Unsent messages to JORDAN

we were never something but i felt a connection so deep that it meant something to me. maybe in another life, we are pieced together. but for now, it's ok. ill wait even if you wont come. that's fine.

The day you couldn't log into your ig I texted you a paragraph about how I felt but then deleted it. We were best friends, you literally saved me until we drifted apart and the worst thing about all this is that I miss you sometimes. I feel like if we had ended up as I wished you really could have been my first love

i need to get over you, stop texting you. waiting all day for a single response and then not get any other response til a couple hours later. honestly need to force myself to think i don’t need you ; to not text you. i like talking to you. you make me happy. atleast you used to. i used to smile when i saw your name pop up on my phone. used to be so happy to answer. we always talked. i never cared how long it took for you to answer. im in love with you but ik you don’t feel the same or else i’d get response worth waiting for. one that’s not just “good, yeah , or k” . i need to force myself to think you aren’t worth it when you are. wish we could me something else but ik you don’t give one fuck about me. you’re someone special to me, but i’m probably just another bitch you ignore. right ? you used to answer me all the time but ig time changes things. you may not be the best but that doesn’t change the fact i’m in love with you. i just can’t stop my feelings for you . it’s too much to just go away in an instant. i need you but ik you don’t need me. lol :/ idk if it’s supposed to be a nice letter but oh well

Man idk what it is about you but ik you dont feel the same way, ik im not perfect, and you live far too, but i cant stop thinking about you.

I dont like you anymore. But you were my first love. I was in love w u and obsessed w u for 3 years. You moved on. It was an elementary crush if we are being honest but this one was very different from every other guy.

i cut you out of my life knowing that you would come right back. it took me so long to let you go and at this point i still havent fully let you go. theres a part of me that will always love you. ive tried letting you go but i cant. i just cant let you go and maybe one day i will come to terms with that. i hated knowing that some part of you moved on but at the same time im glad to see you happy once again. if you ever need anything just know you can call me. im done trying to figure out what we had because i know it wont ever happen again. i just keep thinking about the person i wish you were. ily. im happy to see you thrive.

I hope you’re ok, I’m leaving you alone for now for you to fully be happier without me, you’ll thank me in the future even though it might seem rubbish now, miss you ?

Why did you cheat on me? Was I not good enough? I tried my best for you. 2 years wasted on someone who didn't care..

i dont know if youll ever see this but i wanted you to know that i care about you very much and no way in hell would i let anyone or anything hurt you i know youve gone through a lot and i know i can be annoying a lot of the time and im sorry anyway i just want you to know that i care about you a lot and that you are my bsf ok bye bye ily

you saved my life. you ignited a fire inside my soul and i am forever grateful for everything we have. ily

I am so much more without you. I am happy, strong, free and beautiful now that you are out of my life. Knowing you'll never feel the same satisfaction makes my soul blossom with a sick sort of triumph. Now you'll finally know what it's like to be hurt in a completely unforgiving and relentless way. Have a good life without me. I know I'm enjoying my life without you. PS: Was it all worth it? You got everything you wanted but the consequence was losing me forever. I hope it hurts.

Even though you left me with an open scar, with no closure, I’ll always be here for you if you need it.

Never thought it was possible to fall in love over the phone until I met you. I don't think you understand the hell you put me through for almost a year, but I have moved on.

We were friends, then I admitted my feelings and you ghosted me. my friends thought I was in love with you. I wasn’t.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t realize I’m still in love with you until I got past the guilt of not loving you enough.

i genuinely did love you i just didn't admit it to you and let the opinions of my friends get in the way. we could've been so good together. i miss you everyday and i think about you all the time, what's worse is that i look for you in other people. you clearly don't think about me since you moved on so quickly. to you i was just another girl but to me, it was just you, and it's only been you. i miss you sm but i don't think ill ever be able to go back.

I haven’t felt this way for someone in so long, I just want to be cuddled up in your arms- to just be near you. You may not think you are a good person, but I see the good in you. I see your hurt, and I want to be there for you. You are such a fun person, and I want- no- I need you to see that. I cant bring myself to say it, but I like you. A lot. I know i haven’t known you for long- you just have that pull to you- that makes me not want to lose you. please, tell me if you feel the same- I don’t know how to even hint to you that I feel this way, and I can’t bring myself to tell you in person. You have already said you don’t really catch feelings, but I don’t know if you said that truthfully or not. Just- tell me if you feel the same... I cant bear the suspense anymore. I’m getting so many mixed signals that I don’t know anymore.....

i love you so much. it will always be you, you are my person, even if it’s not the same to me, that’s okay.

I don’t know how to tell you I love you. I haven’t caught feelings for anyone like this, I even forgot what that felt like until I met you.

hey. im gonna miss you. this wasn't your fault. i promise. i love you. more than myself. i've always been afraid that you would see me the same way i saw myself. i never wanted to leave you. but im in pain. i cant do this anymore. you saved me for a while but you cant save me any longer. its ok its gonna be ok. i love you. always.

hey. i miss you. i just want to be in your arms. but i can't. i hope you come back soon. those two weeks need to fly by.

i hate that im always compared to her. i see it in everyone's faces when we are together and i can't take it anymore. im tired

words can’t describe what i feel for u. you are never not on my mind. i wish we could have ended up in a better setting. it hurts seeing you. like we’ve never talked. everything reminds me of u. it sucks kinda lol. the pain i get because i know u don’t like me anymore. i’m sorry for anything i’ve ever done to hurt you. thank u for the best time i could ever ask for. u were so amazing, fun, sweet, too much to write. i miss you so much.

You were my first kiss, which is not really that important but you should of seen how excited i was to tell my sister after it happened. It was all i could think about for a while, and what would come after the kiss the next time we met. all the possibilities of things we could of done together. Because i trusted you and i would do anything for you, even now. if you wanted me back id say yes in a heartbeat even though i dont want to admit that you also have a weird control over me and i still dont know what it is that makes you and him so special. maybe i never will. i was angry for a while and i hated your guts, im pretty sure thats called denial haha. but i want to say thankyou because you taught me that i am worthy of peoples love and respect and that means the world to me.

i love you but you drain me so much. idk if im wasting my time with you. i found out you lied about not texting other girls. im disappointed and embarrassed that i actually believed you. their is always another girl ALWAYS.

hey first love. i miss you. whenever i look in my bed or on my couch i like to imagine you’re there. so thank you for loving me and teaching me how to be loved. i needed it.

it's always going to be her isnt it? i know you never loved me as much as you love her but i actually get why so its fine

i know time wont do anything for me. it'll always be you i want. you're special. just do whatever makes you happy. you'll get there in the end don't worry x

You tried to change me, i felt stupid and unattractive. Yet now it's embarrassing i was ever with you, not embarrassing you were with me.

i miss you everyday and i dont think i'll ever be able to get over you,, you're beautiful and i hope you know that.

my last note i sent here didn't go through but it was about how one day i hoped to get the courage to say how much i care about you. im glad i got the courage last night. already i know you're one of the best people ive met and mean so much to me. i hope by the time i read this again things are still well. i love you my luv

i still dont know what i did but whatever it was im really sorry,, i dont listen to 16 04 16 the same anymore hehe. i hope we can make walter cake pops one day, and if we don't, that's okay. i love you always

i wish we could change the stupid things we said. i would give everything for you to hold me again. i love you.

You're not my first love at all but fuck you for making me think I liked you. You were my best friend and I wanted you to leave me so bad and you didn't so I did what I did so you could hurt me so I wouldn't be so attached.

It was just an elementary school love. We were on and off, but whenever I was with you, I always felt entranced by you. But it turned toxic. If I could go back, I would do it all again.

breaking up with you was the most difficult thing i’ve ever had to do. i still haven’t healed from what you did to me though. it still makes me doubt myself in relationships, i’ll never be good enough. fuck you for that.

thank you for allowing me to feel that obsession of love. i really loved it while it existed and have no regrets.

you were my first female crush and i was scared that even if you knew i was pan (and were accepting of it) then you wouldn't want me in your life anymore. that's why i drifted. i'm sorry that i still like you even though it's been over a year

You convinced me you were in love with me and promised my parents you wouldn't hurt me, you then proceeded to fuck me up more than any other person ever has.

You broke my heart into millions of pieces. You only came back to me when you were bored or felt sorry for yourself. I loved you more than anything and you used that as an advantage. I see you in every guy I look at.

you are a fucking bitch. you took my personality. my slang. my everything. i could never enjoy anything without being belittled. but it’s okay. i don’t forgive you. and your little friend. you took from me. i hope you enjoy her. enjoy talking shit about me.

don’t leave me alone in this world. please. if you go, i’ll follow. you can’t just leave. please don’t. i’m begging you to stay. am i not a reason to stay ? surely you love me, right ,?you say you do, and i want to believe you. i’m sorry i can’t seem to help you, but you don’t let me try either. let me in. i’m not going anywhere, so stop trying to push me away. please. i love you. don’t forget it.

everyone says you’re not good for me. that i’m too reliant on you. you’re my everything. they seem to think that i can just get rid of you but i can’t. you’re my everything. i’m not going anywhere.

You were so, so bad for me. Yet somehow I would’ve looked past all your toxic traits if you would’ve asked me to.

i love you. i am so in love with you. i cant get over you. please come back. you broke me to shreds and i hate you because of it. but i am in love with you. i believe it’s us. i believe it’ll end with us. i know you’re gonna come back. i’ll see you soon, J.

Sometimes I find myself up at 2am crying on the bathroom floor. You did that to me. I wish you would have at least said you were sorry.

I can’t message you, but I hope you’re not doing too bad and know things will get better for us all, we’ll be fine in the near future just don’t think too badly about anything because I know things will work out

You were my first love. My first a lot of things. And now we barely talk. My mood is still affected by you even months later. You don’t talk to be I feel broken inside, and when you do everything is okay. All I want is to be something to you again. To be in your life again. I miss you. And I think I always will. And I know I’m going to be okay...but it’s just hard. I loved you Jordan. And I think I always will.

its a shame we are no longer friends, I still look at you the way I did in 5th grade and I wish I could change the way things happened.

I rly loved you with all my heart, whyd you have to do that to me. You broke me but you will always have a place in my heart even though you prolly don't care ab me at all. I know im blocked and I think its crazy how you made me love you for you just to leave.