Unsent messages to KEVIN

You were the sweetest boy ever. I’m sorry for breaking you, but I still can’t forgive myself even if you do.

2 years. it took me 2 full years and a couple more months to get over you. even tough we were never together, i fell in love with you. see, you came into my life when my closests friends... bestfriend betrayed me. i was heartbroken and there you were, makin me smile everyday. and thent this one day, i caught myself loving you. even tho i never had the courage to tell you that in your face, i fell in love with you. took me awhile to realise it tho. it took for you to leave. but i eventually got over it. im not any happier but you made me happy and you taught me what its like to love someone and ill forvever be grateful. thank you.

It's weird to say that I've always liked you. It hurts since we're so close. I know you'll never be mine but that's okay...i hate that we barely talk. I guess maybe you're letting go. Your kiss has been my favorite..the way you looked at me made me feel safe. You're an amazing guy and I'd rather see you happy with someone else. You deserve it! I'm letting go to the idea of you...ill forever have a place for you in my heart but as a friend now. I love you but you're not mine....how ironic I've tried everything and yet nothing..I cry over you and I break lil by lil but thank you for everything. Almost....

you were kinda ghetto and idk why I fell for you I didn’t even like you at first, you’re one of my biggest regrets yolo

Its been over 5 years, you were supposed to be 19 now. It still isn't the same without you here. Fly high buddy

I miss you, my love. I miss laying in bed talking to you, laughing with you. I truly thought you were it for me. It’s been ages and still I can’t imagine loving anyone else as much as I loved you. My heart hurts because you’re still the first person I think about in the morning and the last person I think about at night. I know that that was it and that you’re not coming back, but sometimes I still wish so badly that you would. I miss what we had. You made me so happy, I would do anything to feel that way again. Please don’t forget me. Love, L

I hope you’re doing well. I still think about you & I try to move on because you seem happier but I’ll have these moments where I miss you so badly and I can’t deny the fact that I still love you. Everytime I think about moving on , I think of the reasons why you weren’t good for me, I get upset and realize I deserved better. But who am I to judge, I wasn’t great either. You still hold a place in my heart. Please be safe. I’m sorry love.

I miss you. Im sorry I went too quick.nI was in love, and you cant say that I wasnt. You cant say that I wasnt experiencing something, because thats not your place. But I will forever love you. Im sorry you couldnt do distance. Ill always miss you. You say you cried but I did too. I feel hurt that you lied.

when I started texting you I turned caps on because I wanted to make a good impression but now that I think I have feelings for you I feel like you should know that I dont type with capital letters and it makes me uncomfortable to text with them

i hope you are happy. honestly i still cry and it hurts to drive by your house. and it hurts that you can’t be there for when i need you. when we broke up i didn’t lose someone i loved i also lost my best friend. i want my best friend back.

why do i still miss you. why do i wish you were still in my life why didn't we work out. I've moved on but i still think of you from time to time

FUCK YOU! You didn't have to do me like that. I was ready to love you and I thought you were ready to love me too. I know my worth and you don't deserve me. You never did.

Dear Kevin, because of you i saw something in life a little more and i still dont know how i feel about you. Sometimes i think i like you and you’re a great person but then the other day i dont want anything to do with you because im scared that its gonna be weird. I can’t imagine you and me being a thing it just makes me uncomfortable. I dreamt about you 2 times now and i dont know how to feel about that. You also told me yesterday that you liked me and i never noticed that but now you told me that you lost feelings because you thought me and you was never going to happen and i dont think its ever going to happen so you thought right. I really care about you tho and i dont even know why i just do. Love Maud

het feit wat je deed boeit me neit eens, want iedereen zei toch al vanaf t begin dat ik beter verdiende, maar je hebt me echt trust issues gegeven en daarvoor haat ik je echt voor altijd doei

eres un idiota, no tenias que ser tan cruel con mis sentimientos.
si no te gustaba por qué no lo dejaste en claro desde el principio?

I hope we can be friends in the future. I hope you see me as a friend by then. If we hadn't met, I wouldn't be here today. I miss you.

i’m sorry i lead you on and basically f*ckd u over. i was younger and didn’t know what i was feeling. looking back i feel bad. i hope you’re doing ok though. take care!!!

We've moved on. But, I'm still waiting for an apology. You hurt me so bad and I wish you could realize that.

you pushed me to open up to you about my mental health but when i politely ask you how you're doing you always say fine when you're not.

You’ve hurt me so much. And sometimes I wish the same upon you. But I hope that one day, you’ll wake up and realize the truth of what you’ve caused...

i fucking hate you you’re literally the worst person ever because i loved you so bad but you just broke my heart.

today would have been a year. never would have thought this is how it would all end up. ill always love you

I'm sorry if I've made it feel like things are moving too fast. I've just never had someone like me back in person and ig I was just excited. I know that you've never been with anybody and I'm sorry if I've put too much pressure on you. That's the last thing I would want. Just know that if you need longer to think about it it's perfectly fine, we have all the time in the world. You don't have to say you love me or call me baby. I would like to be much more than friends, but if that's not what you want i will find a way to suck it up and be okay with that. I'd wait however long you need me to. I'm sorry. I love you.

you drive me crazy. i will never forget the first time i looked into your eyes. you made me feel special, and now i just feel nothing. no one should make me cry the way that you do, you don't deserve me. i would have done everything for you and you walking over me, made me realize my worth. leave me alone.

I cared about you, I ask how you were and all you did was throw me to the side and treat me like I was a nobody. Then you call me a bitch, I thought you cared about me.

i hate you because i don’t hate you. fuck you. i hate the person you’ve become. i was so blinded by how much i loved u to realize u treated me like shit the last months of our relationship. you seemed like you didn’t even care when we broke up like we meant nothing. i’ve moved on and if you come back, i won’t be here.

i had a crush on u in middle school but thank god i dodged a bullet with that one
u turned out to be a trump supporter

I loved you, with my whole heart but i need to let you go because you don’t love me.. i still think about you everytime 24/7, i hope one day we will see each other again and fall for eachother. I love you Caro

Creí estar tan acostumbrada a dejarte ir que extrañarte en estos momentos es insoportable. Me duele pensar que solo contigo he sentido esa conexión tan increible, que te quiero como a nadie aunque nunca hayamos sido nada.
Te odio, niño guapo del bus.

I miss you so much and I hate that. I think we'll never really talk again and you'll disappear from my life and it makes me so sad because I can't control that. Despite everything, I'll always be thankful for our time together. I think a part of me will always love you.

how is it with you? im currently happy with my life now without you in it, but i surely will always be grateful for you for ever coming into my life. thank u.

Hey, mmm, bueno, se que no leerás esto, pero bueno, gracias, en verdad muchas gracias, estoy tan agradecida porque Dios te puso en mi camino, e hizo que las cosas pasaran tal cual pasaron, pues bien, gracias a eso soy la persona que soy, y está bien, así que gracias, solo quiero desearte una vida llena de felicidad y que te vaya muy bien en ella; aún estoy muy joven, pero jamás me olvidaré de ti, fuiste mi primer amor, y espero verte algún día en persona.

today, i realized that we are never going to work out. you’re letting me down like every other person i let in my life. i should never have let you turn into a weak spot in me. i thought you were different than them.

nunca te olvidaré, aún podria regresar contigo si me lo pidieras. todo paso rapido pero fui feliz todo el tiempo...

Lamento tanto haberte lastimado, aún cuando ya pasaron muchísimos años de eso y somos muy buenos amigos, no lo merecías. Gracias por siempre cuidarme a pesar de todo, odio a todos los hombres excepto a ti. Gracias también por ser la primera persona que me escuchó cuando empecé a cuestionar mi sexualidad y por defenderme de los comentarios hirientes, siempre haz sido una gran persona y espero que estés en mi vida por mucho tiempo más.

Solo quiero que seas feliz y emcuentres esa paz y amor que siempre has querido. Sé que estás herido por dentro aunque no lo demuestres, te conozco y te amaré por siempre. Pido por tu bienestar cada noche y ese amor es el que quiero que nunca te falte, aunque no lo sepas. ???

loving you was the most brutal, beautiful thing I've ever done. and it hurt even more because you lived 2,245 miles away from me. even if you didnt think what we had was real i committed to you and made a promise to you that i would be there for you are care for you. and now over a year after our breakup i desperately have this need in myself that you can only fulfill. i know you live in the city where dreams come true but every morning i look out to the east, to nyc, i look out from the vast desert i am stuck in; and at sunrise at 7am in the morning, i think about your laugh, your habit of sleeping with no sheets, that one piece of hair that always tends to fall in your face and i think about how you will always have someone. even if i hate you, i will always love you. i hope our paths cross again.

I will always be thankful for the role you played in my life. Though it was short, the impact you left will last a lifetime.

i miss you so much, you were my best friend. im sorry for everything i put you through, i wish you could sleep next to me. i think about you everyday. i love you to the moon and back.

I'm sorry for distancing myself after what you messaged me... I would still like to be friends if you're up for it.

La verdad te ame, primero hubo una atracción física, te me hiciste el chico mas lindo, pero yo fui la chica mas linda para ti, en mi intento de querer alguna relación amorosa con tigo me termine volviendo tu mejor amiga, y guarde mi secreto, guarde mi amor, aunque de otra manera te lo di, estuve en tus momentos más buenos y en los peores, te ayude cuando me necesitabas, te di mi confianza ciegamente, te presente con mi familia, éramos los mejores amigos, el cambio a la universidad nos separó mucho, te dije que estaría para ti, y tu me prometiste lo mismo, pero dime ¿dónde estuviste cuando más sola me sentía? me dejaste de hablar, me diste excusas tan tontas, pero, quien quiere puede, no crees? no tener mi número no era impedimento de nada, me quedo con esto, con el amor que te di pero a la vez nunca pude, encontraste una chica realmente bonita para ti, estoy feliz por ti, y siempre que seas feliz, yo lo seré

Lo siento por aquel abandono, simplemente no me sentía lista para estar a tu lado, al pensar en el futuro de nuestra relación algo en mi se quebraba y sentía que no podia soportarlo más.

Decidi dejarte antes de que me dejaras ...no debí de hacerlo, espero me perdones algún dia, adiós.

when i think of a future together, it couldn't be more unpredictable. i haven't decided if that's good or bad

Why did we stop talking? Why did we grow apart? Was it something I did? I apologized and tried to take you back but... Clearly you don’t feel the same way about me. Those long 5+ hour phone calls were the highlight of my days and nights and I always looked forward to the next. Maybe you met someone else and just gave up on me... I hope you know I liked you so much. No I actually loved you. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to face the facts. You were my first love and I didn’t even know it

Kevin, I don't think I love you anymore. I don't know if it's because I'm numb or I've just fallen out of love with and I don't know what it's like and I don't know yet if I hate it or not.. I'm still learning :/ you hurt me a lot and you don't even recognize the fact that you've traumatized me when it comes to relationships but I stayed, even when I knew you were going to leave me, I stayed and you never even noticed or appreciated it. I was there for you when you were at your lowest but I don't see you for my lowest. Maybe it's because it's ongoing and I have mental illnesses idk but I hate it and sometimes I hate you but then again I love you. I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex with another person or do anything, you're the one I want. Even though you've caused me so much pain. You're the one.. I love you to the moon and back

Era tan feliz contigo pero todo se fue acabando. Te ame como a nadie y ojalá nunca me hubieras dejado

i want you. i want you to look at me like i gaze at you every day. i scared to admit that i got feelings for you. everytime i see ur name pops up i smile. i cant stop thinking about you, every night every day i think about you and i really hope you would feel the same

I wish you’d stop coming walking in & out in & out over and over again it gets old. But I’d take you back in a heart beat. But at the same time please stop using me because each time you leave another thought wonders though my mind on how I wasn’t good enough.

To the boy who I can never confess my feelings for. To say my first love, even though you never loved me back. I mean how can I blame you, you probably never knew. But admitting my feelings weren't allowed to be told, since you fell for her. Idk if you remember this but one day in history i had my head down, and was really upset. But when I lift my head I see you looking at me , in my point of view you looked worried. Which is a memory I will always hold. Whenever I have serious feelings and then no one could have found out. I would always lie , like with you I told you I had feelings for one of your friends, but in reality I was hiding the fact that i was upset. I thought you were different but they never are. They always go for the beautiful girls, the ones who I can't compete with. But of course my dreams were crushed when you asked her out, and I had to sit through yours's conversations. It hurt to see you slowly fade away. From when you guys broke up, cause she still had those feelings for her first love. I thought we would still be friends but you quickly disappeared. Maybe from the fact that you were hurt, and I understand but that hurt , you were doing so good and I remember looking at your seat and it being empty and you not being there. That experience is something I will never forget, we still talked after that but it's not the same. An it's been a year and sometimes I look back at the messages to smile, but then remember I never got to confess my feelings for you. Well if you ever see this which you probably won't. I loved you , and you hurt me a lot and I won't forget it. I still want to text you to see how you are but I think you wouldn't like that . But I hope you are safe and I will always believe in you , work hard.

Kevin, hay muchos errores de los que me arrepiento, pero sin duda repetiría el momento en que nos conocimos, te ame tanto, en serio que lo hice, cambiaría tantas cosas de mi solo por haber estado contigo formal, tienes un lugar en mi corazón que JAMÁS ocupará nadie, siempre serás la primera persona que quise de verdad, te desearé lo mejor siempre