Unsent messages to ME
From: ABC
To: me
Date: August 6, 2023, 4:51 pm UTC
you deserve all the love this world can give
From: ABC
To: me
Date: August 1, 2023, 2:47 am UTC
Why can't our love be calm? Do you know how much that hurts?
From: ABC
To: me
Date: July 27, 2023, 9:28 pm UTC
Hey finally love you and I'm sorry I didn't sooner<3
From: ABC
To: me
Date: July 13, 2023, 10:37 pm UTC
I need to treat you better, you’re all I got.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 13, 2021, 8:05 pm UTC
i need you. i cant be without you. i know we took it too fast. but you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 12, 2021, 10:52 pm UTC
IM BI AND IM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR SEEKING OUT MENTAL HEALTH BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE FUCK IT I SAID IT!!
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 12, 2021, 6:30 am UTC
I know you can’t remember, go easy on yourself, alright? You’ll find someone to keep track of the days. I promise.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 11, 2021, 5:21 am UTC
I'm sorry I fucked you up so much. I wish we could go back to how we used to be. I wish I didn't hate it here so much.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 11, 2021, 5:12 am UTC
You were my first love. Somehow throughout the years, I've slipped out of love. I'm trying, I promise to love you again, to love me again. I want to look into the mirror and smile because she is beautiful and absolutely perfect but right now I can barely look at her. It is my own expectations wrapping around and suffocating me. I promise I'm trying because you are beautiful and deserve love.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 10, 2021, 10:05 pm UTC
today i realized my mentality in life is i'm not fine unless I fail. how do I stop this mentality tho?
-wishing to get better
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 10, 2021, 12:50 am UTC
i used to like the way you thought, looked, acted. you were going places.
i wish i wasnt using past tense
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 9, 2021, 2:36 pm UTC
I WISH I WAS NOT SO stressful
U NEED patience
think how much is rare that u are on this universe , thats so cool
don't be so lazy to achieve your goal . i mean u can be sometimes lazy cause ya sometimes u need this and this ok! u still figure out and i love you
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 8, 2021, 10:44 pm UTC
I miss the way you used to be.I miss your laugh.I miss your smile.I miss the way your eyes light up.I miss the way you used to love me.I miss the way you spoke to others.I miss you.I miss the way I used to be.Just comeback.I know you think you dont deserve happiness but you do.
Sincerely your present self:)
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 8, 2021, 10:25 pm UTC
Agradeceria q de vez en cuando dejases de cagarla, que disfrutases de lo q tienes y te parases de pensar y de quejar y de rayar pq tienes una vida q muchas querrian. Tienes a gente con la q puedes contar, gente q te quiere y se preocupa por ti y aun sientes q no eres suficiente. Por una vez para, mira lo q tienes alrededor y callate. Centrate en ti y quierete tio.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 8, 2021, 8:09 pm UTC
I wish that one day you are going to cry,feel sadness and your mind is going to rumbe only because you have been in love
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 6, 2021, 3:40 am UTC
it’s like you get this sick, perverse pleasure out of being hurt. literally what is wrong with you? why can’t you ever ask for help or try to do something that’ll make you at least somewhat happy. what a wasted life you fucking loser.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 3, 2021, 10:38 pm UTC
I hope one day I will be capable enough to trust on myself. I swear I try but my life doesn't help me.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 1, 2021, 3:03 am UTC
I cried myself to sleep trying to figure out who I was and why I was so depressed.... I’m still so sad but I can’t express it in any.... I can’t cry and it makes me so angry not knowing why I’m so sad.... I want to have an amazing child hood but i can’t.... I’m growing up I a world where they care more about capitalism then my child hood I go into middle school next year and I’m so scared.... I don’t want to grow up but I have to..... I don’t expect to make it past 18.... I want to leave and make memories with my friends but I can’t cause I’m stuck in side all day.......
From: ABC
To: me
Date: January 1, 2021, 1:46 am UTC
i wish you could handle things differently, and take control of yourself in most situations. from what i've seen, youre not doing a good job nor are you making yourself useful. you must step up your game and battle your distractions and problems. you will get through it, all it takes is perseverance.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 31, 2020, 5:48 am UTC
hi. i am so proud of you. i know how bad the depression gets. i know you want to give up. but you can’t. you have gone through so much, i have no idea how you ever did that. but it’s not over yet and it’s going to be hard but you can do it. you have to. people love you, remember that. stay strong baby. hopefully you won’t be so lonely. hopefully things will be better. hopefully you wake up happy to have woken up. i love you.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 30, 2020, 4:41 am UTC
i lost the best part of you so long ago. my life doesn’t feel special anymore and that fucking hurts, i guess it’s a part of growing up but losing this part of me is something I think about way too much
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 29, 2020, 9:32 pm UTC
I’ve never thought id cheat on my best friend with her boyfriend. I just dont feel a thing anymore. Why so?
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 27, 2020, 7:11 am UTC
hey,
it's me...
I know you need to hear this right now because I do too... keep him. Keep Luke around, yeah? He's always going to love you and everything you are and I know you doubt yourself, I know you do it. That's okay, but you also need to know that he is here for you. He will always be here for you. 7 months strong. Only the rest of your lives together left. ;) Be good to him. For us.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 27, 2020, 2:03 am UTC
i just feel so lost and so unhappy all the time i get hurt over every little thing and people don't seem to care i don't know what i want i don't know so stop asking me and stop making me choose i know I'm slipping and i feel like I've just lost myself completely please don't make me choose
is it really going to be like this forever? i feel trapped i just feel like a stranger to myself and nobody will ever understand
who am i? who am i? who am i?am i going to feel like this forever? i just cant do this
i just want to be special i just want to be important i just want to be famous i just want to be loved i just want to be somebody people make films about somebody with hobbies and interests that you want to know every little detail of but its never going to be like that never ill never be good enough and i just want to be the best i want to be better i want you to notice me i want everyone to notice me i want to be underestimated i want to blow people away i want to surpass your expectations
but there's always going to be someone in my way. and its myself
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 26, 2020, 7:57 am UTC
you're not my first love and probably won't be my last, but i hope i can learn how to love you. it gets harder and harder every day, but i hope we make it. promise me we'll make it?
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 23, 2020, 12:08 pm UTC
you fuckd me up big time bro,, ily tho but fuck u. kinda wish we didnt meet but love the memories uh lol
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 22, 2020, 11:37 pm UTC
youve got this. you can get through this theres so many people who love you in this world. yes, looking in the mirror makes you feel sick when you see your body but theres someone out there who finds it beautiful, someone who finds you beautiful. you are beautiful you just cant see it. your acne is beautiful, so is you cellulite, so is your body. whether you meet societies 'perfect' body or not your beautiful. your body stays with you for your whole life. dont ruin her, shes the only one your going to get. i wish i could go back to when things were much simpler. no flat shaming. no being called a door. not people staring at my acne. i wish i could go back to being 4/5 being mummys little princess pleasing everyone and looking beautiful without an insecure in the world. i was just myself. but society has changed. im still so young but i feel pressurised by society to do things/ have a better body. im expected to have a perfect bum, tiny legs, big but not saggy boobs, little thighs, clear skin and be the perfect hour glass. and in reality im none of them. and it makes me feel worthless and like no ones ever going to love me. i know theres people out there that love me but i dont love myself. i look in the mirror and want to cry. my bestfriends boyfriend calls me "the door one" or "flat" or "mank" and as much as i love her she does nothing. it just makes me think that when im not on facetime or messaging her that when they call me them names that does she agree with them? does she call me an ugly door? ive always been known as the ugly friend and ive had enough. i do somehwhat love myself but i have my many flaws like everyone else. i shout at people when i dont mean too when theyve done nothing wrong. then my friends tell me that im horrible to people when i cant help it. i dont know if theres something wrong with me but i seem to be rude and horrid 24/7 amd i think not just people at school but all of my family memeber are starting to see it too. and im scared that im going to be known as the horrible girl and be left with no friends.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 21, 2020, 6:20 am UTC
Why are you so lost? Why can't you focus? I don't think you know what you're doing. Is it okay? Are you okay? No one ever asks you that. Can they tell you're breaking into pieces; shattering beyond repair? When will it be too late? You're never happy anymore. What happened to the person you were last year? Can they ever come back? Or are they gone for good? Who knows. Not you, certainly. Days slip by in a blur of school and work, of tears and exhaustion. Repetition has become the norm. Nothing is new. Nothing is bright or fun anymore. Your friends don't reach out to check on you. Can they tell something is wrong? Can your parents tell something is off? Would they do anything if they knew?
You're lying in bed on a Sunday night. You already cried. There are salty remnants of your pain on your face. You don't want to wake up for school tomorrow. Winter break is only a few days away but you can't make yourself feel excited for it again. Your body is constantly tensed. Your lungs feel as though they are holding in a perpetual breath, one that you can't seem to let out. Breathe. Breathe. You still can't release it. It's the result of stress and isolation, of both hyperfocus and simultaneously procrastination and pushing thoughts away. You can't catch a break.
Where are you going to go from here? You don't know. Will you ever know? Why do you refuse to think about the future? Does it scare you? No. It worries you, doesn't it? Yes, I thought so. You're unsure of your decisions. You don't want to choose the wrong thing. What happens if you do? Will your life crumble before your eyes, like a sandcastle left too long in the scorching sun, the heat leeching all the moisture and structure from its form? Or will you be okay? You don't know. And it terrifies you. It's okay. You don't need to know now. The world is an enormous ocean, rich with new chances and opportunity every day. If you miss this one, it's not going to kill you. Countless more will float by as you wait for the one that's just right for you. It may take a hundred tries to find it. There's nothing wrong with that. It's okay to be afraid of the future. You don't need to be, but there's nothing wrong with fearing the unknown and the endless possibilities that lie there.
Your still lying in bed on a Sunday night. You still don't want to wake up for school tomorrow. But the trickles of saltwater on your cheeks have dried. You feel more at peace with the world now. You understand that you have time to figure things out. There is no rush. You will be okay. You hope that if anyone reads this besides yourself they are able to find solace in it. You hope that they understand what you're trying to say, what you're trying to feel.
If you read this: I love you. You are okay.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 20, 2020, 4:25 am UTC
fuck it up if its your birthday bitch. i have a feeling im about to receive all this love and abundance at once. i can just feel it coming, and im so confident in the universe
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 19, 2020, 10:46 pm UTC
I don't understand why or how you manage to lose the sparkle in your eyes, that resembled the gleam of a thousand diamonds. But, I really wish you got it back - before its too late and the looming shadow of despair that's lurking in the backgrounds - waiting for the right moment to pursue. That moment being when that one diamond stops shinning. Meaning you will have fully lost yourself.
From: ABC
To: me
Date: December 18, 2020, 4:17 pm UTC
I love the way you are fighting battles without anyone knowing about them - you are stronger than you think :)
