Unsent Messages

i'm sorry that i'm not the child that you want and that i will never be. but i'm tired of putting you and everyone before myself. i'm tired of you constantly emotionally manipulating me into doing everything. you never loved me and it shows in every way possible, your words and actions. you always invalidated my feelings and made me feel like a piece of shit. i shouldn't be the one wanting to fix our relationship, i'm a fucking kid. my mom shouldn't be the one that i fear the most. you make fun of me for everything as if i didn't already notice and wish that it'd change. you'd say i was eating too much so i eat less and now you make fun of me and say that i'm afraid of getting fat. sometimes i wish that you would just fuck off and stop taking out your anger on me which if you havent already noticed, has hurt me in so many ways and i don't think i'll get better anytime soon. you should've gave me up for adoption since i clearly am not what you wanted.