Unsent messages to LEO

i love you. i hope in some other universe we can be happy

already got someone after 2 weeks huh?

you are my sunshine

Do you think I have forgotten?

I'll never regret meeting you.

thank you for nothing & everything.

You shouldn’t be proud of who you are. I was so scared of losing you, but you never deserved me anyways.

idk if it was you that wrote under my name but if it was... please know i do think you're special and i know you're not just any other boy

i hope you're doing okay. if i was with you right now i'd hold you in my arms and tell you how empowering and magnificent you are. i wish you could see yourself how i see you. i love you.
i'm not sitting and waiting for you since i know i deserve to live my life fully and not hold myself back out of hope for your return but i also know that my arms will always be open for you. i chose you a long time ago -- you are my number one and you'll always have that place in my heart. if not in this life, in another life, we will reunite and make sweet love and feel sweet love. i feel it in my bones. i know this had/has a purpose. without you, i wouldn't be the person i am today or be on the path i am on. thank you.
i truly hope the rolling river of this life will bring our leaves back together. floating with you is magical. goodnight leo. i love you.

i love you. i miss kissing you. i miss all of you. the joy i’d feel if your name popped up on my phone is indescribable.

It hurts that you chose her over me but all I want is for you to be happy and i hope you’ve found that. I’ll always be here for you and I love you so much more than you know.

oh leo. how i love u dearly, u dont return the feelings. bullshit. i love u sm. yet u only see me as a bff. it hurts so much at this point. anyways ilysm.

hiya :) you're in my philosophy class and you probably don't even know me but...just wanted to say that I think ur pretty cute and I won't have the guts to tell u that irl

i need to make this decision about whether to move out of the state. out of naive hope, i imagine me staying and us reconciling, but the pessimistic adult in me is telling me that is not going to happen, you've moved on, and you're going to keep moving on without looking back. my heart sinks at the thought of us never talking again. i'd like to believe we really were made for each other. i can't shake that feeling. i can't stop reliving that first night when i met you. i literally have never felt that way meeting another person in my life. maybe our leaves will bump into each other again down the river? divine timing?
i know it's not normal to feel this distraught. i know it's not normal to feel like my world is crashing and burning. i know it's not normal to feel like your departure reflects terrible things about me or my past. but i'm not normal. the past month has been the most difficult month i've ever gone through. your absence has left a gaping hole in my chest and the vibrance of life has dulled immensely. Recently, things have gotten better though, slowly, but surely. i'm able to leave my bed and function on a basic level but i'm still trying to find myself. i still spend too much of the day wondering what you're doing, if you're okay, if you're excited about turning 25. i wonder what you think of me. i wonder if you regret meeting me. i wonder if you're doing better off. i wonder if you miss me.
i know there's no point to the wondering. i am truly exhausted from looking for ways to silence the voices. i find it easier to just let them talk over each other now.
i can't tell if this is making me stronger or if it's pushing me deeper into the earth. i don't think i ever truly lived for myself and this has forced me to. i know i should be grateful. i know i should be jumping at this chance to learn to love myself and grow up out of that hurt teenage girl. and i am grateful because i know ultimately you were taking care of our mental healths. i just feel this loss so strongly that it's blinding me from seeing much else. i'm having trouble seeing the future or how to get there. i'm having trouble releasing and letting go and surrendering. i'm sorry for getting so irrationally attached to you and taking so much of your energy and time. thank you for inspiring me, thank you for making me feel light as a feather after 8 years of feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. take care of yourself. i love you leo

i never loved you. you manipulated me. you scared me. even though we dont talk anymore, im still afraid

Leo, you really have shown me what real love is in such little time we have spent together. i’m so thankful for you and how you understand me in a way no body else does and the way you make me laugh and make my insecurities disappear. There’s nothing i don’t love about you. your smile, your eyes, the way you joke about, how confident you are, no joke i could go on forever. i’m so glad that i’ve met you. i love you Leo. stupid noobisculus.

i want you to fuck the shit out of me. i miss your throbbing in my throat ugh :( JUST FUCK ME ALREADY

fuck you, you fuck. i would've done anything for you and you don't even care. i've never felt so worthless in my life. i wish i never met you

fuck ur double standards. im so much more accomplished than you'll ever know. I really did like u too, and what u said hurt me. :/

i want to give up so bad, but i can't. i know we'd be good together. i know we'd heal and support each other so well. but if you don't believe that then it can't happen. i can't wait forever for you to see how much of me i'm willing to give you. i can't wait forever for you to want to give some of yourself to me. i need to move on if this pattern doesn't change. i deserve love from someone who knows how they feel about me. i deserve to feel safe being vulnerable and sensitive and ultimately myself. you are my number one. please stay my number one.

love can be felt in a song long after i’m gone. just know that inside of my heart that you were the one

please call me. please reach out. i don’t want to bother you but you don’t understand how much i long to hear your voice. let me love us both. i know you are capable. i know you have it in you.

loving oneself is a process; it’s how one acts towards and thinks about themselves. it’s not something that is just accomplished one day.

the first time I saw you I knew that I felt something but I didn't think anything would ever happen. but after nye I thought we had a chance together but I guess we don't

every little thing reminds me of you. i see a post and i instantly want to send it to you even though we broke up months ago. i still haven't gotten out of the habit of checking my phone when i wake up in the middle of the night to a text saying that the facetime ended. i still wake up every morning hoping for a text from you, hoping that it's 2019 again. i wish we could start again. i feel dumb typing this and hoping you'll never see it, but i guess it's a better way of coping. it's so hard to fall out of love with you and i can't understand why. you would think that not talking for months would make me get over it but it feels the same as it did when we broke up. the few times we talked over these past few months made me happy. i wish i could still have you in my life, even if it was just as a friend, but i feel like that would just hurt me more. i hope you're doing better and i hope you never end up seeing this. although i wish it hadn't ended like this, i know that we have a happier ending in another lifetime.

i wish you chose me i would have treated you so well but you chose her and i have to act like i’m
happy for u

I can't do this anymore. we aren't even dating yet we text like we are and yet u leave me on delivered and r so dry most of the time so idk why I'm wasting most of my time being sad ab u just for that 2 hour window of us having good conversation. I think we have reached our expiry date. yes I will admit when I first met u 2 years ago it was amazing and our friendship was perfect and it always has been but recently I've realised I cant do it anymore. always just waiting for u to be ready to talk. its just not a nice feeling like ur dictating the friendship. ur always shooting down everything I'm passionate about and I'm not here for it. text me back when u want,, I won't get back to u. I'm sorry.

I never had anyone show me off the way you do. It’s always “we will get through this”, showing me I’m not alone and will always have you. I have never met someone being willing to do so much for our relationship. Through the heartbreaks you have gone through before, I’m thankful I am the lucky one to have you and care for you and your heart. We love living through the moment but we also know we want this for a lifetime. You are my person, my home.

I always heard stories about highschool sweethearts but i didn't want to have the same story for my whole life. That's why i broke up with you without a reason. Dont hate me, i still like you and miss you.

i really miss u, u made me so happy and i really love you. i know i’m just a joke to u.. i hope u and stella are gonna be happy together. i know u prefer her over me lol :) i love u feethippo

it's been so long, i can't even remember your favorite color anymore. i'm sorry for everything and for all the pain i put you through, i was so toxic. i hope you're living your best life. thank you for everything.

this is a reach and i dont think it was your submission that i saw, just a coincidence. i miss you too. but fuck you.

I hope you're doing better after we stopped talking. Everywhere, little things remind me of you. I still think about you almost daily. It's painful to remember, but I deserve it and more after everything I made you go through. I was never good for you like I thought I was, and you were never really the person I idealized you to be. I'm sorry for everything and I'm glad you and I are no longer in contact.

i really liked you but as usual i was afraid of what you’d do to me so instead i broke up with you which i fucking hate myself for but it doesn’t matter anymore does it you’ve got a new girl and she’s pretty i’m quite literally nothing compared to her but oh well i’m doing ok alone and ur great so fuck it it doesn’t matter

i thought you were perfect - i guess i still do, i could never tell you, i wouldn’t want you to know. i think i’m over it - sounds weird when we have never even been a thing, but completely unaware you have been on my mind for two years. i think you deserve everything good in this world and i want you to be happy. i wanted you, you will never want me. i can’t cling on, i can’t want people that don’t want me. i don’t want to hurt anymore.

i didnt know if I could love until I met you and now I don’t know how to find the feeling again without it feeling ingenuine

¿Porque dejaste de hablarme sin avisarme? Duele pero... solo te pido un favor. Dime que estas bien. No tienes que decirme que me quieres, solo escribeme y dime que estas bien y no te ha pasado nada.

i really dont know who i am without you. it hurts that youre drifting from me but ultimately i want the best for you. i love you more than i could ever describe in words. im sorry.

I wish you just told me straight to my face instead of letting me feel abandoned and heartbroken. But I still care about you.

you’ll never see this and i’m fine with that, but i don’t feel bad for anything that happened. ur an ass

you’re a piece of shit & you ruined me, but there’s still a part of me that misses you & i hate you bc of it.

I’m not sure what made you stick around but thank you! I miss you everyday and miss what we had but I see you’re living a better life so I’m happy for you!

i would have liked us to at least talk a bit about how we were feeling cause i know you passed it on so quickly and you didn't actually want to... but fuc u bix you could've being honest or considered i miss affection tho

you were my first love but you ruined me you left me completely lost you made me feel like if I wasn't anything to you you just tossed me around you always had the advantage of me that I would come running back to you when you would cheat on me all the time it was 2 years wasted of my life I was deeply in love with you took me a long time to get over you. I love you

you hurt me so deeply the first time, the second time it was unbearable. the worst part was that I was forced to forgive you because of school, not because I hated you for what you did.

After all what u said I was kinda falling for u but then I just realized u only wanted these sex nights

I don't love you, but I know I could. Like a lot. Not just a crush or a fling but that real and raw type of love. The type of love where you would die for each other. We would be so good together. My crushes and obsessions with other guys come and go but you're still always there and I always seem to find myself coming back to you. And i think this is because i really do love everything about you. I love your hair and the way you move it out your face, only for it to fall right back to where it was before. I love the intensity of your eyes. I love the way your smile makes my stomach turn. I love your laugh and your hands and your lips. But it's more than that. I love the way your mind works and the way you think. I love the way you view the world. I love the way you communicate and the way you present yourself. I love how much you care about the things and the people around you. I love how you always know how to make me smile. I love how gentle you can be and your sense of humor. I even love the parts of yourself that you hate, the side of yourself that you keep hidden from the world. And as I'm writing this I'm beginning to realise that I actually do love you. A lot. I would do anything to make you see yourself the same way I do.

no matter what you do or how much you hurt me i will always come right back to u bc i love u and i cant stop no matter how much i try or how much i want to.

Whenever I hear cars parked outside my house at night, I pray that it is you coming to tell me that you want to try again. Whenever I hear a loud ass car speed by, I imagine that it is you coming to kiss me again. My mouth didn’t shut up about you since the first time you kissed me, the thought that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since, before any kiss. There’s a Chinese proverb that says “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, despite the time, the place, the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but never broken.” I cannot put into words how much your words/presence made me feel. You were so amazing to me. You truly made me feel like the happiest girl in the world. It’s 2 am when I am writing this and I still care for you, in 2 years I will still care for you, 2 months ago I cared for you, 4 days, and 12 minutes, I will still care for you. I just hope that you are there for all this time. If nothing else, I hope you realize your importance to me and everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you’re feeling down, I only strive for your happiness. I hope you know that no matter what, I’m hear for you and I fully intend on staying in your life for quite some time ( this sounds threatening lol ). I hope you recognize the fact that I appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that this will never change. I opened up to you early because I learned that the only way to find happiness is to risk being open, but this only works for me. Not you. Not anyone else. I didn’t delete the memories of us because I have hope that you will come back. I’d love it if we made it. I look back at the memories of me laughing so uncontrollably on FaceTime and me unable to keep my smile when I see you. I wish I could’ve given you that feeling. That feeling made me feel alive, the light at the end of the dark tunnel. I was never religious, but since I met you I prayed to God that he would keep you in my life. I miss you so much Leo, not just your presence, but you. I hope that we try again. I apologize for all the anger and confusion I have given you. That was never my intention and it never will be. I also apologize for this poorly written letter, that is because when I think of you my mind stops working, I can’t think straight when I want to talk to you. While I may be able to open up to you easily, it will never get easy verbalizing my emotions to you. So much to say, such little space.

I know we haven’t talked in forever and I don’t expect u too but I just had to say I’m still madly in love with you all I can think is you