Unsent messages to EMMA

I'm sorry about my behaviour back when we were in high school. You were my first love and I took advantage of you. You're a great person and life has thrown you a tough hand. Hope you're doing well.

i have 3 midterms (ok i guess leccion 2 prueba wasn’t technically a midterm) today and the only thing in my brain is you.

sometimes i think i’m delusional and just another shitty ex boyfriend in denial now.

but then i read the letters you wrote me, and i relive our road trip, and i remember that what we had was the realest love i’ve known.

i’m still holding on to the hope, like you asked me to.

every time i look at my ring, i remember. i wear it everyday.

i wish i could be there for you for all of this but i’m trying to respect that i can’t.

i keep having to learn to trust God and relinquish control. it’s really hard. but his plan is much better place than mine.

if sending these is upsetting you, please let me know and i’ll stop. i don’t want to hurt you emma. i’m so sorry that i have.

praying for you always & love you forever.

You told me you loved me three years ago, and stupidly I didn't say I loved you back because I was a scared little girl in the closet. But since then all I've thought about is that message. And every time we've hung out called and texted all I've wanted to do is look you in the eyes and tell you how much I love you but now that you live 600 miles away it's hard to do. So even though you will probably never see this or know it's me I want you to know much I miss and love you. I hope one day I will be able to tell you how I feel because you were my entire world and still are...
Love Maddy

You will forever be me bestfriend No matter how far apart we are or how much we change. I will love you forever. I wouldst be who I am today without my bestie em. love you long time.

i will wait for you if you still want us.

i still believe in soulmates. and that you're mine.

i promised always & forever and i mean it.

i won't give up.

i choose you. you're more than worth it.

i love you.

little reminder you are loved and have people rooting for you and praying for you.
you can do this ?

i came SO close to calling you so i’m writing this instead.
forever & always.
i’m not good at no contact, i’m sorry.

i still think of you fondly. i know that probably comes as a surprise, but I don't hate you. what we had was probably the worst years of my life. i wish you knew the pain I still feel.

i couldn’t hate you if i tried. seriously.
i shouldn’t reply to these but i can’t help myself if you think i hate you. i just can’t. a&f

Just thought id let you know i still been suffering i aint been getting no better and i miss you so much:(

heads up, ill be reporting that weekend and all sexual lexi/rose, I may even show those screenshots from 2018. Hope you were smart enough to change the IP. Lots of love asshole, stay the fuck out of my yard and my vagina. Ps now this is ruining your life.

I’ll never look at you the same. You are filth. Do want you want I don’t care at this point. I truly hate you.

Emma I never meant to hurt you and break you as I did. I’m so sorry my baby. One day i will be my old self I promise and then we can try again my love. I’m sorry

Emma I never meant to hurt you and break you as I did. I’m so sorry my baby. One day i will be my old self I promise and then we can try again my love. I’m sorry

you made me so happy, but when you left i was lonely, we were the best of friends and we never left each others side until we did

you meant the world to me, i miss you everyday, you never judged anything i did and it was us against the world. moving sucks

It’s been more than a year since it all ended. I thought we were meant to be but we weren’t. I wish you well ❤️

Ellie misses you

Not as much as I do though.

Judah asked about you the other day and I nearly cried

driving home tonight I nearly turned left onto 216 but I stopped myself. I just wanted to be close to you for a minute. well, longer than that

now i’ve just spent the last hour looking through our photos

i long for the day we can take more together again

sorry for sending another one of these when I said I wouldn’t. you can call me sometime if you want

A&F
ian

I came back to write one more of these and then never again. I honestly don’t know why I keep on doing this and writing you these, I hope you will someday see them as I know your friends know about this site. I hate myself for everything and I wish I could turn back time and change this mess I’ve made with you. When we saw each other recently, you looked so different so beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful but your hair was longer and you were a bit taller then the last time I had seen you. I could tell we were both anxious and I felt tongue tied, like I didn’t know what to say to you anymore. I should be telling you this in person but I just don’t know how, I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I can tell you’ve changed and are more closed off with me and I understand. I am just happy I got to see you one last time like that, too see you, too have you around me. It calms me. I’m so selfish when it comes to you, I want you all to myself even though you would never expect that of me. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you, I realized that I am not good enough and never will be. It is so hard to have to force myself to stop thinking about you. I am trying to forget everything that happened between us, I want to forget it all. Because it’s easier that way. You probably think I don’t care but it’s the opposite. I need to forget but I also hope you might text me and you tell me you love me. But you’ve never been good with emotions and neither have I. I just want to talk to you, I don’t know what we would talk about but I just want to talk. I tried calling you on the last night of communication but I saw you ended it before the second ring and I realized that I needed to just stop. I hope you know that when I left you, I was at war with myself and my life. Now I’m changed and I hope you see it in me. I know I will see you in the near future but we probably won’t talk, it sucks because we have such limited. I hope that maybe one day we can meet again and we can explain to each other what really happened. Maybe then you and I will understand better and we will understand each other but until then I will have to try to forget.
2 y

I came back to write one more of these and then never again. I honestly don’t know why I keep on doing this and writing you these, I hope you will someday see them as I know your friends know about this site. I hate myself for everything and I wish I could turn back time and change this mess I’ve made with you. When we saw each other recently, you looked so different so beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful but your hair was longer and you were a bit taller then the last time I had seen you. I could tell we were both anxious and I felt tongue tied, like I didn’t know what to say to you anymore. I should be telling you this in person but I just don’t know how, I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I can tell you’ve changed and are more closed off with me and I understand. I am just happy I got to see you one last time like that, too see you, too have you around me. It calms me. I’m so selfish when it comes to you, I want you all to myself even though you would never expect that of me. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you, I realized that I am not good enough and never will be. It is so hard to have to force myself to stop thinking about you. I am trying to forget everything that happened between us, I want to forget it all. Because it’s easier that way. You probably think I don’t care but it’s the opposite. I need to forget but I also hope you might text me and you tell me you love me. But you’ve never been good with emotions and neither have I. I just want to talk to you, I don’t know what we would talk about but I just want to talk. I tried calling you on the last night of communication but I saw you ended it before the second ring and I realized that I needed to just stop. I hope you know that when I left you, I was at war with myself and my life. Now I’m changed and I hope you see it in me. I know I will see you in the near future but we probably won’t talk, it sucks because we have such limited time until the end of school . I hope that maybe one day we can meet again and we can explain to each other what really happened. Maybe then you and I will understand better and we will understand each other but until then I will have to try to forget.
2 y

How did we get so distant? Our friendship meant the whole world to me and now we barely talk :( wishing you the best in everything you do though

i miss you & im sorry for all thats happened. I feel like i ditched you and that wasn't my intention. I needed space.

I want to share your address

I seriously mean it every time I say Forever & Always

p.s. if nightmares become real life please fill me in

your my bestie forever and I love you so much. You have brought so much happiness into my life and I could never thank you enough. You’ll never understand the impact you have made on me. Your also wise beyond your years, even if you don’t know it yet. Chase your dreams Emma your gonna do great things. Also stick with that dragon tattoo, It’s gonna look sick ;) love you more than you’ll even know. Your beautiful inside and out

I love you sm... i don’t know how to say this.. i know you used to like me but you said you didn’t anymore... i’m just scared that wasn’t a lie. i was going to ask you out in october so the song “we fell in love in october” could be our song. i guess i’m not doing that.

I don't miss you. You were awful to me and while I did love you, I don't anymore and I'm glad you're not a part of my life anymore. I'm better off without you.

That night you cried over your ex and I held you close, I wanted to tell you I still loved you. Now it’s too late. But I still do.

We had some really good times Em. We we're getting so close, I loved you a lot. Why did u have to fuck it up? I don't miss you, only the laughs we had.

I think i’m just scared that if I be your friend right now, and only your friend, that you’ll lose all the other kind of love you had for me. and I really don’t want to be in love with my best friend who only sees me as a friend.

I’m sorry if that’s selfish. I still haven’t made my decision. because I want to be there for you however you need me to be. you’re still my best friend. but I also put everyone else before myself and i’m learning to get better at taking care of myself but idk what I need right now.

I’m gonna write you a letter soon. one that I hope you can read and re-read, and hold onto when you feel like things will never get better.

I don’t mind waiting for you.

I found an article that was talking about situations where a breakup actually leads to a much stronger and healthier relationship. and I believe that’s what’s going to happen with us.

I still get scared sometimes. but it’s weird - I think I finally get what “peace that surpasses all understanding” means.

I pray for you constantly. and for us.

I can’t get you out of my head. and I don’t want to.

I know this feels like we threw our hearts through a garbage disposal.

I read all of these to Ian every day and sometimes I worry that one of the hopeless ones is from you and you didn’t sign it. but then I find yours.

I don’t know how to do this either. I still want to text you about every little thing. but also all the big hard things I don’t really know how to say.

and I want to hug you and play with your hair and hold onto you really really tight and never let go.

I know it just feels like a black hole right now. But I see light at the end of the tunnel.

I think God is giving me peace in reminding me he loves you somehow even more than I do. and it might be selfish but I think i’m your soulmate and we’re better together in the long run then apart or with someone else.

I’m going to keep wearing my ring everyday.

and I’m going to keep writing you a letter every week. and I still have my vows on my dresser with your letter. and all the photos you gave me. I wish you had kept some for yourself.

I don’t believe you really meant all the things you said Monday. when you said you don’t see a future with me at all. that this is forever and there is no way you’ll ever come back. I really hope you didn’t truly mean it. Because I still see you in my future. I have this strange gut feeling i’m still gonna get to see you in another white dress.

I think you just said it because you knew you had to cut the tie all the way to actually get me to leave. Because I told you I’m only ever leaving if it’s truly what you want. and I don’t think it’s what you want but you barely have enough energy to love yourself, and you put other people ahead of yourself so until you learn to take care of yourself, you won’t be able to love someone else in a healthy way.

I don’t want you to give up on your dreams and hopes and aspirations. I fell in love with the Emma who didn’t want to take her husband’s last name. I mean I still think Emma S sounds good but you can keep the C if you want. I want to encourage you and support you as you aspire to live your dreams.

I know officially we broke up but my way of thinking about us is more like we’re just on an actual break. a real break.

and I still don’t want anyone but you. that hasn’t changed.

i wish u knew how much pain u caused me. i will never forgive u for that. at least u don’t have him anymore

i’m sorry that i don’t know how to help you, i really do love you and i wish we could go back to how it used to be.

Hey em. You're beautiful and sweet and kind. Your hair makes you glow like a lil blonde angel. I love the way you care for others and I can see that sparkle in your eyes. I love you I love you I love you. never change. praise be

I leaned too much on you. I’m sorry. That wasn’t supposed to be the end of our story. We could’ve been so much more.

I loved you more than anything in the world. And i still do, I’m just not in love with you anymore. I wasn’t enough for you and I couldn’t make you happy and that hurt me more than anything. I feel lost and empty without you. You will forever have a place in my heart. I miss you so much everyday but I won’t text you because I just want you to live your life and be happy, because you seem happier without me in it. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you needed me to and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the happiness that you gave me. I know I made mistakes but I would do anything for you. I pictured my life with you. And that’s over now and I don’t know how to move on.

ya i miss you like crazy. but i’m learning to move on. seeing you everyday hurts. i miss all the memories we had. i know you would never take me back. i’m sorry for being the worst person ever and hurting you. that was never my intentions. and yes this is who you think it is.

We’ve been friends for over ten years and you still choose someone you met a year ago over me. It hurts and I wish it would change but just as I think it changes the same argument starts again and I can’t do it anymore. I refuse to do it anymore. It is not fair to me or you and especially isn’t fair to all the years we’ve spent together. Ive lost two friendships that will not be the same. You can’t ignore me and hangout with me only when you’re mad at him it isn’t fair to me. I hope you are genuinely happy and I will always think of you as my best friend, sometimes distance is good. I hope that is the case.

I still love you forever and always. even when I may get upset or mad, and it makes my heart ache everytime I think of you with someone else. but I will forever love and accept the decisions you make for yourself, aslong as your happy and safe that is what makes me feel a bit better about myself and you.

i know things are hard now. but i’m here for you and i promise not to leave, ur the best thing that’s happened to me in a while

I see that you got your heart broken in the way you hurt mine. If i was a shit person i would say you deserved it, but no one does.

youre so great, it feels like youre my soulmate. but it hurts to know you dont feel the same, it hurts to know you dont thinkof me like that, it hurts so much. we have so many good memories, and i hope we stay good friends forever.i just wish you could see me as more.

Everyone knows you love him. He knows you love him. So why are you using other men to fill the void. It’s not their fault he loves someone else

I’m just gonna keep writing to myself when I’m feeling upset over him.
Drunk again because that’s the only thing that makes you happy. It’s going to get worse before it gets better I think. I need you to stop loving him. Please.

Honestly don't know if I'll ever forgive you. But thank you for helping me see that I was surrounding myself with toxic people who were further harming my mental health. I was trying so hard back then to help other people and forgot that I needed to practice self-care as well. Thank you for letting me see that you only cared about getting close to the guys in my life and not being friends me. When you stabbed me in the back, it honestly broke me and created more trust issues than I previously had, but I've built myself back up with the help of true friends and am finally on the path to loving myself and being happy. I promise myself that I will never let myself get back to the person I was during our friendship, who stayed with people who hurt me and didn't care about me or my happiness, only their own and what they could gain from me. I will strive to live my best life, so thank you.

You. Need. To. Stop. With. The. Toxic. Boys. ?
Ok but literally you’re so pretty, kind and just like the way you are is so amazing:)) most people don’t see it because you don’t act 100% yourself. I mean you do your really out there but...actually idk you are mostly yourself with other people but idk when I see you talk to other people it doesn’t give me ~Emma vibes✨~ you know? But yeah anyway you’re great ???

emma i hope you know how much of a great friend you are. i could say so much but i don't know how to say it but i want you to know ily and i really appreciate you

I know he broke your heart but you don’t have to be nasty to your friends we are trying our best to be there for you but sometimes we need help too