Unsent messages to F

I just talked to you five minutes ago. At the same time, I didn't. Every time we talk I expect to greet the caring, teasing, and sarcastic boy who stole my heart. The person who still has a piece of me. instead, i always meet someone new; someone who doesn't give a single shit about me, someone who forgot all of our inside jokes, someone who doesn't let me wear his shirt anymore, someone who isn't there for me when my family is falling apart. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's my fault that we never worked out and I'm so sorry for how I treated you. You make me act crazy and nervous and irrational. How can I apologize to a brick wall that I constructed myself? A new brick with every missed text, a scoop of grout with every date I dodged. I miss you. Every time I hear one of the hundreds of songs you've sent me, my heart cartwheels and I think of watching the sunset with you, of sitting on the train, of staying up all night talking, of a warm comforting glow in my chest knowing that you exist. The real you is fading, wispy, translucent, a ghost that resides only within the hard walls of my mind. But I guess that isn't you, just who you were, who I wanted you to be.. it doesn't matter. Just that You don't exist to me anymore. And it hurts with every single small, meaningless, empty pleasantry we exchange.

i think i'm over u. but i need u to know that if u told me u loved me i would rush back in a heartbeat. and that terrifies me. i don't think feeling like that about someone is healthy, especially if they treat me like u did.
one day u made me feel like the prettiest most important girl in the world and suddenly u didnt talk to me that much anymore. eventually we grew apart. and then my friends had to tell me u fell in love with someone else. and the worst thing is that i can't be mad at u because u were never mine to begin with. but hell did it feel like it. and i guess it broke my heart even more that it was so easy to just forget me, especially because i know i'll never forget u. even if it wasn' official, u were still the first guy i ever loved. but i moved on, i really did, i only think of u when it get's bad like rn...

we lost each other in a wind blow, and the moon will always remind me of you.
if u are reading: i love you, after all this time.

I love everything about you from your AMAZING smile to your personnality everything about you is perfect

i realised i loved you when you came into every room and put a smile on my face and when your mood changed it changed mine

i wish you could’ve heard the way i spoke about you for the past 3 years and now that you are actually here you don’t even want to speak to me and now i can’t even talk about you because my best friend likes you and i love you but i can’t do anything about because you don’t want to talk to me and i can’t hurt her but i am competing with 2 people right now and one of them hold your hand everyday and the other is my bestfriend so i can’t do ANYTHING and it hurts me so much

i’am in love with your eyes, your smile, your voice and your very thing about you. i am in love with you and i wish i wasn’t but i just am

I wrote so many of these for you in the past 4 years. You’ll never know, but our story lies right here

There’s so much I still have to say. You think I have a dumb crush, and I cry at night to playlist I made about you

Everybody saw this coming. I did. I know you did, too. Me falling in love with you was inevitable.
I’m sorry.

i miss u sm man. i lost one of my best friends, and i’m sorry if i’m distant, but you don’t understand how you hurt me, and you never apologised or explained your choices. i still think about you as if we were close but it’s been 9 months... miss you

i really hoped you would realize but you didn't. now we are just friends and i want to say im ok with it. i think it wasn't the right time for us or maybe im just in love with the idea i had of you

I wasn't lying when I said that I loved you, hell I still fucking do. yet every time we talk I feel so exhausted, I'm always there for you and you know I always will be but why can't you do the same? is that too much to ask of you? Am I being selfish here? I know you say you’re bad at comforting and all but guess what so am I yet I still fucking try for you. Guess you can't do the same,huh? I don't hate you for this surprisingly, i've told you this before but i don't think i can hate you. Do you really love me though? Do you need me in your life? Or do you want me in your life?

You turned into someone I no longer recognised and resent you for that but I can’t seem to let you go

remember that letter you wrote me, fuck you it didn't mean anything to you
-if your thinking this is about you, it is

i still can´t believe that you let me go so easily, you said that we´re soulmates, that I was the love of your life, why? why you did this to me? it´s been 6 months now, when will you stop hurting me?

you don’t owe me anything anymore and i understand why you chose her, it just hurt me more than you can know

i wish i could've made you stay.
the world isn't colorful anymore without you and your sunflower is dying

Everyday I realize mine was not romantic love for you but fear of never being loved. It was an illusion for both of us.
I'm sorry.

i really hope your next bitch takes your heart and shits on it then shatter it like how you did to me, die.

I cry every single night because of you and you dont even notice or care:) I hope that my love for you will fade as yours did for me.

Why do I have to compromise all the time? Why are you so oblivious? This relationship seems one sided to me. I deserve someone better.

F, meeting you has been the worst thing that has happened to me in a long time. I hope I will not meet you in the next life or the ones to come.

i still question why i let you treat me like that and i’m ashamed for always giving u another chance :(

Te amo con toda mi vida, porque me cambiaste a ser una mejor persona, tenes una super personalidad y sos muy divertido.

hey, i’m sorry i left. i really didn’t want to but i think it was better for both of us and you practically gave me every reason/hint to. you would repeatedly tell me “we have nothing in common,” which is true, but i still wanted to at least try and make things work out. you wouldn’t really put effort either. after that, you would take from hours to days to respond and gave me no explanation of why whatsoever, and no, “i was busy” isn’t valid. i don’t hate you at all but no matter how hard i tried to stay friends, you always made it so obvious you weren’t willing to put in the same effort to keep me in your life. but that’s totally alright, and i’m becoming kind of glad that you did. never in my life did i think i’d ever leave you, and to be completely honest, i think there was a misunderstanding between us because i didn’t mean to. but i’ve understood my worth clearer and i’ve seen “us” from and outsider’s perspective. it's required for me to love myself first before i can have anyone else love me. for this, i’m letting you go, which is painful; i miss you. but i know it’d do nothing but harm for me, as i only want to be your friend, but can’t watch you with somebody else. i know by staying in your life, you’d catch feelings as well (if you already lost them), and we’d both have to go through all this pain of not having each other in our daily lives again. or you’d catch feeling for someone else, and i’d have to pretend i’m fine with it. i want to say that time mends everything and we just need time apart, but as much as i want you, i really don’t think you’re my person and neither am i yours. who knows what the future holds; we might find each other again, if we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. but as of now, i just wanted to say goodbye. and thank you for all your happy memories. goodnight f

U know what u did, but I can't let u suffer, and even though u don't notice I'm always checking on you.
Hope u ate today.

i love you so much. i'm sorry for my bad attitude... please give me another chance.. here i am listening to the first song that u sang to me..

I write this in purple because its your favorite color. I miss you. You dont know how much I wish things work this time, but I know that we dont work.

just wanted to let you know that i think about you everyday. i miss when we would still ft and talk. even though we never talked like that and we were only friends, i always felt some type of way about you, and i always wondered if you felt the same way about me. i think you did at the beginning and everytime i loose hope, something gets mentioned about you. there’s a reason we met, and though we haven’t spoken in months, i know there’s a reason why your always on my mind and why there’s always random signs of you. i hope we find our way back to eachother

Every time you get close to me, I feel my heart racing.
Every time you touch me, all I want is to kiss you.
Every time you’re on my mind all I want is to be with you. I’ll always love you.
x R

i´ve been in love w you for many years, i always wanted to be able to spend more time w you but im shy :( i really wish u would talk to me one day.. ily

You were my first love. The guy my whole family wanted to meet. The one guy my oma approved of. Now our time together is a distant memory

one day I felt everything then I couldn't even remember,I never really knew if I really loved you. =/

Why do you always come back to me and leave me alone afterwards? And why I go back to you every time?

I am to afraid to say this but i fall for you more and more everyday. I know youre not intro girls and that is alright but I know that it will break my heart one day. I dont know how much longer I can hold this i fucking love you

somos e éramos amigos. via-te como um porto de abrigo, assim como vejo hoje. podia nem sempre ser para me dizeres que ia ficar tudo bem. porque às vezes, as coisas tinham que mudar muito para correr tudo bem. às vezes és bruto, mas eu gosto de ti assim. no outro dia dei por mim a pensar em ti. a pensar no que seria se estivesses comigo quando, há um ano por esta altura, desejei. esperei, esperei e esperei. esperei demasiado. perdi tempo a ver-te apaixonares-te por outra pessoa. e tive que te ver todos os dias a ser feliz com ela. quando eu queria que fosse aquele o meu lugar. não seríamos as pessoas perfeitas, disso tenho a certeza. até porque ninguém o é. mas a partir do momento em que estou contigo, toda a realidade escapa. e eu só te quero abraçar. dizer o que sinto sinceramente. mas não me cabem tantas palavras na boca. nem tu saberias como aguentar. amo-te e vou te amar até sempre. de uma maneira ou outra. keep rocking. i will too. with or without u.

Not a day goes by the that i don’t think about you, you’re my first thought when i wake up and my last when i head to bed. So how on earth did we end up becoming strangers so quickly? We used to stay up all night talking about our hopes and dreams just to randomly ghost each other without any explanation.

i hate looking back at our old messages because it makes me upset but makes me happy at the same time

you were in love with her and I was in love with you. It sucked seeing you happy with her and not me.

when i heard you had a girlfriend for months, it made me feel nothing actually. guess i’m over you:( writing this makes me wanna cry tho

even when you tease and argue with me, i still love it because at least we talked. you're always on my mind, God i cant stop thinking about you. its like im addicted, but of course you love her... its always gonna be her, isn't it ? i just wish you would give me a bit more attention. sometimes i think i love you i mean i always do fall for the type of people i can never have.

hey, it's been a while. Idk where to start. I know that we've talked over this but I really thought that we were going to work out. I even thought you wanted to give us a second chance, but I guess you didn't. I truly regret listening to her, and I'm sorry for not trusting you. I knew that my friends just wanted to look out for me because I catch feelings to fast, and I did ofc. But that soonly disappeared after you sent that last text. Did you know that it made me cry omw to school? I was a mess.

I REALLY MISS YOU, I REGRET ABOUT EVERYTHING I DID WRONG, I WOUDL LIKE CRY IN YOUR SHOULDERS AGAIN WHILE YOU HOLD MY HANDS BETWEEN YOURS

it's been over two years and my heart still flutters sometimes when i think of the way you used to look at me and your laugh. but i thank you for making the decision to leave our shitty town because if you hadn't, i never would have let you go no matter how much i needed to. there is still a large whole in my heart where yours used to fit that i am still working to fill but just know i don't regret a second of our time together.

thank you for everything you did for me. Thank you for always making me feel special. And I'm sorry for whatever I said that made you stop talking to me. I still love you doe.

i love your laugh, your messy hair, your humor, everything about you. i just wish you'd let me be there for you. i know u need it right now .

I missed you a lot. I’d cry every time our song would come on. But not anymore. You always put me second and I had enough. I deserve better. What hurt me the most was you saying you wasted your time with me. When all I did was try my best. I was starting to believe maybe trusting wasn’t that hard. But turns out you didn’t care about me. You showed me that when others put me second, I’ll always have myself to put me first. So fuck you for making me feel like I’m nothing more than a second option. Fuck you for making me feel worthless. Fuck you, but hope you have a nice rest of your life :)

we were suppose to go to a poem night and meet your "soulmate" and now we don't even talk LMAO that shit hurts, from one year to the next we were nothing. sometimes i wonder if our friendship meant anything.

I don't remember the exact day I realized my feelings for you but when I did, I cried. It was so silly because I knew one day I would have to tell you and I was scared to put our friendship at risk like that. We're friends, I consider you my close friend but I'm not sure if you consider me one too. You've done so much for me and I haven't done anything for you. I guess you're one of my reasons for pushing forward and doing better in life and as a person. When I'm in your arms, there's this brief moment where the world slows down and all I can feel is your heart beating. I love those little moments so much I wonder if you experience the same thing as I.I'm sorry for not telling you this in person but maybe one day.