i used to like the way you thought, looked, acted. you were going places.
i wish i wasnt using past tense

I cried myself to sleep trying to figure out who I was and why I was so depressed.... I’m still so sad but I can’t express it in any.... I can’t cry and it makes me so angry not knowing why I’m so sad.... I want to have an amazing child hood but i can’t.... I’m growing up I a world where they care more about capitalism then my child hood I go into middle school next year and I’m so scared.... I don’t want to grow up but I have to..... I don’t expect to make it past 18.... I want to leave and make memories with my friends but I can’t cause I’m stuck in side all day.......

¿que como me siento?¿que como estoy?
la verdad es ni yo se como estoy, ya tiene varios días que no siento nada. Las clases virtuales me están matando lentamente, al principio me gustaban pero de verdad que ahora ya no puedo más, tiene mas de 6 meses que no tengo ningún tipo de convivencia con nadie de mi edad, sin ver a mis "amiges".
Poco a poco estoy sintiendo que ya no soy feliz, o sea si me río, si la paso bien con mi familia pero solo cuando mi mente esta distraída y no pienso en eso, ya no tengo motivación para hacer las cosas que antes las hacia con entusiasmo aveces siento que ya no puedo mas.
Pero aveces me siento muy bien.
Siento que todo esto viene porque conocí a un niño el es tan lindo (eso creo) según le gusto pero la verdad yo siento que el habla con mas niñas y les dice lo mismo la verdad no se si mis problemas sean derivados de el. Aveces me siento tan bien cuando platico con el pero siento que estoy empezando a depender de el y eso no me gusta, no esta bien pero me falta el valor para decírselo y ademas que yo quiero seguir hablando con el.
La verdad no sé si en verdad es el el causante de todo esto que sinceramente no creo que sea el pero bueno.
Lo que peor me tiene son las clases en linea, tal vez si aprenda pero no al 100% necesito ver a mis amigos o compañeros necesito convivir con personas, siento que ya no estoy bien mentalmente mucho menos fisicamente soy una persona muy muy insegura de si misma, no me gusta mi cuerpo, lo odio mi meta durante años a sido bajar de peso y aveces mientras tengo mi ratito de narcisismo me siento bien, me siento buena, bonita, linda pero la verdad es que estoy en una constante pelea con mi cuerpo, los comentarios de mi familia me dañan muchísimo aunque no lo demuestre, por lo general no lo hago porque no me gusta mostrarme como una persona débil ante ellos. Los quiero y mucho pero aveces me hacen sentir muy mal lo peor es que no se dan cuenta y no lo harán mientras no les diga nada.
Mis compañeros de la escuela son un 50 50 unos son buenos y otros son muy tóxicos aunque digan que son mis amigos y me hablaban todos los días, se burlaban de mi, de mi físico eran super raros, un día les gustaba y me decían que estaba buena y otro que estaba gorda.
Lo peor es que a mi no me gusta mi cuerpo y ni hago nada para cambiarlo, no tengo ganas, no tengo motivación, nada.

it’s like i’m slowly drowning and i can’t scream because the water will get in my mouth... and it’ll be over

You need to start loving yourself, when you loved yourself, everyone loved you but now your on your own you need to get back to the old you.

i’m sorry. you never deserved any of the torment that was dished out to you. you were always perfect. you went through so much to lose half of your body weight for me to continue hating you. you’ve been through so much and i still hate you. why can’t i forgive you? why can’t i appreciate you? why can’t you be my first love?

I have no one. Who could love me when I can't love myself. I want to love someone too but I have no one. Fuck life.

you are doing so much better even if sometimes you have rough days, everything will eventually be okay and you will be at peace, ily

You... beautiful, smart, strong and sensitive piece of shit. STOP waiting for salvation. You're enought.
Take care of yourself and do something about it.
F.

you weren't my first, but you're my last, and only. You're beautiful, kind, compassionate, and smart. You're worth and happiness can't be found in her, or him. Love yourself, for me.

today i realized my mentality in life is i'm not fine unless I fail. how do I stop this mentality tho?
-wishing to get better

why am i like this i want to go back to the old me the skinny me the happy me i am so done with life i want to live the future but how i can't do this anymore

You were my first love. Somehow throughout the years, I've slipped out of love. I'm trying, I promise to love you again, to love me again. I want to look into the mirror and smile because she is beautiful and absolutely perfect but right now I can barely look at her. It is my own expectations wrapping around and suffocating me. I promise I'm trying because you are beautiful and deserve love.

I'm sorry I fucked you up so much. I wish we could go back to how we used to be. I wish I didn't hate it here so much.

thank you for making me happy for 7 months we still do not run in the rain but this is over so I will try to forget that

I know you lost your shine and nobody noticed, you cry every night wondering what you did wrong, you didn't do anything wrong, they just didn't appreciate you enough.
2020 has not been your best year, you have been locked up in your four walls surrounded by your demons that every day destroy you more.
don't do it, your family and friends don't deserve it and they wouldn't know how to face it

why is it so easy to give up. I've lost everything about myself i don't know who i am anymore. everyday I'm so close to the thought of dying and it is so painful to even think about it.

at this point i guess you’ll have to start loving you self because being insecure just led you to be used and never loved

Stay alive for her, for the girl you will be, for the beauty she brings.You will be the change my darling.

youre gonna find love, and youre gonna experience everything you wanted to, youre still young and havent even started youre life, jsut because other people have experienced things you never have doesnt mean you wont.
-Nathan G
P.S. dont be so short tempered and admit you were wrong when you were

not all of us get a happy ending and you never had the strength to deal with it. that's what made you impossible.

I’m sorry I treated you so badly. You are strong and beautiful and I’ve never loved you more than I do right now.

I know you can’t remember, go easy on yourself, alright? You’ll find someone to keep track of the days. I promise.

i’m reclaiming myself. i’m no longer just a sad story, i am a life. i am a person. i am a change. i am a chance. i am a part of something. i am bigger, and stronger, than he will ever be. i am no ones. i am powerful. i am me

im digging my own hole and theres no one around to reach up and save me. ig ill climb but its only making the hole bigger

you fucked up, but you’re picking up your pieces. other’s won’t see it, but i’m proud how far you’ve come.

Why do u need to keep fucking up? I know u are pretending to be okay but you're not. Stop trying to fill a void that you won't be able to fill. You keep saying that you like your life but you just want to leave everything behind. You will never get what you give. I guess I just settle. idk everything seems dark at the moment. hopeless.

I know you're trying, keep going. Keep complimenting people, and being kind even if they aren't kind to you. It will be worth it in the end x

Siempre me muestro a los demás como alguien alegre pero la verdad es que me han hecho tanto daño que estoy rota, por eso solo finjo, así es más fácil

you are beautiful the way u are, stop thinking about the past. You got this. You are strong. I love u

you are beautiful the way u are, stop thinking about the past. You got this. You are strong. I love u

i don’t know.
and with those 3 words i have said too much. just a hug maybe, a hug when i need it. i need one now. it’s just that i don’t know, well i do, but i’m scared. i am so scared. i don’t want that, but if it’s what i get then so be it. if it’s as close to it as i’ll ever get then i guess i’ll take it. i don’t want to just accept it but, oh but taylor, you know what you’re talking about and for that i am sorry. you cant pity yourself though, but you know that if someone you loved told you what you thought then you’d be sorry too. you’re simply trying to be nice to yourself but this way is wrong. don’t ever be sorry for yourself, only acknowledge what’s going on and then get over it. you have to get over it. when will you get over it? why cant you get over it? please. please try. i’m begging you. stop closing your eyes and seeing it. stop thinking about the words. stop. just stop. breathe. can you do that? can you breathe slowly? slowdown for me please.

Deja de pensar que eres menos que el, se nota que no te merece y cuando encuentre a alguien querra que sea como tu y nunca lo conseguira y ahi se dara cuenta que tu eras lo mejor en su vida

IM BI AND IM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR SEEKING OUT MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE FUCK IT I SAID IT!!

give yourself some time, i know it's hard but you need to let go. they don't care about you and you know it. stop clinging on to 3 years ago, time means nothing when they don't give a single fuck about you.

i don’t even know anymore. i’m happy, but then i get this shot of anxiety coming through, panic attacks. school is so stressful. idk anymore.

i thought it was eddie but that wasent love. Ive never fell inlove only the attention maybe evan but i deserve more

i love you, im proud you know your worth and i promise you are very strong and can get through anything its life nothing had be easy to be act just practice i beilive in you

I'm so tired of feeling like I have to have sex with someone in order for them to care for me. Who knows maybe its because of my shitty childhood. Being seen as an object from an early age....

I am still thinking of you every damn night even we haven’t talked in a year. Songs I cried to that night are still breaking me in to pieces. Every day I am looking in crowds to find your smile, your eyes. But I can’t find them. It still hurts.

I love the way you are fighting battles without anyone knowing about them - you are stronger than you think :)

a year ago you were just a person who hadn’t done much with there life had a few friends and was quiet to the world then when the world hurt you and life got to hard and you got sick and you almost lost your mum that person from last year died and it took months for you to except your new life and the disease you would have forever and why you thought everything was out to hurt you when god said it’s time to grow and your story began and it’s only just started don’t stop work hard follow your dreams of being a model or nurse prove the world wrong

i need you. i cant be without you. i know we took it too fast. but you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.

i wish you could just love yourself and accept love from other people but i know you truly can't and i'm sorry

You are going to get better its just for know, you are going to stop feeling like this. It is just for now.

lets forget them all, you have youself, be the best for yourself. you got this and you can do it just by yourself

i just feel so lost and so unhappy all the time i get hurt over every little thing and people don't seem to care i don't know what i want i don't know so stop asking me and stop making me choose i know I'm slipping and i feel like I've just lost myself completely please don't make me choose

is it really going to be like this forever? i feel trapped i just feel like a stranger to myself and nobody will ever understand

who am i? who am i? who am i?am i going to feel like this forever? i just cant do this

i just want to be special i just want to be important i just want to be famous i just want to be loved i just want to be somebody people make films about somebody with hobbies and interests that you want to know every little detail of but its never going to be like that never ill never be good enough and i just want to be the best i want to be better i want you to notice me i want everyone to notice me i want to be underestimated i want to blow people away i want to surpass your expectations

but there's always going to be someone in my way. and its myself

hey,
it's me...
I know you need to hear this right now because I do too... keep him. Keep Luke around, yeah? He's always going to love you and everything you are and I know you doubt yourself, I know you do it. That's okay, but you also need to know that he is here for you. He will always be here for you. 7 months strong. Only the rest of your lives together left. ;) Be good to him. For us.

I notice I feel afraid for change, yet I also feel a fear for stagnation. I observe this feeling of being lost.

I hope one day to feel good, not to be sad again or anything like that, I hope one day to be able to love myself, maybe it will never happen, maybe I will die before doing it, I just want to find myself and no matter what I have to do to do to make it