I really don't know what went wrong between us. Sometimes I still wonder if you had texted me back that day, would we still be together?

I can't go to bed without thinking of you. You were just another reminder that I'm not good enough for anyone. That there is always another girl out there who is better than me somehow.

words could never describe what i need to say to you. there’s almost no reasonable way for me to tell you any of the things i’ve wanted to tell you. i think that’s one of the reasons i’ve held back for so long. yes, i have reached out before... but it was extremely underwhelming with what i WANTED to say.
i just can’t explain myself, and i shouldn’t have that privilege. i hurt you in ways i’ve never intended to hurt anyone ever. never in a million years did i see myself doing that to you, to us.
all i can tell you is i was in an extremely bad place personally, and i let it destroy us. i let myself make horrible choices.
i know it doesn’t even amount to an apology, because honestly i don’t think i should have the right to apologize.
i just... i’m very sorry for hurting you. i am so sorry i let you see that much pain in me. i’m sorry that you had to suffer through the end of our relationship. i’m sorry for the night that you called and i sat and listened to you cry with almost no emotion in my voice.
i’m sorry for the time that you texted me about a friend who you were starting to hate. and i’m sorry for not telling you i knew you meant me.
you do not know what damage my actions have done for me. i cried over you for months. months and months i suffered from so much pain because of what happened.
i slept with the bear stuffed animal every night. i cried on it, i got mad at it even though he didn’t do anything.
i reminisced on all of our old stuff.
but i’ve moved on completely.
it doesn’t mean i don’t think about you, because i do. obviously.
and i know you think about me, at least enough to keep checking my stories.
but i don’t feel the same pain i used to. maybe i should, but i don’t.
i hope you don’t still hurt for it, because i just
don’t want you to hurt anymore.
i’m so proud of everything you’ve done so far. i’m so proud of all your work and all your achievements without me. i wish i could be there to see them, but were both better off away from eachother i think.
i think of you always,
i think of you in every movie i watch.
i think of you every time i see ducks.
i think of you every time i watch the oscars, which i know is a little weird. the point is i do still think of you.
even if you never see this, i hope some how you know that i am sorry.
- ?

I may act like I hate you, but I never can and never will. Im so sorry for what happened. I wish I could tell you how bad I am hurting right now. How I feel like my life is crumbling in front of me, my thoughts slowly killing me.That Im back in my old habits I never thought I would be, but I wouldn't wanna disappoint you. I don't want you to worry about me. I cant get myself to admit it to anyone, even myself. There is no worse feeling than the ones I am feeling right now. I wish more than anything we were meant to be. I thought we would find our way back to each other as we traveled the world, but I have to get that fantasy out of my head. Im drowning while it feels like you're on top of the world. Im starting to realize our differences, realizing we were never meant to be. Maybe it was just young, careless love. Maybe I was in way over my head, convincing myself you were the one meant for me. Either way, you meant the world to me and I would not erase the memories If my life depended on it. I tell everyone Im over it, but I'm not sure I will ever be. Im sorry for all the silly fights I caused, I wish I could erase them all. I love you. We may not have been perfect, but it felt like it to me. Its time for me to start letting go now.

I hope you're doing ok... I miss you. I'll never forget what you made me feel and how I haven't ever felt that way since.

hey love. merry christmas. you always told me christmas was just a ploy used by the govt to take more money from us, but i hope you get over that and have a lovely christmas.

I mean, i want to be friends with you, but i don’t. I don’t want you to talk to me about “her”. i can’t handle my feelings when i’m around you. i’m not in control of my feelings, and i just need some time to think.

You tell me you have thought about me so much since we stopped speaking. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you

you honestly make me realize there's more to live for in life. thankyou for saving me without knowing it.

Dear Aidan,

You mean the world to me. You really do.

Even if we end up miles apart, I’d still be okay with that if we kept in touch every once in a while. I’m glad that we both know that our friendship is the type where nothing changes even if we don’t talk for months. Relationships like that are so rare and I hope that wanting to preserve that isn’t just one-sided. I feel like you and I have something that doesn’t commonly occur- there’s just a bond that keeps us connected. I know you know this, but I do care about you a lot- not necessarily in the way that I used to, but I still do have that same level, just in a different context I guess. You’ve seen me in my somewhat highs and very low lows, and every time I needed a genuine friend, you’re always there. I can’t stress enough how much that means to me.

Every word you say to me is out of kindness and genuineness, with nothing more than the intent to make me better. From my “involvement” in petty drama to struggling with establishing an identity, you always somehow manage to say the right words. It’s funny that I never listen to you, until I learn my lesson the hard way and realize that you’re always right when it comes to that. Seriously, I don’t know what I would do without you. You are too kind to me, too good of a friend, and I feel like I can’t do anything to pay you back in the same way. I just hope that you actually care as much as I’d hope to think you do. I know, sometimes I can be a pain in the ass. But you are someone I want to genuinely keep in my life regardless of where our paths may go.

I feel that strongly because of a multitude of instances, but one sticks out in particular that happened recently. At our school’s foco, I had a breakdown in the restaurant bathroom from social anxiety. I felt like a shadow the whole time I was with my group, and every time I felt like I wanted to say something, it just wouldn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I know it isn’t true, but that evening I just felt that the whole world’s eyes were judgingly rested upon me. We spent that afternoon getting ready at a girl’s house I barely knew, and I felt so out of place there being the only one that didn’t know the other two “new” girls there. I felt overwhelmed and forgotten, because everyone was so focused on themselves, the foco, and chatting with the other girls that I convinced myself they all didn’t truly acknowledge I was there. I felt awful that day. It was only until we arrived to Tyler’s for the after. The moment I saw you, everything I was ever stressed about an hour ago just faded away, and I physically felt my whole body relax from tension. The few seconds that we hugged was the happiest I was that night. I instantly forgot about every worry I made up in my mind that day, and I knew that the rest of the night would be okay.

You hold a lot of power over me, considering those circumstances. I find a relief in you that not even my friends could satisfy. Just from seeing you, a wave of calm instantly crashed over me and I forgot about the worries I created in my head. Some say that you only get a feeling like that when you meet your soulmate. I know you probably don’t agree with that (considering you’re still dating Lilly), but in my opinion, maybe not all soulmates are meant to be in a relationship. Call me crazy, but I’ve been getting into astrology lately (although I still have a lot to learn), and our two charts are actually very similar. We both have cancer moons, which means that we are both considerate, caring, and sensitive to others. That actually explains a lot, given that you always tend to get me back on my feet and I know I would do the same for you. We also both have the same temperaments, outlooks, and perspectives on life. This allows us to feel at ease with the other, and I really cherish a friendship like that.

I hope that whatever happens when we leave for college, we still get to stay in touch. Even now (and probably even more so in college), I still hope for the occasional snap from you. Although I always feel like I’m the one starting the conversations, I can feel that what you say is always genuine. You have made an impact on my life that I am thankful for, and for that reason, I hope that my life will naturally take me in a direction where I can keep you in it. I know we aren’t the bestest of friends, but I am so happy that we can still have an occasional talk as if nothing has changed.

I wish I could tell you how much you actually mean to me. Seriously, you’ve picked me up off my feet more times than we could count together. You’re one of the few that make me feel comfortable in my own skin and with who I am. There’s a part of me that still hopes for the day that we would end up together, but the rest of me knows that it would happen if life takes us that way. Please, for the sake of all the things you’ve done for me, never change who you are and how much you care for who you care about. The genuine comments and compliments you give me could only make up a fraction of how kind you actually are.

I appreciate that you continue to apologize for hurting me even though I tell you it’s okay. That just shows me that you really do care about my feelings. I actually find it quite adorable that you still look for forgiveness from me, but I hope that every time I answer it gives you a sense of closure. Please know that you could never hurt me (unless you go too far). I care about you too much to let you go. Thank you for being this kind of person for me.

You mean more to me than I could ever put into words.
One day I will say that to you.

EB

Hi. It's been awhile since i've texted you. If i'm being honest, i never got over you. No matter how much i tried you would still be on my mind. Thank you for being my first love.

i know its been awhile but the thought of us not being on the vest terms has always bugged me. i want to text you and see how youre doing but i dont think you want me to.

Now that we are together again, please don't hurt me the way you did before again. I can't go through that again.

we are meant for each other. maybe not in this life, but maybe in the next. i know we’ll be together someday.

i think i love u

come over

I still love you. And I wish it still mattered the way it did.

i wish i could see your face one last time

I should have never taken u for granted. I’m sorry. Come back

I wish we fixed what happened I can’t stop thinking of you. I miss you

if you knew how free i now i am it would eat you alive, but part of that freedom if u never knowing

You are my soulmate.

i don't know if you'll ever see this, but i miss you all the way from va.

i like your song. and i miss you all the time

I just wish me and you could be better, I miss how we were, I miss being your favorite.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you, and I don’t know why

I wish we never met so I didn’t waste all this time wondering why I wasn’t good enough for you.

I’m playing the long game, I feel like you are too.

hi baby i can’t believe we’re over i miss our little inside things and always will

You told me, "maybe in another universe". I would've done anything for it to be in this one.

i don't think ill ever get over you. Ive loved you for so long, and i don't know why.

I miss your gentle love. I’m sorry you hurt me because i hurt you. I want you to be okay.

youre such a sweet boy. im sorry i couldnt reciprocate the feelings you had for me.

remember how u said we were both too scared to follow our dreams? well im following mine, without u.

i wish it worked out I don’t know if I’ll love anyone as much as you ever again

i miss you so much sweet boy. but you arent mine. i’ll make pretty sunsets for you <3

Youre the first person to ever made me feel something (in a good way)

im so glad i get to be your girlfriend, and i hope we do truly work out <3

I never stopped thinking about you. Even after years. No one will ever compare to you. One day.

I think I'm in love with you

You’re so dense but I like you still.

You make me feel like such a lucky girl

I still think of you in the back of my mind. I always wish I didn’t reject you

i wanted it to be you.

if only the timing was better.

i love you always baby

I’m sorry for how things ended. I thought about you during those two years. I still think about you

We did it so wrong the first time.

you are the first person that made me feel butterflies

I wish we could be close and I wish you'd notice me.

I never hurt you,
Why would you do this to me?