you will never feel the same way. i was so involved i was okay just being your friend. but everyday i ask why wasn’t i good enough. what didn't i have. why did u just leave one day. when i first met you i didn’t think it would go this far. but here we are. from the long face-times , the 3am talks , the memories , the online school , & so so so much more. i could talk for hours about all our memories. you are back in my life again but it’s just not the same. some nights i miss you more than anything. some nights i wish i never talked to you. you may never read this, you may. thank you for saving me when i didn’t know even know i needed it. thank you for teaching me what it takes to be a good friend. thank you for everything. i’m better at subway suffers btw.

I’m sorry man but it just wasn’t gonna work out, I would’ve told you if I had the chance honestly, I miss you.

I really want to like you, you are everything a girl wants, tall, cute, smart but for some reason i can't like you. But in a way without you i feel like a part of me is missing. You were my first love. And i really wish we were still in contact. And i hate hoe you pretend to not be interested in being my friend. I hate your new friends. i just really miss you. I remember the nicknames you used to call me. We didnt even fight, we just started moving on with our lives. Talking less and less to the point where we dont even talk. We used to be bestfriends. I can't tell if i want you in my life as a lover or as my bestfriend again. I doubt you are even reading this since you barely go on the internet but i just hope you know i will always be there for you.

Even though we never got extremely close, you’ve always meant a lot to me. Every time I see you I want to be a better person. I felt like you always saw the good in me and everyone..except yourself. You’re an amazing guy and I hope you can see that one day. You deserve to accomplish your dreams and end up happy. I’m a lot more like you than you might think but I’ve always just tried to hide my insecurities and feelings.
Miss you xo

you make this life so amazing. i dont know what i would do without you. You are my bestfriend, my person. I am so grateful for you and all the colour you bring to my little grey world. i love you boo bear.

i’m sorry that i hurt you and i’m sorry for everything. i still love you so much but i know you moved on.

Fuck man. You’ve broken me but i can’t hate you. I still love you and i will for awhile. I hope you’re okay. C x

You are the worst person I have ever met. You hurt me in ways that nobody else could have and I need you to know that you caused me all that pain and I never trusted you. You can't keep trying to pry your way back into my life because you lost me. Goodbye

I miss you so much. You would think after a month of not speaking to each other that I would be used to your absence, but I’m not. I don’t know if I ever will be.

This has been bothering me all day, even though it's from months ago. What happened, in like May? You just stop talking to me, at least like how we used to talk. It's been weird ever since. Was it something I did? I don't even really care any more. I just want to know if it was me.

I told you I wasn’t ready to date, but the truth is, I just really wanted us to get out of the awkward stage... and we never did.

I made this grey after the way the sky looked when we woke up at 7AM to watch the sunrise even though it was cloudy

You know, i was planning on telling you i love you that night in your room when your parents were in NY

i know that you aren't over your ex, tbh i'm not over mine either. but maybe we could be lonely together?

I hope you know that I'll always love you. My heart feels empty without you. I hate how things had to end. I miss you so much every day and night. You became my motivation. Life without you feels so scary and lonely. I hope we get back together. I miss you so much. If you ever read this i hope you know how much i love you :(

it's been two years and i still break down at the thought of seeing you or hearing your voice and even your name. i dont know why you hurt me so bad. i probably deserved the threats

Im in love with you, I think me and you could be good together but Im scared I don't wanna lose my bestfriend

I think I hold onto you so tightly and try to make it work because you were the first to show me what love looks like.

I loved you so fucking much. I would’ve died for you. You destroyed me. You made me HATE myself. Yet, I think I would still die for you.

I love you and I always will. You may not feel the same way but deep down I believe there is something between us. I wish you could see that

oh noah. where do i even start.....i remember the night we met so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. i’m not gonna go into detail just in case you see this because that would be embarrassing asf. but what i will say is i remember how i felt about you that night. i had never really felt this feeling before. i had only known you for a couple hours, but i somehow felt so connected to you, it was uncanny. it was funny too because i only met you due to a random change. it’s like everything in the universe lined up just right that night. and that’s when it all started. but you already know that. i’m not going to waste my time in saying what i’ve already said to you. instead, i’ll say what i never did. what i maybe should have.... noah, i wish you would’ve realized that your actions and your words hurt people. not even just me either. even if you meant well, it still hurt. it’s funny that you said that i was never honest with you, but you were never honest with me. you kept dragging me along a string wrapping me around your finger and just playing around with me. that was not okay. you know at one point (you were probably heavily under the influence so idek if you remember) you even blatantly lied and told me that you used to have feelings for me. i don’t know what made you think that was ok, because it absolutely wasn’t. do you know how that made me feel? thinking that the person that i had feelings for used to have similar feelings for me, but they were now gone, extinguished, finite...that felt like pure emotional ANGONY. it made me go back and regret absolutely everything. it made me cry relentlessly for hours. you know what else wasn’t ok? knowing how i felt about you but still saying the things you said. i don’t care if you didn’t know how serious it was to me. i don’t care if you were drunk. i don’t care if you were high. you never should’ve said those things to me. i’m not even going to bring it up because it’s honestly embarrassing to think about. i can vividly remember all the countless nights where i scrolled back between our texts looking at them thinking about what could’ve been... but in reality nothing could’ve been bc it was all a random lie... kind of like most of the things you say. i remember after the truth came out and we weren’t friends anymore even in the slightest how torn and devastated i was. i had just shown you my biggest emotional hole, and then i gave myself closure by ending our friendship. and what did you do? you saw that hole and shoved a knife right through it. when i think of the most hurtful words someone has said to me, i think of what you said to me. again, i’m not gonna go into detail about what that is in case you do see this, but still if you are i hope you think it’s about you because it is. then when you just randomly changed your mind, of course i came running back as your loyal friend. but i wasn’t even your friend was i? all i was to you was an ego booster. then just like that things were back to how they were. except they weren’t bc my feelings were now in the open, and you just weren’t the same with me. i remember seeing you be with someone. let’s call them billy. ugly fat gorilla looking billy. i hate him omg. anyways... i remember finding out about the two of you and that you even kissed. ngl that really just completely hurt, and still kinda does even to this day. i don’t blame you for that tho bc you have a life and are entitled to do whatever you like with whoever you like. but i just decided to stay and wait. i knew i wasn’t enough (i was reminded everyday) but i still stayed. that was a dumb mistake. fast forward a couple months after the last time we had a real conversation. i remember i asked if we were still friends. again, not gonna say what you said in case you see this, but it wasn’t a yes. we never talked again. at least that’s how i wish it stayed. i was able to move on from you quite easily actually ngl. i looked through all our old texts. i saw you completely losing all interest in our friendship or connection or whatever. so i just deleted everything and told myself that i couldn’t do this to myself anymore. so i didn’t. fast forward to the present after you randomly talked again. i felt nothing at first. i was still rly proud of how easily i got over whatever stupid feelings for you. then i got all these weird feelings. that weird feeling in my stomach that i used to get from you when i was sad or when you were out making out with fat gorillas. then i started to remember everything. and i missed it. and i wanted it. at first i told myself i just missed the way it used to be but that i didn’t actually miss you. i was just in love with a feeling. in a way that was true, but also not really. i was in love not only with the feeling of love, but with you. not present you...the memory of you. for a few days i had these gut wrenching sadness moments where my heart just completely ached for you. not you in the present tense, but the you in the past who told me he cared about me and that he would be there for me. then i kinda started wanting you in the present and started like liking you again, but since then i’ve realized that i was just holding onto something that no longer exists. i was holding on to the memory of you, the past version of you, something that hasn’t existed in a long time, and that maybe never has. and i just can’t do that anymore. tbh i’m too good for that that. wow i rly made that so much deeper than it needed to be. anyways if you see this um idk. i wish that i could stay right there in the past with you forever, but i promise you that i will always remember. do i still care about you greatly? of course because i’m just that amazing and loyal lol. i still have feelings, that i’m not really over, but i’m ready to move on from. permanently this time. if by some strange reason you suddenly had feelings for me now i can honestly say that idek what i would do. that’s a big step for me. at one point i wouldve literally died just to be your señorita. but now...not so much. now what i want isn’t you. what i want is someone that makes me happy. not someone who texts me when they’re bored and alone at midnight. so thanks for coming into this chapter, for the ultimate closure and the ultimate goodbye. goodbye, noah. oh before you go listen to “django” by samia. it makes me think of you. listen to “love is not enough” by wet. i always think of a fast montage of the memories (mostly a compilation of hugs and little fun times) and feelings during that long instrumental bridge. bye.

oh noah. where do i even start.....i remember the night we met so vividly, almost as if it were yesterday. i’m not gonna go into detail just in case you see this because that would be embarrassing asf. but what i will say is i remember how i felt about you that night. i had never really felt this feeling before. i had only known you for a couple hours, but i somehow felt so connected to you, it was uncanny. it was funny too because i only met you due to a random change. it’s like everything in the universe lined up just right that night. and that’s when it all started. but you already know that. i’m not going to waste my time in saying what i’ve already said to you. instead, i’ll say what i never did. what i maybe should have.... noah, i wish you would’ve realized that your actions and your words hurt people. not even just me either. even if you meant well, it still hurt. it’s funny that you said that i was never honest with you, but you were never honest with me. you kept dragging me along a string wrapping me around your finger and just playing around with me. that was not okay. you know at one point (you were probably heavily under the influence so idek if you remember) you even blatantly lied and told me that you used to have feelings for me. i don’t know what made you think that was ok, because it absolutely wasn’t. do you know how that made me feel? thinking that the person that i had feelings for used to have similar feelings for me, but they were now gone, extinguished, finite...that felt like pure emotional ANGONY. it made me go back and regret absolutely everything. it made me cry relentlessly for hours. you know what else wasn’t ok? knowing how i felt about you but still saying the things you said. i don’t care if you didn’t know how serious it was to me. i don’t care if you were drunk. i don’t care if you were high. you never should’ve said those things to me. i’m not even going to bring it up because it’s honestly embarrassing to think about. i can vividly remember all the countless nights where i scrolled back between our texts looking at them thinking about what could’ve been... but in reality nothing could’ve been bc it was all a random lie... kind of like most of the things you say. i remember after the truth came out and we weren’t friends anymore even in the slightest how torn and devastated i was. i had just shown you my biggest emotional hole, and then i gave myself closure by ending our friendship. and what did you do? you saw that hole and shoved a knife right through it. when i think of the most hurtful words someone has said to me, i think of what you said to me. again, i’m not gonna go into detail about what that is in case you do see this, but still if you are i hope you think it’s about you because it is. then when you just randomly changed your mind, of course i came running back as your loyal friend. but i wasn’t even your friend was i? all i was to you was an ego booster. then just like that things were back to how they were. except they weren’t bc my feelings were now in the open, and you just weren’t the same with me. i remember seeing you be with someone. let’s call them billy. ugly fat gorilla looking billy. i hate him omg. anyways... i remember finding out about the two of you and that you even kissed. ngl that really just completely hurt, and still kinda does even to this day. i don’t blame you for that tho bc you have a life and are entitled to do whatever you like with whoever you like. but i just decided to stay and wait. i knew i wasn’t enough (i was reminded everyday) but i still stayed. that was a dumb mistake. fast forward a couple months after the last time we had a real conversation. i remember i asked if we were still friends. again, not gonna say what you said in case you see this, but it wasn’t a yes. we never talked again. at least that’s how i wish it stayed. i was able to move on from you quite easily actually ngl. i looked through all our old texts. i saw you completely losing all interest in our friendship or connection or whatever. so i just deleted everything and told myself that i couldn’t do this to myself anymore. so i didn’t. fast forward to the present after you randomly talked again. i felt nothing at first. i was still rly proud of how easily i got over whatever stupid feelings for you. then i got all these weird feelings. that weird feeling in my stomach that i used to get from you when i was sad or when you were out making out with fat gorillas. then i started to remember everything. and i missed it. and i wanted it. at first i told myself i just missed the way it used to be but that i didn’t actually miss you. i was just in love with a feeling. in a way that was true, but also not really. i was in love not only with the feeling of love, but with you. not present you...the memory of you. for a few days i had these gut wrenching sadness moments where my heart just completely ached for you. not you in the present tense, but the you in the past who told me he cared about me and that he would be there for me. then i kinda started wanting you in the present and started like liking you again, but since then i’ve realized that i was just holding onto something that no longer exists. i was holding on to the memory of you, the past version of you, something that hasn’t existed in a long time, and that maybe never has. and i just can’t do that anymore. tbh i’m too good for that that. wow i rly made that so much deeper than it needed to be. anyways if you see this um idk. i wish that i could stay right there in the past with you forever, but i promise you that i will always remember. do i still care about you greatly? of course because i’m just that amazing and loyal lol. i still have feelings, that i’m not really over, but i’m ready to move on from. permanently this time. if by some strange reason you suddenly had feelings for me now i can honestly say that idek what i would do. that’s a big step for me. at one point i wouldve literally died just to be your señorita. but now...not so much. now what i want isn’t you. what i want is someone that makes me happy. not someone who texts me when they’re bored and alone at midnight. so thanks for coming into this chapter, for the ultimate closure and the ultimate goodbye. goodbye, noah. oh before you go listen to “django” by samia. it makes me think of you. listen to “love is not enough” by wet. i always think of a fast montage of the memories (mostly a compilation of hugs and little fun times) and feelings during that long instrumental bridge. bye.

I still dream about you and it hurts. I hate that I had to cut you out of my life but what I found out about you hurt.

I’m glad your ear piercings I gave you got you laid. Made me feel real good about what I did for free.

You were the first guy I fell in love with and I've been trying to make it without you but I just want you back

You made me believe you cared about me. And you promised you wouldn’t leave but you destroyed our friendship to the point where I had to leave for my own good. Then you claimed it was because you didn’t like me like the way I liked you. Now you’re trying to come back in my life but I’m not going to let you.

Even though you broke my heart in the process, you showed me that I was capable of love and some of the things I want in a relationship. Thank you for that

i hate you so much and i hate what you did to me and most of all i hate that i still think of you and i hate that i dont know if you still think about me too

Im really glad that we're friends again, i forgot how much i missed you. Thanks for not making me feel like shit when everyone ignores me

When we first met i got this crazy feeling. and even though you fucked me over i’m still so helplessly in love with you and i wish I wasn’t cos it kills me seeing you with her.

I hope you know how much you helped me. I hope I helped you in a way too. I'm sad it's come to this, to becoming strangers, but I hope you're happy.

i miss u. i wish we could have had something but i let my past ruin things. i shouldn’t have been scared because i knew you were a great guy from the start. i’m sorry