Unsent messages to ME

I'm so tired of feeling like I have to have sex with someone in order for them to care for me. Who knows maybe its because of my shitty childhood. Being seen as an object from an early age....

Siempre me muestro a los demás como alguien alegre pero la verdad es que me han hecho tanto daño que estoy rota, por eso solo finjo, así es más fácil

i’m reclaiming myself. i’m no longer just a sad story, i am a life. i am a person. i am a change. i am a chance. i am a part of something. i am bigger, and stronger, than he will ever be. i am no ones. i am powerful. i am me

youre gonna find love, and youre gonna experience everything you wanted to, youre still young and havent even started youre life, jsut because other people have experienced things you never have doesnt mean you wont.
-Nathan G
P.S. dont be so short tempered and admit you were wrong when you were

You need to start loving yourself, when you loved yourself, everyone loved you but now your on your own you need to get back to the old you.

so i am actually going to send this to myself and to anyone in the world that feels the way i do. i know that life sucks it really really does and i keep seeing all of my friends being in happy relationships and all i want at the end of the day is to be able to love myself. i am struggling so badly with mental health but the fact that i am still here and i have not put people through the pain of losing me is something i am so so proud of myself for. i hope i can build my self love but for that alone, i love myself.

i know youre not feeling the best right now but just know better days are coming. trust the process. ily

i have fallen out of love with myself. the happy go lucky girl is gone and an anxiety ridden eating disordered one has replaced her. please learn to love yourself the same way you used to, its not healthy to feel this way and i think your very much aware of that.

Sometimes this mind of yours is a scary place. Hold on though, we'll stick through it together. I do love you man, I really wish I could do a better job of taking care of you right now. Forgive me.

you will never be enough for anyone, you need to except theres always going to be someone better and prettier than you

I’m a shitty person... i don’t deserve to be loved by anyone because all I do is hurt them in the end. Then later on regret it but it’s too late, why go back to someone after they’ve hurt you? A sensible person wouldn’t, which is good because it’s self growth, but now I’m left alone. I want someone to come hold me, just notice that I am struggling every single day without me asking. It’s not someone’s job to help me tho, so I have to do it on my own so I don’t bother anyone. I want to help anyone I can to thrive and shine, I’ll take the pain they are in. Absorb it so it becomes mine, but it’s ok because the other person is better. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I do.

this lasts months were so hard, i usually don’t feel good, everything is worst, i cry like every night, its hard, i just don't feel like myself :(

Sarah,
I think you’re amazing. I aspire to be like you and have your vibe. I hope you continue to know you but for now thank you, for showing me life and Inspiring me

the growth you have accomplished is something to be proud about! no matter what life throws at you, you can take it. never stop growing.

You took your time. I waited and i’m glad i did. i love who you are now and who your growing to become

i hate you so much. go away. why cant you go back to the way you were before i said to myslef in the mirror

come on, just tell them... what's the worst they could do, they're not homophobic, right? Well, not all of them. But what about the whole she/they thing... What if they don't like that, what if they don't call you (My name)... I feel so alone though I know there are millions in the same and similar situations. For those said people, I'm sorry...I believe in you. Get up, brush your teeth, drink some water, get some food. It's gonna be okay baby, were gonna get through this. together. :)

i love you, im proud you know your worth and i promise you are very strong and can get through anything its life nothing had be easy to be act just practice i beilive in you

i thought it was eddie but that wasent love. Ive never fell inlove only the attention maybe evan but i deserve more

you fucked up, but you’re picking up your pieces. other’s won’t see it, but i’m proud how far you’ve come.

im digging my own hole and theres no one around to reach up and save me. ig ill climb but its only making the hole bigger

you are doing so much better even if sometimes you have rough days, everything will eventually be okay and you will be at peace, ily

I have no one. Who could love me when I can't love myself. I want to love someone too but I have no one. Fuck life.

¿que como me siento?¿que como estoy?
la verdad es ni yo se como estoy, ya tiene varios días que no siento nada. Las clases virtuales me están matando lentamente, al principio me gustaban pero de verdad que ahora ya no puedo más, tiene mas de 6 meses que no tengo ningún tipo de convivencia con nadie de mi edad, sin ver a mis "amiges".
Poco a poco estoy sintiendo que ya no soy feliz, o sea si me río, si la paso bien con mi familia pero solo cuando mi mente esta distraída y no pienso en eso, ya no tengo motivación para hacer las cosas que antes las hacia con entusiasmo aveces siento que ya no puedo mas.
Pero aveces me siento muy bien.
Siento que todo esto viene porque conocí a un niño el es tan lindo (eso creo) según le gusto pero la verdad yo siento que el habla con mas niñas y les dice lo mismo la verdad no se si mis problemas sean derivados de el. Aveces me siento tan bien cuando platico con el pero siento que estoy empezando a depender de el y eso no me gusta, no esta bien pero me falta el valor para decírselo y ademas que yo quiero seguir hablando con el.
La verdad no sé si en verdad es el el causante de todo esto que sinceramente no creo que sea el pero bueno.
Lo que peor me tiene son las clases en linea, tal vez si aprenda pero no al 100% necesito ver a mis amigos o compañeros necesito convivir con personas, siento que ya no estoy bien mentalmente mucho menos fisicamente soy una persona muy muy insegura de si misma, no me gusta mi cuerpo, lo odio mi meta durante años a sido bajar de peso y aveces mientras tengo mi ratito de narcisismo me siento bien, me siento buena, bonita, linda pero la verdad es que estoy en una constante pelea con mi cuerpo, los comentarios de mi familia me dañan muchísimo aunque no lo demuestre, por lo general no lo hago porque no me gusta mostrarme como una persona débil ante ellos. Los quiero y mucho pero aveces me hacen sentir muy mal lo peor es que no se dan cuenta y no lo harán mientras no les diga nada.
Mis compañeros de la escuela son un 50 50 unos son buenos y otros son muy tóxicos aunque digan que son mis amigos y me hablaban todos los días, se burlaban de mi, de mi físico eran super raros, un día les gustaba y me decían que estaba buena y otro que estaba gorda.
Lo peor es que a mi no me gusta mi cuerpo y ni hago nada para cambiarlo, no tengo ganas, no tengo motivación, nada.

i’m so glad u love urself, cause u deserve 100% of that love. u deserve the best and i’m so happy i got the chance to love u, cause ur so fucking awesome!!?

Your doing a great job. Never give up, there's so much more in life. You need to go through some downs in order to get to the ups. I'm proud of you.

Aunque te empeñes en creer que no estas sola y sonreir, como si de ti dependiera la felicidad, tú sabes que estás rota en el interior.

Sometimes is like I've lost you forever. Other times it's me finding you out of nowhere and understanding this battle isn't over yet.
It's been three years of pain, full of mental illnesses and problems to solve but I'm still here. I haven't lost yet.
There's days where I find myself in a bridge asking all of this to be over and then there's others where I'm with the people I love and finally affirm "I am enough, I am valid".
There's people who love me.
There's people who care for me.
And, most importantly, there's me, after all I have my own person standing in the mirror. Even if I ask for help my trust and my own self love is the main cure for all of this.

I keep waiting for people to walk into your life and stay. I'm getting tired of the people that forget to say bye before they leave.

I know this is supposed to be for love but god fucking dammit I don't care

Why the fuck would you say that? I know I was just being a little brat and I'm always like that but that was so uncalled for! I kNOW YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME BUT I DON'T NEED A REMINDER
JUST SHUT UP ALREADY
AND HE DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT YOU SAID THAT ME TO ME
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE HIS LITTLE PET
HE FUCKING SPOILS YOU AND LETS YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT

I miss you. I miss the positive thoughts, the laughs, the memories, I miss everything about you. but you've become the person you said you weren't gonna become. you're going through stuff I know but I just miss the old you.

Even you think is the only way, find your little light in the dark, dont let it go, and you could see different the things

Im tired, tired of not knowing what I want, not being comfortable with my body, my decisions, my connections. I hope to be able to work on myself soon, its a work in progress

i deserve someone good and respectful bc I'm beautiful inside & outside. I deserve someone else than you

why do i hate you? why can’t i look at you in the mirror like i used to? why can’t i just love you anymore :(

stop falling every mf two days like chill bruh they dont gaf. also izaac is gonna leave. they always do.

Todo el tiempo estas preocupada por cosas que no tienen sentido, eres egoísta, piensas demasiado las cosas, te culpas por todo, eres muy superficial, no sabes decir no, te utilizan, solo te hablan cuando necesitan algo yo creo que por eso te volviste muy superficial, no sabes lidiar con las emociones, te da miedo conocer gente nueva, eres muy ansiosa, te estresas muy rápido, siempre escuchas nunca hablas, reprimes tus emociones, quieres controlar todo, crees que puedes con todo, no te gusta pedir ayuda, piensas que no necesitas a nadie, tratas de ser perfecta pero sabes que es imposible y eso te frustra....nunca seras perfecta, crees necesitar la aprobación de los demás para sentirte bien contigo misma. Estas mal, muchos aspectos de tu vida están mal, y a pesar de todo eso sigues aquí, tratas de cambiar, siempre que te ves al espejo, llorando, sintiéndote la basura mas grande del planeta, siempre, en alguna parte de tu mente te llega el pensamiento de querer seguir intentándolo, no tengo idea de donde sacas fuerza para seguir día con día pero eso admiro mucho de ti, a veces se me hace muy duro el ver como te tratan los demás, casi pienso que te ven como una maquina que siempre les va a tener todo lo que quieren y yo se que tu también piensas lo mimos pero aun así sigues sin importar nada, y de todo corazón te pido que no te rindas, no lo hagas por favor, veo en ti esa fuerza de voluntad que te dice "no pares", has aguantado muchas cosas durante toda tu vida como para dejarlo hasta este punto, quiero verte tener cumplir cada una de tus metas, quiero verte mirar el espejo sin llorar, quiero verte segura de ti misma, quiero verte feliz....Si llegaste a esta parte de mi carta quiero decirte que esto no es para ayudarte, eso depende de como lo tomes tu, si esto te motiva a seguir super bien y si no la verdad me da igual porque no te conozco, y eso lo digo porque no te puedo obligar a cambiar tu vida, eso depende solo de ti, da miedo verdad? jajajaja pero así son las cosas, tu decides si quieres tener una vida chingona o una vida mediocre, eres tu contra el mundo, si tienes amigos y familia que chido, eso te impulsara a seguir, pero si nos los tienes no importa, NO IMPORTA, lo que importa ahora eres tu, solo tu y nadie mas, enfocate en ti, en lo que necesita tu cuerpo y tu mente y al final te daras cuenta que la mejor compañía que necesitas eres tu y cuando llegues a eso seras alguien deslumbrante. Animo, te quiero aunque no te conozca, o quien sabe, puede que en algún punto de nuestras vidas nos crucemos, de todos modos ya sabes mi nombre jajaja no lo olvides. Melissa :)

I hope your good

all your memories whit me hunt me ,i feel hurt and broken i wish you could tell me : why you choose me .
why not some other girl ,but why me . Beacuse of you i am broken in little pieces whit the ghost of you
And even after all you did to me ,i still love you .
i am scare of what will come
if you leave and who the next one be .will you do same or will let you see
you dont have to hurt anyone anymore
you have done this all before but you lie about it to yourself and i still tink tou will change to someone else

i hate this you the way you make me feel so bad about myself but also the only person who makes me feel safe. I HATE YOU but i am you.

Because not only do you stop for a second, and you look at everything I have done for you, you are not the only one who suffers because if you suffer I do it with you, I have given you all of me hoping that you will notice it, but apparently that will never happen , and I don't blame you for it but I really want you to notice how it hurts.

I hope one day to feel good, not to be sad again or anything like that, I hope one day to be able to love myself, maybe it will never happen, maybe I will die before doing it, I just want to find myself and no matter what I have to do to do to make it

Stop feeling alone and sad and fat, ur perfect and the crushes are a shit, love u more than others ❤️

She is proud of you. Younger you is proud. Keep going, she wants you to stop overthinking. You got this.

if the longest relationship i'll ever have is with myself, why shouldn't I spend more time caring for and loving the one I lie in bed with each night?
you are the hardest to love, but the most fulfilling. we're getting there, I promise.

Baby, don't chase after a man who can't make you happy, chase after happiness, only him to make you happy and fulfilled.

I hate how depressed I am and feel like no one likes me and yet I manage to put a fake smile daily when I’m struggling on the inside I can’t do it anymore

i hate you sometimes, but you're the only person that has ever been there through it all. i'm sorry for hurting you, and convincing you that you're nothing, when in reality, you deserve the fucking world.

You’ve changed and you are still changing. A lesson I learned was to treat myself like someone I loved. I’m beginning to right again. I have so much on my mind and I am letting it out and I needed to. My mind is not a place to store painful memories and thoughts. You are human. You are alive. There is so much you need to learn and that you need to see. So much more to experience.

i don’t even know anymore. i’m happy, but then i get this shot of anxiety coming through, panic attacks. school is so stressful. idk anymore.

at this point i guess you’ll have to start loving you self because being insecure just led you to be used and never loved