Unsent messages to MUM

you want honesty? you’re an overweight ugly fuck who projects all their problems onto other people instead of taking responsibility. you are the reason i never want kids because i don’t want to end up like you.

im sorry. maybe in another life ill make you proud. ill never forgive myself for disappointing you this much. love you forever.

you werent the first person i loved. nor will you be the last. you tand by my choice of moving out at 16 - im sorry you actually have to be insane and i hate how i have to learn to love and let go and let my little brother leave my life.

i wanted to prove to the world that i am worth a lot. idk what happened but i now know that im not. im sorry for letting you down. im sorry because i flinched at you raising your voice. im sorry that i cry at every instant of you yelling at me. im sorry that im selfish. im sorry that im tired. im sorry that im not enough. if only i could tell you. if i could scream at you every single shitty thought that has ran thru my mind. if only i could hate you because you taught me to hate myself. im sorry that i couldn't be what you wanted. i just want help man. i just want to be okay again.

im so sorry. i want to be a better daughter for you. but i cant do it. im sorry you have to deal with all the shit dad does to us. u shouldnt have to go through this. ur the best mum in the world and im sorry u dont hear that enough. i will always be praying for ur happiness mum. thank u for raising me up till now. thank you for listening to me at times. i appreciate you so much and i couldnt have asked for a better mum. i just wish u could stand up to dad sometimes. but its okay because ik ur scared. we all are. i love u so much mum thank u for what you've done for me.

when you see me you look at a girl that is happy and full of joy but when i turn around and go back into my room I think about ending my life. to remove all the pain from today, yesterday, and the future. to simply fall asleep and never wake up

I love you so much , I’m so glad your in my life!! Thanks for always helping me when I’m down and don’t know what to do , your the only person who has stayed by me, I love you so much sorry for being a bum hole and stressing about everything, I just feel like I’m worthless and
Nobody loves me.

All others mother gave them happiness but u gave me depressed u was never there for me,I never had that feeling growing up with a mother and all it’s because of you I HATE U, and I always will I will never forgive u never....

TW self harm

Sorry, but I self harm. I know you said you thought it was dumb and if you ever found out I did it you wouldnt be there for me. But I did do it, in fact, it's an addiction. And you're one of the main roots of my problem. Fuck you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you, but fuck you

You were never there for me you never saw me growing up why i just wanna know you saw my other sibling grow but not me why I wish I will never be like u some day

i literally don't feel like your child sometimes. i know it's my fault but you don't seem like you care. I still love you (even though idk what loving someone feels like)

you caused me so much pain and you are the reason for my depression and the scars on my body. Thank you

I miss you so much it's killing me. I would give anything for one more hug, even after all this time. I love you I love you I love you

i know youre struggling and so am i but i promise ill do anything to make you happy youre my mum i love yoou so much and i know i dont show it sometimes but im so greatful to have you as my mum, i want to save up and buy you stuff you deserve because you buy me stuff even tho you can afford it. I just dont want you to leave me because if you do ill be more broken then i already am

I love you, but it hurts that you constantly tear me down with your remarks you think are just jokes. they aren't funny, they're hurtful and damaging, and they are one of the key reasons that i cannot look in a mirror because i now hate what's looking back at me

i love you, but please just listen to me. it hurts just as much when you ignore my thoughts, because you don't really know best anymore.

why do you shout at me when I haven't done anything wrong. I'm trying to my best to keep myself alive but it hurts a lot when you said that I don't make any effort with anyone in the family and more with my friends and I'm trying my best but when its constant shouting and arguments in the living room it just makes me not want to be in there. yeah, I may speak to my friends more but that's because they understand more they wouldn't shout at me for not saying thank you even though I did or criticise me for what I eat. it's just so stressful because I'm literally trying my best to be happy but I'm just not and you said you don't want to see me like that again but you were the cause of it. I just sat there crying as you shouted at me for like half an hour basically telling me that I don't mean anything to the family and that really fucking hurt because don't you think I know I'm becoming withdrawn and it's for that exact reason the less you know the less I say to you the less reason you have to shout at me. Also please just stop commenting on what I eat its really not helping when no matter what I eat it's not good enough. I just feel like you don't think I'm good enough in general which is why I literally sit in my room and cry every night but that's what you don't see. but I'm fine I guess lol.

i’m not ready for you to be disappointed in me, but i can’t do this anymore. i’m so sick of school and exams and the constant stress and pressure you put on me. i’m sure you don’t mean to, but constantly telling me how much you’ve sacrificed to make sure i have a good education makes me feel so guilty. because what if i do bad in my exams? what if i fail all of them? you say you’re so proud of me but i feel like as a person i don’t exist. i feel like i’m nothing more than my academic achievements. and when i lose those, i will be nothing. there’s so much riding on these next few weeks but i’m so burnt out i don’t care anymore. i just want to be carefree for once in my life.

i’m edging towards the edge of a cliff, mum, and i don’t know if i’ll survive the fall.

I'm losing myself and I don't think you realise. I'm trying so hard, but struggling too much. I just wish you'd see.

I'm not the perfect daughter you've always wanted, and I'm not even sorry, because it's your fault I'm like that.

I just need u to tell me ur proud of me , for u to see all the battles I’ve fought with no one beside me . Because no one ever sees my tears bc I’ve been strong for so long, I’ve hidden my pain behind a facade of happiness and humour , I just feel so empty. Nothing makes me happy anymore, no matter how hard or loud I cry , no one comes running in , no one comes w tissues or hugs and bc of this I feel like I’m drowning . I wish u knew this , I wish u could feel what I’m feeling bc I want u too feel the pain I’m going through bc of u , but even then I’ll come and tell u it’s okay , because that’s what happens all the time to me. The kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

It’s too hard, I wish I could stay but I can’t. I wish I could tell you that when your time comes I’ll be gone after you. I can’t stay for any longer. It physically hurts. Goodbye for now. I love you.

Why couldn’t you make it easy for me to be accepted and be loved instead you treat me like shit and now I’m more lost than I’ve ever been. Why couldn’t you just love me the way I asked but instead you made me cry myself to sleep every Night

I love you and miss you so much. You’re my inspiration and I’m trying to follow in your footsteps. I love you so much

I know im not always the perfect daughter but I just really want to make u proud I just wish u could see that

i wish u had a daughter u prayed for, to watching my reflection while breaking down its what i see in your eyes

please i beg you to change your views on JK Rowling. I dont know how to tell you that i wanna start T and get top surgery. Im trans and you just decide to call me your 'daughter'. Please change your fucking views, youre fucking transphobic. I miss the old you.

Honestly, I dont think you'll ever explain to me what's going on but I just wish we were all okay again. I dont want to leave you all but it's getting really hard again, it's scary I guess. Maybe I'm just being stupid. I'll always love you but sometimes you do really scare me

I'm a Lesbian and deep down I don't care if you care because I've got tons of people who does care and that's what matters - Your Youngest daughter Chloe.

I hate you but I love you equally the same. I don't even know if you're a nice person, I don't know if you manipulated me on purpose. I feel sick when we're apart but hate being around you, I'm in limbo. I only know I'll never forgive you :)

I wish I could tell you everything I am going through but I just can’t and I’m sorry, I don’t know how to fix me but I’m trying trust me.

I'm gay. and I'm not sorry about it, if you don't support me I will find someone who does but I will always be your child no matter what.

im so sorry mum. im not happy, after everything u do for me to make me smile. i love you so much but i cant do this alone...

mama, i can't process the fact that any moment by now you could die, you could be gone. when I wanted it all to end the only reason I stayed alive was you, it was your good night kisses, your little gifts before I had an important tests, your ily's whenever I needed one. I dont know when I wont have the opportunity to see you again, but when it will happen your death is gonna kill a part of me too, i don't know if i can take it. you're truly beatiful mama, youre the best woman out there. I love you to the moon and back

Will you ever listen to me and help me heal? Why did you have to get angry at me for putting too much pressure on you when I asked for help with my mental health. All I want is to know you are there to listen but you can’t even do that without making it about you.