Unsent Messages

I came back to write one more of these and then never again. I honestly don’t know why I keep on doing this and writing you these, I hope you will someday see them as I know your friends know about this site. I hate myself for everything and I wish I could turn back time and change this mess I’ve made with you. When we saw each other recently, you looked so different so beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful but your hair was longer and you were a bit taller then the last time I had seen you. I could tell we were both anxious and I felt tongue tied, like I didn’t know what to say to you anymore. I should be telling you this in person but I just don’t know how, I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I can tell you’ve changed and are more closed off with me and I understand. I am just happy I got to see you one last time like that, too see you, too have you around me. It calms me. I’m so selfish when it comes to you, I want you all to myself even though you would never expect that of me. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you, I realized that I am not good enough and never will be. It is so hard to have to force myself to stop thinking about you. I am trying to forget everything that happened between us, I want to forget it all. Because it’s easier that way. You probably think I don’t care but it’s the opposite. I need to forget but I also hope you might text me and you tell me you love me. But you’ve never been good with emotions and neither have I. I just want to talk to you, I don’t know what we would talk about but I just want to talk. I tried calling you on the last night of communication but I saw you ended it before the second ring and I realized that I needed to just stop. I hope you know that when I left you, I was at war with myself and my life. Now I’m changed and I hope you see it in me. I know I will see you in the near future but we probably won’t talk, it sucks because we have such limited. I hope that maybe one day we can meet again and we can explain to each other what really happened. Maybe then you and I will understand better and we will understand each other but until then I will have to try to forget.
2 y