Unsent messages to PETER

I’m swiping through tinder to find someone new but tbh it’s you I’m looking for. I know that’s never going to happen and you’re gonna be with her forever and eventually forget what my voice sounds like or how you smiled when we were together. do what’s best for you, I hope you don’t hide from your own feelings in the future. I’m really trying to be happy for you, I really am but I can’t help hoping that you’ll come back to me. I know in that case - that's never going to occur in the first place - I’d take you back. after all the shit you put me through, even though you hurt me on so many levels, I’d still fall in love with you. one year later and I’m still missing the wrinkles under your eyes that showed when you smiled. sometimes I randomly remember what your skin felt like and then I start crying. eventually I’ll get over you, I need to.

you're still my whole world. come back to me, please, I love you so much. we can grow together again. i really need you and i love you more than you'll ever know. i love you pete.

i’m sorry for how much i love you. i know you don’t love me and that’s okay but i love you so much and it’s such a strange feeling. i’m too scared to tell you but you already know. i love you always my boy

this is kinda crazy but i have this feeling deep down that we could get married but i guess we will never know

i cant see myself with anybody else, it wouldn’t feel right. i just want you. i would drop everything just to have you back. i could just stare at you for hours, doing nothing, and i would still be happy. it hurts different when you lose someone you thought you’d spend your entire life with. it hurts the most when i realized you weren’t coming back. i would give anything to hold you in my arms and kiss you one more time. you are my everything and i know you don’t love me in that way anymore but i don’t think i could ever stop loving you in that way. all i can do is think about you. you, out of everyone on earth... made me fall in love with you. today was the day when we had our first kiss. i will never forget how i felt. the first thing i did was text my mom about it. i knew right then i would love you because i’ve never felt like that before. i wish you gave us another chance. i wish i could’ve made you stay in love with me forever. i just wanted you to be my forever. and now you’re not mine at all. you’ve hurt me so much. but knowing how you feel is what hurts the most. i don’t understand how you promised you would love me forever and then you just stopped. i don’t want to live without you. you are my sunshine. i wake up thinking about you. i go to school thinking about you. i do homework thinking about you. i go to bed thinking about you. i always think about you 24/7 no matter what time of day it is. you’re always, just somehow, in my mind all the time. you are the only boy who has ever made me feel so safe and so loved. i feel so empty without you and i know i will never be complete. you have made me so happy and i don’t want that to change. i want to kiss you and cuddle and tell you how much i love you and you don’t feel the same. please what did i do wrong. i tried to love you with what i had but maybe i was too broken and you stopped loving me for that.

You were my first real love. Now you are my bestfriend. I don't care in which way I have you, the important part is that I have you by my side at all.

i look at pictures of you and miss the way you talked and the warm hugs you gave me. i know all ur favorite songs and i wish i could say one more i love you but its too late. i miss you so much please remember me.

I finally feel like I have met someone that I am completely comfortable around, and its you. I wish we could be together and that we didnt have so much trouble communicating. I feel like we met for a reason and im just not ready for it to be over. I think about you so much and just hope you do the same. I want us to work so badly. I think we are meant to be.

Your silence hurt the most. We didn’t know each other long, but there magnetism there. I still think about you at times when I hear you favorite song. But now you’re just a distant mirage from another life

I wish I could tell you how I feel about you. I spend my days daydreaming about being with you. But I know deep down that you will never feel the same. And that crushes me.

hey, i miss you. Don't worry, i'll be there soon. I'm working on it. Tell the others I miss them as well, okay? i love you xxx

Do you still have the letter I wrote to you? Do you even still think about me and what could've been... I shouldn't even be thinking about you rn yet here I am... wondering how it is that you became so happy without me.

You have the same personality as my dead best friend. We go to different universities now which makes me really sad because I was not ready to lose her again

You were my best friend, even tho years have passed you will forever be in my heart. Miss and love you forever.

it was love but an unspoken love.
I hope one day we'll meet again in another lifetime.
I love you, forever

Even after all the trauma you put me through, it hurts to think you might hate me when I think I still like you. I wish I knew exactly what to do with you.

Do you ever think of me like I did? Do you ever miss me enough to say, I wish you were here by my side? Has it ever hurt you so much to have left us? Have you ever thought about me so much that it hurts? I do not think so.

Hey you must be wondering why the hell I'm talking to you at 3:00 in the morning but i just needed to tell you that iv been in love you for the past year i know that its shocking and that were best friends and its going to ruin the friendship or som but i hope you feel the same way

you made me think i was special you idiot. all this time you were hooking up with other girls. i wish i hated you... but you were my first love and im scared ill never love another how i loved u.

i thought i loved you for a bit until i realized you have no substance and only care about yourself. still miss the sex sometimes tho.

When I'm listening to Fade by Kanye West the first thing that comes to mind is you
it's not a cool feeling.

i wish you knew how i felt about you, but i knew you wouldn’t want that happening to us. but deep down you mean sm to me and i appreciate you for being my closest. i wish you knew all of this but it’s best if you don’t.

i wish i knew how to live well after you and stop holding on, it wasnt that deep and yet i loved you and will always love you. i should have gave you a fucking hug that night in the apartment. doesnt matter that people were watching. who the fuck cares now. i should have. maybe it would have changed things. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, i was prepared to be loyal even if it was long distance. and you hurt me by blocking me, i wanted to know for once if you actually cared or were just leading me on. also, i would have held you in two days if it hadn't been for you. i hope you dont come back for both of our sakes. ily.

ur my favorite person ily ur such a good friend. i hope u know im so proud of you for fucking trying. i hope we’re friends for as long as we can be. i’ll never forget u :))

you brought me 2 b the closest 2 happy i had been since i was young please come home , my only security is you

i think the worst type of love you can experience is unequited and goddamn it i wish i didn't love you

Please be kind to yourself. I will always be here for you no matter what. Thank you for being you, I am wishing you eternal happiness. Thank you for being apart of my temporary happiness. You are so special.

Did you know that sometimes I drive past the street where we had our first kiss? I can still remember the drizzling rain and my heart beating to the rhythm of the rain. Its funny to think about now. I pass by that street corner and I always think of you. I wonder if I will ever not think of you. I want to stop thinking of you.

I think about the first time you told me you had a crush on me. Do you remember? It was freshman year. You were the first boy to tell me I was pretty. Do you remember what happened sophomore year? How could you forget? I'm sorry about that, I was confused. Do you look back at junior year as much as I do? I wish we had more time, but I also wish we didn't waste any of our time in the first place. Now senior year...? It would have been great to keep the "will-they-won't-they" gambit a little longer, don't you think hahaha...? But you lied. I can't forget that.

My parents really liked you, and I really hate that.


I can't escape you. Everywhere I look I'm reminded of everything.

It wasn't an epic love story but it could have been.

But I am better without you.

We broke up 2 years ago, and I'm over you, but I still have so many questions. How do you decide that you don't want to be in a relationship anymore. When did you decide it? Was it homecoming? Halloween? And why? Was my anxiety a burden for you? Was I a burden? And why did you have to do it before class? I'm sorry for putting you through so much, but thanks for sticking with me through the panic attacks. I hope you're doing well

it's been so long but it feels like it was just yesterday that you chose her over me. I hate that I still love you and not a day goes past that I don't think about where it all went wrong :(

Ur not my "first lover" ur my bio dad who beat the shit out of me most of my life and I'd vent more but it'd never end. I hate you.

you were my first kiss. not saying you weren't worth it... I just wish I held onto it a little longer

I cant help but wonder what i did to make you hate me. Why cant i get an explanation? i still love you

I wonder how you're doing. Looking back I realize how horribly you treated me and how I just let you for so long. I didn't deserve that Peter. you are absolutely dead to me

You're my person. Its not romantic though. You, Chandler, Taft, and a few others are the only ones I feel truly comfortable around. You make me mad so often but I think I would die if I didn't have you in my life. You were the person I was forcing myself to love before I came to terms with my sexuality. I do love you though, just not the way I was trying to make myself. You remind me of all my favorite things. I hope there is a girl out there who can make you so happy and you and her fall in love. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through up until this point. Just know I'll always be there for you.
With love,
Saige

There isn't a single thing that haunts me more than the possibility I'll never get to actually touch you. 16 years.

i wish u could try to feel about me the way i feel about you. dont leave. i still need the kisses. /a

Today when I waited for the traffic light to switch from red to green, even the people across the street made eye contact with me. You couldn’t do it when you said that you’ve cheated and that we’re done. I know that you’re sorry why can’t you say it?

Why did you leave all of a sudden? I did nothing but loving you. You left with no explanation. Anyways hope you´re doing well, I miss you

You made me so happy and made me feel safe. I still miss you and I wish you loved me. You're the only person I ever want to walk around target with and then kiss in the rain

I often accuse people of leaving me but i am always the one telling them to go
Please come
back to me

you made me believe I was less than nothing. you used me and took a part of me with you. take care of that part, as it was the best part.

hey zach, it's just me here telling you everything that one day i thought i would be saying to your face. maybe as we ride in the car while you wear your stupid harry potter glasses that always make me laugh, or going on an adventure - like the one i pictured in my head the entire period in maths after your friends told me you thought i was cute. before that time, i had never seen you like that really, except for ball games when we had a bit of banter and i thought you were kinda funny, and you were looking at me more then the other girls. of course i didn't think much of it at the time, but now i wonder if that's when you first felt interest in me. i guess i'll never know. because you, after three months, after getting me to really like you, to get excited at your notifications, to literally spend so much fucking money on a new outfit to spend the day with you and your friends, ended it. you ended us before you even gave it a chance. so, i had saved a bunch of things i wanted to tell you when we started dating, but i guess i'll just let strangers read it instead. i wanted to make fun of you for literally getting your friends to come over to me when you didn't have the balls, the fact that you got me invited to a party and literally all you said to me all night was 'do you want your drink now', your glasses, the fact that you swam away from me at the beach??, the fact that you play pokemon go still, the fact that you never made the first move even though you wanted to. but now i can't. so many things have to be left unsaid. it's stupid but i'm still holding out hope that you will come back to me, even though i've been crying over you for like 3 days and i told my mum and friends about you. but, i'm writing this in case that never happens. if we got the chance to have a proper talk at the beach i wanted to tell you that i am so sorry about what happened to your dad. nobody should have to go through that. but it makes you one of the strongest people i know. you were always so sweet and i never felt pressured to do anything with you. i loved seeing your smile when you saw me, and that one time we just walked around and waited for our parents to pick us up. fuck i really thought we were going to date. and have one of those relationships where it's just so unexpected but it just works. thank you for being vulnerable with me, and letting me into your life for that short time. your such an amazing guy, i wish you nothing but pure happiness in life. after all you've gone through, you deserve it. it's funny though, how i thought you would be my first kiss, first date, first boyfriend- instead you were my first heartbreak. i hope you understand that i don't know if i will ever be able to be just friends with you, you hurt me too much. it's not your fault, but you did. i don't regret the past couple months, but it's just funny how you started and ended things. zach, i miss you. i will tell my kids about how you broke my heart first, before anyone else could. also i hope you like the colour i chose, it's because i know you like pastels. it wasn't love, but i thought that was what it would turn into. you mean so much to me. i can't believe you're gone. i'm sorry i didn't meet your expectations.

the shit you jus pulled bro was mad pointless you couldve told me what it was from the start. i cant wait till ya realationship doesnt workout so you can come back to me n i could tell you everything that i wanna say so you can see how you made me feel.

Thanks for leaving me for someone better and making me completely hate myself and wonder what’s wrong with me:)

it’s been over a year since you broke my heart and i would still take you back in a heartbeat. it’s unfair how much i love you.

Sometimes I think I’m able to run back to u. No matter u have kid with girl u cheated on me when we were together...

I'm trying to move on from you so badly.It does not look like it is working. There are so many signs leading me to think that you feel the same way too. If they aren't, I hope life guides me away from you

we're best friends again now after 2 years together as lovers and i still can't forgive myself for how i broke your heart

I hate how much power you have over me, I want to get over you so badly but theres a put of me that hopes