Unsent messages to CHARLIE

I want to tell you so much yet I know I never can because if I do the whole dam will break and I'm afraid of the outcomes.

ur my 2am thoughts. my nightly prayers. my morning latte. i love you but your bound to break my heart.

im so sorry i feel out of love in fear of getting hurt. you didnt deserve this. i wish you a love brighter than the sun, u deserve it.

This color makes me think of you. You’re always on my mind and I wish so bad I could redo things with you. BFS sucks btw but I still listen to them bc it was your favorite.

I couldn't bring myself to tell you I liked because my friend did and now I have to live with that guilt forever

please call me your lucky charm just one more time. i just need to know that were okay. i just want us to be okay
please hug me.

were still messaging, huh? im not weak, then why am i writing this? am i going to end up saying "heyyy loverboyyyy i sent u some messages ;lolollol okay bye" over amino???

We were talking just a few seconds ago. You're saying it's fine, but I don't know if I can really believe that fact. Why am I even typing this? Because I'm too fucking afraid. You'll just say "it's okay" but I want closure. I want you to be specific. I'm sorry I'm so rude. I'm sorry. I wish I could say this was my last message to you, but if you're seeing this, I probably told you beforehand, right? I tell you everything, even the things I don't want to. But I can't manage to say this. I'm sorry. You're probably tired of me saying that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm so weak. I'm sorry that I could never be good enough. I'm sorry I can't even say this to your face.

the thing that hurts the most is that you say you felt nothing even though I poured as much as i could into you

thank you for being my best friend and sticking by me no matter what. we annoy each other sometimes but its all in the name of love...

I loved you. You broke me heart. I thought u was going to spend the rest of my life with you. I will never go back to you. You hurt me so much and you didn’t even realize it. You barely knew me when I was truly in love with you.

you left 5 days before my birthday. thank u bc even though i cry about you, i was able to deal with it then instead of now.

I’m sorry I can’t seem to leave you alone. It’s just that you were the last place that felt like home.

honestly you made me smile for over a year. i don't know what you did to me but it was great until it crashed.

t’s funny to read back your old letters. The ones from when we thought that we would never lose each other.

I put in 110% and you put in 20%. The second I stopped putting in effort, there was nothing left of our relationship. A hard pill to swallow.

the first boy that I ever talked to for a long ass time. nothing ever happened and I never even met him.

i know my best friends pretty cool. yes it broke my heart but the entertainment i get from watching you two.

i miss you more than i say i do. i don't feel like the world is crashing down anymore though. it just feels like i'll never get you back as someone i trusted with my whole life again. i'm trying to let go, but how can i let go when i thought you were the one. you were only supposed to be in my life for a period of time to help me, and i didn't know that then but i do now. i don't want you back even though i miss you because i never want to feel the way i did when you left. i just want my best friend back, but at this point, that's too much to ask for. i have to let you go. hopefully, i can do that soon.

i love you like no one before. i have never truly known what its like to fall in love but now i do. although you are miles away you are forever in my mind and heart. i really don't deserve you. how did i get so lucky. you mean everything and more to me. i cant bear the thought of ever losing you.

thats all. i love you.

when it comes to you, i cant express why i feel so broken inside. its not the same anymore. something about you being with any other girl overwhelms me with jealousy, or maybe regret? was it something i said, or something you heard from her?

I fucked up and I miss you. I wanna be your friend again. But, if I were you I wouldn't ever speak to me again

i know you didnt know how i felt, i know you didnt know what you were doing, i know you dont know still. but you fucking screwed me over so many times in so many ways. you dont even talk to me anymore. you asked me long term questions and now act like i dont even exist, and on my fucking birthday too are you fucking kidding? you were a rollercoaster that i wanted to get off but never could. you were the first guy i cried over. even my mom knew something was up. i cant forgive you for that and believe me ive tried. but thanks because now im not the same as i was, now i know a bullshitter when i see one :)

why do you still give me butterflies when i think about you ... yet you left so long ago for no reason

charlie, no matter how badly i try to convince myself to stop loving you and move on and let you be, one single smile from you pushes me right back down and im filled with happiness and angry at myself for letting you do that.

For the first time in years I trusted someone, and it was you. It’s a-shame you we completely oblivious to it

I thought that i always acted different around you than i did my other friends. it turns out this whole time i was acting different around them not you

i loves you so much. i’m miss you i’m sad i moved because i feel like we’d still be friends:( i hope i can see you soon!

I never expected us to end, especially the way it did, but it had to happen for me to learn about how I should actually be loved. I loved you and you'll always be my first love, but you hurt me so much. I know there's somebody better for me out there who won't make me doubt their love for me. Ever. I'm so proud of myself for getting past you. I hope you're doing good, cause I know I am.

I loved you and treated you like my first love. You were never fair to me. You expressed your love with words but I with deeds, and the words are blown away. Now you took your way and I took mine.

Haven’t talked to you in over a month. I can’t believe how things change so fast. But I have hope we will reunite and things will be right again :)

I only hurt you because i could never accept someone cared about me the way u did. sorry i think about you everyday and hope u can care for urself the way u cared about me. because i never said it i love you

I thought you were my first love but I don’t think I’ve found that yet. I was in love with the idea of you but not you.

im sorry everything’s confusing. i cant love u until i learn to even tolerate myself. u deserve the world bro

ive always had this crush on you, even tho its unrequited. ill still smile everytime we have a class together, and look at you when something funny happens hoping youll look back. its one of the stupidest things in my life but i’ll always think
your just so cool

this is the second one i've written to you, but why did you lead me on? why did you always view my stories first? why did you make goofy faces at me across hallways, and stop walking just to talk to me? why did you always act so secretive when i asked who you liked? why did you text me almost everyday? why did your brother always joke about us flirting? why did you always smile when you saw me? when i walked in to your 2nd period class on the first day of school, why did your face light up? why did you wave at me every morning? why did you have to get my hopes up when you didn't love me back?

You were wrong. I have someone that treats me better than you. That has to sting a bit Bc you said I’d never find someone who treats me better. Remember I was forced into a relationship with you. Just know that I will be happier and more successful than you in every way for forever. You were wrong

i am unbelievably in love with you. as much as i think about you, a small part of me is begging you to click out of this tab and forget you read that. who knows if you even know this website. i just need to rant about how much i love you. ive had feelings for you on and off for two years and im ashamed that at some points i felt ashamed to like you, and im scared that you dont like me, and i hope you know how fucking hard it is for me to smile and be supportive and tell you to ask out other people or tell you that i like someone else while in my head im screaming that im in love with you and the truth is that charlie its always been you. its always been you in the back of my head whispering that a friendship as great as ours could mean a relationship greater, and the one thing holding me back is my dumb fucking self esteem which i'm afraid might be right for telling me that i am such an annoying lump of fat and arrogance and that ill never be good enough for your fluffy hair that you refuse to accept is damaged and your teeth which you hate but i think are cute and the way you hate your eyes because to you it feels like the one thing that fits the beauty standard. charlie i love your eyes because they make me want to giggle and they make my happy and theres so much more i want to tell you. i could tell you how many nights ive been paralyzed by the calories or the number on the scale or the hundredth of a grade point that ive imagine you next to me, holding me tightly and whispering into my ear until i fall asleep. or i could tell you how hard it was for me to admit to the only other two friends i have that i trust that i liked you, or i could tell you that every time i've starved myself its been for you and that sounds so fucked up but literally all i want is for you to hold me and tell me nothing matters and all i want is for you to look over at me abd sincerely think im beatiful and all i want is for you to love me. but that will never happen. because im scared. and because i love you enough that i would rather get to have you as a friend than not at all and i beg you please forget you read this. i hope you didn't find this. even if it's just this websites fucking algorythm reading this i just need someone to know that i don't know how much longer i can pretend that i only love you platonically. and jesus christ i feel to young to be feeling this intensely but i cant help that and im so sorry and if you will please fucking forget that you read any of this.

I should have hugged you for that dare instead of telling you the things I “liked” about you :/ Imma go cry now

I sent in an anonymous post here last... July? It was about how you would never like me back. WELL, while we were on a call today, you confessed that you liked me! (and that you have been feeling that way for months now) Welp, I'm still smitten. Goddamn, too bad we're 13,000 km away. But it's fine, you like me back and that's all that matters. I'm fucking falling for you.

I sent in an anonymous post here last... July? It was about how you would never like me back. WELL, while we were on a call today, you confessed that you liked me! (and that you have been feeling that way for months now) Welp, I'm still smitten. Goddamn, too bad we're 13,000 km away. But it's fine, you like me back and that's all that matters. I'm fucking falling for you.

I feel like you want me to prioritise you over everything else in my life but won't do the same for me and I feel it's breaking us apart

Our platonic love was my worst heartbreak. There was never an official end, just silence. I want you back in my life.

Platonic love was my worst heart break. There was never an official end. Just silence. I want you back in my life

i fell for you, i know i shouldn’t have but i did. and now u barely acknowledge my existence and it broke me.

i hate you.
i hate your stupid brown hair.
and your stupid eyes.
and your stupid dimples when you smile.
and the bracelet you wear.
and the watch that you left at my house that one time.
and your laugh.
and your dumb jokes.
and the voice you used when you used to mock the things i said.
i hate the way you would kiss my cheek.
or my head.
or the way you would rest your head on mine when i leaned on your shoulder.
or the way you tucked my hair behind my ear for me.
and above all, i hate that i didnt even fucking mean a single word of that.
i hate you.

i hope you're happy, you know. i hope you're happy that you lied to me and practically led me on. i mean, if you had any doubts at all, ANY, even ONE, you should've kept your mouth shut. if you had any second-guesses or anything of the sort, you should have never told me all of those things. you should have never even told me anything at all. you should have gone home that night, not saying a word, and figured out what the hell was going on in your mind yourself before you brought someone else into your bullshit.

i think i'm getting better. slowly, sure, but i am. its still hard to come to terms with the fact that you're done with me. i've made new friends, you know. i think i might be starting to move on. i'm not saying i found someone new, because i still don't want to give up on you yet; i still feel like it's not really over. but, if it is, then it is. at least i'll have people who actually give a fuck by my side.

I’m tired of missing you. Don’t come back please just leave I can’t do it any longer. You had my heart for two months and now you’ve got my mind forever I just can’t do it

I've finally stopped thinking about you. I don't think you'll ever realise how much you hurt me, but I'm glad it's over.