From: ABC
To: charlie
Date: November 9, 2020, 1:43 am
i am unbelievably in love with you. as much as i think about you, a small part of me is begging you to click out of this tab and forget you read that. who knows if you even know this website. i just need to rant about how much i love you. ive had feelings for you on and off for two years and im ashamed that at some points i felt ashamed to like you, and im scared that you dont like me, and i hope you know how fucking hard it is for me to smile and be supportive and tell you to ask out other people or tell you that i like someone else while in my head im screaming that im in love with you and the truth is that charlie its always been you. its always been you in the back of my head whispering that a friendship as great as ours could mean a relationship greater, and the one thing holding me back is my dumb fucking self esteem which i'm afraid might be right for telling me that i am such an annoying lump of fat and arrogance and that ill never be good enough for your fluffy hair that you refuse to accept is damaged and your teeth which you hate but i think are cute and the way you hate your eyes because to you it feels like the one thing that fits the beauty standard. charlie i love your eyes because they make me want to giggle and they make my happy and theres so much more i want to tell you. i could tell you how many nights ive been paralyzed by the calories or the number on the scale or the hundredth of a grade point that ive imagine you next to me, holding me tightly and whispering into my ear until i fall asleep. or i could tell you how hard it was for me to admit to the only other two friends i have that i trust that i liked you, or i could tell you that every time i've starved myself its been for you and that sounds so fucked up but literally all i want is for you to hold me and tell me nothing matters and all i want is for you to look over at me abd sincerely think im beatiful and all i want is for you to love me. but that will never happen. because im scared. and because i love you enough that i would rather get to have you as a friend than not at all and i beg you please forget you read this. i hope you didn't find this. even if it's just this websites fucking algorythm reading this i just need someone to know that i don't know how much longer i can pretend that i only love you platonically. and jesus christ i feel to young to be feeling this intensely but i cant help that and im so sorry and if you will please fucking forget that you read any of this.
