Unsent messages to NATHAN

I told you how I felt and I know you didn't feel the same but it hurt to keep in. We are friends now and every time we hang out and you give me a hug I cherish it so much and I hate that every time I see your name pop up on my phone my heart aches and it’s ok because I get to have you as my best friend.

Whenever I'm with you, I wish you'd just hold me. I never want to make you uncomfortable and I'm too afraid to ask, so I silently hope you'll take me into your arms.

Your touch is like a drug, but a drug I'm too scared to ask for, so I stay longing while you sit across from me.

If only we were both mentally stable at those times, maybe everything would have been perfect. I don’t know how to feel about you right now, but all I know is that I still think about you.

i’m sorry that everything went the way it did. i was young and stupid. we had a good time, didn’t we? now we’re even happier.

I hope you know that you mean the world to me and losing you would be cause me way more pain. I love you.

i don't feel bad for breaking up with you. you were manipulative and only wanted me for my body it feels like. i hope you're doing okay though. take care. i've found better, and i hope you have too. i hope you've grown

why couldn’t you understand i didn’t wanna be replaced i always loved you, i was scared she would have made you more happier than i did, i never stopped liking you until now.

i know my feelings were super sudden. i should'nt have said anything. i would rather stay sick as a dog than know i made you upset. forgive me.

You made me feel wanted, even if it wasn’t real. So i thank you for that. I hope you get everything you want in life cause deep down your an AMAZING guy

You're not my first love but you are the first one I ever said I love you to. I really should have waited.

I didn’t sign up for this. I would have never made a sex tape if you were never going to call once you had it. You’re not as nice as you think you are.

I MISS YOU HOLY FUCK. i don’t even care anymore to say that like i’m being so for cereal. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss knowing you. I MISS BEING ABLE TO PICK YOU UP WITH MY MOM AND THEN GO SHOPPING AT ALDIS BECAUSE SHES A WEIRDO BUT IT WAS SO FUN JUST HAVING YOU THERE. I know I messed everything up and I know I was in the wrong, but I grew up and now all I can think about is how much I wish I could go back and be better for you. I know you’re with someone else now and I’m so so soooo fucking happy for you like from what I hear, you are happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, but I can’t help the fact that I miss you terribly. I don’t expect things to be the same or for us to get back together because to be honest, I don’t think that’ll ever happen just because of the circumstances of everything, but I wish we could still just be friends :/ Make fun of me for it, bash me, hate on me, it’s honestly fine and I wont say I don’t deserve it, because I do. But I really do miss you. I hope you’re happier out there than you were here, Beaumont was such a shitty place to you :( I’m sorry. You deserved the world and I really hope one day you get it. You’re still the bestest in the westest in my books :’)) Miss you.

this is my formal apology please forgive me i did not mean to deceive u in this way. i hope u can understand

hey man :) i never know how to tell you but i really like you a lot.. i hope u understand that even though i cant say it

It's been almost two years now. I still think about you every day. I wish we gave it a shot. I know you didn't want to. I'm sorry.

I went through so much just because you still wanted someone around to give you attention. If you just wanted a rebound why didn't you tell just me? Why did you play with my feelings like that? You are a coward.

remember that first night when we went stargazing? i still think about it sometimes. i wonder if you do too. m.

I wish you would've understood just how hard i was trying to be happy for you, but you left and broke your promises and me. I still love you.

i know that you’re gone, and it’s probably for the best. i’m not mad, but you made me the happiest that i’ve ever been. life without you sucks ass lol and idk what to do. i miss you sheep

i rlly dont expect u to read this but if u are then hi :) i fell in love w u forreal the first time and i never knew if u even liked me back,, i still dont even know. uve gotten more mean, idk if thats just towards me or everyone lol but it still hurts even after u toned it down and apologized. i love u as a friend now but i just wanna have a nice conversation with u sometimes

i'll never forget you. i wonder if you think the same that i do. i miss your smile and the way you said my name and all those days at the park together. i wish i knew what happened between us. you still mean the world to me but sometimes i hate your guts. text me please.

here's all the reasons i hate that i still love you
1. you arent the boy i fell in love with
2. you chose her
3. you never gave back the guitar capo (not that i want you to)
4. i'm on delivered rn and i know your talking to her
5. you lied about forever loving me
6. i know you've told you friends about everything we did
7. you didn't miss me
8. you promise you wouldn't leave
9. you made me fall in love with a fake image
10. you wouldn't care if i was dead
-you know who it's from

I’ve been your best friend since freshman year and I’ve been in love with you for 8 years but not once did you feel the same way about me and it hurts to know I’ll never be good enough for you.

You hurt me and I’ll never forgive you. But you also helped me to find me and I’ll never forget that.

i’m so sorry i strung you along. i miss being friends at the very least. i wish i had been ready for you.

I know that I met you from a summer fling. But your really the one. Because I truly love with all my heart.

I loved you more than anything and dreamed about you proposing one day... I didn't want to hurt you but you hurt me way too many times and all my friends hate you, and I need to let you go...

You led me on and chose other girls over me yet still asked me to wait for you. And I did. But you never came back.

you are my angel. always have been, always will be. i am forever beside you, in the here and now and in the life to come. i’ll love you forever, my sunshine. mocha chai.

i love(d) you so much, eventhough i knew you wouldnt (and couldnt) love me back the way i loved you, im sorry for the time i was mean to you, im sorry for being so selfish that i didnt see it earlier. im sorry

every time I see someone unfollowed me, I check to make sure it wasn’t you. it feels like I can’t breathe.

fuck you for breaking me to make you a better person. but i miss you sometimes. you're a piece of shit but i miss you.

You were cool. Handsome for your age. You were so funny and nice but grew up to be a right asshole. What happened ?

i still remember when you gave me that hand warmer. i still remember when you gave me the mum after rehearsal. i still remember the first time you told me that you loved me. i still think about all of it, and i miss is terribly. if i could go back to the summer and do it all over, i would. you were my first love. i just wish i made you as happy as you made me. maybe one day we'll find each other again. i'm sorry that you got bored. i love you

I want to be with you forever and spend every second with you. You are my sense of direction and the light of my life. I love you more than anything

You hurt all of us. I loved you even though we never said it. I hope ur happy with her. You burned down everything we had. I want you back but it will just hurt me more when you leave me for her. Again. Goodbye.

you snuck in a year ago today. but i still remember it like it was last night. even camping right now feels weird without you and you only ever came on one trip . i apologize.

we bonded. and connected. but you were never enough to fulfil me as a person. you could never withhold my true self.

Oh how I wish i could tell you how grateful I am for you. I want to tell you just one last time. We had everything so good, and I know you genuinely loved me. Now i am regretting letting what we had go. You were the best thing to happen to me. i love you still

i miss us so much and i really hope we can get close again in the future. i still love you so so much

i dont know if you ever loved me or not , i dont know if you only liked the idea of someone loving you but now i know that i wasnt in love with you but rather in love with your words and the picture of you in my head. I spent 4 of my teen years attached to you. Maybe i was too scared not to have you as a safety blanket but you never really wanted me ever , you just didnt want me to be with anyone else , a little part of me still thinks that you were embarrassed to like me or to be seen with me. i dont know if you were really my first love .i guess ill find out in the future , all i know is you were my first attachment and you used that against me. But now i look at you and i feel nothing ,and that is the greatest relief i could ever have. You are now just my teenage love and will forever stay like that.

I love how smart you are. It was the most attractive thing about you. You were always mature in your mannerisms. I miss you.

We still talk, but it’s not the same. I miss you with every ounce of my whole being. I wanna touch you so bad. I wanna throw my arms around your neck, on your shoulders and sit on your lap. I love you so much. I wish I was better.

are you happy with tayla? was it worth being with her while we were still dating? and on my birthday too? you deserve the world. im sorry i wasnt enough.

I have no idea why I never got over you. We dated for only one month and it was very insignificant but I still think about you. I know I mean literally nothing to you now and you moved on.

hey buddy i don’t know if we are soulmates or not but we both know there is something weird between us. i feel like we keep doing this weird back and forth thing. so i decided that ill let it go and if you come back then it might be meant to be. but for now please live your life and accomplish big things :)

I still think of you often the way we ended hurts me still to this day, hearing your name makes my heart shatter into a million pieces.

it’s so bittersweet being with you, but not together. i miss holding your face and pausing during a kiss to smile.

It's me I know you wanted me gone out of your life but man did it hurt your words are harsh and you don't know how to use them in SOME situations you blocked me because you couldn't give a shit for us which hurts so much I'm currently sitting in bed at 05:55 to be exact) in the morning listening to some sad shit to cry to while thinking of you which became a memory unfortunately.

Are you happy? Are you okay? Are you doing well?

IT pains me, the thought of you pains me very minute I wish it didn't have to come to this and you know it but I have to let you go I guess but remember me please. :3

I'm scared and just want someone to reassure me but I guess it hard.
Good luck with life Nathan.

:)