Unsent messages to TOM

I know we won't met again. Maybe in another life. But I hope you know that, you will always be ma first love, even if nothing happend, bút i felt it and i know you felt it too. That way you looked a me, that way was not that, you look at others. That was too long to be just classmates. Love.

I know you didn't even like me that much and that way i am, but i hope you know that youre always be my first

ok i love you. i love you so much and it scares me. i don’t deserve it at least i don’t think i don’t deserve it, when i was a kid i always thought that the first guy i loved would love me too and that he would make happy, ofc he would break my heart bc he would be the first guy i loved but w you, w you it’s only the getting heartbroken part, you never made me happy, you never loved me back ,you didn’t even gave me a chance ,you didn’t even thought about it for a second you just keep broking my heart over and over again so why am i still here, why am i waiting for, i know you won’t give me a chance so why can’t i move on. there’s something about you idk what it is but it makes me still here but i have no idea what it is bc i hate you ofc it’s nothing compared to the way i love you but i hate you. i hate you for making me love you , for never thinking about giving me a chance, for being the one i want to care about me, for being the one who can make me laugh even when i’m about to cry, for acting like you care, for making ME apologize for loving you and making you broke my heart but never apologizing for breaking my heart, for being so naïf like your only problem is that girls like you and that you have to broke their heart but do you even know what it’s like to be one of these girls specially when you don’t like but love you? bc it’s exhausting, loving you is exhausting, i have to act the whole day that i just see you as a friend i have to talk to you like a friend and act like your friends and wait to come home to be me be me again, to be the girl that loves you , to be the girl that cry herself every night to sleep, to be the girl who doesn’t feel loved, i hate you because you made me choose you above me bc you made me loose myself, i hate you for making me feel like i’m hard to love, i hate you for make me feel worthless like i’m not worth the time for you to try,i know you see me as a friend and you don’t want to ruin our friendship but what friendship? the friends where you go home and you forget about while i go home and start crying?, i hate you for acting like you care, one day you look at me and won’t stop asking me if i’m okay bc you’re making sure i’m okay and the other day you just ignore me and become the reason i’m not okay,i hate you for only texting me when you need something, i’ve been waiting for you to text in two weeks and the day you text me you ask for a homework that i wasn’t even doing but i helped you anyways and when i was done helping you you were so mean, i hate you for not knowing that words hurt so bad, i hate you for being the one who just looks in my eyes and can make me laugh. like man what is it about you that makes me love you? i cannot see it so why am i staying here why am i hurting myself why am i losing myself why am i choosing you above me again and again? why can’t i just leave or just see you as a friend? bc man i tried, i tried so much to see you as a friend and i failed every time but no matter what i do or what you do i always come back to you. and the worst part of it all is that you were never mine. i can’t say i miss you bcp you’ve never been mine. so i don’t give myself the right to admit that i’m rly heart broken bc there’s a lot of ppl out there that are heartbroken by someone who loved them back and i’m not in the same position as theirs so i can’t give me that right. but between you and my you really broke me,you fucked le up over and over again for more than a year now and yet i still can’t get over you. why? why can’t i get over you when literally all you did was broke my heart into fucking peaces. so since i can’t leave please tell me what i have to do to be enough?? bc everything i do seems to not be enough to you

It's just easier for me to hate you than to hate myself, you're a big asshole but I hope you get that

dear tom, i loved you, i wanted to grow old with you, i wanted to feel your head on my chest and i wanted to plan our future together but i get why it didn't work. i was in love with the idea of you but the more i tried to get to know you the more i realized you dont want me. you never did. i was a time filler and nothing more. i wish things worked out between us but im also so proud of myself for understanding youre not worth my time and that i have more to do with my life then wait for a snap back. sorry that you lost me but at least i found myself

I know our lives are too heavy right now but if I truly thought you loved me I would wait centuries for you. Please tell me you love me.

I feel like its always been us. From when I met you 5 years ago, we've always had some sort of relationship. Remember when you hated me? I remember. Do you think about me? Do you ever see me and think about what we could've been? We would've been so good together. I look at you and wonder what the other girls have that I don't. You're so open with me, you talk so freely about whatever you're feeling with me, but throw it all away just to get stoned with a girl you hardly know. It hurts. I think about you and what we could've been more often than I'd like to admit, and I'm not sorry. Maybe I would be if I knew that you didn't have feelings for me. But you told me. You told me you were in love with me, but that we couldn't be together. You never gave me a reason why. That's all I want. A reason.

I've been in love with you for years, sometimes I think that you feel the same love for me. In another life, perhaps. If only.

We still together but i`m seeing u falling out of love with me...it hurts...to see u loving someone else the way I love you...

Even with all the pain you gave me, you will forever have a place in my heart and I will never forget our memories

my boy, you will never understand the love I have for you. You have saved me in so many ways. I love you more than I love myself. I just wish that I was certain that you are telling the truth in what you say back to me. I wish I completely trusted you when you go out with your friends, and trusted you to fulfill your promises with me. I wish you at least tried. Made it seem as though you love me back.

i like to think that you were genuinely my first love, you made me feel safe and feel things no one has made me feel. you told yourself you weren’t ready but, who knows. i miss you, i loved you.

i really realllllyy miss you. you were my best friend before you were my boyfriend. i miss talking to you how we always did. it was never too serious and i feel like it flowed really well. ive dated other people to keep my mind off of u bc u moved on. i always end it bc i realize i dont have real feelings for them bc of u. we still talk a little but i wish it was more. i regret breaking up with you. i thought i didnt want a bf. i was happy for a little but this year has been hard. in a perfect world i would be with you again but i dont think thats gonna happen. i dont think you feel the same but thats why this is not actually sent to anyone lmao. i want to talk to you about music again. i want you to be my drunk facetime. but now i dont even have your number. i want to hug you. im not even that affectionate of a person but i want to give you a mf hug. i dont know what the girl we do not speak of did to you but im sorry and i hope youre doing ok. i dont even know what happened. but im angry that someone hurt you. i dont think i hurt you too bad bc the breakup was mutual. i hope i didnt. but how could someone hurt you? you do absolutely nothing wrong. youre the sweetest most selfless person ive ever met. i miss you to death. but youll probably never know. i just hope you dont hate me and one day we can have what we had before. probably not. but maybe.

You broke my heart, and I’ve not only lost respect for you, but respect for myself. Now I will forever feel inadequate.

i would pick you a thousand times over him, but im pretty, if you weren’t making a move on me of course someone else was going to. either make a move on me or not just hurry up because i dont want to wait around just to get my heart broken

You know who you are, and i just want you to know that i still love you of all my heart. I miss you so damn much

Sooo uhm we didn’t talk since last year in August but I just wanted to say that I hate you so much for breaking up with me truh the phone and without a reason why but its okay because you are just a little needy asshole so fuck you tom. N

It's always been complicated. We just happened to confirm it that night. that's all- one day we'll talk.

I like you but I'm scared, you know because we work together. Then again, I like you too much to not try.

You broke me in more ways than you thought were possible I thought I could trust you just shows how much I thought I knew you

i still think about you all the time, i know youre happy without me. i still listen to jeff buckley, just because i know he is your favourite. i will love you until the day i die, honestly

You were my person, my world revolved around you. I think you knew it too, maybe you even felt the same. Either way you picked her over me after everything she did to me, after every time when i would come crying on YOUR shoulder over her, you still picked the person who treated us like shit. It hurt like a bitch when you left but now i’m getting better, please stop trying to butt into my life because i’ll let you and i need to be happy and whole without you. i know you are, i deserve the same.

You were my person, my world revolved around you. I think you knew it too, maybe you even felt the same. Either way you picked her over me after everything she did to me, after every time when i would come crying on YOUR shoulder over her, you still picked the person who treated us like shit. It hurt like a bitch when you left but now i’m getting better, please stop trying to butt into my life because i’ll let you and i need to be happy and whole without you. i know you are, i deserve the same.

Hey Tom,
I really don't know how to put this into words, i doubt you would ever read this but i like you. i know we haven't talked much, but the few times we have talked, the few times we have looked each other in the eye, i get butterflies. You're an amazing person. i love the way you're playful, i love the fact that whenever i see you, you're smiling. like all the time. i admire that. i honestly don't know what you think of me but i know what i think of you. i really hope that we become close. don't forget me xx

I loved you even though you hurt me when I saw you I was happy I guess it was never meant to be you could never even tell me how you felt so i moved on Im sorry.

I love you even though you don't think I do. I'm just too messed up to tell you why I can't be with you. I'm sorry for hurting you.

sometimes i miss what we had and how everything used to be, but i know that people and things change and that’s not who you are anymore.

i always talk about how much i hate you, but the truth is, i wish you would’ve stayed and been there for me.

I love you and you will never know, you put me through so much but i would do it all again for another year just to have you for a minute

I honestly have no idea why I’m attracted to you, you have no personality whatsoever and your kinda annoying

I know we keep on coming back to each other, but I need to leave. I can’t love u if I can’t love myself

thank you for teaching me how good love was in the moment. And fuck you for teaching me what happens after

You broke me. I gave you my heart and trust and you ruined everything. How I can trust anyone ever again after all you did. You have completely mentally messed me up. But that is what you wanted

i wish i could tell you how i feel but i can’t ruin our friendship, i’ll just love you from a distance

I wished that you noticed how much i actually needed you...
And i wish you still the best even tho you left me at my lowest point alone

The fact that I spent my first, profoundest feelings on someone who could not even reciprocate a simple "I miss you" is something I will never get over.

I STILL LIKE YOU IDIOT. SO TALK TO ME so we can finally be friends again. I don’t need you in my life as a boyfriend but I need you in it somehow. So I’ll settle for having you as a friend. I just need you to actually make the make the first move and finally talk to me.

you did everything you swore you wouldn’t and i thought you hurt me more than anyone ever could but i have learnt that it was me that hurt myself. because i thought you were someone you weren’t, and that we were meant to be, when we never were. i hope one day we can be good friends again but i’m at peace with myself ad i wish you nothing but the best xx

i wish i wasn't so impulsive and scared, maybe then we'd still be having lots of fun together now. it's been 6 months since i've seen you, you look as good as ever...i guess what i'm trying to say is that i miss what we had, i miss us, and...i miss you, so much. but the worst part is i'm pretty sure i've no rights to yearn for you, to feel what i feel and to act how i am now.

with love,
jennifer

I wish you knew how much you truly hurt me, made me hate myself and how i thought it was love.I hope she gets treated better

I didn’t give up, if I gave up I’d still be with you, but instead I fought for myself for the first time in my life

Last September
I ghosted you and this September you left me. Hopefully a drunk apology will work again. Miss you always

You made me realize how cute and beautiful cows are. And i don’t know if you remember something I told you about myself, but I remember the name of your favorite cow and your bday.

i don't miss you. but i miss being held. the soft morning neck kisses, your hand on my thigh, i miss the love, man. i miss the love.

Your the coolest guy I've ever met and made me feel truly safe I will never forgive the person who lost me my chance with you

wow, im struggling to find the words to describe you. i wanted a life with you i wanted everything but you couldnt find it in yourself to get your head out of your asshole. so rude, some of the shit you said to me was gross and ill never forgive you for that. you know you're not all to blame i did some shitty things which i regret, maybe things could of been different, but when we resolved that you went to being more cunty then ever. so idk i guess it was both of us. fuck u and sorry i guess??

why did you pretend i didnt exist when she started to give you attention. i dont know what i did i trusted you

I love you, but it's not enough. How much of it is love and how much is dependence? You deserve more.

You deserve a love that makes you shine. Maybe that was ours before, but now all I taste is tarnish.

I wish I could give all of my heart to you. I wish I was strong enough to leave.

I don’t know why I’ve started liking you but I just have and I don’t know how to get over it so I’m sorry if I’m needy or annoying but you for some reason mean a lot to me

I love you, always have always will you were my person even if I wasn’t yours. You really do deserve the world i will forever be thankful that I had you in my life for those 4 years