Unsent Messages

every little thing reminds me of you. i see a post and i instantly want to send it to you even though we broke up months ago. i still haven't gotten out of the habit of checking my phone when i wake up in the middle of the night to a text saying that the facetime ended. i still wake up every morning hoping for a text from you, hoping that it's 2019 again. i wish we could start again. i feel dumb typing this and hoping you'll never see it, but i guess it's a better way of coping. it's so hard to fall out of love with you and i can't understand why. you would think that not talking for months would make me get over it but it feels the same as it did when we broke up. the few times we talked over these past few months made me happy. i wish i could still have you in my life, even if it was just as a friend, but i feel like that would just hurt me more. i hope you're doing better and i hope you never end up seeing this. although i wish it hadn't ended like this, i know that we have a happier ending in another lifetime.