Unsent messages to JORDAN

It’s almost been 3 years and every once in a while the thought of you comes back and I can’t get you off my mind.

I will never forget the was you used to hold my hand, the way you would rub my hand every few minutes to let me know your still there.

you were my absolute bestfriend for years. we screwed that up by our relationship. you were in love with me for years and when I finally felt it back, it started to leave for you. I still love you. you're happy now and that's all I could ever ask for. but you also ruined trust and relationships for me.

I know you don't care and I hate that it's hard to let go of someone like you I know I deserve better but I just want you to be better. I want to be with you, you made me happy you made me feel like I was really alive you saved me from a dark place but now your slowly putting me back there. I miss who I thought you were you understood what i was going through because you went through it to and i admit I'm not easy to love I'm damaged so i understood why you let and gave up on me what i don't understand is why you promised me something and broke it you said you would never leave so i opened up to you, and you left. I never told you this but you were the only man who ever truly made me feel safe. Any man who was in my life i feared and i never told you why but it doesn't matter because i trusted you now I'm afraid that i will never be able to trust or feel save. You were my safe place now its gone. what did i do to make you leave was i not enough for you. You said your done waiting but how are you waiting on someone you left behind. I miss you and i will be waiting but like a bus after waiting for one another comes through takes you though another path until you forget the path of the old bus. I hope you don't become a memory i hope if now isn't for us i hope the future is and we can rise together in order to let you go i have to tell you this but i know you would ignore it i know you'll never see this. Jordan i let you go you were there for me but i would drop everything to help you but i fear you wouldn't do the same for me you were never actually there. Goodbye Jordan until we meet again

I thought we would be together by now but life got in the way and we were too scared. i love you even if i don’t get to say it to your face

haven’t had my first love, but i felt as if i did love you. we never got past talking. you matched me. my energy, our humor, our little sarcasm. i thought i found my soulmate. i miss you. i miss your personality. i hope you’re out doing big things. i’ll always be here for you.

I’m sorry I am giving up. I just can’t handle the lies anymore. It hurts to much. You will always have a place in my heart.

you always told me you’d never cheat on me yet that’s exactly what you did. then broke up w me bc i “cheated on you” but that’s not true. you just weren’t man enough to leave bc you weren’t happy. i’ll never forgive you for ruining my reputation and stealing my best friend from me. i hate you.

I miss you too, you deserve to be happy and I think without me you can do that a lot easier now, you’ll always be in my heart and I hope we can speak one day. I really do hope you’ll be happy, eventually ❤️

I think we needed this to happen, it’s awful What happened but now you can move on and we can try and be happy for each other from afar. We probably won’t speak or see each other for a long long time, but I hope you can move on and be happy

if the tarot cards dont lie, why did we have to stop?
i fear i'll miss what could have been, forever..
i wish you were ready for me, i miss you already

If you would have told me you loved me as many times as you made me cry, maybe we’d still be together.

I don’t know what it is, but i feel this connection between us. I think I’m in love with a part of you

I can’t believe you let your mom break us up. Like us being best friends and in a relationship for 3 years meant nothing, well now you’re nothing to me, I guess we got what we deserved in the end

id do anything to go back to the way things were. why are you the one causing the pain but the only one that can fix it. i look pathetic because all i want is you and i can feel my heart throbbing. it’s that chest feeling i told you about, and ive only ever gotten it with you. the throb of something really horrible. i just wanted you and now i just want you. you made me feel ok. you made everything else not hurt but now it’s all bad again and my chest hurts and im dying again

thank you for teaching me what love is. i still think of you sometimes and what we would’ve become if you had said yes.

I thought u were my type but finding out who you really are put me to shame. U had looks but Ur personality stinks ?

i think we could of really worked, i fell for you hard & the day you told me you thought we were "just friends" broke my heart, i never showed that because we weren't that serious but jesus christ idk how you did it, i would've dropped everything to be with you, i still would. i think what made me love you so much was your music taste. immaculate. we could sit there for hours listening to music and would love every second. you gave me a short glimpse of happiness but im not just a casual fucking hookup and i never will be. when you've grown up and realised you want a genuine relationship and to feel hella loved. hit me the fuck up baby, because ill always be here you dickhead x

I wish we could have more time I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what I’m gonna do when you leave

Your best friend's girlfriend, we have twins, they had a little girl, and you only thought of getting your dick wet and nothing else

you live so far and it pains me, im scared to tell you i love you. im terrified you dont feel the same. but jordan, i really do love you

2 years of my life I spent by your side. I wouldn’t take a millisecond of it back. It’s been 6 months now and I hope you’re doing okay.

thank you for changing me into a better person. you hurt me a lot and i wish you wanted me in the past but i’m fine now. your so perfect.

i still think about you every day, i miss you, i’m sorry i left without saying goodbye it just wasn’t the right time for us ?

after you came back i just knew you were my person. even tho things aren't the same right now, i know we will be okay. i love you forever and always.

why cant you want me the same. youll never see anything i see about you i dont even know why i say it. i miss you. you were the only one i needed. why cant you love me the same

I thought I was over you until it came to me liking other people. It made me realise you broke me to the point where I don't want to be in a relationship ever again, you were my first love and my last, I can't trust anyone after you broke the trust I had for you

You completely changed me, I thought I was happy until the first time you raised your hand to hurt me. we went through so much together and you still found it so easy to turn around n treat me like crap, I hope you find happiness but I never want to hear from you again

I wish you knew how badly you hurt me, and how I still want you to do well in life, I wish the best for you even though you hurt me more than anyone else I've ever met.

i miss you so bad it physically hurts. you made my world bright and now it’s grey and cloudy again. with you even the gray seemed ok

we don't fit eachother at all we have nothing in common but i still fell in love with you and i cant decide if that's a good or bad thing

you finally unfollowed me & i should have done it first, i knew you never wanted to see me happy.

hi jordan. you are the best person who’s ever entered my life. you make me love everything so much more. including myself. you mean so much to me and i can’t imagine life without you. you make me happier than anyone has ever made me and i hope we’re just like your parents when we get older. i want to live out all my dreams with you because i couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else. i love you more than anything weirdo

the first thing you ever said to me made my legs shake so bad i could barely walk. i smiled and knew i wanted you. i’d do anything to go back to that perfect awkward amazing first day. or the first time we kissed or the first walk back home. i wanna go back to when i had you and you had me. the day you asked me to be your gf i didnt believe you and asked if you were serious, and you got all nervous. how could a boy like you get nervous over someone like me. i said of course and you smiled and i told you how happy that made me. a boy like you liked someone like me, at least for the time being, and i’d do anything to go back.

It makes me so happy to see you're doing well. I still think about you from time to time. I wish it worked, but I'm thankful for our all of our memories

the sidewalk we walked on still makes me sad. i walk in the street down that block now. i keep remembering little memories and it makes me feel like i’m choking. why cant you want me the same. my camera has 20 pictures of you and the day after we broke up i went to the walgreens down the street to get them developed. i’ll put them in an envelope or something because i can’t bear to even see the corner of your face

we were short and sweet. i have to force myself to open your messages now. i miss you every single day. we were like an amazing happy movie that had a sad ending, but it made sense and u cant imagine it any other way. you compared us to call me by your name and i laughed and gave you a kiss. that was on our last day and walking on that stupid street that we walked down crying on our stupid last night still makes me miss you.

i love you. i always wanted to say it but we had a limit and i couldn’t give myself fully to you but i love you so fucking much. i miss all of your little details and i used to tell you how special i felt to be able to be the one you chose to be close to you and get to see the details. we have a birthmark in the same spot. you always tried to pay for me and whenever we went to a store you bought something new bc you liked trying new things even if it ended up being bad. id do anything to have you for just a little bit longer but you don’t want me like that. i wish you wanted me how i wanted you. i was waiting for you to come along but i was just a sidetrack for you. god i miss you and your little details and the different voices you had. the soft voice the angry voice, even though you never yelled at me. you were beautiful even when your face was puffy from crying the night we broke up. you’re so beautiful and id do anything just to look at you the way i used to. not even to have you look at me, just to look at you. your face made all my troubles disappear. you said i made your insecurities feel like nothing and even writing this hurts bc i know i’ll never have you back the same way i did. you made me feel so on top of the world with every little thing you did. i knew we were strangers the time i told you how sad and upset i was and you didn’t offer to facetime till i felt better. you used to stay up even when you had work just to make sure i was ok. there’s a million more things i could say but i love you. so much. i’ll be ready to let you go someday bc you obviously don’t feel the same about me but i love you and i think i always will, at least for awhile. i love you and all of your perfect little insecurities

we were together for 5 years...does that mean nothing to you now that you’ve moved on so fast? i forgive you for everything you ever did/put me through but it’s time for me to find myself. i’ll always love you