Unsent messages to JOE

i’m sorry that i couldn’t make you as happy as you made me. i will always love you heylen, i miss you

Hey. I don't feel the need to write these anymore, I don't think you even saw the others I wrote. I'm glad we called when we did, it gave me the closure I didn't know I needed. I realise now that I saw the relationship in a different light to you. You were my everything whereas you were just trying to move on from your "everything". I dont want to talk to you again. This time I want to focus on my life. I think I'll always love you but I don't like you anymore. Looking back you drove me insane to the point where I was a person I hated. I'm sorry we were so toxic, things happen for a reason even if the reason is really shit. I hope you find happiness in your new relationship and life. Please don't reach out to me again. We are better off without each other. Thank you for the memories Squish. You were the best 'nj' I could have asked for. :):

I miss you
Your smile
Your eyes
But you don’t miss me
I’m too broken that if I ever have to face you in public I would just break away even more

Never stopped loving you, hope to try again some day when I’m wiser and ready to give you the affection you wanted without over thinking every tiny detail

Never stopped loving you, hope to try again some day when I’m wiser and ready to give you the affection you wanted without over thinking every tiny detail

will i ever get over you? will i ever stop crying about you every night? i just want to forget about you. why do you keep popping back up into my life if you don’t want me? i just want to let you go. i want you to let me go. idk what i’m even holding on to anymore. i want to be happy and part of me only believes i’m only gonna be happy if i’m w you. why did you do this to me?

will i ever get over you? will i ever stop crying about you every night? i just want to forget about you. why do you keep popping back up into my life if you don’t want me? i just want to let you go. i want you to let me go. idk what i’m even holding on to anymore. i want to be happy and part of me only believes i’m only gonna be happy if i’m w you. why did you do this to me?

I watched you change in the same way that the leaves turn a different colour when the weather changes.

Sometimes I think back to my happiest moments and even though you caused the most pain, for some reason, you are part of my happiest times. I was so in love with you, I still hope you'll come back even if we weren't even dating. I love you. Thank you for understanding about my past experiences, you were the first guy that I told. I'm happy you were. Thank you.

You are my first love and still is my first love, i hope one day you find this. you mean the world to me no matter what, your my soulmate i wouldnt be here without you, you make me feel like nothing else matters just me and you. i love you.

no matter how much I tried to get you to like me, you always liked her more and that was the hardest thing I ever had to see

I want to hate you but I don’t think I ever will. I loved you even though deep down I know you never reciprocated. I still drive around looking for you in the front seat of that black jeep.

Sometimes I feel like we were meant to be, but it wasn't the right time. You'll never know how I still feel about you.

You might think i moved on and am happier, but i have to get drunk every night to feel happy without you.

We've been talking for a bit, we seem to be friends now and ive been slowly realizing how in love i am with you.

I feel so wrong and I know we’re. both in relationships but you’re still all I can think about. I miss what we had.

i still think about you until this day. you kept appearing in my dreams, telling me off but coming back and saying that you still love me. it has been almost 4 years since we break up and I can't forget about you completely.

why do I keep waiting for you? If you want me, grow a pair of balls and tell me. I'm lost and in the dark.

Thanks for being the first guy that ever made me feel wanted or loved. We only had 3 months together because of college but I wouldn’t change it. I think we both healed from our previous relationships through our connection. Every summer when we went to the lake to talk for hours, it was that glimpse of hope that I don’t need to change for anyone because the person I am now should be good enough. I wish you the best in life. I hope you get that Apple orchard and that place in Miami that you talked about and you live a great, fulfilling life. You’re a great guy with a great future ahead of you. Thanks for everything.

I can deal with us not together. What I can't deal with is the way you can no longer look me in the eye. You were my world, now you're someone else's.

I’m sorry your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted. You could do better but you’re choosing not to

You left with no reason and I was left with trying to figure out why. My mind is a bad place sometimes. I wish you would come back.

Joe. Joseph. JDF. you'll find out one day that I loved u in a way no one else ever has before. But I just wish we could be toxic together one last time, but all things have to come to an end.

you were different. you made me feel special and for that i thank you for so so much. you made me happier than i’ve ever been

It’s funny. Remember that band party freshman year? When we wandered back behind your house in the woods and I took those ridiculous Polaroids of you? Yeah I never told you but if you had kissed me I wouldn’t have stopped you. I actually thought about it but then the second passed and I looked at your freckled face and I realized I never wanted us to change. But you did

Whenever Kayla asks me if I ever had feelings for you I scoff and say never, you’re like a brother. When Anna asks me I say for a week in the 6th grade and never again after middle school. None of these are true. I liked you from the end of 6th to the beginning of 8th. And some days I really miss that guy, because he was great. He was my first love in a lot of ways. Someone I could cry to, someone who would listen, someone who knew me, really knew me and it was easy. Loving you like the bestfriend you were to me was so easy. And somewhere along the way it switched. Suddenly you weren’t you anymore

the more i start to love you the more you pull away and i realise now you don’t want to be with me you just like the chase

I wish I would’ve asked what made you think of me to say that I’d like it there, with you. I miss you.

I have a new boyfriend now who treats me the way you should have. So why do I still think of you all the time

i talked to you for the first time today and it was amazing but I was left confused..."water under the bridge" you said, but you know I still love and want to be with you, whats the next step?

im over you now but everytime i think about your smile it brings me back to the night under the stars

we planned our child’s name would be rose bakewell. and that’s what she will be called even when I’m not with you. I will always love you my angel.

you don't seem to care about me anymore so I'm done looking out for you and waiting for you to come back. Have a good life ig I just know it was better when we were together.

you don't seem to care about me anymore so I'm done looking out for you and waiting for you to come back. Have a good life ig I just know it was better when we were together.

hey u don't know it but u saved my life last week. ur text asking if i wanted to go to the beach that night saved me from an attempt. i'll forever be grateful that ur my friend. ily and ur spontaneity.

you know what’s annoying? i had it all w you & then you left. now you’re w someone else, laughing w them, sleeping w them, cuddling w them. all while i’m here alone in my bed. i could have anyone right now though. but i choose not to. they aren’t you & they don’t make me feel the way you did. so how did you replace me so quickly?

You made me realise my mind, how it could see things that never existed. You’re broken, but you tried. I learned about myself and I wish you the best

When I was in the 6th grade I thought you were the type of guy I would marry. You were. But not anymore. I bet you don’t even recognize yourself. I always wanted better for you

i love you, yet its almost foreign. i cant seem to understand it.. but its there, as always and its so tormentingly incessant.

I love you.
I’ve loved you since we first went to the city.
It broke my heart when you took a different path.
I hoped you’d come back.
After a year I let the idea of you go.
And then you came back just after my birthday.
I was so mad at you, and you took it all.
You’d grown and I’m proud of you.
I loved that you were patient I’d just escaped a second toxic relationship and I hadn’t planned on falling in love again.
We snuck out and went for walks. Then I knew it was always gonna be you.
I remember the first time being in your house again it was so weird.
I thought I’d lost you but love has a way of finding a way.
I love you Joseph xx

Do you think if we met again in a year or two we would be right for each other then? Do you love her more than me?

It hurts me that we’re only friends and nothing more, I love you so so much and I wish I could show you that.

I am sorry, you were right. You were my twin flame but flames burn. I still love you but I love him too. He loves and protects in ways you didn't. I'm sorry it's no longer us vs. the world but as much as love you, you still hurt me.

“I just want you to be happy” was my way of saying “I love you but I’ll let you go if it makes you happy”

I would’ve waited years for you. I would’ve done anything for you. But you left me and by the time you wanted me, I was already broken by someone else.

i'm still hurting from what you did to me and it makes me hate myself everyday for still wanting you to hold me

we haven’t talked in a while. i still think about what we could’ve been. no boy makes me feel the way u did

I keep going on lots of dates and kissing other boys. but i’ve realised i’m just trying to find you in another.

How could you respect me if I didn’t respect myself. That’s the same answer when I wonder why you never loved me.