Unsent messages to JACKSON

i loved you back then, and you liked me back. these days i’m nothing to you because you know you can “do better”. just because you’re hot now doesn’t mean you’re the same person you used to be. you used to be a good person.

i really did love you we went through a lot together, we held on by a thread most of the time hoping we’d see each other again when we knew we couldn’t i said i’ll always wait for you but i don’t know how long i could hold that promise

what made me not good enough to see in the daytime. i liked you and you made me think that you liked me to

I miss you every day. I miss the bond we have in high school. I regret not dating you when I had the chance. You were my best friend. You knew me better than I knew myself, and you treated me far better than anyone else in this world has. You were so, so sweet to me. I’m so sorry I was so selfish. I’m sorry I never gave you a chance. I love you and I hope you’re happy.

I hate you. You ruined my self esteem and made me hate every little thing about myself. What you said wrecked me for months. I deserved better.

I don’t know why i fell in love with you. We didn’t even date, but i was happy you were flirting with me, even if it was a joke between friends. Even afterwards when you stopped talking to me as a friend and only hit me up at 3 am for my body, i was still just glad you were talking to me. It hurt so much when you picked her over me for a second time and cut me out of your life. It hurt even more knowing exactly why you picked her. I was so mad at myself for even liking you and letting you affect me that much but i am past being mad at myself, you hurt me but i can’t never tell you that, so here i am.

Hey, We’re about to go into the new year and I need to do that with closure so you can ignore this if you want to.

I loved you so much. But every time you yelled at me, made me cry, weren’t there, lied to me, left, I loved you a little less. To the point I didn’t love you enough to keep working through it and being by your side.

You’ll always be so important to me but I need to love myself and I can’t do that with you in my life In a big way. And maybe if we had slowed down and spread those fights out a little more you would of been the one.

You taught me so much about myself and gave me the confidence to live for myself and be who I was. The heart tattooed on my hip will always signify that.

I never wanted to lose you completely and I want us to be okay if we ever do run into each other but if you want to pretend like I don’t exist that is okay.

Our story wasn’t suppose to end like this

hi loserrr i love you sm and you mean sm to me!! i feel really comfortable around you and i appreciate you sm. scared that i’ll have to leave you some day

lol why did you lie about loving me :). you should of left when you lost feelings, bc i truly believed you loved me :).

ur in my dream every single night and it fucking sucks. so much

wake up and just go back to crying because the only time i get to be with you now is while i’m asleep

i know i fucked up but you did too. do you know how shitty it felt when u moved on that fast? and how you’d took advice from her about me? let your friends call me a skank/whore? no what hurts is how i thought i was special but you just had everything we had, but better, with her. and you had the nerve to put it on me and say I treated YOU like an option. unbelievable. you’re a man whore for pulling that.

You hurt me . you always do . I wanted you to give me the stars and you have me a broken heart instead . I always had to walk on eggshells around you scared to do anything wrong . but that’s not how it should have been . I still love you but it’s killing me and I can’t do it anymore i’m so sorry but I deserve better and you do too . Not better then what I treated you obviously but better .

i miss u. i miss your smile and i miss hearing your laugh and your voice. i miss the way u used to joke with me. i miss when u used to call me your love and your everything. i miss the way u always made sure i ate something that day because u knew how hard it was for me. i miss u telling me about your day and how practice was. why did u leave? what did i do? u told me u loved me more than anything in this world, was that a lie? if u love someone that much, how could u leave them? i still pray for u and your family every night. i pray you're well and happy. i pray we find our way back to each other, because i really think you're the one i'm supposed to be with. i wonder how often u think of me, or if u ever do. sometimes i wonder if u left because your friends told u to, i don't think they ever really liked me. sometimes i wonder if our relationship was a joke to u, and u didn't really think i was beautiful and u didn't really love me, but if it was a joke why would u tell your parents about me? we used to talk about our future together and u told me how it's gonna be hard for u not to cry when u see me walking down the aisle on our wedding day. we planned on having four children, two boys and two girls because u always wanted a brother and your sister always wanted a sister. u would get scared when we would talk about having children because u are terrified of being a terrible father and not being able to be there for your kids. i know i shouldn't, but i still look back at our old conversations. reading through our texts, i remember how i felt in the moment. i remember blushing and smiling like an idiot when u told me u loved me for the first time. i remember the butterflies i felt the first time u called me your baby. i wish i could feel like that again. every night, i look through the pictures i have of u that i can't bring myself to delete. u have the most perfect smile i have ever seen, even though u hate it. i miss looking at your dimples and your cute little nose. i miss everything about u. they say if u love someone u have to let them go and if they really love u, they'll come back. i have a gut feeling that you'll come back to me, but if you don't, i wish u nothing but the best. u deserve endless amounts of love and happiness and if it's not me who gives it to u, i hope u find an amazing girl who will. i want to hate u for breaking my heart, but i can't. i could never hate u. i've loved u since the day we met and i will never stop loving u.

it’s so hard to love you but i just can’t stop. you’re so frustrating, do you even care about what i want? i wish you could just be open

ive knowen you since i was litte, i felt safe with you. Not so much anymore, you've changed and you've left me behind, treating me like a stranger.
Just wish you cared more about me and how much this is affecting me because if you did you would know this is affecting me in the worst way possible.

goodbye stranger

i think i’m loosing you. i cant wait anymore. i’m closing my self off from other people because i’m waiting for you and i know your never going to come back to be. i give up i think

you'll realize one day that im the one even though we met when i was literally 14. Im mental so that could also b why i think this

i'd choose you. i'd choose you a thousand times over and let you break my heart each time if it meant i got to at least hold you for another time.

sorry i couldn’t love you back the way you loved me. turns out i’m gay. i wish i didn’t hurt you so badly, it was an accident

You made me feel like I was living in a movie. I guess this one just didn't have a happily ever after.

you should have shown me you loved me while i was still there, not after i finally find happiness after four years of pain you caused

i wish i didn't end like this but you thanks for being my first love. i'm over you but i will always miss our memories :( i hope you change

It took me a few to come to my senses but I’m in love with you. I may be too late but I can wait if I need to

i think im finally over you. even after you said we could be friends you never talked to me again. thanks. i was better off without you. oh also... different = bad if you know what i mean. ill take my soul back thank you :)

i don’t know when my name got replaced with hers in all your social media’s. i don’t know when you took my pictures down to put hers up. i don’t know why you didn’t want to try to make it work with me. i don’t know when you decided i wasn’t good enough. all i know is i still miss you.

Sometimes I think of how much had to happen for us to meet, how many stars had to align and all the infinite factors that went into it. I wonder how long it took for the universes plan to finally work. How did I manage to be there at the exact same spot as you, at the exact same time looking at the exact same view with the exact same thoughts. I’m so lucky I got the opportunity to love you and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.

i should despise you but i don’t i love you and i always think of you but ik you only think of her and i wish i could say i’m happy for you but i’m not bc you’re happy w out me :/

your'e back again but it doesn't feel like you wanna be. i just wish i didn't have to dream about u being mine. you said u would love me forever, what happened? why did u listen to them and leave me..?

i love you. you’re my world. no one makes me happy like you do. no one makes me hurt like you do. you’re the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me. i wish you would just listen sometimes and not just worry about yourself. you don’t know how much you hurt me but i love you. you’re so hard to read and i never know what you’re thinking. you scare me, i can’t lose you. i’m glad you’re taking all my firsts, i wish i could’ve done the same for you

I'm sorry, I got scared and I was dying inside. It's been three years, and you're all I want. Please come back.

When I see you all I think of is what i did. when I talk to you all I wanna think is what you could've done.

I barely remember that period of time, but I remember parts of you before you left. I wish you had stayed.

I miss you and I miss being loved by you. He isn't as good as you, no one will be. I hope you're happy with her, I'm sorry I broke your heart.
xZ

hey i havent spoken to you in a while, but i just want to say that i miss you. i miss you so much. i miss us being together, i miss us talking us even being in each others lives. at the start of this "thing" i was confused, no-one has liked me and wanted something like you did, i was unfazed but then i realised. i really felt loved and safe with you, im sorry i let my nerves and in-experience get in the way because i know if i were able to, we would be in a different spot to where we are now, or at least where i am. i miss your touch, your smile, the effort you put in to me whether it was a text, something you said or even just a small gesture. i know it was a long time, i knew i didn't put in half as much effort as you did but just know i regret every moment . everytime i see you my heart drops, memories come back and i wish it were different. i want to be yours, im ready. im sorry, about everything, for even wasting your time i was just un-sure if what you felt or what you wanted was real as i had never had someone want to be with me, or even like me, the way you did. i hope soon, or one day we could get back to that, start over.

You’re the first person I’ve had a connection with since my ex. I pray things work out. You’re amazing.

you told me i was too difficult to love. you told me i had too many problems and you just couldn’t deal with them. you told me loving me was like a full time job. imagine how i feel. i’m the one who has to deal with myself every single day and i’m the one who has to love myself or else i’ll simply just fall apart and die. you told me i wasn’t trying hard enough to be happy. when i was doing all that i could just to keep myself alive for you. fuck you.

i love you but i wish you would understand i can't be with you right now. i don't want to hurt you anymore.

i fell in love with you at 11, and here we are. i miss you please come back but im glad youre doing well. i love you.

today a year ago I realized that I was falling for you and hard...
but the you I saw in my eyes was what I wanted to see the good overpower the bad.
there wasnt much baby tho but think back to those little moment we had makes me sad i thought me and you would be something more than friend but that the thing from you point of view i was the girl you sat next to in math. it fucking hurt to say it still since i was so foolish. Today one year later some how your slowley crawling back in to my life when i just want you out goodbye,
Jackson

ok it hurts jackson. a LOT bitch. and it’s like you don’t know that i know you have a girlfriend who is a million times better than me in every way. i know i missed my chance but im waiting for you. even if your not waiting for me

i miss you and i hate the fact that i do and 99% of the time i hate the way you make me feel and you probably think i’m crazy because i act like i hate you and then i love you on and off everyone five fucking seconds but the truth is that i literally cannot stay away from you and i have no idea why and i hate the way i’m so attached to you even though we never dated and i can’t get the image of you smiling at me the first time you kissed me after months and i’m just scared of the fact that it’s always going to be you.

you made me believe in trust again and people loving you again. thank you. please don't leave as everyone else did :)

you made me feel so awful sometimes...yet I miss you...maybe I miss the good you. I wonder if that good you still exists.

if i could go back to that night, i would’ve stayed on that couch just for a little longer. i knew you wanted to tell me something but i left. i saw the disappointment in your eyes as i walked away. i should’ve stayed.

You taught me how to solve math questions and helped with my accounting, you saved my grade for both subjects.

It really broke my heart hearing the words “I’ve caught feelings for someone else.” I will always remember the memories you made and I’ll love you forever :(

i know you and me both felt it. it was obvious between us. was i not enough or did i do something. its okay, you seem way happy now. or so it seems. it kinda hurt when you just left without any say. it hurts when i felt excited about you again. i knew i shouldn't have gave in an started to like you again. maybe this is what you do. I'm just another girl who is not pretty enough for anyone and is eh. why can't someone show me the love i give out so easily. why does everyone have to hurt me. i think I'm the one who hurt people. useless is what i am. my mom has called me that twice. Im sure there's a reason for that. i should stop trying. why can't this all end. why do i have to still be here. i make no impact in anything. I'm literally a waste of space. someone else deserves the life i have. it would be easier without me here. if pain is the only thing i feel why am i still here. god i wish i can disappear.

I could never tell you how much I like you to your face.. I just wish I had more time to build the courage

I know, I have only known you for a year, you most likely just see me as a friend, but I love you. Everyday I want to tell you but I know you won't say it back. I should have told you when we were best friends. But I was too dumb to realize I was in love with you. I know you still love me deep down. But I can't risk telling you bcs now we are so far apart.

i miss you more than you could ever imagine. i dont know if you even care. id do anything to just spend one day with you. even if you only live 20 feet away.