Unsent Messages

Whenever I hear cars parked outside my house at night, I pray that it is you coming to tell me that you want to try again. Whenever I hear a loud ass car speed by, I imagine that it is you coming to kiss me again. My mouth didn’t shut up about you since the first time you kissed me, the thought that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since, before any kiss. There’s a Chinese proverb that says “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, despite the time, the place, the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but never broken.” I cannot put into words how much your words/presence made me feel. You were so amazing to me. You truly made me feel like the happiest girl in the world. It’s 2 am when I am writing this and I still care for you, in 2 years I will still care for you, 2 months ago I cared for you, 4 days, and 12 minutes, I will still care for you. I just hope that you are there for all this time. If nothing else, I hope you realize your importance to me and everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. I hope you know that when you’re feeling down, I only strive for your happiness. I hope you know that no matter what, I’m hear for you and I fully intend on staying in your life for quite some time ( this sounds threatening lol ). I hope you recognize the fact that I appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that this will never change. I opened up to you early because I learned that the only way to find happiness is to risk being open, but this only works for me. Not you. Not anyone else. I didn’t delete the memories of us because I have hope that you will come back. I’d love it if we made it. I look back at the memories of me laughing so uncontrollably on FaceTime and me unable to keep my smile when I see you. I wish I could’ve given you that feeling. That feeling made me feel alive, the light at the end of the dark tunnel. I was never religious, but since I met you I prayed to God that he would keep you in my life. I miss you so much Leo, not just your presence, but you. I hope that we try again. I apologize for all the anger and confusion I have given you. That was never my intention and it never will be. I also apologize for this poorly written letter, that is because when I think of you my mind stops working, I can’t think straight when I want to talk to you. While I may be able to open up to you easily, it will never get easy verbalizing my emotions to you. So much to say, such little space.