Unsent messages to AIDAN

i loved you for so long, but it wasnt clear enough for neither of us, it started in the third grade the first time ive seen ur face, ever sense the moment it was something i couldn’t retrace, im almost in the seventh grade now, i still love you. i know were bestfriends but it hurts like hell not having you.. I remember in the fourth grade into the fifth we took a break from our friendship we didn’t talk for six months it hurts so bad not being able to text you telling you how I feel because you were always there for me our friendship felt so real, you came back A couple months ago and that’s how I knew I still loved you because the feeling never left and it feels as new as you and i, i hope one day youll tell me you love me even if it’s just as friends, u mean alot to me ur boyfriend i never had.

I know we're pulled to each other and I truly think our time will come. Sweet dreams, better realities.

i wish i knew how to love myself before we ever started a relationship. i hope u are doing well & wish nothing but the best for you

It’s been five years, but my heart still jumps when I hear your name. I have to remind myself that I don’t know you anymore. I guess part of me will always love you a little bit, Tiger.

i tried so hard for you and in the end you still refused to change. it was stupid of me to think i was worth changing for

I wish you cared. I wish you would text me first, ask me to hang, etc. It's truly a bummer because I would always say yes.

ik you're moved on and wouldn't think twice about me now. but i'd drop everything & everyone if u facetimed

I hate how differently our lives turned out. I wish I could've been there for you, if you would've let me.

I am SO much smarter than you ever made me feel like I was my dude!! I hope you learn true empathy instead of empathy put on for show. I wish you happiness.

I have your hoodie. I never washed it. You caused me so much pain but I still wear it and use it for comfort.

i wish i had told you before it was too late. you have a girlfriend now so i don’t even know how to talk to you and i cant handle it because i want, so desperately, to talk to you. at this point i’d settle for being just friends but honestly i don’t know how to do that and it’s just so hard. everything about loving you is hard but here i am i guess. i just want to be there for you but i don’t know how to do that when she’s already there. all i want is to talk to you like we used to

i love you, but not like that, not anymore. we're just too different, and I'm sorry. and I'm even more sorry you still love me

I don't think I actually loved you. I screwed up so many parts of my life by dating you. I wish I could take it all back.

i wish you were mine. you play with my feelings like no other. you only care when you want. i love you.

Although, I wouldn’t consider it love. U were love for what I knew it to be. It hurt but I am grateful.

Why did you lead me on so bad I was ready to give everything to you but to you I was just another play

You told me that time proves you loved me more. I tried to hold on to what we had, and it hurt me really bad. I'm sorry.

i miss u. we were so close. i feel like youre not trying anymore. i always text first and u almost never answer. it feels like a waste of time. im sorry if i did something because i really, really love u

I never believed in love until I met you. Everything in my life seems gray except you. You are my color.

i miss you loser, everyday. you don't even realize. i wanna play mine craft and baseball with you. I want to sneak out, get energy drinks, and talk while we watch the stars. you mean a lot, love you kiddo.

You can’t tell me you fell out of love and then start talking about our future together it’s fucked. You broke me and now you are trying to keep me wrapped around your finger whenever you can tell I’m moving on.

I truly thinK thAT we are meant to be. I love the way you smile and the way youR EyEs glow when you smile and laugh. I love talking to You. I love everything About you, you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever met. Im so Lucky to have you. Please dOn’t leave me. I’ve never feLt such a way about anyone. Yes, I might look back at this and laugh like crazy because were still young. But please don’t leave me, you’re so special to me.

i miss us. i miss talking to u. i miss when u cared about me. i miss getting butterflies when i saw ur name. i miss u complimenting me. i miss day dreaming about being with you. i don’t know why u didn’t give us a chance. i was ready to give u my all. i was in love with you. these other guys just aren’t u. i’ll never know why u left, but i dream about u coming back every single day. u liked my post the other day. what does that mean about us? even though i tell everyone i’m over u, i’m not. if u texted me right now i would 100% answer. please come back.

i dreamt of you a few nights ago. now you live in my head 24/7 which sucks ass bc i was just getting over you.

The new year is coming around and part of me is hoping you’ll text me. Regardless, I just wanted to say thanks for being a huge part of my life these last few years despite everything I still love you and want nothing but the best for you. Have a great year dude hope 2021 treats you well.

we are meant for each other. maybe not in this life, but maybe in the next. i know we’ll be together someday.

Hi. It's been awhile since i've texted you. If i'm being honest, i never got over you. No matter how much i tried you would still be on my mind. Thank you for being my first love.

hey love. merry christmas. you always told me christmas was just a ploy used by the govt to take more money from us, but i hope you get over that and have a lovely christmas.

I may act like I hate you, but I never can and never will. Im so sorry for what happened. I wish I could tell you how bad I am hurting right now. How I feel like my life is crumbling in front of me, my thoughts slowly killing me.That Im back in my old habits I never thought I would be, but I wouldn't wanna disappoint you. I don't want you to worry about me. I cant get myself to admit it to anyone, even myself. There is no worse feeling than the ones I am feeling right now. I wish more than anything we were meant to be. I thought we would find our way back to each other as we traveled the world, but I have to get that fantasy out of my head. Im drowning while it feels like you're on top of the world. Im starting to realize our differences, realizing we were never meant to be. Maybe it was just young, careless love. Maybe I was in way over my head, convincing myself you were the one meant for me. Either way, you meant the world to me and I would not erase the memories If my life depended on it. I tell everyone Im over it, but I'm not sure I will ever be. Im sorry for all the silly fights I caused, I wish I could erase them all. I love you. We may not have been perfect, but it felt like it to me. Its time for me to start letting go now.

words could never describe what i need to say to you. there’s almost no reasonable way for me to tell you any of the things i’ve wanted to tell you. i think that’s one of the reasons i’ve held back for so long. yes, i have reached out before... but it was extremely underwhelming with what i WANTED to say.
i just can’t explain myself, and i shouldn’t have that privilege. i hurt you in ways i’ve never intended to hurt anyone ever. never in a million years did i see myself doing that to you, to us.
all i can tell you is i was in an extremely bad place personally, and i let it destroy us. i let myself make horrible choices.
i know it doesn’t even amount to an apology, because honestly i don’t think i should have the right to apologize.
i just... i’m very sorry for hurting you. i am so sorry i let you see that much pain in me. i’m sorry that you had to suffer through the end of our relationship. i’m sorry for the night that you called and i sat and listened to you cry with almost no emotion in my voice.
i’m sorry for the time that you texted me about a friend who you were starting to hate. and i’m sorry for not telling you i knew you meant me.
you do not know what damage my actions have done for me. i cried over you for months. months and months i suffered from so much pain because of what happened.
i slept with the bear stuffed animal every night. i cried on it, i got mad at it even though he didn’t do anything.
i reminisced on all of our old stuff.
but i’ve moved on completely.
it doesn’t mean i don’t think about you, because i do. obviously.
and i know you think about me, at least enough to keep checking my stories.
but i don’t feel the same pain i used to. maybe i should, but i don’t.
i hope you don’t still hurt for it, because i just
don’t want you to hurt anymore.
i’m so proud of everything you’ve done so far. i’m so proud of all your work and all your achievements without me. i wish i could be there to see them, but were both better off away from eachother i think.
i think of you always,
i think of you in every movie i watch.
i think of you every time i see ducks.
i think of you every time i watch the oscars, which i know is a little weird. the point is i do still think of you.
even if you never see this, i hope some how you know that i am sorry.
- ?

why did u say it? why did you say u loved me when you didn’t. why did i say it back. and i know u didn’t mean it like that. and neither did i. but i just don’t understand why u said it and now you barely talk to me anymore. what happened to the way it was at the beginning.

if you wanted to talk to me i know you would. i feel so bad for how i ended it, but i was just waiting for you to talk to me every day. im sorry i was so rude dude but i needed to be in control with how i felt. you dont love me. i miss you so much. you were my first love. its been about a month and i still cant really comprehend this. just the thought of you makes me cry. i hate how this is the only way i can talk to you. i just want to lay with you again aidan. remember all the good times we had please.

i don’t know what i was thinking when i said yes. i should have rejected you, they gave me all the warning signs and told me the awful things you’d done, but i chose to ignore it and believe you. you made me think i was in love, but it really wasn’t. you have issues. i’m actually glad you broke up with me, because i don’t know how long it would have taken me to do it myself. fuck you.

No one will ever compare to you. I fell in love with you when I was 10 and I will never fall out of it.

i still care about you no matter how much you hate me. i hate how much i still miss you. i wish things could've been different.

i always wonder where and how far we could have gone, it sucks we never got to fully know each other. u missed out of someone who would have given you the world, but i cant force you to see that

I haven't stopped thinking about you since the day we met. I miss you even though you were never really mine. I want to tell you so badly but you have a different life now & seem happier without talking to me everyday

I didn't know it then but I loved you. Our relationship was sweet, innocent and you were taken too soon. I wonder all the time what we could have been.

This is the last one of these I'm going to write. I need closure. everything about you was perfect aidan. I just don't think you were perfect for me. maybe later in life i'll see you again. but for now, goodbye. ps- hotel for dogs is and always will be an amazing movie.

i’m so sorry i left you. you’re the absolute love of my life, my forever. thank you for taking me back. i love you.

your name no longer rolls sweetly off my tongue. as time wears on, i find it increasingly difficult to spit out such a foreign word. my lips have outgrown your name, wandering off to find something new

i still really miss you. please still love me. youve broken my heart dude but i just want to speak to you

I love you. I know you never felt the same way. I put my all into you. I was just an easy FWB but you were more to me and I will never forget you. To me you were the right person wrong time. You took a part of my heart and I just want to be able to be with you. Why did you have to break me like this.

When you died apart of me did too. I hope you've found peace up there. I dream of when ill see you again. Until the next time we meet...

i hope we work it out 1 day. u are my everything and it’s sad that i’m no longer urs.
i will love u 4eva x

ik youre the right choice, ur amazing, the best guy i could ask for. i just. youll always have a special place in my heart. and ik im too late this time

I don't know if I loved you but now I hate you. fuck you. You keep choosing the same girl who wants nothing to do with you and you're always walking over me. You ruined cigarettes after sex for me and now I cant listen to them. Fuck you

every once in a while you come back and every time you leave it hurts 10 times more, please stop hurting me.

I always thought I knew what it felt like to be in love until I met you and u showed me how much more there is to feel and exist for

i'm completely in love with who you could be. every second with you hurts more than you could ever imagine.