Unsent messages to NATHAN

sometimes, when i miss you a lot, i jus wanna pick up the phone and facetime you and talk like old times

I loved you so much. You were everything to me. But you broke me into a million little pieces. Me das asco. I hope I never see your horrible face again and I hope you never do what you did to me to anybody else. I'm so much happier and not thanks to you. God put someone amazing in my life and because of them, I am able to love again.

Every time I see you or your name pop up on my screen I always get this tsunami feeling in my stomach. No not butterflies a tsunami.

the things that you said hit different, you make me feel happy and i hadn't felt that in a while. talking to you for the first time made me so happy and i still don't know why. i miss you.

you've been on my mind a lot recently. i care about you more than you realize. i really hope you're ok.

i really thought u had something and we could be a thing idk u just treated me good but maybe i was just someone to talk to for the summer bc u were bored

I wish I could go back and time & change the past. I know we are strangers now, but I miss talking to you

remember our late night phone calls just listening to the rain while laying the opposite way on our beds?

hey I know you wont see this but I miss you every second we are a apart and I just
want you back really badly. you've never disappointed me or anything I love you more than anything please

i wish we could’ve gotten a real goodbye. Or never had one at all honestly. I was so so immature . I’m so sorry . You deserved so much better than that. Up until I had met you, I had never known what ‘real love’ felt like, and when we got so close , it scared me . I pushed you away. I didn’t know how to react , and when you were going to leave that scared me even more because I didn’t want anything to change. I loved what we had, you were so perfect. I was scared to ruin that and I did what I used to do best and I pushed you away. I’m so so sorry, it was so selfish of me to do. I like to think i’ve grown a lot since then, but that’s still no excuse for how i treated you. nothing can ever excuse that. i still read that letter you gave me on my birthday lol! and i always love to look at that little fork guy, and the cool ass bracelet .I even have the polaroid of you up on my mirror still. I hope that isn’t weird , i just. like to remind myself of one of the most perfect years of my life. i love you , always! Malyssa told me your new girlfriend is pretty ;)))) You seem so so happy :,) Miss you. Hope you’re doing super well !! Also i’m so sorry about the sweater thing , I genuinely honest to god was not home. I wouldn’t ever have done anything to spite you and I got the money to buy you a new one too just so you didn’t have to worry about the stain, i’m sorry .

You ruined me. 4 years and I’m just now finding myself and loving myself again. I know what it feels like to actually be loved. I finally forgive you.

you used to lie about everything. don't I worst to know something real about you?
i haven't seen you for 9 months. you know, you could text me or whatever. maybe the reason that I am not anybody for you, i am nothing for you?

I met you in a hard moment of my life.You changed my life to better. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you so much. ?

all those painful years you had put me in with all those girls just made me love you even more and i wish it could just stop .

I love you with my whole heart. Grateful we ended up together, but I worry it won't last. You'll always be my person

I really liked you even if i didn’t show u I really did like u but I had a feeling you were gonna break my heart yk so I just took the first chance I got to leave u and I shouldn’t have did that. I should’ve texted u and spoke with u first but I didn’t and I regret that everyday. And I wish I texted u first and showed u all the love I had for u I don’t know what was wrong with me ig u just came out of no where all of a sudden and started showing me attention and it was all so sudden. But I honestly believe if we were friends for a lil longer and I got to know u some more then I would’ve 100% stayed with u. I love you and miss u so much and even tho I don’t ever want u to ever see this deep deep down I want u to because I know u feel like I hate u and I did u wrong but it’s the opposite I promise. And Ik this is gonna sound so fucking weird but I’ve always felt a connection with u the first time I saw u. But if your name happens to be Nathan and u come across this then I want u to know you’re loved. Someone in the world loves u so much even if they may not show it.

Thank you for being the one I could talk to and trust. I’m sorry it didn’t work. But maybe it will later.

i'm really really sorry for ending things. it was stupid. but we both made mistakes and i do miss you. i don't regret anything between me and you and i hope you don't either. i understand you're with someone now but if i had another chance i wouldn't mess up. also, i literally cannot get over you no matter how hard i try to move on, i always come back to you. i tried talking to someone new and it wasn't the same at all. with you, i had a 100 percent gut feeling i wanted to be with you but i didn't feel the same about this other kid. i still remember things you would text me and tell me from 7 months ago. i remember how i would smile every single time you texted me, how i told all of my friends and family about you, how no matter what i was doing i always thought about you. i still do sometimes like if a song comes on it will remind me of you, or when i'm scrolling through my memories and find pictures of when we were dating. i really really hope you're happy with her and i hope she's happy with you. if i'm being completely honest i wish i was with you but for now, i hope you guys treat each other right and make so many happy memories.

loving you was the greatest thing I have done in my life so far. a piece of my heart will forever belong to you; I will want you, always.

I didn't realise I could fall in love with someone so quickly. You've really enchanted me to the point where you're all I'm thinking about. I hate that we might have to spend some time apart when you're only a 20 minute walk away. I want this to work so badly and I am so afraid of fucking up and having you not love me anymore.
I hope that one day I get to read back on this and smile and know that it really did all work out in the end.
G

i'm trying my best to live for you and i'm trying to be good so i can meet you up in heaven. miss you bud.

i think you were the first boy i truly ever loved. it sucks you didn’t feel the same. i know you said you didn’t wanna hurt me but you still did at the end of the day. i miss you stupid come back if you want.

You were my first. You broke my heart. I wish I could understand why we are apart. I wanted to watch movies and go for late night walks where we would have our cute talks. I think about you constantly. I love you broski doodle

Am I selfish for wanting to talk to you more? I reached out to you and that was it. If you don’t like me just say it.

your friend told me i will always be your first and you will always love me. it made me regret asking about you

i thanked God because just seeing you at school makes me happy, you give me this motivation to do well in all of my classes aswell as to come to school everyday.

all of your friends told me that you like me a lot and my friends said so as well and i feel the same way but for some reason you barely talk to me? i asked your friends about it and they said it’s because your super nervous to talk to me but then again you can easily talk to other girls without even trying? am i supposed to take this as a compliment?

I had a dream about you holding me like you used to and telling me you're here. Everyday I hope to see you waiting outside my work so we can talk, but I know itll never happen.

You hurt me so much multiple times but I can't stop thinking about you and letting you back into my life and i hate myself for it. I wish we never met.

its not the fact that i don't want to talk to you, its the fact that i cant. i’ll fall in love again.

I know you want to be alone, so I'm going to say what I want to tell you on here. I was the shitty one. You deserve better. You're not a shitty person, we're not all perfect and that's okay. You showed me so much compassion. You cared so much. I wish I could've been better to you and given you the space you needed. You we're the first person who truly wanted to know me. I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you and I'm going to take the time to work on bettering myself. You need this time. You need this space. I understand. But my selfishness will always hope you'll come home to me again someday. I'm truly sorry.

You're so fucking kind. I'm scared to fall but it feels less scary now that it's for you. Sorry my texts have been inconsistent.

Thanks to what you did to me two years ago, I still struggle to this day to find worth in myself. I'm getting there slowly but surely thanks to my amazing friends and potential future partner but, in all honesty, I hope someday that when you go and use another guy who was hoping for love, that they don't hold back and let all hell loose on you.
You are a vermin to society.

How did we go from spending nights and early mornings together to walking past each other in the street and not even looking up.

There's another universe where neither of us lied about what we felt. And we're happy there. I'm happy there.

Fuck you. You used me, my body. Only a few days are my birthday. But also, without you, I would have never found the person that means the world to me. So fuck you, but thank you too

thank you for introducing me to love. you were always so good to me and all you've ever wanted is for me to be happy. i hope life has been treating you well, give the pooch a kiss from me

scared for when you go off to the college and potentially losing you. you've changed my life in so many ways, i'd hate to see you gone.

i was so in love with you. it’s been years but if you asked me i would leave everything, everyone just to see you one more time. i know you don’t think of me, but i still love you.

You traumatised me. I can’t look at myself the same way. It’s been 2 years and i can’t see myself the way i used to

i am so eternally grateful for knowing you. life is so much more tolerable when you're a part of it. thankyou

I remember when you said you liked me, I was scared. I was 7, you were 9, it felt odd. I liked you too at the TIME, but what have you become? You're a monster. I hope you sort yourself out soon, I sure have.

Thank you for everything you taught me. I’ll treasure our time together forever, even though it wasn’t meant to be